Photo: David Tran / iStock Editorial / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Welcome to another Friday where we have chainsaws, tickets and a new Mötley Crüe track to sort through in an allotted amount of time which means that we are a bit light on the notes today. Still, there are things to discuss so let's start with everyone's favorite: influencers. That's right, the trend idiots are back with yet another new annoying thing that now is going to affect all of us. They're over the whole sitting quiet on the plane and staring thing and have taken it outside the airplane and into the airport. The new hotness is staging artistic photos of their TSA trays. That's right, they are holding up lines and causing delays so they can organize everything they dumped out and then doing an above camera glamour shot of the tray. If you were wondering if this calls for a return of people being bullied, the correct answer is yes. As it is, the process is overly annoying and stressful and now you have to wait for Genevieve HeartSparkles to make sure her Stanley tumbler is hitting the right light for her 6,606 followers. This time waste is further egged on by those people who act brand new at the airport when it comes time to know what to put into the tray. Marris, voice of reason, offered that shoes, belts and jewelry make sense to take off. Angi offered up a defense for the airports (boo this woman,) explaining that it's different for most places. One made her take her glasses off which explains that voice over about the blind woman wandering through the airport. Before getting to the point of all this, Marris talked about the one TSA person at O'Hare who yells at everyone about electronics, water bottles and the like and yet people still don't listen. What we're trying to say is stop arranging your stuff and get it moving along, we don't have time for this stupid stuff. While you're at it, if you're at the bar and it is super busy, don't wait until you're given the price to get your wallet open. Have your cash ready to go just like you should have your shoes off at the airport.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Also this morning, a discussion on dorm rooms ensued and when you think of the word luxury, you're probably not putting a dorm room into that same sentence. For example, Marris went to Bradley University which is a real place and not an online college like Angi assumed. That dorm was the exact opposite of luxury when he moved in as it lacked air conditioning and more so, there was a blood soaked mattress meant for him. He was not sure who had been murdered there (sure bro) but his brother was not having it and since they arrived earlier than everyone else, the evidence soaked mattress was dumped in another room for a clean one. The dorm was co-ed but it was sorted by floors to keep young adult pregnancy rates down. However, that was then and this is now and guess what, much like the influencers who are prettying up TSA trays, parents are turning dorm rooms into sexy little apartments. They have art, chandeliers, rugs and other things you would expect to find in Floptopia, the money haven that Angi fills with useless treasures because she has more money than everyone who works on this show (twice over.) One Tiktok showcased a room that had a bar cart, couch, glass coffee table and tons of other stuff that make it look more grand than Angi's studio apartment she had at that age. Marris said that he would much rather have the cash than the goods as he could use all that extra cash on ramen since college kids are always poor. Plus, why decorate if you're like Marris who switched dorms in his second year and then moved off campus the third and fourth year. After explaining that older classmen prey on younger girls, Angi finished this off by saying to give your kids money so they go to the bar instead of buying them a hand blown glass vase from Japan.
Finally, Angi found herself with a bone to pick with biology this morning. Apparently, getting married is beneficial for men as it causes them to live longer. Mike agreed with this sentiment saying that it calmed him down but he is the only married man in the studio as Marris and Prison Tattoo are not tied down. The study focused on 7,000 people and showed that men who got married aged optimally as if they had no physical, mental or emotional issues. The reasoning behind all this has to do with spousal encouragement that made them adopt healthier habits, have more social support and were happier overall. Angi's big sticking point though was that women who got married saw no benefits, they still had shorter lives. Apparently women staying single were okay due to more experience and well being that already existed. Angi explained that men need help and the women don't and once indulged, men ruin women's mental health by cheating, gambling and drinking. Marris pointed out though that women tend to live longer than men overall and this seemed to all be a ploy for Angi to go nuts while her husband is out of town.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap
Mon: Angi wanted to buy Mike a housewarming gift
Choice: Beer Dave had Angi decide to buy Mike a bidet.
Result: Even though she had only known him for a short time and the wedding had long since passed, Angi decided that she was going to buy Mike a housewarming gift that could also double as a wedding gift. Seeing as his new apartment was almost perfect, Angi figured the one thing it would be missing was everyone's favorite new feature, a bidet. After plopping down cash on the best one she knew of, Angi came over with the specialized toilet with a built in system in hand. After letting her inside, Angi was excited to unveil the gift to Mike and his wife. While he installed the bidet infused toilet, Angi sat and drank wine with Mike's wife. Once it was all connected, Mike decided to try it out. The thing was, even though he had used a bidet before, the model Angi bought was an incredibly high pressure one. After turning up the dial, Mike was sprayed so hard that he went flying off the toilet and right out of the window that led out to his balcony. The new show friend flew from high rise to ground floor and exploded like one of Gallagher's watermelons. The show was back to being a twosome and Angi was forced to find someone else to compensate while Marris would be in Africa. (Alive)
Tue: Angi wanted to check into a retirement home
Choice: Terry had Angi decide to take up pickleball.
