This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, you know how it goes, you're driving along and you feel compelled to munch on something. You reach into the bag next to you and grab a quick bite. If you're Abe, you tend to reach over and eat one of your 2 for $6 Whoppers or pizza that one time. The problem is you don't want to make a mess because it's hard to clean yourself up in the car you dirty pig. Luckily for you, an expert on food has some suggestions on the best things to eat while driving. This is all food that has little chance to spill and make a mess (that comes later in the topic when you hear some of the things people have seen.) Anyway, the best things to eat include but not limited to McDonald's cheeseburgers, the Starbucks bacon and gouda, Taco Bell's potato taco, Chick-Fil-A's chicken sandwich, Wendy's Jr. cheeseburger deluxe (Abe actually took issue with this one, saying he's had it and spilled it on himself before,) KFC popcorn nuggets and In-N-Out single cheeseburger. Obviously, if I'm giving you the best (the best, the best,) then you're also getting the worst. If you want to be a sloppy, messy pig then you're in luck, you want to get yourself some of these. McDonald's Big Breakfast with pancakes (all that syrup,) anything from Subway aside from wraps, Taco Bell Crunchy Taco Supreme, Burger King's big king and KFC coleslaw. Curious after this delicious dive early in the morning, Abe was curious as to whether or not Angi had ever eaten pizza in the car. As you would know if you're a long time listener, Abe has told his shameful story of eating pizza in the car several times. Angi has and feels no guilt, Abe on the other hand feels like a loser. This whole topic though was an intro to something Angi was much more curious about. She was seeking to hear from roadies about the weirdest thing they have seen while driving. This has to do with commuting becoming a thing once again and people hitting the roads. For her, she has seen a person full on reading a book on the steering wheel while driving. Another time, she had a creep of a trucker stroking his shillelagh to her. Abe has an issue with people who drive with their left foot hanging out of the window. Turning to the phones, there were some very sexy results. For example, Head Roadie Troy once saw a girl using a vibrator to stimulate her economy. Mark has seen a ton of people picking their nose. Preston has seen people full on eating cereal with milk, facetiming people, watching movies and even once saw a woman watching porn on her laptop (no one asked but I'll assume it was Angi for my own mental narrative.) Carmen saw a guy who had his foot pressed on the dashboard while he clipped his toenails. Tom has seen a ton of women putting makeup on because that always works so well. Nick saw a dude playing a guitar and had actual sheet music propped on his steering wheel. As for Shawn, well he saw a lady in the parking lot of a church bent over in her truck, receiving the holy spirit. Over in The Angi Taylor Facebook group, Joe mentioned he's seeing people reading newspapers, putting on makeup and looking at laptops/tablets while driving 90. Me, well I'd say my personal favorite was the time I was driving downtown and saw a guy dressed as Thor riding his bicycle though Mjölnir was nowhere in sight unfortunately. This was way beforeThor: Ragnarok, so I have no idea where he had stashed it but my assumption would be in his pants
All the Rest:
Another day and once more, Angi finds herself up to her ears in issues. It all started with a landscaper, who she had been trying so vigilantly to get to come through to her place and fix up her janky ass front yard. After many attempts, she was unsuccessful and most of the ones she called all ignored her or promised to get back to her at some point. As we all know, leaving this woman unfulfilled is only going to end in disaster. Fast forward to the next issue, Uber. First she was having trouble getting rides to spirit her away from her house in the morning to the iHeart building. Then there was that incident where I saw her for my birthday where she could not get an Uber away from my place after she finished several bottles of wine. After that mess, it was resturants that came out to play in not wanting to work. Literally restaurants are begging people to come work for them and no one wants to. I know this all too well as my recently passed best friend was a GM at a restaurant and found himself working 12 hour days because of the lack of people to supplement the needed shifts. Anyway, this point is a wrap around because we are once again back to Angi seeking a landscaper. That's right, in this whole time and endless search, she still has yet to get someone to fulfill her needs. It's not like her front yard is even that big and what she needs fixed isn't too bad. Maybe they're afraid of the dog poop or being bossed around by an angry woman holding a bottle of wine. Either way, this sunless wonder of land remains unkempt and she is not having it. Not only did her landscaper calls go unanswered though, yesterday she also sought a sleep apnea test. Guess what, no one called her back for that either. The issue seems to be that literally no one works anymore or as Abe likes to say it, most people are at home lying on their stomachs collecting that paper. Abe did say that he could find Angi a landscaper (and I have told her I know one as well in personal texts) but she seems bent on getting this lawn bae who doesn't care about her. The point of this whole segment was to yell at people to go back to work. Abe finished things up by adding that if you go and get a job now, you'll probably end up with a decent one. Come September when unemployment runs out, there is going to be an absolute mad dash for jobs and you don't want to be left holding an empty bag.
