Photo: David Peperkamp / iStock Editorial / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
A good Thursday morning (which will lead into a stormy Thursday afternoon) but what does it matter because Lollapalooza is here finally. While some of us will be streaming the four day fest (I am some of us,) others like our very own Ninja Turtle/Wolverine hybrid will be found wandering the ground. The same could be said for Angi, who will spend most of her time trying to remember where she exactly buried all her drugs. While it should be a completely inebriated good time, over on the other side of the world, patrons are not so lucky. In our very Olympic centric show this me, we found out that Paris is apparently not the place to be when it comes to enjoying athletes performing at their peak. This is not a knock on the people who are giving it their all but the event itself because it turns out booze is not served at any of the Olympic venues. That's right, if you want to be a soccer hooligan, you're going to need to do it sober since all the wine and beer has been locked up (to be fair, they probably just assumed Angi was coming for the show and wanted to be precautious.) Needless to say, fans are pissed that they can't enjoy a cold one on 100 degree days and with good reason. If I'm going to watch people compete, I want to be completely bombed (which is good advice on how to get through five of these shows a week as well.) Marris reminded us that when Qatar had the World Cup, fans were also not allowed to drink in the stadiums but there was at least tailgating outside to get fans in the proper mood. Worse than no drinks in the stadium where pommel horse bro and large dong swimmer are is that there are no venues within the area that people can get turnt up at as well. They do offer soda but if that soda isn't filled with booze, why even bother drinking it? Of course, there is a stipulation (shocker) that the VIP lounges allow people to have booze. So not only are you paying an arm, leg and spleen to go to these events, you also have to pay extra or be special to get your hands on some hooch. Needless to say (even though I just rambled on about it,) people are furious. A guy who came all the way from Albuquerque found out the hard way after walking up and down the streets looking for refreshment only to find it did not exist. Angi said she would demand a refund and Marris said he would go anywhere else. The smartest solution though is pretty simple honestly, just go wine country while in France and watch the events on TV. That's what we're doing here and we have been drunk for days now.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Oh God, we're still talking about sports. If there's one thing I could be less disinterested in (aside from being sober,) it's this but I'll power through. For our Daily Discussion Topic, we were still centered around the Olympics as we talked about that diver who ended up belly flopping. Now, we could go a little more local to explore flops like the 17 losing game streak White Sox but instead, we wanted to hear about roadie athletic fails. For example, Marris was a junior on the varsity high school soccer team as a goalie. Had they won the game they were playing, the team would have gone downstate. Before explaining how he botched the big match, the ADHD queen was shocked to hear that Marris played as a goalie since it requires focus. Back to the match though, it was either 0-0 or 1-1 and after a corner kick that caused Marris not to be subbed out, the ball was able to escape between Marris' legs causing them to lose and make the seniors cry. Remember, Marris was a junior so he got another year to be an absolute disappointment. As for Angi, she played varsity volleyball and while she was a good serve, she sucked when it came to the net. Her fail came when she got spiked at the net and freaked out which caused her to be demoted from varsity to junior varsity. Well, we've seen our friends showcase why they are losers (and not in FRANNNNNNCE!!!!,) so let's go to the roadies on the Request Line. Andy was on a 26 mile cycle ride last Sunday when he tried to merge onto a sidewalk but instead hit a lift with gravel. He slid about six feet and sprained his wrist and got a ton of road rash. This opening gave Angi an excuse to discuss falling last year and breaking her orbital bone when she fell off her bike. You guys, Angi almost died, woe is her! Jillian was a softball player who was amazing during practice but got stage fright during games and was benched for the rest of the season after the second game. Rick was on a freshman football team and at the end of the game, after punting, everyone got a bit overzealous and started celebrating which allowed the other team to run the ball back for a touchdown. Andrew was in little league and they were in the semi finals when he decided to catch a ball awkwardly. The issue was not the catch, which worked but that the mitt ended up falling off and allowed for the other team to score three runs to beat his team. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Next up, the 90's are hot as hell right now (I mean, you have Blink 182 closing out Lolla and The Killers also playing.) With that in mind, here are some fun 90's facts.
- The Tickle Me Elmo (not to be confused with the Elmo Slide in my closet) was supposed to be a Tickle Me Tazz doll because they initially could not get the rights for Elmo.
- The Spice Girls names were all created by an editor who was too lazy to attempt to remember their actual names.
- Polly Pocket was initially conceived using a tiny makeup powder compact used as a portable dollhouse.
- Tom Hanks and Robert Zemeckis had to fund two scenes in Forrest Gump out of pocket, including the one where he ran across the country.
- The initial lyrics to "Baby, One More Time" should have been "Call Me on the Phone One More Time" as the Swedish songwriter thought "hit" meant call.
- James Cameron was going to make Jurassic Park and it would have been darker and nastier, like Alien with Dinosaurs.
- Steve Jobs wanted to call the iMac the Mac Man
- Rupaul was good friends with Nirvana after they met at the VMA's.
- George Lucas asked a ton of people to direct The Phantom Menace but they all told him he should do it.
Finally, in our award winning ongoing series of Sticking Things Where They Should Not Be, we have a new entry this morning. A man in Vietnam is lucky to be alive after he shoved a 26 inch live eel up his butt and in turn, the eel tried to bite its way out through his large intestine. Further complicating the eel up his butt was the fact that he had an entire lemon shoved up there. Well we couldn't understand why there was a lemon up his butt aside from maybe attempting to season the eel, this was not smart. The doctors eventually had to cut through his abdomen to remove the eel and the lemon. The dude will now have to live with a colostomy bag (but again, he could have died) so maybe next time, shove a 7 inch eel up there instead.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap
Mon: Angi wanted to bury her drugs before Lollapalooza
Choice: Brother Tom had Angi decide to bury her drugs under the "soft" field.
