This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Ah Thursday, one more day until a weekend that promises incredible temperatures and ... OH GOD, OH NO ... BREAKING NEWS!!! We interrupt this attempt at me making a joke of everything blended with actual show discussion with an alert from Angi. Go time is now, the zero hour is upon us, the cicadas have officially arrived!!!! That's right, according to several different news stories, people are finally starting to see the critters emerge which means we are out of time and are about to be overrun by our new bug overlords. In fact, one video showed a man moving bricks next to his neighbors fence in his yard to reveal the little buggers burrowing and bubbling up from under the ground. Apparently, the emergence is a bit higher elsewhere as people have already been calling 911 about the noise. The police had to issue a statement for people to stop filing noise complaints because they kept hearing something that sounded like either a siren or a massive roar (which might I add, is a wildly different contrast.) The noise is just nature though, the cicadamaggedon here to cleanse us of all our sins and bring us back to the dark ages or something. Luckily, we have Bugmaster Marris and his prepared list to see us through this mess and he once again had more tips for us this morning. Cicadas are actually really great for pets to eat as long as they don't eat the exoskeleton. You want to deshell them, kind of like that bowl of peanuts at the bar. The exoskeleton push out will be hard to manage but the meaty inside treat is delicious or something. Marris, who is part turtle, is also excited to see what kind of cicada menus will come out after there are too many to handle. He figures if you grill them up, throw some lemon pepper on them and eat them out of a popcorn bag or maybe on a nice french roll. Moving past his hunger to the next point, make sure you have plenty of windshield wiper fluid in your car. Apparently, if you thought butterflies or a kid on their bike hitting the windshield left a mess, wait until the cicadas start flying into it. If you have a shovel, be ready to use it to scoop up tons of the bugs or as we heard about yesterday, get yourself a Therminator, the flame throwing robot dog. This way you eliminate a step in the cooking process and can get them into your mouth faster. Do not use pesticides on them, it doesn't work and it will just end up making your pets or Marris sick after they start eating them. Before capping this we discovered that Marris still has yet to seal his windows properly and he doesn't have a beekeeper outfit, noise canceling headphones, wiper fluid and a fresh shovel for the dawn of the bug revolution. Sadly, he also has yet to realize all that stuff sold out the moment he started telling us to prepare weeks ago.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Even though this spot probably should have belonged to Angi going on about fish poop in the water she brushes her teeth with, I opted for this list of bad habits that age you faster that she gave this morning because if this show is known for anything, it's our love of lists. (Plus, I had already written some jokes for this mess so whatever, the podcast exists for a reason.) Anyway, according to this list, Angi should look like The Crypt Keeper.
- Smoking or Vaping (Pot Counts): 1 point for Angi and Marris
- Too Much Sun: Technically no point here even though she craves the sun
- Bad Diet Full of Saturated Fats (and 2 Day Old Pasta): 1 point for Angi and Marris
- No Exercise: 1 point Angi and Marris
- Too Much Booze: 1 point Angi and Marris
- Chronic Stress: 1 point Angi and Marris
- Bad Sleep: 1 point Angi and Marris
- Not Brushing Your Teeth: No points awarded here. Obviously, one can't have a youthful look with baked bean teeth. So in the end, they both scored a 6 which means we have the oldest looking morning show in Chicago I think. The thing is though we need some vices and is it so bad to have a little bit of all of them? After all, they say a glass of wine is good for you and it shouldn't matter that the one Angi drinks is those comically sized ones you see in spoof movies. I guess at the end of the day this basically says that we should all be dead.
So even though I would rather insert Angi's wildly gross new thing that she did last night here, I tend to stick with tried and true. For that reason, into the Daily Discussion Topic we go (and then into her eating old spaghetti like an animal.) For whatever reason, Angi decided that today is the day that we're building the Mount Rushmore of Rock Stars. As you may recall from a prior conversation, Marris has never been to the original Mount Rushmore and Angi essentially called it a tourist trap rock. Inspired though by her friend's podcast that does The Mount Rushmore of...Fast Food, Hot Actresses, etc, we started with Marris' picks. He chose Chester Bennington, Brandon Boyd, Hayley Williams and Gary Clark Jr. Angi's choices included more than four which at that point we decided you could have from 1 to 12 on the list. She picked Freddie Mercury, Jimi Hendrix, all of Mötley Crüe, Mick Jagger and Tina Turner. After Marris complained that she had more than 4, that was where the implementation of 1-12 came in. As for mine, I'd go with Robert Smith, Chino Moreno, Trent Reznor and David Bowie. Still, you know how this goes, we've shown you ours so let's see yours (the roadies.) First up on the Request Line was Sandy who chose Anthony Kiedis and Bon Jovi. Mike said Eddie Van Halen, Tom Morello and Slash. Derrick said Dave Grohl, Brian May, Flea and Neil Peart. Mike's wife was in the car as well and threw in Michael Jackson, Prince and David Bowie. Another Mike called in to add Elvis, John Lennon, James Hetfield and Kurt Cobain. Tow Truck Ken said Jimmy Page, Eddie Van Halen and Jimi Hendrix. Gumby (umm hmm) added Stevie Ray Vaughn, Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix to our stone. Bradley was last up including Slash, James Hetfield and Tommy Lee. Angi added we would need to toss on a huge rock next to him to represent his massive wang. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Finally, Angi came to us, her judge and jury (I'm clearly the executioner,) with a ponderance. Could it be that she is gross, that she has achieved the status of absolute animal? So Tuesday night Angi ordered pasta and it was late so she ended up eating half of it in bed while watching TV. It was in a container and after she had filled herself up enough, she tossed the container on the floor and didn't think about it. Cut to last night she's in bed, watching TV and she finds the noodles and down the hatch the rest went. Angi was concerned that she was gross yet nowhere signaled that she should be more worried about food poisoning. Marris went down the checklist and there was no meat but there was cheese and a cheese and butter sauce. She also did not have the bedroom heat blasting and it was pretty cold yesterday. So it was technically room temperature but the room is cold (like her soul) so it should be good (outside of her rumbling stomach ... wait a second.) Her rationale was people eat leftover pizza sitting out the next day so why not noodles. Marris though was leery of the 24 hour thing but he eventually accepted it (until she's in the hospital tonight.) Angi then compared herself to a pig while Marris did fat math. Apparently, Mrs. Piggy Taylor used her adjustable mattress to sit up and scarf down the noodles while watching Peaky Blinders. To take the edge off of that she followed it up by eating Sweet Spicy Chili Doritos during the whole segment.
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: Limp Bizkit vs. Korn
Current Champion: Angi (2x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Falling Away from Me" by KoЯn
Marris' Song Choice: "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit
Winner: Angi
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Tom Gilbey
Another day, another Londoner Angi aspires to meet due to his talent. Though this one isn't a 12 inch dong, he ran the London Marathon and raised $16,000 doing it by drinking and identifying 25 different glasses of wines. His time was 4 hours and 41 mins which was average but the idea of being offered wine to run has Angi considering taking up the sport.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I feel like hot water tastes like old pipes." - Angi
"I'm not perfect, I'm not cocaine!" - Angi