Photo: sjallenphotography / iStock / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So much going on and so little time to cover it all (actually, there's plenty of time but with the weekend upon us, I want to start drinking so these notes are a hindrance.) For this Super Bowl weekend, National Pizza Day and most importantly, Chainsaw Friday, there is definitely plenty to cover but one person has more to lose than the rest of us. Chad Johnson, the former NFL player soon to be turned NFL coach, put an insane bet out into the universe because his confidence is that high. Consider all his money, chips and rational sense being pushed toward the Kansas City Chiefs to win the Super Bowl because he is offering up something more important than cold hard cash. If the Chiefs were to lose, Chad Johnson has offered to divorce his wife and not have sex for the rest of the year. On top of that, he also will not eat McDonald's if the 49er's are to pull off a win. Marris rightfully deemed the whole thing strange and doesn't understand why he's not just pushing money on this "sure thing." Angi offered that there's a good chance he's joking (though could you imagine) and obviously this is a fun little stunt for the sake. He did mention that he'd be giving up the things he loves the most, which are his wife and McDonald's apparently (what a combo.) Marris added further that if he was really serious, he would give up his XBox and Fifa because apparently he loves that in his triangle of most beloved. Even during the pandemic, he would randomly challenge people in Fifa and had some fantastic trash talk. All this though led to a trip down memory lane for Angi who discussed how Jay the Straight is originally from Cincinnati and during a visit, she had a chance meeting. Jay the Straight had gone golfing (nothing new there) and so Angi went shopping at Saks in the downtown district (again, nothing new there.) While in the shoe department, none other than Chad Johnson showed up and offered to buy Angi's shoes. Flattered (but again married,) Angi turned down the offer but asked for a picture that she could use to make Jay the Straight jealous. Marris added that while she was there, she could have also run into her new boyfrenn, that "little stank stank" mailman who she apparently loves more than Chad Johnson (girl has problems.) Angi capped this by adding that Chad Johnson had run into a girlfriend of hers and offered to buy her shoes as well and also is known for buying out theaters and giving the tickets to people. In other words, he's a great guy and he would do well to steer clear of Angi's corruption.
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
Right, let's get into the rest of the nonsense from this morning that encompasses everything that makes me think of the show aka drugs, food and sex. Starting off hot, let's talk about party favors and the best way to not go about handing them out. Now, for most people, business cards are outdated and even Marris doesn't carry them anymore (and they would need to be updated.) For drug dealers though, business cards might sound resourceful but it has to be done right. No one understands this better than a drug dealer in Calgary who was arrested after attaching a small sample of his cocaine to his business cards. Sure, cocaine is expensive (and a hell of a drug) but you figure that one taste will warrant you future business. The idiot was outside of a casino (strike two) passing out his wares when police napped him and searched his car and house. They ended up finding fifty baggies of cocaine, a scale and $1,300 cash. He was released after his court appearance but like, the blatant stupidity here is the issue. If you're going to give out free samples, you need to attach a phone number to a burner phone or a QR code and most definitely not use your real name. While Angi explained that she would definitely take one of those business cards, it still makes no sense to use cards. Most people these days use the phone bump to give info anyway, no one is that old anymore for paper swapping. Let's end with this thought, as they say, the first taste is free but the rest is on you (same thing happens at the ice cream truck but that's another trauma for another day.)
