Photo: yanishka / iStock / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Right, Chainsaw Friday and all the like but I'm more interested in the little vacation break we are getting this upcoming week and so since we won't be here to make you a bit stupider, let this gemstone that Angi mined do the trick until then. Pulling a break from reality (which is what I call it anytime this show hits the airwaves,) Angi explained that the hot new internet question is if a genie visited you and offered you 5,000 of anything with the catch being it had to start with the letter Y, what would you pick? Marris said yaks but not because he wanted them but because it seemed to be the only sensible thing. Weirdly enough people agreed as it was number 3 on the list. Angi picked yacht's, Prison Tattoo wanted to buy one of Marris' yaks and HP wanted yurts (which is also pretty viable.) Here though are the actual top 10 from the list.
1. 5,000 Yen - This equals about $31 so that's a waste.
2. 5,000 Yeti's - Not the tumbler btw, Marris wants the mythical creature. Angi would take the tumbler. What would Marris do with yeti's btw, oh you know, let them roam around.
3. 5,000 Yaks
4. 5,000 Yachts
5. 5,000 Yamaha Products - Music, jet skis and motorcycles.
6. 5,000 Yesterday's - Angi made a point of basically getting a backlog of 5,000 extra days and then this turned into a fight of yeti's and yesterday's (mind you a genie offered this up and these two are fighting over imaginary things that aren't real.) Angi would love a few extra years (cause you know, tick tock) but Marris wants to go when he goes. The only person who wants to live to 100 is someone who is 99.
7. 5,000 Yogurts
8. 5,000 Yellowfin Tuna - Lots of sushi and sellability.
9. 5,000 Years of Income - Let's just hope they don't work for iHeart.
10. 5,000 Youtube Subs
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Now, it's kind of rare that we squeeze in a Daily Discussion Topic on a Friday but since a holiday is soon upon us and it revolves around overindulging, Angi had a question for the roadies today. Before getting to that though, a poll was taken by Instacart about the most important part of a cookout and the answer was corn. Marris said that there are so many better things but apparently corn demand shot up 380% for the upcoming cookout days. Following corn on the list of things that people bought for cookouts was charcoal, potato salad, baby back ribs, hot dog buns, canned baked beans, bratwurst, frozen beef burgers, watermelons and beef patties. This led to Angi asking what is the signature dish that the roadies bring to the cookout. For Marris it is mac and cheese and grilled corn on the cob. You apparently grill the corn in the husk and then peel it away to coat it in butter, tajin and lime. Angi was absolutely loving this while also not offering a dish of her own because she hasn't stepped foot in a kitchen since Zachary Taylor was in the White House. As for myself, I don't leave the house as pointed out plenty of times on this show so we're going right to the Request Line to finish this up. Allison's has a hot dish in baked mostaccioli and a cold one in pasta salad. Basically, if she's coming through, you're getting some noodles. Nick essentially became the Head Roadie of BBQ by quizzing Marris about his corn baking. He explained that he needs to do a sugar water soak and then dry out the husks to add to the charcoal to create a flavor profile on the grill. As for his signature dish, it was homemade baked beans from scratch. Michael likes to bring Puerto Rican Rice. Dean is bringing some brisket (and making these two hungry.) Ed is bringing smoked brisket or smoked ribs. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Since we're discussing eating, it would make sense that we're following it up talking about fart walks. Yes, Angi, who will only spell the word fart out, decided to cover this mess. While pressing Marris if he fart walks, he explained that in a crowded place, he will go to an empty space and take care of things. The reason this came up is because a woman called the Queen of Fiber had a tip for people. If you take a post meal fart walk, it will improve your digestion and keep the house fresh. Apparently, Angi's parents love to eat and then take a mile long walk afterwards. Gastro experts are on board with the Queen of Fiber saying that walking after meals helps stabilize blood sugars. Basically, any kind of walking after eating, fart or not, is very useful for the body. The name though apparently should be reworked, with Marris offering the Walk of Stank. Also, for those wondering what's the point if you're not farting on the fart walk, it will make things get together for future farts. Keep this in mind when everyone is at these upcoming BBQ's that the walks around the block may not be just for weed.
Finally, attention to all you cartoon lovers out there, a new wacky one is in the works featuring Ozzy and Lemmy as superheroes. Marris immediately dismissed the idea off the bat but Angi was not deterred. A brainchild of Sharon Osbourne, she said the cartoon would be funny and irreverent. As we saw it, she basically got high and decided to turn Ozzy into a superhero and throw Lemmy in there because why not. Unlike Marris who was not digging it, Angi would tune in and I'm sure others would as well. As Angi explained, Marris would rather enjoy his anime and Sailor Moon porn. Marris suggested maybe just doing another reality show and then we capped this by wondering what Ozzy's powers would be. They might be bat related like he bites the heads off bad guys or he snorts them up.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap
Mon: Angi went to adult summer camp
Choice: Derrick had Angi decide to Joint Rolling 101
Result: Seeing as she never got to go to camp as a kid, Angi sprung at the chance to go to an adult summer camp. This one was very adult centric though and so Angi's first class was to be Joint Rolling 101. Because they wanted to be one with nature, the class was taught next to a massive campfire that had log seats surrounding it. Angi sat down and watched as the joint rolling instructions were passed among all the members. The thing was, she already knew how to roll a joint and so she found herself to be bored. Deciding to spice it up, Angi convinced a few of the guys around her to play strip poker instead. As other rolled joints, Angi and the boys dealt hands and she was losing badly. Poker was clearly not her kind of game and she had perhaps made a mistake in choosing it. With another hand lost, it was time for Angi to take off her shirt and let the girls out. However, as it slipped off and the frankentits fell out, the campers were horrified. One of the guys was so disgusted by the sight of it, he lunged forward, grabbed Angi and threw her into the fire where she burned to a crisp. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to become a lifeguard
Choice: Joel had Angi decide to become a lifeguard at 31st Street Beach.
