This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Friday, Friday, gonna get drunk on Friday (well I mean, everyday but more so on a Friday.) That's right, we are moving through February with our first Friday and with the chainsaw business all settled, let's look at ... kids. For a show that tends to get wet, wild and wacky on a Friday, it was weird to see us being so childhood centric this morning but I can roll with the punches. The best part about these deep dives into the days of old though is it gives us fun stories (that we can later use as ammunition for things like call-ins where you drag people.) Inspired by a story of a discovered unused Disney World ticket, Angi polled the room to see if anyone had been to Disney World as kids. Marris and HP both had, which clearly meant they were rich rich because Angi's only trip came when she went there as an adult. It was in this though that we discovered Marris harbors some trauma toward his time visiting because as a 6 year old, he had ideas of parasocial relationships with Mickey Mouse and the rest of the Disney crew. His belief was that when he arrived at the world's most expensive place, he would hit it off with the cartoon characters and they would have deep conversations about things 6 year olds care about. However, those dreams were shattered when he found that Mickey was more fond of running off for a cigarette break than conversing with him about which Disney characters would win in a playground brawl. The character simply stamped Marris' character book and took off. The disappointment was further pushed when he next ran into Beast from Beauty and the Beast who did the same thing as Mickey. Marris was obviously never the same after that encounter but this isn't about him, this is about a guy who found a ticket booklet from 1978 with vintage unused Disney tickets. Originally purchased for $8, he ended up being able to trade it in for a one day ticket that costs $164 these days. Obviously, that was a perk but the reality is that if he took a kid, between the food, shirt, plushie and lightsaber he'd end up having to buy, the park would get their money. Angi capped this stroll down memory lane by saying when she took her daughter, she was not a fan as well and didn't really like Disney all that much outside of Frozen.
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
Onward we move into getting stuck, which is something we all feel as adults in our lives for the most part usually (is this projecting, probably.) However, this morning we're looking at kids getting stuck in weird places and this story is another example of kids being stupid, parents should be paying attention and this story happens far more often than you'd think. An Australian 3 year old was at a shopping center when they saw a Hello Kitty item they just had to have inside of a claw machine. Que parents not paying attention and the kid wandering off, climbing up inside the hatch and of course, getting stuck. A rescue team had to come and carefully break the glass to get the kid out because again, irresponsible parents. This did lead Angi to ask though if any of the studio crew had ever gotten stuck as kids. For example, Angi's brother once got his head stuck in balcony bars and had to have it buttered out. Marris was in the same boat only he got stuck in the wooden banister of the stairs at home. Luckily it was able to be slid, maneuvered and he got out without issue. Prison Tattoo once got stuck in mud when he was 7 while working at his cousin's farm. Angi explained how mud is kind of like quicksand (only you know, forgetting that you sink in one.) HP got stuck in situations like when her aunt was doing her hair as a kid for hours with a cigarette in one hand and a hot comb in the other. Basically, our hope is that your kids out there do not end up getting stuck (I think that was the takeaway here.)
Next up, we're looking at parent shaming due to a Florida mother who is about to become more popular on OnlyFans than she could have ever dreamed. It seems that this woman has been banned from dropping her kids off at school because in the back windshield, there is a large decal promoting her OnlyFans account. Marris questioned how safe it would be to drive with that blocking her ability to see as is but our focus here is on the children. After all, Piper Fawn (her OnlyFans name) was told she was no longer allowed to drop the kids off outside the school and so the kids need to now cross a busy road, walk down a sidewalk, through a parking lot, over ten feet of snow, around a mountain, with bread bags for shoes, etc. The irony in all this is not only does it bring focus to the drop off issue but it will also probably give her OnlyFans a huge boost (and also probably embarrass the hell out of her kids.) Parents are calling the whole thing porn and since it's a Christian school, an image must be upheld (plus won't someone think of the children!) While they will probably end up rolling in dough when the next payment comes through (she does porn with her husband,) it's kind of terrible for the stuff the kid probably has to endure. Funny enough, Angi understood what this is like because there was once a billboard of her across from her daughters school. Angi didn't seem to care but her daughter was quoted as saying "ugh, I don't want my friends fan girling my mom." Sorry Taylor child, we're all in love with mom even if she doesn't do OnlyFans (and that's because no one wants to see those massacred frankentits.)