Onward to a rare Friday Daily Discussion Topic that was born out of Angi going to bed without dinner yet again. The starving hostess wanted to talk about Super Bowl Food because pizza was mentioned at 5 A.M. and she didn't get a McMuffin inside of her until like 7:30 A.M. The talk centered around different foods that people eat during the Super Bowl and then dove right into the dip. Apparently, the most searched for dip for the Super Bowl is Buffalo Chicken. Here in Chicago though, we look for Chili Queso. Some other parts of the country (see: the bad ones) serve fish dip. While Marris isn't one to turn down a smoked salmon one, others also do veggie and fruit. Marris though is a man and he (much like Angi) needs meat. Chicken wings are obviously the most searched when it comes to filling up on food and here in Illinois, baked wings are the thing. This makes sense because people can properly sauce them on their own but air fried, dry rubbed, breaded and smoked are well loved. They especially like it wet and spicy in the South (something something sex joke.) Apparently the most overall searched recipe though is shrimp scampi (just give me a pizza, is that too much to ask?) Anyway, back to the discussion, it's Super Bowl weekend and Angi wanted to know what amazing dishes that people can't resist that the roadies are bringing. First up on the Request Line was Steven, who brings beef jerky dip. Austin does a New Mexico chili that has deer meat, chili's, pinto beans and potato. Larry goes with a classic spinach artichoke dip. Doug also does a classic with a buffalo chicken dip and scoop Tostitos. Tommy cooks up 18 hour hickory rib tips that tend to go within the first hour. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Finally, we cap off this week of nonsense talking about sex. To be more specific, is bad sex a reason to boot your significant other? Angi was eager to throw in an immediate yes but Marris said attempts could be made to fix it before moving on to drastic measures. This came up because a woman wrote into Men's Health to say that she is in her late 20's and her boyfriend of ten months is in his 30's. The sex is becoming a bit unsatisfactory for her because there is no kissing, touching, foreplay or manhandling of the boobs. Instead, it's a straight trip to pound town and then they are done. Though she has dropped hints like telling him to go slower and dropping articles, nothing has changed. Now, she's only getting the goods from her B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend) and she's avoiding being touched by him as well as being irritated to being around him. The person who she wrote in to responded with what we were all thinking that if something is not doing it for her, she should just jet. After all, you don't wanna marry someone you are not sexually compatible with and if this is only ten months in, imagine it further down the line. All of this time it should be the hottest but instead she is begging for effort and she should find someone who is more ready, willing and able. Perhaps that someone will be at the inaugural Angi Taylor Adult Toy Drive this Valentine's Day....
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to ruin her Uber star rating
Choice: Ant had Angi decide to hit her bong in the Uber.
Result: Seeing as she had such a great Uber rating for so long and show content is always key over all, Angi decided to go forth and tank her rating. While she wasn't ballsy enough to take off her pants and jacket, she figured the next best thing to do was get high in the driver's ride. This was the story that was told to everyone who saw her dragging Bongzilla through the halls of the iHeart building and eventually out to the front of the building. Though the bong wasn't as massive as the name implied, it made up for it in the strength of hits it offered. She knew it was powered by some kind of nonsense but as long as she didn't drop it, everything would have been fine. After finding a ride and getting in, the driver turned up the radio after Angi attempted to talk to him. Annoyed that she was being ignored, she pulled out Bongzilla and started to spark up. It had been a long Monday and she needed to let loose even though the trip was literally going to last less than fifteen minutes. After taking a mighty toke, Angi blew the smoke all around the car and was certain that her rating would take a nice hit. However, the driver instead turned down the radio and asked to pull on it. Knowing that she would probably have to do something else since the driver seemed unphased, Angi complied and went to hand over the bong. As she did though, the driver encountered one of Chicago's many potholes and hitting it caused Angi to drop the bong. Before she could even exclaim her annoyance at it hitting the floor, the bong went down and immediately shattered. This led to a chain reaction of it catching fire, which in turn set the car on fire and led it to explode a few seconds later. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to play the coin flip game
Choice: Bret had Angi decide to pick tails for billions of dollars and hiccups
Result: Knowing full well that the show, the studio and her life are sometimes allowed to dip into magical thinking that allows the absurd to become reality, Angi decided to tempt fate by playing the coin flip game. On the line for this go round of a game that is simple as you get one, the other or both was a curious chance at a monkey paw type fate. If she were to flip the coin and land on tails, Angi would end up with a billion dollars but also hiccups for the rest of her life. Considering that a billion dollars would get her everything she ever wanted in life, Angi opted for tails and let the piece of silver fly. The coin spun through the air and twirled until it finally hit the ground, revealing that she had made the right choice. Before she could do anything else, Angi's phone started to beep to indicate that a billion dollars had suddenly shown up in her Chase account. At the same time though, she found herself immediately hiccupping but she figured she had an out. In her back pocket was the trick she always used to get rid of hiccups and so she attempted her hack thinking it would work. Somehow though Angi overlooked the fact that this was a permanent condition and so the trick failed and Angi was trapped. It took all of twenty seconds of the constant attacks for Angi to realize it was not worth it. Going into the Rock 95.5 prize closet, Angi retrieved a gun and blew her brains out onto the iHeart mural wall. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to test out full body deodorant
Choice: Melissa had Angi decide to go to the all iHeart staff podcast.
