This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, as we came to learn this morning, both Angi & Abe are trash people. While this revelation might not be shocking to most, I for one was taken aback by it. I should probably add that only one of these is confirmed though in that Abe admitted his undying adoration for the Packers this morning, after spending the week pretending he hates them so much. However, it's Angi's entry into this hatred fiasco that is the real shocker. You see, this was not something she did that labeled her a trash queen but the actions of an acquaintance who has deemed her a garbage person. How did this assessment come about, well it all started with a wedding and Angi's act of kindness. So, Angi was recently handed a flyer for an after party of an upcoming wedding. No, not the actual wedding, no not the reception, the after party from 10-2 where all the ratchet people are stashed away from prying eyes. As for the invitation, it literally was the kind you would get for a fish fry. A literal piece of paper, not in an envelope and no name on it. It basically was an easy way of saying "hey, we don't want your ratchet trash ass at the actual wedding but come celebrate afterward with us you loser bitch." Like, she's not even good enough to witness the ceremony or have a plate of chicken with Aunt Pearl, the nerve. However, this story actually does get even better because Angi is a sucker in this whole thing. When she heard this person was getting married, she went on their registry and bought them a wedding gift. Angi feels like a riff raff miscreant here and Abe came to her aid to suggest that she not bother going to this stupid after party. It seems like this person felt compelled to involve her in some way but did not want to have her around at all (which is the obvious truth.) The wedding itself is taking place in one of those fancy rich places like Wilmette or Winnetka, something like that. Basically, the best way to view this whole sad affair is like Angi being akin to Daniel from Karate Kid, a total poor loser. Angi ended up feeling bad about herself (hence the radio dragging) and can't believe she sent this heartless bitch a gift. Roadie Taran called to say she agrees that Angi is being treated like she's trash and she too can't believe that she sent a gift. So what did we learn from all of this? Well, Angi is a glorified jobber who others view as trash and is only good enough to drive an hour away to do a shot at an afterparty once all the good guests have gone home. I'm not going to agree with this assessment because I love her but if the leather boots and torn up stockings fit....
All the Rest:
So, Thanksgiving is coming up next week and that's the perfect opportunity to discuss ... celebrities. What did you expect, we pretty much spent all of yesterday discussing Thanksgiving! Anyway, if you didn't know, Steve Harvey is a complete a-hole. Abe retold the story about how people used to not be allowed to look him in the eye because he was too important. However, this bit is not about that scumbag but celebrities people actually like and want to be around. So, let's assume you are invited to a celebrity holiday party, whose would you want to attend? When considering an A lister, 73% of people really want to hang out with The Rock. Angi & Abe think this sounds amazing and Angi is under the assumption that he's going to eat an entire turkey on his own. Abe though is the contrarian in this whole situation because he doesn't want to go to a cool, lit celebrity party. If given the choice or chance, he would want to hang out with Larry David. The two of them could sit together and bitch all night long, it would be absolutely glorious. Will Smith came in second place, which is weird because it would probably be some kind of cuckolding dinner where he ends up banging your wife (or husband if the blind items are to be believed.) Tied for 3rd place was Lady Gaga and Betty White. Angi would kill to hang out with Betty White as she's such a raunchy old broad. As for celebrity couples people want to party with, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson top the list along with Ben Affleck and JLO. We somehow got back to Abe discussing his want to be with Larry David and how he would love to talk to him about anything while sitting and eating stuffing. Mind you, Abe hates stuffing so this is very meaningful. As for Angi, she wants to party with Tommy Lee, I'm sure nothing would go wrong with that. Maybe Abe should go hang out with his boy Slash, he can sign another photo for him ... too soon? We've heard though that Slash is sober and the reality is, a party without liquor is not a party at all.
On a show that has had rock stars, comedians, actors and even CM Punk, today was a momentous day. That's right, somehow Abe pulled us up a real true to life celebrity this morning. Now, there's a ton of people I just vaguely mentioned but seriously, today's get was a big one. Who was this mystery man, well it was none other than Jarrett Knize, that guy who caught the 72 pound carp in Humboldt Park. You should know that Angi was on fire asking the hard hitting questions right off the bat inquiring if Jarrett could possibly catch the 72 pound carp in Lenny Kravitz's trousers? Moving into why he was actually here though, he gave us a brief rundown on how he went about getting his hands on that massive monster. He was fishing and he let his dog roam a bit, ended up latching on to the monster and he spent 30 minutes dragging the beast in. The real question is what is going on in that lagoon? First Chance the Snapper, a huge carp and a ton of dead bodies, what else is lurking down there? The carp removal was a good thing though because it is a dangerous species that was not supposed to be there in the first place and was wrecking things. It is one of those carps that jump out of the water and will fall into your boat (cue the Ernie "Here fishy fishy fishy" bit.) For all his trouble, he now holds the state record for the largest carp caught in Illinois. How it got there btw, the assumption is it was dumped in there with some catfish stock a while back. One more thing before we wrapped up, Angi wanted to know how he had the shopping cart ready to go when he caught the fish? It turns out that he found the cart a month prior and he just had it stashed away. All of this was well and good but Jarrett is a celebrity so that means we just had to hand him the title of Head Roadie of Fishing. Riveting stuff here, truly innovative radio.