Result: With the last day of the massive heat wave finally in effect, Angi decided it would be the perfect time to become a lifeguard. Braving the 100 degree temperature, Angi slipped into her best Baywatch suit and made the drive to 31st Street Beach. After parking and making her way to the guard tower, Angi perched upon the chair and yelled at everyone. Using what was left of her vision when the music was turned down, she had eagle eye vision and kept yelling about people attempting to poop in the water. However, it seemed that the day was not going to go quietly as it started to get dark all of a sudden. A storm was rolling in and the smart thing to do would have been to close the beach down. However, Angi simply told the naysayers to "stop being bitches, it's just rain." As she did this though, the dark skies above unleashed a loud thunder clap as a massive lightning bolt let loose and flew down to where Angi stood. Within a moment, the heretic exploded into a million pieces from the bolt blast. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to donate blood for weed
Choice: Mark had Angi decide to get weed gummies.
Result: After hearing on the show that weed was being given away as a way to get people to donate blood, Angi grabbed Marris and tossed him right into her car. The pair made their way down to Rockford with the intent of scoring as much blood donated grass as possible. Once they arrived at the facility, Marris was escorted in first because he has super human blood or as it is commonly referred, type o negative blood. They were so impressed with Marris' clean blood, they even took extra vials and so they piled him with extra week and gummies. When it was Angi's turn though, they took one look at her and asked a ton of questions, including looking into her health history and daily diet. Unfortunately for her, Angi's blood was so polluted from years of drinking, drugging and fried chicken eating that the bank had to reject her. Disappointed, things only got worse when Angi stepped outside to see Marris speeding off in the car without her. He had no intention of sharing all his hard earned product with her and she was left alone and forced to walk home. (Alive)
Thur: Angi went to the Rolling Stones show
Choice: Donna had Angi decide to request "Angie" for the band to play.
Result: After finding there was an extra pair of tickets in the Rock 95.5 prize closet and since she had never seen the band, Angi decided to hit up The Rolling Stones concert. Since she isn't the biggest fan of the band, Angi loaded up herself on tons of shots and gummies to be able to tolerate the set. Settling into her front row seats (did I forget to mention they were front row tickets,) Angi rocked out to the music. However, she was a bit belligerent from the overindulgence and so she got loud and started yelling at Mick. "Play Angie, PLAY ANGIE!!!!!" Her shrill voice combined with the intoxication became absolutely annoying after a while so Mick pulled off the feather boa he was wearing and swung it toward Angi. He used to be a rodeo professional so it was easy to lasso her by the neck, pick her up and then fling her straight out of the stadium. Angi flew through the air and out onto the pavement, which caused her to explode like one of Gallagher's watermelons when she hit it. (Dead)
Fri: Angi went to NY for the weekend
Choice: Brad had Angi decide to take the Manhattan Skyline Cruise.
Result: Even though she had been to New York more times than she could count, this time around Angi wanted to be a super tourist. Picking out the ugliest I HEART NY shirt she could find, Angi slipped it on and went on the Manhattan Skyline Cruise. As she looked at the beautiful buildings that paled in comparison to the Chicago skyline, Angi opened up a bag of flamin hot Cheetos. As she snacked on her munchies, she noticed a bunch of dolphins were swimming just past the boat. Running to the edge, Angi leaned over and called them to her. "Hey Mr. Dolphin, do you want a treat," she cried out as she waved the bag toward the swimmers. Suddenly, an entire pod of dolphins appeared and Angi threw handfuls of Cheetos at them. As she did though, a familiar sound came forth and Angi was greeted by Bruno, the New York SaltWater Shark. He pushed past the dolphins and said to Angi "Eh yo, you can't feed the marine life Cheetos you dirtbag." Before Angi could apologize, Bruno jumped out of the water and bit her in half. (Dead)
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: Drinking for the Weekend Songs
Current Champion: Angi (1x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Brass Monkey" by Beastie Boys
Marris' Song Choice: "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" by George Thorogood
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Murica and the 4th
We are taking a little extended holiday break but we want you to know you are not doing the 4th right if: you don't puke into the back of a pickup truck, don't come back with less than 7 fingers, one of your kids (probably Johnny) hasn't burned his eyeball with a sparkler, you puked from your aunt's Jello shot that was spiked with Malört or you didn't shoot a roman candle out your ass.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"If you ever get on a game show or in the audience of a game show, take a bunch of shrooms." - Angi
"Does anybody have a gummy on them or some crack?" - Angi
"Summertime Snake Burns. That's what happens to your snake if you let it slither around in Taylor's dirty meat wallet. Your snake will burn all summer." - Minn Barb