Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
In the story below, you'll get to see how Abe spent a ton of money yesterday sprucing up his car after the flat nightmare he had to endure yesterday morning. However, the Sword of Grayskull being shoved into his tire is easier to deal with than say a car accident. Speaking of which, Angi wanted to hear from Abe how many car crashes/accidents that he has ever had. His initial estimate was 3-5 but he would round it down from 3-4. As for Angi, she has never been in an accident of any kind but yet has destroyed more tires than the Springfield Tire Fire. This came about because a woman named Jessica has decided to give up her license for good after getting into 13 accidents before the age of 30. After a discussion of the age range of kids driving (16 in the burbs, 18 in Chicago as assumed by these two so grain of salt that,) we looked back to this driving instructor's worst nightmare. Even though not all of the accidents are her fault (and I know better than to make a woman driver joke when Angi reads these notes,) she just does not want to keep rolling the dice. Combine that logical fear with a dash of PTSD and she will probably be in Ubers and Lyft's for the rest of her life. At least this isn't as bad as Abe's friend, who has had so many accidents that the insurance actually dropped her. However, our focus is solely on the roadies so we took to the Request Line to hear which of our roadies has had the most crashes/accidents. Mason has had 4, including one yesterday in a roundabout and one 6 or 7 months ago. Dennis has had 4 as well and 2 motorcycle accidents on top of that. His is a bit worse in that his daughter was in both motorcycle accidents with him and almost lost her leg in one. This led to Abe suggesting that if you're ever hit on a motorcycle, make sure you somersault across the road. Mondo has had 3 accidents but some of those were his girlfriend's fault as she gets nervous in traffic. In one instance, he had to take the fall for her since she didn't have insurance at the time. David has had 10 and he has no idea why he's still on the road (you and me both.) He was at fault for a "couple" of them including the last one where he trashed his truck and got a DUI. We finished off with Tater, who has 3 with him behind the wheel and several with him in the backseat. He was also drunk while he called in and tried to tell a 45 minute story. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our FB group and read up or drop us a comment.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Speaking of cars, after Abe's morning adventure where he almost didn't end up at work yesterday, he finally alleviated all his issues in one swoop. In a bomb drop of $1,600, Abe ended up getting new tires, brakes, rotors, a surprise glory hole visit and some other stuff. Seeing as spending wild like that means one needs to drown their sorrows afterward, Abe went to Hog Wild during the wait to indulge in a bacon patty melt and some fries. When pressed about a normal patty melt having mayo or Thousand Island sauce on it, Abe explained that he went for the dry option. To satiate the need for flavor though, Abe made sure to dunk the melt and his fries in Hog Wild BBQ sauce just to feel something.
Finally, we close the week out talking sh... Correction, we're finishing the week out talking about sh... Now, as everyone knows and yet has made no effort to infiltrate and destroy, Abe has a secret toilet at work. What Angi wanted to know though was whether or not Abe looks before he flushes. Not only does he not look, he flushes it right away to eliminate any "lingering issues." As for Angi, she looks every time and that's how we got the orange sherbet saga last year that went on for months. She feels that looking marrates a ton of info just the way you check out pee to see if you're dehydrated, etc. After all, what you leave behind gives you a good hint at your overall body health but that doesn't matter to some (like Abe.) 10% of people apparently never look while the other 90% is between sometimes and rarely. In that context, men look more than women and are more inclined to look every time. This is especially prevalent in young people under 25. There are also those guys who will take pictures and send it to a friend and vice versa to compare, contrast or brag about how much bran they consume or why there's an antler in the toilet. Funny enough Angi & Abe know two people who used to do it and I know people as well who would do it. For the record, they are all guys and they are definitely idiots.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi had the day off to acknowledge the holiday.
This is one of those things where it's hard to goof on the reason for being off. However, as we properly observed the holiday, Angi laid on the couch drinking Arnold Palmers while Abe sat on his balcony drinking burnt end brisket sandwiches in the rain. (N/A)
Tue: Angi wanted to take in local attractions in Tennessee.
