This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
In a tie back to yesterday (look for another one in the rest of my notes below,) the main thing that happened this morning involved yesterday's round of Don't Kill Angi. The player Alfredo, who kept Angi alive, is only relevant here because of his name. When Abe heard Fredo, he went absolutely bonkers because it meant it was time for him to break out his Godfather impression. This in turn led to another impression he couldn't stop doing, which was his Al Pacino from The Irishman. I can confirm Angi's point about how he did it all day yesterday and would not stop. Mind you, I found it to be incredibly hilarious but Angi is just hateful of all men so she dumped all over it. In fact, the forty or so minutes I spent talking with Angi and Abe yesterday saw Abe do the impression at least 30 times. So this led Angi to do an impression of her own off air and inspired this truly fun topic. Since her ego was so high up from those three Request Wars wins (thank god Abe put a stop to that today,) she made a proclamation that she is a master impressionist. For her impression that was pulled out of the bag of tricks, Angi did the grape stomping reporter from the viral video. You all know which one that is, where the woman tumbles head over heels out of the grape barrel and breaks her neck live on air. Though that was horrible and tragic, her gasping hell moaning and groaning is comedy gold. For those unfamiliar with the clip, Abe played it on air and it is as funny as I remember it. While laughing at the woman's misery, Angi slid in her impression and then finally got on to the topic. She wanted the roadies to call in and do some of their great impressions. Jesus called and did a fairly decent Arnold Schwarzenegger impression though I feel everyone can do an Arnold if they try. Lexi called in to do a celebrity impression that was channeled through her mom. You see, she apparently loves the Kardashians to the point that she's basically become one. Also, it should be noted that you are not invited to Thanksgiving dinner at Lexi's mom's house unless you are vaccinated. Joe called in and did a vaguely decent rendering of Trump. This presidential talk led to Abe doing his Obama which is apparently Obama just laughing and naming his daughters. Angi, in turn, did her Clinton, which was basically her asking whichever woman she currently could think of to "kiss it." Justin did a Little Nicky impression which was just eh at best. The most amazing impression though went to Dustin, who called in and did a Conrad Cooper so spot on that I was shocked it was not actually Conrad Cooper. As for myself, I don't do impressions often but if you listen to the podcast, you can hear me do my Abe Kanan impression which is basically broken down to "I'm the straightest person ever! I love tits and Slayer! I watch wrestling because I like the sports aspect of it! John Stamos has an amazing ass!"
All the Rest:
Oh My Cod you guys, Angi had some amazing news for us to start the show this morning. I mean good news for her but potentially terrible news for us. You see, on the way in, she got an email from the CFO of BP Petroleum (yes, that's right, BP Petroleum.) You see, this guy Andrés had emailed her to let her know that he randomly chose her out of millions of people and in no way associated with his company to receive a massive windfall. That's right, Angi is about to inherit 18 million pounds with just a small caveat but we'll get to that shortly. In the meantime, there was a wander into Idiot Territory, Canada when there was confusion over if BP is a British company (because of the pounds.) The literal name of the company is British Petroleum or as Andrés pointed out in his email BP Petroleum. Anyway, he asked Angi to invoice him over a payment and also left her a number to call if she has any questions. As one would assume, Angi made sure to call the number on the air. Strangely enough, Andrés did not answer and even stranger, it was just a busy signal ... weird. Abe decided to call himself, suggesting he would pretend that he would be Angi's husband but unfortunately, there was no answer. It was then that they explored the name, BP Petroleum, weird how the CFO would say the company name and throw in an extra petroleum for the hell of it right? Anyway, all he really needed was Angi's full cooperation and her bank account number and routing number. This was mutually beneficial for the both of them even though again, Angi was not entirely sure why she was selected. Oh, another weird thing, the CFO's email was a Gmail that ended with 926@Gmail.com. Anyway, Angi is heading to Vegas tomorrow to do the voiceover for the iHeart Music Festival but if this money gets transferred fast enough, she'll probably blow that off and just never come back. As a gesture of good faith and because he stuck by her this whole time, Angi is going to give Abe half of the money when she gets it since doing street math, we learned the pounds to dollars is like 20 million. Abe decided that he too should probably give Andrés all his banking info. Wait a second, another thought, the area code is 587 which is Canadian. That's so weird that he's British but has a Canadian phone number, huh. Furthermore, it's from Alberta, Canada, where they do tons of BP Petroleum work clearly. Whatever, Abe is just excited for Angi's new found wealth as am I. Angi finally decided that she needs to give over all her info just in case. It seemed like everything was settled but Angi may have not been completely convinced. Lucky for her (and the rest of the listening audience,) Andrés calle in. He told Abe that it was definitely fine for Angi and him to split the money together. Angi was going to give out Andrés number again but let's face it, I've already done it in my notes (and will be doing it during my call.) Andrés explained that Angi was selected for the hell of it basically and that she would also be allowed to rope in Mama Kanan and Jay the Straight as well for all that sweet free money. Andrés totally sounded like a super nice guy and is clearly totally trustworthy. Also, Medicine Hat in Alberta is apparently a really nice place to live.