Result: After a little confusion when Angi was instructed to hide her drugs under the "soft" field, Angi was able to discern that what was meant was the softball field. Waiting until the dead of night, Angi grabbed a shovel and made her way through the construction, fences and other obstacles with relative ease. Surprised at how easy it was to arrive at Grant Park without being caught, Angi was thrilled that her stash hiding this year was going to be super easy. With a shovel in hand, Angi started to dig a nice hole for herself but there was one key point she had overlooked. Seeing as she had a number 1 radio show in Chicago, there were plenty of cops who listened so they knew what she was up to. As the dirt went flying, a giant spotlight came down upon her and lit her up like a Christmas tree. It was the cops and they were ready to finally arrest the most well known Lolla drug maven out there. Not ready to go back to jail, Angi took off as the cops chased her. Ducking and dodging, Angi seemed in the clear as she ran out onto Michigan Ave. However, she stopped for a second to catch her breath in the street but as she did, a bus arrived on time for once and smashed into her. Angi's body exploded like one of Gallagher's watermelons and pieces of her ended up all over the street. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to join the Chicago Olympics
Choice: Nicky had Angi decide to try pothole dodging.
Result: As Angi was a sucker for all things Olympics as she once used to be an athlete so the chance to compete in a Chicago version was super tempting. With her easily making the team, Angi prepared for her first event which was pot hold dodging. After hitting up Urban Outfitters, Angi found herself a nice Chicago tracksuit and then slipped into a pair of Jordans so she could medal in the event. Arriving at Grant Park, Angi knew that gold was calling her name. However, as she lined up for the event, she saw none other than former Chicago weather icon Tom Skilling. Knowing that the crowd only cared about him and no one else, Angi had to think fast on how to get in Tom's head. She decided to use verbal mind tricks and began making jokes about the weather and how he should be off in Hawaii and not back in Chicago. While everyone tends to love a bit of trash talk, Skilling was not feeling it and instead became furious with Angi. Enraged, Tom reached into his pocket and pulled out a lightning bolt which he unleashed with a fury in Angi's direction. Before she could even react, Angi was struck down in her spot and cooked to nothing more than a skeleton. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to become a storm chaser
Choice: Dan had Angi decide to go to Oklahoma to chase storms.
Result: Seeing as apparently loved brushes with death, Angi decided that becoming a storm chaser was just the thing she needed to scratch her daredevil itch. After all, due to climate change, the pattern of tornado alley was going to shift and so Angi wanted to be prepared for when the big one finally tried to drop a house on her. Completely geared up, Angi got inside her souped up truck and drove to Oklahoma as there had been plenty of storms predicted for the upcoming days. With luck, the moment Angi arrived in the state, there were a ton of clouds and within moments, the first funnel cloud had formed. Swirling with debris and angry at the Earth itself, the funnel cloud moved across an open field as Angi calibrated the storm. However, to really be part of the action she felt compelled to get out of the car. As she did though, the most familiar of all sounds rang through her airs. Past the tornado sirens, she heard the music and saw Cletus, the Tornado Alley Sharknado Shark. Yelling as he flew out of the tornado and toward her "bitch, go back to Chicago, this is my block!," Angi tried to get out of the way. However the shark was propelled too fast and at once he was on her, biting the novice storm queen in half. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to give away backstage passes for Lolla
Choice: Pablo had Angi decide to give the girl with huge knockers the tickets.
Result: Finally deciding to do something nice for someone else for once, Angi was determined to find Marris a girl at Lollapalooza. After getting all his ideal qualities down, Angi went forth to look for a girl with huge knockers. After interviewing a bunch of girls who fit almost perfectly, Angi zeroed in on an absolutely vapid one whose sweater puppies were almost as big as her head. The problem though was Angi had been up since 3 A.M. so she was running on fumes and the girl could tell. "You look tired grandma," the girl with the sweater meat said, "have a Four Loko!" Thinking that it was some form of seltzie, Angi took a sip and found herself energized. In fact, she enjoyed the liquor hybrid so much that she ended up drinking two extra ones. However, Angi's heart and for that matter, the rest of her body were not ready for such an overdose of liquor, caffeine and fun. Within moments of crushing the third can, Angi suddenly felt weird and before she could say anything, she simply exploded and sent blood and guts raining down all around the crowd of young concert goers. (Dead)
Fri: Angi and Marris worked Lolla harder than a pair of street walkers.
Choice: N/A
Result: Due to Lollapalooza eating into all their free time over the span of four days, job number 16 for Marris and a full day of attempting to stay awake for Angi meant our morning duo was too tied up for a show that morning. At least they got to see some cool bands though. (N/A)
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: Bands with Siblings
Current Champion: Marris (2x)
Angi's Song Choice: "Supersonic" by Oasis
Marris' Song Choice: "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" by Good Charlotte
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Marris' Outfit
Please note this was done out of a place of love but our nerd king is looking for a nerd wife at Lollapalooza this weekend. If you see a muscle shirt wearing park ranger Ewok with a Wolverine necklace but no Spiderman shoes, feel free to hop on pop. He also may have on a silk bounty hunter shirt over it. If you don't see him today, look for the Street Fighter or Ninja Turtle the rest of the weekend. In fact, I think Marris' Outfit is headlining a stage on Sunday.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Why you guys put things in your butt that's not supposed to be there?" - Angi
"You're listening to a woman who is on two hours of sleep. It's going to be a three Adderall day today." - Angi