Aaron had Angi decide to go tour the Jack Daniels distillery. As if there was any other viable for choice for something for Angi to do while in Tennessee, Angi had lined up outside the door four hours before it actually opened. Once she was allowed inside, Dry January died immediately as Angi ran up and down the aisles of the warehouse. Each barrel was inspected, mounted and kissed as she remembered what it was like to be a lush. There were even times that she would stop at the barrels and start drinking from them. For reasons no one could possibly fathom, they left this mess alone and so she turned into Augustus Gloop. Honestly, the entire scene was pretty disgusting so it was almost a godsend when the doors swung open and Dolly Parton sauntered in. She was furious that Angi chose being a lush over going to Dollywood for the day. Dolly made her way over to a very drunk Angi and grabbed her by the hair, shoving Angi's head into her legendary breasts. A drunken motorboat sounds incredible but as Dolly motioned and held Angi's head down, she ended up suffocating from lack of oxygen. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to thank Marktallica by baking him a pie
John had Angi decide to bake Marktallica a cherry pie as thanks for some breakfast brisket. Oddly enough, Angi had no home economics skills but assumed that things would just work out. After searching through the house, Angi realized she had all the ingredients she needed for the pie aside from cherries. Strangely enough, she did happen to find some meth while sourcing ingredients and decided to use that as a replacement filling. After all, Angi Taylor is known for her love of not stepping foot into grocery stores. Once everything was all combined together and put into a pie pan, it actually looked really great. Angi shoved the concoction into the oven and then, feeling lightheaded, sat down in a chair in front of the oven. After a few minutes though, the oven suddenly exploded and flames shot out all over the kitchen. Angi registered none of this however because she was splattered against the wall from the oven door that had blown off and into her when the explosion occurred. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to help Abe fix his flat tire
Paulo had Angi decide to jack up Abe's car to help him fix his blown out tire. Abe joined Angi to watch the master at work and he immediately offered her his $20 basketball inflation tool that he got off Amazon. Angi fetched out the jack and lifted the Impala up with her disgusting strength. She then used her monster hands to pull the tire off and decided to make sure that there was no other damage under the car. Getting down on the floor, Angi laid down on her back and prepared to slide under the car. She pushed slowly and just had her head under it when a sudden noise made her look up. Apparently, she was overconfident in her abilities and the jack suddenly fell out of place. The car fell down onto Angi's head and smashed it like a watermelon at a Gallagher show. Annoyed, Abe pushed her corpse out of the way and got to work putting the tire back on. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to help Girl Scouts sell their cookies
Tiffany had Angi decide to sell cookies outside of a Taco Bell at 3 A.M. After somehow convincing a handful of parents that it was a smart idea to take their daughters to Taco Bell at 3 A.M., Angi was off. She set up shop with the girls and waited for the stoners to come rolling through. One in particular loved the idea and wanted all that she had to offer, like the Thin Mints and Salmonellas. This stoner ended up calling all his friends and they all came out to buy cookies from Angi's and the girls. This actually led to record breaking sales and the stoners were absolutely loving all the cookies. While the figures were being tallied, the Girl Scouts got to work and built a statue of Angi outside of the Taco Bell. On that day, she was a true hero and best of all, she lived! (Alive)
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Abe (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Doug) Song Choice: "Smooth Up in Ya" by BulletBoys
Abe's (repping Mark) Song Choice: "Highway Star" by Deep Purple
Smack Talk Recap:
Abe got a spam call. Angi wished her brother in law Doug a happy birthday. A discussion ensued about how Angi would get felt up to "Smooth Up in Ya" on the flat surfaces of Minnesota as a teen. Mark the Newspaper Man actually called in and funny enough, it was his birthday as well. Mark went after Doug with a Limu Emu joke (it was as lame as it sounds.) He also said Angi's song doesn't sound like a rock song. Angi finished it by saying Mark has no game at all.
Winner: Angi
10 O'Clock Toast:
NASCAR.
Drivers have to wear fire resistant underwear and socks finally. Angi is thrilled that they will no longer burn up and Abe is looking forward to the NASCAR cars crashing into the iHeart building.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Stop lighting our race drivers on fire, enough of that." - Angi
"If you wanna be a better friend to Taylor, make sure if she comes over to your house, you take the lock off the liquor cabinet, you roll up hundred dollar straws for her and give any men in the house a shot of penicillin...." - Minn Barb
Best Bet of the Week: Take the Chiefs -8 1/2 against the Jaguars