Finally, we cap the week off right with some Drunk Ninja News! Though our intro was eschewed for a lead in question, this was a drunk ninja through and through. Angi asked Abe how he would break out of jail if his vanilla ass ever found himself in one. Simple, he would use his mighty brain power and trick the guard into friendship. He would start feeding him Best Bet's of the Week and they would love him for all that free paper and just let him out one day. Jay the Straight, suffering show husband of Angi, used to run a racket like this when he was in school. You see, darling Jay was a bookie for all the school janitors and used this to his advantage as a way to get out of school all the time. Since he was hustling them and busting kneecaps, he basically had his run of when he did and didn't go to school, such a smart guy. A woman named Susan found herself in a drunk ninja position the other day, getting locked up for DUI. I should probably point out that Angi has never had one, she's a responsible alcoholic. Anyway, this dunce was afraid of jail and decided she wanted to escape. She ended up taking the wiring out of her bra and tried to use it to open the lock. Instead of freeing her, it ended up damaging the lock and she got property damage tacked onto her DUI charge. Now, if our resident lot lizard ever found herself locked up, she would use her wits (err tits) to totally escape that barbaric hell.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Crystal) Song Choice: "Light Em' Up"
Abe's (repping Kristina) Song Choice: "Nowhere Generation"
It's Chicago vs. Chicago today and there were two fine choices up vying for your love (I'm being sarcastic in that one is overplayed and though I love Rise Against, this was the wrong choice for Request Wars.) Now, the reasons for Angi to lose today were stacked sky high: she hates live music and she hates Chicago. Just like that loser Pete Wentz, she would turn her back on us. However, Abe likes the Packers so....
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Angi Was Invited to a Friendsgiving Celebration
Mon: Kyle had Angi bring a French silk pie to Friendsgiving. Her choice made her the absolute hit of the party. Just as the host was about to eat his second piece, he asked Angi for the recipe. She didn't bother to beat around the bush and admitted that she got it from Baker's Square. This revelation enraged the host because everything that was brought was supposed to be homemade. Unable to control his anger, he grabbed the 28 pound turkey and proceeded to beat Angi to death with it. (Dead)
Tue: Josh had Angi invite Todd the Taint to Friendsgiving. Everyone at the gathering instantly hated him and he killed the mood by bringing a fruit cake to the event. The host was so upset that Angi brought Todd, he grabbed the 28 pound turkey again and proceeded to beat ... Todd to death with it! Angi lived and Todd died, life is amazing! (Alive)
Wed: Mary had Angi buy a bottle of Goldschläger. Angi returned with the bottle of Goldschläger, thinking she had done good. She began to pour shots for everyone, wanting to celebrate the death of Todd the Taint. However, no one was willing to toast with Angi, as they were disgusted with her liquor choice (seriously.) The host (who clearly needs anger management) became enraged yet again. He broke the bottle of Goldschläger and proceeded to stab Angi to death with it. (Dead)
Thur: Dan had Angi sit next to her sister, who owes her a ton of cash, at the family Thanksgiving. They were having a conversation and it wasn't going well. Angi's sister became enraged and started swinging a knife at Angi but Angi kept dodging. In turn, Angi grabbed the gravy boat and hit her sister in the head with it, knocking her out. No one batted an eye at the drunk shenanigans and Angi headed out to the garage to mount the Corvette once again. (Alive)
Fri: JR had Angi decide to deal up some drunken Texas Hold'Em. However, Angi's family was pissed that she chose gambling over a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie. They started grabbing knives, spoons and gravy boats to end her life with. However, beloved cousin Zoran stepped up to suggest that Angi "had enough punishment this week." The family relented and agreed, so they decided to spare her and shipped her drunk ratchet ass back to Chicago. (Alive)
10 o'Clock Toast:
All the Roadies. You guys, you are the reason we get to do this every day and we love, appreciate and are so thankful for you tuning in to the show and the station. You're amazing and we salute you.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
PSAbe: Hey, don't bang your animals.
"At least the turkey's got some breast, I don't know about your co-host." - Minn Barb
Best Bet of the Week: Take the Green Bay Packers -1 1/2 against the Minnesota Vikings.
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Josh, Head Roadie of Public Works
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Jarrett, Head Roadie of Fishing