This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
We all love to do dumb things here and there, it's the nature of what makes life so fun and unpredictable (sure, let's go with that.) A woman who has a government type job found herself in quite the pickle when her husband decided to buy a green man suit. You see, she takes and attends to a lot of Zoom calls and so he figured he could sneak around wearing the suit and no one would be any the wiser. The problem was, of course there was an issue, is he didn't cover his face and so when he would get in shots, he was a floating head. This was innocent and a bit stupid but it caused Angi to wonder, what is the most inappropriate thing that you personally have seen at a workplace. Let me tell you, this went filthy (borderline porno) very quickly. For example, at her first studio job, Angi walked in on the night DJ getting a mouth hug from a girl under the console. Abe one upped her and then some discussing how there were hookers in the side studio doing things to a mentally challenged person, Ron Jeremy took his junk out and showed it to four people, Dennis Hof brought in a bunch of "escorts," there were tons of porn stars and there was an incident with a garbage bag that was too graphic for air. That wasn't the end though, there was something referred to as the "penalty box," which a guy would bring girls into. Furthermore, at strip clubs, this guy was banging chicks in broom closets. There was so much degeneracy and debauchery, it's almost amazing there hasn't been a book written about it yet. The funny thing is even after all that, Abe was not done. He told a story about how someone took a dump on an assistant program directors desk just for fun. Seeing as we had more than our fill of Abe's insanity, Angi took to the phone to hear some of the roadies' stories. Kevin told about how when he worked for a moving company, the amount of bending over and just wearing thongs was too much to count. He would find sex toys shoved under beds and entire boxes of them just laying around. This was a source of utter disgust to him and he made no effort to move them. When pressed as to whether or not he ever tagged one of these catch and release beasts, he pleaded the fifth unfortunately (I'm assuming that means totally.) Rick worked for a carnival for a time and he once saw people having sex inside one of the ferris wheel seats. However, his topper to his own story was about a guy who was railing some other dude's chick inside one of The Zipper (that ride that swinging cages around in a long stick tilt) cage and her husband came looking for her. Being the good carny folk that he was, he distracted the husband and sent him off into the woods to find her but I'm assuming all he found was a Sondheim musical instead.
All the Rest:
Here's a fun topic to offset all the sick psychosexual dumpster sex talk that became the main topic today. I guess I'm weird because I've never ___________. A proper example off the bat was "I've never been to a concert." This topic (that brings forward an amazing never have I ever later) was brought on by the pandemic starting to show its light at the end of the tunnel. People are finding themselves so relieved by the idea of being vaccinated, they are just going to the airport and just going to places. Like a literal version of throw a dart at a map and just run with it for the sake of it. Abe's is one that you would know if you're an avid listener of the show. Abe has never been out of the country but he has a good reason for this you see. His favorite place in the world is Vegas and with all that Vegas has to offer like the Eiffel Tower, The Coliseum, New York, all you can eat buffets, like what's the point. Angi followed up with a stamp fiasco that came when they thought they were using a picture of The Statue of Liberty but surprise, it was the one from Vegas. Anyway, getting back to the topic, things like I've never been on an airplane, I've never seen Star Wars, all of this registers on the never level. Angi's example is I've never driven a stick shift. More insane though is her secondary proclamation I've never been to Walmart. That's right, white trash wonderland Walmart that was Abe's favorite teenage job to reference as much as possible. Angi, being a hot piece of Minnesota trade, was always a Target girl since they were based there. Turning to the roadies, Matt called in to say that he has never seen aStar Wars,Lord of the Ringsmovie or the TV showBattlestar Galactica. Angi added that she has never seenLord of the Ringsas well (I mean, it's a fine movie but she's not missing out on anything honestly.) Speaking of movies, Toni has never seen or read any of theHarry Pottermovies/books. This wasn't something to be too bothered by as it turns out Angi and Abe have never seen/read them either. However, it was roadie Lupe who took the proverbial call in cake today by announcing that she had never had a burrito. It has nothing to do with the food itself, after all she loves tacos, it's just it has never really appealed to her. Abe, beside himself as he usually is, pleaded that she needed to go out and have one for lunch today. Something tells me that it won't happen and good for her, I went outside earlier and it's awful out. Speaking of myself, I guess I'll stay on trend and make a point of a movie I've never seen,Avatar, which people fall all over and throw way too much money at. Special effects are fine but I'm more of a transphobic author kind of guy, so back to myHarry Potterbooks I go.