Result: Seeing as she had been threatening to quit the show and go to either rehab or a retirement home, Angi felt it was time to put up. Leaving everything irrelevant behind, Angi made her way to The Villages in Florida to live out a glorious retired life. Furthermore, she would also be the youngest person there so she could use it to her advantage. First on her agenda sheet was to go smoke some old balls at pickleball, seeing as she was still quite limber. When it was her turn to serve though, Angi noticed that Ernest, the community lady killer, was making his way toward her. "Hey little lady, I got something for you in my pocket" he said, looking down at his khaki shorts. Angi assumed it was going to be like Bob Barker and she would fish out a $100 bill if she reached in. However, when she did, she discovered that it was actually an unwrapped Werther's Original covered in lint and hair. Disgusted, Angi left the court, got back in her car and drove home. The dream of quitting was once again deferred and she ended right back up on the show the next day. (Alive)
Wed: Angi wanted to go to McDonald's University
Choice: Jake had Angi decide to try the McBacon Roll from the UK.
Result: After spending the morning hearing about how Mike had gone to McDonald's University and not the Marvel Cinematic Universe restaurant, Angi decided she too should stop in. Going after work, Angi was hungry and ordered herself a McBacon Roll based out of the UK. After the sticker shot that fast food was higher than dining out at an actual restaurant, Angi dug into her food and was pretty thrilled. The meal was absolutely delicious and it convinced her that she should stop in more often. However, after she finished the sandwich, Angi found that she was still a bit hungry. Since she had the savory, she wanted a sweet treat for dessert and decided to try a Mango McFlurry from Malaysia. However, as expected, the ice cream machine was broken and so Angi was forced to leave the MCU feeling unfulfilled. Walking past the Ronald McDonald statue outside, she punched it in the face and cursed it for not allowing her to be satisfied. (Alive)
Thur: Angi wanted to play an awful song at the bar
Choice: Naomi had Angi decide to pick "Achy Breaky Heart."
Result: Loving the idea of being annoying, Angi decided to hit up a bar after the show and see what would happen if she put on a terrible song. Going up to the jukebox, Angi looked over the selections and settled on "Achy Breaky Heart," a song that everyone knows and also equally hates. To pour salt into the wound, Angi dumped some of her Angi Taylor Money into the machine to make sure that she skipped the twenty songs ahead of her and that the tune would play next. Satisfied with her evil ways, Angi took a seat at the bar and watched the tides immediately turn the moment the song came out. There were groans, yells and utter disgust and even though she intended to be awful, she knew she needed to make it up to everyone. "A round of shots on me," she yelled over the terrible track and she assumed it would fix everything. However, the round of shots was Malört and that only made the crowd even more mad. In fact, one guy was so furious he grabbed a bottle, walked over to Angi and smashed her head in with it. Angi's limp body hit the floor as the last notes of the song played with everyone cheering that the witch was dead. (Dead)
Fri: Angi was looking for a good time
Choice: Jim had Angi decide to go to the Bally's Casino.
Result: With Jay the Straight out of town for some kind of cigar golfing man excursion weekend, Angi found herself wanting to hit the town. After considering all the available options, Angi decided to hit up the Bally's casino even though she knew it was an absolute dump. Going in, she shuffled past all the other old people and went straight to the blackjack table. Excited, Angi wasted her paycheck, Jay the Straight's paycheck and all the cash she found in her jeans. Sadly, it was not her day and she was losing big. Not deterred by this, Angi went to the ATM and got out her last $100. Placing a big bet, Angi was ready to go until the dealer dealt himself blackjack. Broke and sad, Angi realized that she had no money for an Uber and would now need to walk home. Walking out the door of the casino, Angi started the long trudge back to Floptopia but unfortunately for her, a Pace bus suddenly lost control. The bus barrelled into Angi and smashed her into the wall of the casino, splattering her all over it like one of Gallagher's crushed watermelons. (Dead)
Request Wars 4.0
Theme: Songs That Make You Turn Up the Radio EVERY DAMN TIME!
Current Champion: Marris (2x)
Marris' Song Choice: "Pardon Me" by Incubus
Mike's Song Choice: "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain
Winner: Mike
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Noah Lyles & Tyreek Hill
These two athletes who have been beefing for over a year have agreed to a 100 meter foot race. The pair do not like each other but they finally settled on a way to squash their beef (see: probably not.) Angi just likes Noah because he is hot and so she thinks he'll win the race while Marris thinks Tyreek has it in the bag. Angi then learned that Noah is a massive nerd and she then got talked into going to C2E2 next year.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I love when athletes beef, it makes me horny." - Angi
"If you're unlucky enough to score a date with Trashheap Taylor, don't take her to Gene's Sausage Shop because she'll end up swallowing all the sausages instead of swallowing yours. She can't help herself!" - Minn Barb