Photo: Halfdark / fStop / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Opening Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Oh man, it's Friyay once again and it is Chainsaw Friday, Friday the 13th and of course, the next stop of The Angi Taylor Show Tour (feat. a chainsaw giveaway, nothing could possibly go wrong with that, right?) So we are in a party mood which makes this the perfect story to open up today's notes. The Rock, former WWE wrestler who still shows up to run things turned actor who plays the same role in every movie he is in, has another thing to add to his resume. As it turns out, he is something of a magician and he revealed one of his "adult party tricks." Before we get into that absolutely filthy sounding act, we explored tricks that Angi and Mike know (I wish I didn't have to keep this PG because if you ever wanted to see me go off the rails, this would have been it.) Angi, known very well for her mouth tricks, can do one of the oldest ones in the book. That's right ... she can tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue, a trick she perfected during her years of bartending. I know you all assumed I was going to say at least 34 other things but get your minds out of the gutter! As for Mike, he can do some light sleight of hand and make things disappear to which Angi added in "I can make things disappear too" which made my need to innuendo (and wish for R rated notes, materialize.) Mike can also shotgun a beer but that feels less party trick and more things every straight man has built into his DNA (I've been impressed before watching guys I know do it very well.) Back to The Rock though, the multifaceted (sure bro) talent has a child magician side where he will turn into Maui from Moana and sing and bounce his pecs for kids. However, we are talking about his adult nonsense and after downing a bit of tequila, he does a trick. This trick involves picking up a grape though he does it without the use of his hands, feet or mouth. Before he could tell us the obvious way he picks up the grape, his publicist stepped in and told him to put a sock in it. The studio guesstimate (I mean what other answer could it be) was that he does it with his ass cheeks. Angi added that his clench ability must be impressive as hell and that his ass is tight. (SO MANY COMMENTS AND JOKES I CAN'T WRITE!!!) To add into the insanity, Angi suggested the roadies attempt to pick up a cherry with their ass cheeks and if they're showing up at the tour stop tonight, maybe they could attempt to pick up the chainsaw. After all, it is Friday the 13th and a killer who saws you down with an ass chainsaw has yet to be done (as far as I know.)
Call in Main Point:
ESPN host and Angi's best friend Cari Champion called into the studio this morning to discuss her new six part series about Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark on her podcast Naked Sports. Here's some highlights of what was discussed:
- Angi assumed that Cari stood her up.
- It turned out Cari was talking to Jay the Straight and got distracted.
- Her podcast Naked Sports is part of the iHeart network, making her and Angi co-workers.
- Women's sports is the new hotness and she was fascinated by the Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese drama.
- She did a six part series about Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark for Naked Sports.
- She felt it was important to cover it because the media made it black vs. white.
- She feels that the pair will change the way we consume women's sports.
- It was made to showcase how black woman/white woman trash talk it equals jealousy/cat fights but it's fine when men do it.
- There's a reluctance to allow women to be competitors.
- Cari likes Angi Reese and it doesn't need to be negative, it's about changing the narrative.
- She explores why the rivalry started and how it is changing the idea of how women play sports.
- Cari put her heart and soul into the series and was drawn to the story.
- Cari knows what it is like to be called a villain.
- The series allows us to learn about Angel Reese and how she's considered a leader.
- Angi is glad that she's doing the series.
- After the call ended, she went back and resumed her conversation with Jay the Straight.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Moving right along, as you should already know on this show, we are always looking for side hustles (the minimum wage pennies we get paid can barely afford our Starbucks.) It turns out this morning we found yet another one that would be right up the alley for everyone on this show. A guy in Spain is currently making a career out of being a professional wedding destroyer. For brides who find themselves with cold feet, this guy shows up and will object at the wedding for $500. Whereas this sounds kind of silly, it turns out that he is already booked until the end of the year. Initially, it had started out as a joke but apparently, he was so good at it that he turned it into a lucrative side hustle. As for his service, all he needs is a time, date and place and he will object as an old flame of the bride and even run off with her if requested. As expected, some things can get a bit violent so he charges an extra $50 for every time he is slapped by a guest at the wedding. One of the things Angi pointed out though was that he needs to make sure the "object" part of the vows exist because some people remove it. For example, Angi removed the "obey" part of her vows because she is no man's property. While this is a good way to make enough money to buy a PS5 and other nonsense, it was noted that it would probably be easier for the bride to just say that she wants out. Doing this humiliates the groom and the whole family and in turn, essentially causes a big mess. Basically, it is much more humiliating to take this route than to just call it off. Still, the guy is making bank so can we really fault him for doing something he is good at (and honestly some of the roadies could probably do as well if they wanted to.)
Finally, when you shop at a dollar store, you are not expecting it to be pristine but this is a bit ridiculous. A Dollar Tree in Indiana is our closing story because a mother and daughter were shopping for a gift for a teacher. While the daughter smelled one of the candles, she tipped it and had a liquid spill onto her shirt. It turned out that the liquid was not water but pee.... The manager of the store offered her shirt to the girl but it was the explanation that was even more absurd. It turns out that someone has been peeing in the candles for the last month and has yet to be caught. The assumption is there are no cameras because it is a Dollar Store and who cares about theft from there (and if you see how they are run on Reddit, tons of stuff goes to waste anyway.) The girl was checked out by a doctor just in case but she was fine and the incident was reported to the police. Obviously this is messy and Dollar Tree needs to do better but even the people who work there don't want to be there. What should be considered aside from how you'll think about this story any time you ever check a candle ever again is how gross people are like peeing in candles and rubbing their ass on cucumbers. In other words, just be careful and always wash your veggies.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap
Mon: Angi wanted to have a parade for the Bears
Choice: Brian had Angi decide to have a parade on State Street.