Now that things are opening up and the pandemic is starting to pull away, people are losing their minds. They have piles of cash that they accumulated from all the time they spent lying on their stomachs and they are hell bent on spending it. That's right, there's an actual term for walking up to places and throwing money at them. It's called revenge spending and it is the hottest thing out there right now. Sick of being cooped up, unable to spend to their heart's content, future debt collectors' wet dreams are running around snagging a ton of high end items. Abe was a little confused as to who exactly was having revenge extracted on them, was it the person doing the spending? No Abe, this is a revenge against the capital delights and the economy but we were so mad for living in our caves. Out and about with wads of cash, people are beating stores into submission. For rich people, they are so hell bent on spending money that Lamborghini's stock for 2021 is almost completely depleted. For Abe, he is dying to go back to his favorite place in the world, Vegas. Ironically enough, Vegas is the number one place people are dying to go and spend money at. He doesn't want any small trip either, he wants a 4-5 day debauchery fest of just gorging himself on reckless spending and probably eating as well. He also would like for poker rooms to open tourneys back up because he has all that sweet DogeCoin burning holes in his .... oh wait, nevermind. As for Angi, she wants to go on a vacation as well, not a small trip like her recent jaunt in Vegas. She wants a full on week long disappearance to somewhere nice. Abe dismissed her wanting to go anywhere but Vegas because Vegas is Vegas and has Vegas with Vegas and smothered in Vegas. As you can probably tell from listening to the show for more than five minutes, Abe won't go anywhere else. Turning to the lines before closing this out, Noel called to say she wants to go skydiving. After all, we survived the pandemic so why not jump out of a plane. That's a big no from Angi, Abe and myself. Angi and I are both terrified of heights so no thanks on that. As for Abe, he's afraid of pooping himself while jumping so....
Finally, remember "The Envelope," widely regarded as one of the worst games in radio history. Well guess what, that garbage is dead and buried and with the emergence of a newly reopened city and concerts galore, it's replacement is on the way. Birthing on Monday morning, the cleverly titled "Don't Kill Angi" game will make its debut. The rules are quite simple, don't get Angi killed. In this choose your own adventure style masterpiece, you will be controlling the wine chugging hostess with the mostest (boobs) as she navigates situations that put her in peril. If you're a regular listener, you already know that she is knocking on death's door almost every day as is. That said, your job is to try to keep her from eating it. Succeed in your task and you move on to the next day, help this drunken dingaling survive the whole week and you'll win a prize come Friday. The cool thing on top of that, for each day you keep Angi alive, you will get an entry toward the grand prize. That prize is currently a paid trip to the Louder Than Life Festival in Louisville. Does this sound like something you want to get behind, then be ready to dial in on Monday morning and for the love of god, keep Angi alive. If she dies then it becomes the Abe and Big Poppa Morning Mayo Madness Show and we don't need that, do we?
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Mike
Challenger Song Choice: "Man in the Box"
Champion Song Choice: "Feed My Frankenstein"
Observation: It's Alice vs. Alice today for our delirious morning throwdown. This was full of back patting, self congratulating, and a hunger from both guys. I wasn't feeling the smack so song takes this one imo,
Winner: Mike
10 o' Clock Toast:
Cicadas. They are everywhere and they are hot right now. Careful if you're allergic to seafood if you eat cicada pizza.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "What do you do if you have to go to the bathroom up there (skydiving)?" - Abe
Quote: "Mississippi doesn't seem to be good for anything unfortunately." - Angi
Duo Quote:
"People just die all the time down there (train tracks.)" - Abe
"That's because Chad Kroeger is there." - Angi