This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Points:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Dear roadies, I have to be the one who announces the unfortunate news that Abe is still blocked by Frank Thomas. That's right, the campaign we half started yesterday has seemingly gone nowhere and we need to ramp it up. If you haven't yet, tweet @TheBigHurt_35 and tell him he accidentally blocked Abe and he needs to unblock him because Abe is wandering around lost and aimless without the ability to read his inane tweets.
So, today's show seemingly had a theme. Be it unconscious or some kind of hidden Angi agenda, it was all about relationships in one way or another. It began with a discussion on dry spells, spurned on by a report that 12% of people are sitting on an unfulfilled desire of at least 3 years. Angi was curious as to why, if you fall into this pile, you aren't getting it in. The most common given reasons were more a laundry list than an excuse and ranged all over the place. Being tired came in number 1 and god, I know that feeling all too well. Other excuses included mental health, negative body image, low libdo, aging, menopause, medication, kids and performance anxiety. Listener Tricia has a year under her belt currently, mainly due to the pandemic. Listener Ryan hasn't had a drop since the Cubs won the World Series. Listener Ken went 32 months because he was in jail (and broke the spell 5 hours after he got out.) Listener Tim, who is disabled, is on 5 years because he just doesn't feel like it. Abe, in all his infinite wisdom had an amazing idea, a high priced escort was the cure all for Tim. In fact, he even considered starting a GoFundMe through the listeners to buy an escort for him. Anyway, the winner was listener Kristin who went without for 7 years even though she had a boyfriend, who it turns out was cheating on her the whole time.
Speaking of partners and being tethered down to someone, what is something your partner does that drives you nuts. This was brought on by Angi, who while sleeping last night, was kneed in the back and slapped in the face by Jay the Straight as he flopped around in bed. This isn't the first time this has happened as Angi recalled the time he once flopped in his sleep and hit her so hard, he popped her breast implant. Abe, innovator of all things grand, had some ideas to help them out. First, it was plastic dividers for the bed. When that seemed no go, he suggested getting 2 king sized beds. No go on that, Abe had one last suggestion which was to have a banging room and a sleeping room. Another pet peeve of Angi's (and in turn, something I do that she'd kill me over,) Jay the Straight leaves half empty water bottles all over the house. As for Abe, his girlfriend always has him on speaker phone when she calls and the call cuts in and out and it just drives him absolutely nuts. Listener Dan's fiance loves to stay up reading books and then when she comes to bed, she comes in and puts her cold feet on him. Brian's wife's kids leave dishes for him in the sink for when he gets home and she leaves for work so he has to do them. Bianca's boyfriend likes to pinch her "jowls" and tells her that her beard is growing in. Listener Samantha's husband loves to put his fingers all up in her face to wake her up. My pet peeve, apparently, is realizing that wearing socks to bed makes you a serial killer which means my straight mate roommate is probably plotting my death.
Finally, what are some things you can tell people when they give you grief about being single. Some of these examples btw feel like they were written on another planet but I'm just here to report the news. "Yes, I'm still choosing to be single." "I'm actually catfishing a lot of people right now." "When I'm not single, you'll be the first to know." "Of course I am Sharon, all the best people are single." "Yeah, I've been having the time of my life but I'll look for someone soon." Other irritating inquiries include asking when you're getting married or when you're going to have kids. Thank god neither of those things are going to be things I have to hear. Anyway, all this led to a story about a guy Angi and Abe know who sold(sells) coke and was not invited to Angi's wedding for that reason. A perfect point to close out this section of the notes.
Other Topics:
Since it is always hard to get back into the swing of things after a long break, Angi and Abe treated themselves to aPawn Starsmarathon yesterday. This was relevant because of a discussion about an upcoming NES (that's right, the original Nintendo) game featuring Chum Lee that is coming out soon. While remembering the relic of the past, Abe recounted his glory days, when he was the first person in his neighborhood to beat The Legend of Zelda. Also, at 16, Abe finally beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out, no less than a 100 times. Angi, on the other hand, was more of a Donkey Kong kind of girl. This was capped off by the replay of the Cameo from Pawn Star Rick that was bought for Angi and Abe when the show launched.
Qwerstion, who bought you booze while growing up. This wasn't something Abe could answer because he didn't drink while growing up. This led to a story about the guy who did buy it for the teens in Abe's old neighborhood. He was that sketchy guy who would take your cash and get you booze and cigarettes, but he was also the guy who was running the gas can scam. It was at this moment that Angi realized she probably had been bamboozled by this type of guy. The purpose of this coming about involved a growing number of teens who are dressing up as old people. Donning elaborate disguises that include masks, hats and clothes, they are going to liquor stores and getting away with purchases because they are buying things like Natty Light and Old Style.
Lastly, the age old question of is she or isn't she was surely not answered toward the last hour of the show today. Depending on who you ask, Angi the Mush or Abe the Monster killed actress Tanya Roberts. It began innocently enough with a discussion about the mistaken pronouncement that the actress had died the other day, only to reveal yesterday that she wasn't dead. Abe went on to mention that she probably will die soon which Angi called out as a jinx. Low and behold, not even two seconds later, TMZ tweeted out that she was dead for realz this time. We returned to a literal finger pointing, name calling mess. Angi was the mush, yet again. Abe is a killer, you can imagine (or listen to the podcast) what a mess this spiraled into. This also led to an incredible story from Angi about how her father told her that her cat Rocky was gone when in reality, it had been dumped off at the restaurant they were eating at. In the end, Angi still thought she is alive, Abe (and by an extension myself) think she is dead. We should have a proper answer tomorrow ... maybe.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Tonya Roberts, unsure of whether she is alive or dead, her life should be celebrated regardless. You deserve better than Abe saying you're dead or Angi mushing you. RIP(Maybe)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If there was no gambling, I wouldn't watch any sport." - Abe
Quote: "Now I know what my husband (Jay the Straight) was doing when I went to bed, sitting on the couch, with his thing in his hand, watching RAW or whatever." - Angi
Tidbit: According to Angi, serial killers wear socks to bed.
Quote: "I know high price escorts listen to our show." - Abe
Quote: "No one cares about anyone's wedding." - Abe