Local music legend Marty Casey of The Lovehammers checked in this morning to promote an upcoming movie screening. A documentary about the Chicago rock scene calledCover 21: Ignite Chicago, is premiering tomorrow. It opened with him discussing how much he loves 95.5 and how he had to set all his presets (which you should be doing as well) to 95.5 to show his Disney loving wife a taste of the music he loves. He went on to explain how people flocked to him the moment 95.5 started to tell him to get in on the station because it was tailor made for him. The documentary was inspired by a fan/friend sort of doing lockdown therapy. Since he couldn't go to shows every weekend, he decided to track down and touch base with bands and see what they're up to. There's a ton of local bands involved in sharing and in turn, creating a rockstar out of this fan. Marty created a new song specifically for the movie as well and the whole thing was shot over a year. Angi was curious as to what Marty himself was doing during lockdown. Basically he explained how virtual shows just don't fill that itch and each of these bands were looking forward to going forth and showcasing themselves. There is really an excitement about what will be coming soon, including Angi having a $10 beer poured on her while being thrown up on. Abe "suggested" that Cheap Trick might play a show for 95.5 and he then added that The Lovehammers should open up for them. Marty was ecstatic for the idea (let's hope Abe can make this happen.) Anyway, the screening is tomorrow and for the most part, is sold out but a few tickets remain. This sounds really cool actually and I could imagine sitting down and watching this at some point. If this sounds interesting to you, you should definitely check it out.
Finally, retired porn legend Mia Khalifa did one of those sit down interviews with Men's Health where they Google search questions and have the celebrity guest give their responses. It started with "does size matter?" She personally said it doesn't, it's more about the guy (lying bitch, big dongs are fun to look at and play with.) Next up, "how do you make a woman have an o?" Depends on the woman, take your time, tease her a bit, don't ask is it in. Abe immediately called her out for being a liar about size mattering when reflecting on it being in. Angi tried to counter but she gave up because fighting against Abe is just not worth it. "How do you know if you're doing something right?" Look, listen, feel her out, if it looks like Satan is rummaging through her body, you're doing something right. "How long should sex last?" According to Abe, things should last 7 minutes to 3 minutes (apparently we're doing backwards Flash math.) According to this porn slut, 5 - 7 minutes for a quickie is suffice. Abe explained that she's a porn star so it should apparently take forever. Passionate sex should only be 15 minutes. "Does booty sex hurt?" Yep. Anyway, we ended this off on Angi goofing on Abe for his 3 minutes comment and Abe calling her a liar (when you take as many dongs as she or Abe have, it's kind of apples and oranges honestly.)
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Jeff
Challenger Song Choice: "Hunger Strike"
Champion Song Choice: "Click Click Boom"
Observation: Dear god, the anticipation for this was amazing and this was garbage. There was a d... joke and honestly the only thing that really perked my ears up was Abe getting excited about hearing about d's and us needing to take an early sus shot. This was awful.
Winner: Jeff
The 8:30 Call Out:
Angi called out landscapers for not calling her back.
Abe called out the gentleman in the Home Depot bathroom spitting and making disgusting noises.
Tricia called out her upstairs neighbor for being super loud at all hours.
Angry Bob called out Angi and me for ripping on Abe last Friday.
Lumberjack Dave called out the guy who t-boned his daughter and sent her to the hospital.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Felix Silla. We pour one out today for Cousin Itt from The Addam's Family, who died at the age of 84. Abe assumed he died 30 years ago (along with The Golden Girls I bet.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "3 minutes, learned another something about you (Abe) today" - Angi
Quote: "You know I'm the greatest cart pusher in Walmart history." Abe
Quote: "Do you follow The Iron Sheik on social media? What a disaster that is." - Angi
Quote: "I look like a sausage ready to burst in my workout clothes." - Angi
Quote: "If you get the boobs taken out, can we give them to listeners?" - Abe