Finally, one last story for the adults who long to go back to their childhood days (or what this really is, which is a fetish place disguised as something else.) A small town in New Hampshire is up in arms over a diaper spa that recently opened. This "spa" is a place for clients to wear diapers and act like babies (plus it also happens to be close to a park.) It was noted that this is not a fetish place but as you learn more, that seems to go right out the window. The suggested point of all this is to use targeted therapy to work out issues from childhood. While Angi was not supportive, Marris pointed out that one doesn't need to put on a diaper to figure out why they're a mess. Further pointing out that this is nothing more than a dressed up fetish house was the fact that it costs $600 for a two hour session or $200 for a virtual play date. They also offer a one night diaper AirBNB for $1,500. So far, 500 people have signed petitions to shut it down but a neighbor in their 90's said to just let these people let their freak flags fly. Honestly, stuff like this would not be an issue if we weren't so repressed in the country but yet here we are.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to test out dating apps
Choice: Jason had Angi decide to go out with Big Tony with the one earring.
Result: Even though Jay the Straight would end up furious with Angi for going on a date with another guy, she decided it made sense in the context of material for the show and pulled the trigger by going on Bumble. Immediately, she found a match with Big Tony who had one stud earring but was cute enough. She knew Marris had been catfished over the weekend so Angi just assumed that this guy would look nothing like his picture as well. After setting up a date, Big Tony said to look for someone wearing red at the restaurant he chose. Angi waited patiently and when the time came for the big date, she headed to the expensive restaurant and waited at the bar. Drinking her $47 Jack and Coke, Angi scanned the bar but saw no one that looked like Big Tony or wearing anything red. Annoyed, Angi assumed she was stood up and so she got up to leave when suddenly a woman who looked like Megan Fox with huge knockers walked in wearing a red dress. She immediately made her way to Angi and introduced herself, "Angi? Hi, it's Big Tony. I figured if you knew I was a woman you wouldn't want to meet so I pretended to be a guy." Angi was able to overlook the blatant lie because "Big Tony" was so hot and she wanted to smash Megan Fox. The pair proceeded to go eat and before the night was over, decided to start dating as well. (Alive)
Tue: Angi had to pick a adult band camp counselor
Choice: Bernadette had Angi decide to pick Dave Mustaine.
Result: Enthralled by the idea of an adult rock star camp, Angi decided to use her Rock 95.5 credentials to put the idea into reality. Unfortunately, it was January and even though it was in California, Angi could only rope up a few heavy hitters. Oddly enough though, Dave Mustaine was available for some reason and knowing he was a big name, Angi decided to add him to the roster as a counselor. As to be expected in any event that involves Angi, the camp became less about learning from the bands and more about partying with rock stars. However, because Angi was breaking the rules which she had created, she was called to Dave Mustaine's office. As soon as she walked in though she realized that she was not going to get reprimanded because instead of a stern voice, she heard Dave Mustaine crying instead. "I try all the time and they don't take me seriously man," he blubbered out, still crying hysterically. This type of rambling and crying continued for a good ten minutes before Angi finally got disgusted. "Ugh, why are you crying so much?" she asked, walking over to the whimpering rock star. Without another word, she picked up Dave Mustaine and carried him over to the docks. Still crying, Angi chucked Dave Mustaine into the water and laughed at him. She could still hear him whining as she walked away and went back to partying with Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee. (Alive)
Wed: Angi wanted to go on vacation with Marris
Choice: Derrick had Angi decide to go to Brazil with Marris.