So Angi will be "totally not drunk in Vegas" over the weekend (remove the totally not part) and so it felt fitting to discuss some booze this morning. You see Fireball, your favorite alcohol drink to have at your friends' parties or before you go out for the night to get turnt is doing something really fun. They have created a mini Fireball keg that has 115 shots in it which basically means 2 days on this show (1 if Abe is really feeling himself.) While Fireball is fun and everyone loves it to death, Angi is only moderately a fan of it. She feels that it is too sweet/syrupy and that is not something she is looking for in her liquor. Her preference leans into Jack Daniels Fire, which has that cinnamon liquor kick but tastes fantastic. However, Angi does find this Fireball keg exciting. (FYI, I'm dipping into some stuff from yesterday to blend in with as well because it all fits together.) The other thing that got announced to go along with this Fireball keg yesterday was the Fireball trick or treat bag. This bag contains 30 mini bottles of Fireball that responsible adults like Angi can hand out to trick or treaters at her house on Halloween. So for those who are keeping track of the houses worth hitting on Halloween, Angi will be giving out Fireball bottles, Hidden Valley Ranch packets, fun masks and covid shots at her house this year on my favorite holiday. This is a complete step down btw from a few years ago when she was giving out full sized bars (remember, Hallloween was canceled last year basically.) The problem in handing out full size bars came in that people realized she was the full sized bar house and everyone and their brother were hitting her up over and over to get those treats. She wanted to be the cool lady who did this and spared her house from being egged, which I'm assuming worked but boy if you went there this year expecting a Twix bar, you're in for a surprise. I should probably add that Abe also intend(ed) to give out great candy this year. There was going to be Whatchamacallit, strawberry Laffy Taffy and peanut M&M's. Unfortunately, Abe is an absolute animal and glutton and he ate all the Halloween candy already. Lucky for him, he lives in a condo and well, he has that amazing new keyless door system so no one is breaking in and murdering him. I guess I should add that I do give out decent candy on Halloween night but unfortunately, I'm also usually knee deep in a handle of Captain Morgan White so getting me to answer the door while being drunk and marathoningRocky Horror Picture Showis a total crapshoot.
Finally, in what I think is the literal definition of hell for Angi, Abe and Jay the Straight got into a little Twitter beef last night. Was it over Angi, of course not, no one cares about that drunk. Was it about which woman is hotter, of course not, since Abe is gayer than me these days. No, these two clowns (who I love dearly) got into a major beef over fantasy football. That's right, it has finally come to this so I guess I should just continue. So the two of them have similarly named fantasy teams based aroundWhite Men Can't Jump. The real shots fired came from Jay the Straight when he gave Abe a proverbial slap saying that his team was better. This led to a small back and forth contained on Twitter for the evening until Abe's second round of sports this morning. Jay the Straight called in to alleviate the problem and yet somehow, made it worse (who would have thought?) Back and forths were exchanged. Jay the Straight attacked Abe's monitor and called his gaming site garbage. Abe went after Jay the Straight's records or something. Honestly, this was so macho and hetero, I had to go look at pictures of penises until they got done. Also not impressed or amused by this whole display was Angi, who herself can't stand the thought of her show and home husband having a tussle together. Well that and them getting along because as I've said before, Angi hates men and all male happiness in general. This ended on a happy note though, with the two making a one hundred dollar bet that Abe expects Angi to pay him when he wins. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure we're going to hear a news story about how a local well known radio personality drowned herself in a fountain in Vegas this weekend.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Todd) Song Choice: "My Michelle"
Abe's (repping Tom) Song Choice: "Cemetery Gates"
Observation: Tom was so high energy, it was ridiculous. Todd was the guy who won a day off and a ton of money from Abe's best bet of the week, he only sticks with winners. Tom and Todd fought uh a battle or something and yeah. Todd served like a champ. This is going to be a really interesting win either way.
Winner: Abe
10 o'Clock Toast:
Norm MacDonald. He was a comedic icon who died way too soon. This year has been nothing short of just trash when it comes to bad things.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I bet all the foot fetish people live in Florida." - Angi
Quote: "I have a big monitor, sorry." - Abe
Quote: "That's the only big thing you have...." - Angi
Quote: "Jay the Gay has an ass like a horse." - Abe
PSAbe: If you've ever been in a fight at a sports game, you need to reevaluate your life.