Photo: NoDerog / iStock Unreleased / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Oh man, Chainsaw Friyay on a holiday weekend, could things hit any harder than that. Sure, today is going to be a bit too warm but after that breaks, the weekend will be glorious and we will be drunk right until the moment the show returns Tuesday morning. Until then though, let's do a little exploration shall we. Kicking this off, we looked at everyday skills that you might just be a bit too good at that will raise eyebrows. For example, a man took his wife to the firing range and she was handling her glock like she was Yusuf Dikec, the Turkish meme shooter from the Olympics. The point is this guy either married an assassin or he better hope he doesn't make her mad. Another guy made fake money for the movies that were so good, the FBI came knocking and told him to make it worse because it was a bit too realistic (the assumption here being he is secretly a counterfeiter.) Being able to creep in silently (you are clearly up to no good,) you can bs your way out of situations (you're accustomed to lying,) and you are really good at digging deep holes (you're either hiding bodies or you're Marris getting rid of dogs.) Knowing random details after meeting someone in passing. We, of course, went off the rails here as Marris explained this meant the person who was listening was invested. Angi took it as weird and brought up an example of meeting some person on an idle Tuesday at 3 P.M. for five seconds and therefore they are psycho for remembering. Maybe Marris was right though that you left an impression but you know, this show is built on indulging delusion. Other things on the list included knowing how to induce a false positive on drug tests (you may be a bit of an indulger,) you know how to easily clean up blood stains (looking at you Marris,) you remember license plates (this could be useful though,) you can get out of complicated relationships by disappearing (either into thin air or a hole in the ground,) you know how to use a lock pick set (how else are you supposed to break into the house of the girl you're stalking?) A last example came in the form of a guy who went home from college and beat his day three times in a row at darts which made the father assume he was spending too much time at the bar and not hitting the books like he should have been.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Since we are going into a holiday weekend, that means there will be a lot of drinking happening. Obviously beers and hard booze are on the menu but if you are looking for a way to increase the chance that you'll end up throwing up, we have a drink for you. Gatorwine, which unlike Beer Water, will only make everything come out through your mouth and not your backdoor. This trending drink apparently tastes like a spritzer with Gatorade and no one in the studio seems keen on trying it. As for the recipe, it calls for combining equal parts Gatorade Glacier Freeze with an under $12 bottle of red wine. Apparently, this unholy concoction basically makes this cheap wine taste better than it would be on its own. If you are looking for a proper bottle to pair the Gatorade with, check out Barefoot pinot. As we said though, this might make you throw up but at least you'll be hydrated when your head is buried in the toilet. However, if you really want to do this smart, Marris suggested keeping your Gatorade on the side (kind of how I do with my Pepsi, then you just chug the cold rum straight and chase) or as Angi added, just stop being a bitch and drink the wine on its own (cheap be damned.)
So, every party this weekend is going to need some kind of music and for some reason, we have a list of the 10 best tribute bands. Now remember tribute means they stick to a singular band whereas a cover band goes all over the place. Anyway, here they are.
10. Bohemian Queen (Queen Tribute)
9. Jimmy Love (Elton John Tribute)
8. Dire Streets (Dire Straits Tribute)
7. Queen 2 (Queen Tribute)
6. Bon Giovi (Bon Jovi Tribute)
5. Jack Shepard (Ed Sheeran Tribute)
4. Belinda Davids (Whitney Houston Tribute)
3. Rule the World (Take That Tribute)
2. Cubensis (Grateful Dead Tribute)
1. Brit Floyd (Pink Floyd Tribute)
After hearing these, Marris was kind of let down that the names weren't better and then we were treated to a list of artists who have the most tribute bands (I only wrote down the top 5, listen to the pod if you must know them all.) ABBA, Oasis, Dolly Parton, The Four Seasons and Michael Bublé. Apparently, Taylor Swift has a bunch as well so I guess that's something.
In what was one of two Pearl Jam's shows he will be indulging in this weekend, Mike was at Wrigley last night to see his favorite band. As everyone should know, he is a massive Pearl Jam fan (we should probably tell him we know the woman "Black" was written about) and if you're into seeing stuff about the band, go check out his Instagram (linked on our show Instagram.) Anyway, the reason we're discussing this for a brief moment is there was an incident where he was sitting. For the first four songs, no one was sitting next to him and it was going great until.... Mike saw it coming, a drunk guy stumbling down the row and when he got to Mike, he ended up spilling beer on his shoes and was shoving a hot dog in his mouth. Mike, being a good citizen (or something) asked "are you okay?" at one point to which he got a "Am I OkAY!?" response. Mike then turned on his Karen NARC blinders and alerted security to have the guy tossed out for ruining the show. On one hand, we hate snitches on this show but on the other, this guy seems like a typical South Side idiot so I guess this is okay.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap
Mon: Angi wanted to join a high school sports team
Choice: Jackie had Angi decide to play softball.
Result: Since schools were finally back in session on a scorching hot day, Angi decided she too wanted to relive some of her glory days. Obviously, hanging out in the bathroom and smoking cigarettes was off the table so instead she joined a high school softball team. Back in her heyday, Angi had been an absolutely seasoned athlete so it seemed like jumping back in the saddle would not be an issue. Heading down to the field, Angi was instead directed to the track where all the players were lined up. It seemed that the coach wanted them to do drills for warm ups and demanded that every player, including Angi, go run ten laps. Annoyed, Angi put out her cigarette and hit the ground running. Much like a rocket, Angi burned past all the other girls for a couple of seconds until she got past the first turn. Almost instantly, the wheels began to fall off and as the other girls ran past her, Angi collapsed on the floor from exhaustion. Even though the girls continued to lap past her, Angi remained on the ground because she had expired. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to cool off from the heat
Choice: Andy had Angi decide to swim with the penguins at Shedd Aquarium.