Result: After spending all her time harassing Marris about where he was considering going for his trip, the moment Angi heard Brazil for Carnival was the destination, she decided she was in. After making their way to Brazil on the company dime, Angi and Marris were truly living it up. There was flamboyant costumes, fire, feathers, dancing and tons of floats. Marris had a bag of beads to throw out and Angi was wearing beaded everything and a cork. It truly was a sight to behold and Angi was glad she had pushed her way into the trip. As they made their way down the street though, Marris found the love of his life. She was the queen of the parade and she had boobs bigger than his head. Love struck, Marris felt compelled to get closer to the woman he knew he was meant to be with and so he started pushing his way through the crowd to get to her. Unfortunately for Angi, she was caught up in the commotion and with one swat of Marris' hand, she fell onto the ground in front of one of the floats. As he continued forward yelling to the queen that he loved her, Angi was run over by float after float until she was flatter than the piece of wood that fell off one of the cars that had driven over her. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to play a Drunk Adult Jenga
Choice: Jack had Angi decide to attempt to pull out a shot of Malört brick.
Result: Jealous that she grew up and surfed into adulthood without playing too many drinking games, Angi decided it was time to change that. Rallying together some friends, she set up a Drunk Adult Jenga night because even though she hadn't played hundreds of other drinking games, she was good at Drunk Adult Jenga and figured she could pull out a win. After a few rounds, the tower was shaky but still steady enough that Angi grabbing a side piece seemed like it would be okay. After surveying what pieces were up for grabs, the least worst option was actually Malört which in any other circumstance would have not been worth grabbing. Confident she was making the right choice, Angi slowly wiggled out the brick but as luck would have it, her energy was just enough to send the tower collapsing. As if losing the game was not bad enough though, everyone seemed to forget to mention that this Drunk Adult Jenga set was also cursed. With the brick in hand, Angi went to get her shot of Malört but found the glass was occupied by the rat hole rat. Its spirit had been disturbed after someone poured Malört into its rat hot and so now it attacked anyone who drank the disgusting liquor. Before Angi could scream, the rat jumped onto her face and chewed and clawed at it until she was nothing more than fleshless bone. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to learn how to use a chainsaw
Choice: Nick had Angi decide to chainsaw a hole in the pigeon coop to set them free.
Result: Even though the station was barreling toward the existing for four years, Angi had never found herself compelled to pick up a chainsaw. This all changed when on a glorious Chainsaw Friday, Angi decided to sneak into the prize closet and grab one for herself. Initially unsure of exactly what she was going to do with the lumbering hunk of grinding metal, Angi took it home and contemplated her options. Though she liked her new neighborhood, there were plenty of things worth altering. After much consideration, Angi decided to liberate the pigeons next door, even though it would dash her chance at getting rich on pigeon racing. Before fetching a ladder to climb up to the coop that was about to be sprung, Angi figured she should try to work the chainsaw. Grabbing onto the handle, she gave the cord a yank ... and nothing happened. She did it again and again, the results were still the same. Angi assumed that she had pulled a dud or one of the prob chainsaws from the closet when she decided to give it one more go. This time though, it finally worked and as the chainsaw came to life in her hands, Angi lost control of it. It spun upwards and sideways as it tumbled, slicing off her right arm. As she hit the floor with blood spraying everywhere, the chainsaw did as well and bounced, causing it to turn around and run straight forward into her face which split in half as it did. (Dead)
Request Wars 3.0
Current Champion: Marris (3x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Hey Man Nice Shot” by Filter
Marris' Song Choice: "Bullet with a Name" by Nonpoint
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Larry David
He went on the Today show and beat up Elmo, that alone makes him someone we have to toast. Plus, Curb Your Enthusiasm's final season starts Sunday night.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I have more issues from my childhood than back issues of Vogue." - Angi
"It's worse for Trashbag Taylor. Her biggest daily decision is how much she's going to charge every day for the blumpkins she's going to give in the Union Station bathrooms." - Minn Barb