Result: Because Angi is known to jinx and ruin things, it should have come as no surprise that she preemptively wanted to celebrate the Bears singular win. Figuring that the Super Bowl was essentially a lock, Angi decided to throw a parade for the team, who had politely declined her request to attend. Undeterred, Angi went forth and got sponsorships from everyone she could think of including The Wiener's Circle, Walter E. Smithe and scheduled appearances from Tom Skilling and Ferris Bueller. With several floats ready to go, Angi directed them down State Street but was taken aback to see that barely anyone had come out. Even the roadies knew better than to jinx the season so early and so Angi was alone as she crossed over the State Street bridge. However, as she trudged along, suddenly out of nowhere Caleb Williams appeared. He had heard about her stupid idea and was none too happy. Running up to Angi, he grabbed her by the waist and chucked her off the bridge. Hitting the river caused her to black out and before long, Angi joined the other drowned bodies at the bottom. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted a throple costume
Choice: Brett had Angi decide to buy a Homer, Marge and Bart costume.
Result: Even though Halloween was literally almost a month and a half away, Angi couldn't contain her excitement and decided she wanted to get a jump start on it early. Seeing as the show now consisted of three people, Angi decided to pick out a throuple costume and The Simpsons was a perfect one to fit it. After hitting up the Spirit Halloween that occupied where Angi's old house was, Angi passed out the costumes to the crew. Marris made a fine Homer Simpson, Mike was an oversized Bart Simpson and Angi's Marge looked like an older version of her mother Jacqueline. All costumed up, the trio headed to West Town to trick or treat in September. Obviously, it was clearly too early and most people didn't have candy and a few offered choice words for the trio. Still, one house that got to find an owner who thought the whole thing was amusing and he offered them a treat. Though he had no candy on hand, he did have cans of Goya beans which he proceeded to pelt the trio with repeatedly until each was a bloody mess at the bottom of his stairs. (Dead)
Wed: Angi was mad that Jay the Straight loves the dog more than her
Choice: Dan had Angi decide to have a civilized conversation with Jay the Straight.
Result: Another day, another moment of Angi being furious about something and this time, it was over his Instagram post of him and the dog on the couch. Because Angi couldn't not be the center of attention at all times and so she was furious at work. That stewing fuming turned to unbridled rage and so the moment she finally got out of her shift for the day, she decided to do something about it. Now in full scorned woman mode, Angi went to the gas station near her house and filled up a comically large red can with gasoline. If Jay the Straight was going to love anyone aside from her, it was over and the revenge would be legendary. Returning back to Floptopia, Angi poured gasoline all over the shoddily constructed residence and threw a lit cigarette at it. The resulting blaze also caused an explosion which set the rest of the neighborhood on fire after it leveled her abode, killing everyone but her in the process. (Alive)
Thur: Angi had to pick a band to get free tickets for life from
Choice: Chris had Angi decide to choose Mötley Crüe.
Result: Beyond thrilled that she would get to see the reanimated bloated carcass of a band that Mötley Crüe had become these days, Angi figured any win was a win and so she decided to take a mini vacation to Australia. After all, she could see the band anywhere in the world for free for life and so why not make a trip out of it. After enduring a 20 hour non stop flight that found her drinking and arguing with the other passengers, Angi finally landed down in Sydney. Taking in all the beauty had to wait because even though she was jet lagged, the show would be starting within the hour. Rushing to the venue, Angi was about to walk in the doors when a kangaroo suddenly jumped in front of her. Much like all the other animals in Don't Kill Angi, he too had the ability to speak. "Oui bitch, I heard all the kangaroo slander you've been saying on the radio!" Enraged, the kangaroo reached into its pouch and pulled out a pair of boxing gloves. Before Angi had the chance to square up, the kangaroo pummeled Angi stupid, using its fists of fury to beat her to a bloody pulp. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to test out superstitions.
Choice: Mike had Angi decide to let a black cat cross her path.
Result: Seeing as another Friday the 13th had arrived once again, Angi decided to indulge in some superstitions. Since there was an event that evening, Angi decided to walk home to get her steps in since she would be drinking herself silly in Indiana that night. As she walked down the sidewalk though, Angi found herself faced with a dilemma. Before he was a real double whammy, a black cat and an open ladder. However, both of the superstition items were standing next to a weed dispensary and so Angi had an idea. Ignoring both, Angi went inside the dispensary and grabbed a ton of edibles and some weed. Coming outside, Angi walked over to the black cat and picked it up in her arms. It didn't fight her and so she carried it over to the ladder which she moved in front of the dispensary. Climbing it, Angi made her way to the roof of the dispensary and sprawled out on top of it. The cat, which she nicknamed Smokey, laid down next to her as she sparked up and laughed at the superstitions, which turned out to be nothing more than old wives tales. (Alive)
Request Wars 4.1 (This Is a Special Edition for Two Weeks and Does Not Count Overall)
Theme: Hagar vs. Van Hagar
Current Champion: Angi (4x)
Angi's Song Choice: "There's Only One Way to Rock" by Sammy Hagar
Mike's Song Choice: "Why Can't This Be Love" by Van Halen
Winner: Angi
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Couples That Like to Swing
After having her best friend Cari Champion called in this morning, Angi figured out she is clearly having an affair with Jay the Straight. After all, he talks to this bitch every day and even Angi doesn't do that and it is her bestie. She was also sent a screenshot discussing not having to sneak around anymore so Angi is going to open herself up to a throuple. She doesn't need marriage, she just wants to be the guest star in the relationship so if you are looking to bang her with your wife (Mike said hell no,) then submit an application to the show.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Can you pick up a chainsaw with your buttcheeks?" - Angi
"The unluckiest thing in the world is to get a mouth hug from Trashbag Taylor, it's going to hurt when you pee for months." - Minn Barb