Result: With the temperature at an astoundingly insane hot hot hot, Angi felt the need to cool off. Luckily, since she had made friends with so many higher ups in the city, she was able to get an invite to Shedd to go hang out in the penguin exhibit. Arriving wearing her bathing suit, Angi walked into the enclosure and was ready to get some relief. Without a second thought, Angi jumped into the water and started to swim around. Though the penguins were there, they seemed indifferent to her presence so Angi decided to try to get their attention. "Hey penguins, do you wanna play water polo?" she yelled to them after spotting a ball. Throwing it over coerced the flightless birds into the water and they were having a blast. Suddenly though, a sound she heard a million times came forth and Bruce, the OG freshwater shark swam into the water with Angi. However, this time she was finally prepared and Angi spiked the ball hard and it hit Bruce in the face. The shark did not see it coming and the impact was enough to knock it out which allowed Angi to escape the water and avoid being fish food for the first time ever. (Alive)
Wed: Angi wanted to take pics of the storms from a rooftop
Choice: Samir had Angi decide to go to the top of the Sears Tower.
Result: Not deterred by the idea that doing something as silly as taking pictures in a lightning storm may kill her, Angi grabbed a camera and made her way over to the Sears Tower. Using her charm and wits (no one wants to see the old tits,) Angi was able to gain access to the top of the tower and waited for the storm to arrive. Honestly, the view was quite incredible and Angi took in the city from the grandest height of all. Finally, after a few hours, the clouds started rolling in and the storm began to unleash itself. Angi started snapping away and found herself getting some incredibly cool shots. With each snap, she kept getting cool pictures and thought to herself that she could have made a really interesting coffee table book from all the pictures when she was done. However, as the rain began to really pour in, Angi decided to get one last picture of a lightning bolt. This one got real up close and personal as it missed the lightning antennas and traveled right into Angi. The voltage was so powerful that it caused her to explode like one of Gallagher's watermelons when it struck. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to peek a famous wang
Choice: Marylynn had Angi decide to look at Eddie Vedder's junk.
Result: After being coerced into going to the Pearl Jam concert by Mike with promises of being able to scope out wang, Angi stepped into Wrigley on the prowl. Bypassing the music and drunk Northsiders, Angi made her way to the men's room and was ready to take in all the sights. Having no shame whatsoever, Angi waltzed right into the men's room and though people were shocked to see moderately famous morning radio host Angi Taylor in there with them, they continued to pee. Angi looked up and down the trough to see if she spotted anyone famous and realized that Eddie Vedder was among the lineup. Squeezing through the throng of dudes, Angi cartoonishly stuck her head in trying to get an eyeful but only ended up being caught by Eddie Vedder. Annoyed, he scolds her by saying "you sick woman" and before she could respond, Eddie Vedder tossed her into the trough. Oddly, no one seemed to care and they continued peeing, turning Angi into a human urinal cake. Covered in pee, Angi returned to where Mike was sitting but since she stunk like asparagus and shame, he told her to get out. Dejected, Angi left the stadium and was then forced to walk home because even the Red Line would not let her urine soaked ass onto the platform. (Alive)
Fri: Angi wanted to have a BBQ
Choice: Joe had Angi decide to grill up some goose.
Result: Deciding that it was time to show off Floptopia to friends, Angi decided to have some over to celebrate Labor Day with a BBQ. However, she wanted to be cool and different so Angi decided to serve up some goose instead of traditional burgers and hot dogs. Angi fired up the grill as guests started to arrive but once it was hot and ready, she realized that she had no idea how to cook goose. Instead of looking up recipes, she threw the dead bird carcasses on the grill and started to dump a bunch of spices on them hoping to flavor up the meat. However, as she was doing this, a huge flock of pigeons from next door happened to be flying overhead. Not only were they trained racing pigeons but they also had enough self awareness to realize Angi was eating one of their friends. Furious, the bird's dive bombed Angi and began to peck and bite her. Each stab not only caused her to bleed but it also gave her bird flu, ebola, herpes, adult onset diabetes, cancer, covid, SARS, West Nile virus and other various diseases. It would be the pecking though that did her in as she was anemic to start and all the bites caused her to bleed out completely and lose her life. (Dead)
Request Wars 4.0
Theme: METAL!!!!
Current Champion: Marris (3x)
Marris' Song Choice: "Ace of Spades" by Motörhead
Mike's Song Choice: "Redneck" by Lamb of God
Winner: Mike
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Corn
Corn sweat, a thing we've discussed on the show but Angi forgot we mentioned, takes today's super holiday weekend shot. The term, according to Angi, is a razzle dazzle like "heat dome" and "thunder snow" used by meteorologists to give them something to talk about. Basically, the corn sweating is the reason we hit 113 the other day as it causes humidity. So love it all you want but it's going to suffocate us.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I was thinking a padded room (for Angi) and we're already working on that." - Marris
"I call them Taylor tongs because it touches so much meat, just like that trash bag you work with." - Minn Barb
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Becky - Head Roadie of Blackhawks Fans