Don't Do That: Start a War Because of Your Existential Crisis

Russia says it's going to pull out of the International Space Station and build it's own orbiting station. Ok Putin, you really showed us. This whole thing is the world's biggest temper tantrum. It would be laughably pathetic if it wasn't so horrifying in its complete disregard for human lives. We get it Putin. You're a big, strong man going through an existential crisis cuz you realize your balls are getting saggy. Now cut the crap. Go buy a sports car or date a 20 year old instead of inciting international conflict. You can't even sit at a table with people because you're so scared. Seeing him at a table with his staff sitting so far at the other end looks like the first post-divorce-Christmas after the kids found out dad cheated. Putin really exudes shrimp d*ck energy. Prove us wrong, Vladdy Daddy. We'll offer him a deal: he can gain back his respect back by either ending the war or posting one d*ck pic with his face in it. We would like one photo of Putin, dong out, preferably in the famous frat boy pose with his shirt half lifted up and a can of Four Loko on his night stand visible in the background. He's half monster, half a complete joke. Putin it all together (see what I did there?) that equals one complete waste of a human being. Maybe consider retirement? But starting an entire war because you're facing your own mortality? Don't do that.