Result: Taking a page from the new age guide book, Angi found herself learning about full body deodorant. Even though it seemed like a silly idea, Angi figured she would try it out and see if it fit the claims that it produced or was it all just some mumbo jumbo nonsense. Forgoing showering the whole week and cooking herself in the studio daily because iHeart's contractor was the same one that built her flop house, Angi was starting to get pretty ripe and so the chance to truly showcase the power of full body deodorant had come to head. It was the day of the all staff iHeart podcast and she knew that she was going to be one of the bigger talking heads so she would be stuck there for a time. Angi bathed herself from head to toe in the full body deodorant and decided to go with it. Leaving the house, all she could smell radiating from her body was flowers and she figured it would all go great. Once at the studio, she entered the room with nearly 50 other people and no one seemed to notice that she had not bathed in the waters of Lake Minnetonka in days. Feeling confident, Angi decided to push it and started to do jumping jack, figuring she would really turn up the heat and make the deodorant work. However as she went up and down, arms waving wildly, someone from the corner yelled "what's that smell?" Before anyone else could chime in though, each person started to sway and they all went down like dominos. One by one they hit the floor, dying to the secret stench that Angi was emitting. Though all her co-workers were now dead, Angi lived to stink up another day. (Alive)
Thur: Angi wanted to fix her HVAC issues herself
Choice: Carrie had Angi decide to stuff ice cream in the air ducts.
Result: After finally settling down from her fury that came from dealing with her contractor, Angi decided to finally solve the issues at home herself. However, Angi was not trained in the art of HVAC and so her solutions were not overly technical, if even smart. Going to the freezer, Angi fished out a gallon of ice cream and brought it over the air ducts. Assuming that cold would tame the heat, Angi flipped the carton upside down and pushed the brick of ice cream into the vents. After all of it was removed, she got up and went to wash her hands. As she dried them off, Angi began to notice that perhaps her silly plan had worked. The room began to go from scorching hot to mildly balmy. Knowing that a cool down was finally coming, Angi was able to finally lie on the couch and watch another six part Netflix documentary. As she listened to a narrator drone on, Angi felt the temperature drop even further. She was pretty proud of herself and the job she had done but she did notice a noise coming from the vents. Curious but too lazy to get up, Angi didn't notice that the vent had given way along with part of the floor when Tony the HVAC shark came bursting through it. This cousin to all the other sharks that seemed to plague Angi was furious that the house was so cold now. As she went to sip from her glass of wine, Tony the HVAC shark jumped over the couch and landed face first into Angi's stomach. Before she even knew what was occurring, the shark bit Angi in half. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to bring a dish to a Super Bowl party
Choice: Zachary had Angi decide to make sloppy joe sliders.
Result: Though she is known to never set foot in the kitchen, Angi decided it was time to give back to those who were hosting the Super Bowl party she was attending this year. Combing Google for recipes, Angi eventually settled on sloppy joe sliders, figuring that the wet meat slop would be just what everyone would want to dig into on game day. Slaving away in the kitchen was an absolute chore but Angi gave it her all. As she dropped in powders, ground up meat and watched it all simmer for hours, Angi understood why she opted to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible. Still, it got done and she was proud of herself. With the big day arrived, Angi lugged the huge crockpot over to a table that contained various dips, meats, wings and cheeses. People at the party were shocked to see Angi had done something for once and so everyone was eager to try what she made. One by one they lined up and ate until everyone at the party had a taste. For a moment, Angi was thrilled, all her hard work was not for nothing and the people seemed to love it. This was short lived though as suddenly one person began to throw up, then another and soon the entire party was vomiting and gasping for air. Confused, Angi consulted the recipe on her phone and realized her fatal mistake. Instead of putting garlic powder in the boiling pot of brown, she had put in anthrax. One by one all the guests dropped dead leaving only Angi standing, annoyed that her attempt to do something good had once more caused a population decrease. (Alive)
Request Wars 3.0
Current Champion: Marris (3x)
Angi's Song Choice: “The Red” by Chevelle
Marris' Song Choice: "Check My Brain" by Alice in Chains
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: The Guy Who Made the Kobe Bryant Statue
Whereas most statues/wax figures tend to look like trash (looking at Cristiano Ronaldo's statue maker,) this one is very well done and true to life. You have to applaud and give credit to great art when you see it.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"How are you supposed to get cocaine that way?" - Angi
"Fun fact, I deflowered Usher in the 90's." - Minn Barb
"You can butt chug out of Taylor's caboose, you can get a whole keg of Leinenkugel's up in there." - Minn Barb