Photo: Colleen Gara / Moment / Getty Images
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Oh man, it is a hot and swittie (Angi's words, not mine) Tuesday and while most of us will be sweating our asses off, the same can not be said for Angi. That's right, I'm going to need all of you to do your funeral wailing garb, get out those black armbands we were saving for when a house falls on the witch and pour one out because we lost a real (fat) one today. That's right, Angi's world famous ass is no more and we are left to mourn what used to be. Now for a little backstory, Angi is going through (has gone, is still, a little bit of both) menopause and she had a long bout of depression (working on this show does that to people, trust me.) In turn, she gained 20 pounds and she was having an issue losing it because she has had no metabolism (or self control) during menopause. To remedy this stubborn 20, Angi has done what everyone else who has money does, she became an Ozempig. She went on it in May and now at the end of July, she has lost that 20 pounds but as a side effect, she's also lost her ass. That's right, she has Ozempic ass and it has swallowed up her badunkin doughnut and turned it into a munchkin. There is still a little meat there but the bubble but is gone and now it looks like a deflated bag of those over the hill balloons. Though she knew it could have happened, the big and juicy McDouble looks like a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger (food analogies felt fitting for this.) Luckily, she didn't get Ozempic face because that's basically all she has left since her back now matches her front (flat, sagging, dead.) The nice thing was her experience gave us a confirmation that Ozempic works as they say where you eat 3 bites and you find yourself full. However, in turn, your body basically devours your ass because it is hungry. There is also the added bonus that Marris is basically getting to eat all of Angi's food which means he's saving money but then again, most of her meals are wine so that's a trade off. She did add though that if you love food, Ozempic is not for you as it ruins eating. Of course though, being this show, we tried to discover ways to remedy this problem. Marris actively offered to donate some of his thick and juicy ass to the long back bitch because that was the only body party she had left to be proud of. We also figured that we could pray to Saint Anthony to find her lost ass by burying a statue of him ... in the yard (where did you think that was going?) Maybe some squats, cornbread and beans and rice could return it but I think we should just move on (like we will when she dies and the show starts on a Monday with Marris and a new host.) For those who want to mourn the deflated balloon though, we will be holding a prayer vigil in Grant Park under The Bean at some point ... maybe ... probably not, you know what, we're going to be busy washing our hair so nevermind.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Even though we are in mourning, the show must go on so we move onward to the Daily Discussion Topic, which today tackled the Olympics. See, something called Taste of Country came up with a list of events that would be found at the Country Music Olympics. Things like beer chugging, line and square dancing, beer can smashing, note holding (a high note depending on how drunk you are,) banjo string breaking, lawnmower racing, beer pong, corn hole, watermelon seed spitting and hay bale throwing. While all this bumpkin stuff sounds like a hoot, we are not a country and this is the best city in the world so we deserve our own fun games. With that in mind, we devised the Chicago Olympics this morning. Marris' contribution was Sitting in Traffic. A coordinated hell where you have to go for miles and miles without losing your cool and dodging people coming to your window, the AC dying and other fun little mishaps to add to the stress. As for Angi, she's bringing Navigating Lower Wacker which is kind of like an escape room with just a bunch of Batman villains trying to kill you. I don't leave the house so I decided not to enter any events which means we go straight to the roadies on the Request Line. Chris suggested Divvy Bike Tossing where teens line up and see how far they can throw one into Lake Michigan and the Chicago River. Eric said Winter Parking Space Clearing and Dibs Creativity. This tandem event charges you with opening up the best space and then finding the best item to save that space. Matt said we could do Real Life Grand Theft Auto which becomes problematic due to the sheer amount of traffic. Tony Street Taco Tasting is as simple as it sounds, line them up and pick a winner. Angi is totally down for this with or without the Olympics. Bob came up with our Public Transport Triathlon which means riding the CTA from 95th to Edgewater to O'Hare and you need to keep yourself from being harassed and robbed. Carl Missing Potholes and Manholes and to make it harder, we're doing it on Western Avenue. Mike did the classic Chicago Style Hot Dog Eating. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Before I close us out with a secondary Angi update, let's look at a woman who took to Reddit to complain. Apparently, the dress code at her brother's wedding has made her decide to no show because of it. There's no need to guess, it's because he is doing it at a naturist resort and it will be a nude wedding. She has no issue with him being a nudist but she is not comfortable with being nude in front of a bunch of strangers. They had asked her to be a bridesmaid but she doesn't know the soon to be sister in law well enough to feel comfortable walking up the aisle with a stranger naked. It seems most comments were in her favor, including those from other nudists who felt shoving their lifestyle down people's throats is not the move. However, Marris had a different interpretation of all this. He believes that this whole thing was a ploy to get to see his sister naked. Because he clearly became a nudist, lived the lifestyle and is now getting married as part of a plot to see sis swinging her au natural udders. Marris then added that the last person he would want to see naked is his sister and Angi agreed on her siblings (same, no thanks.) It was added that if he really wanted her there, he could have agreed to a clothes clause and he was being a bit unreasonable (also spot on.) After all, this whole thing is really kind of madness and him being upset is even sillier. Circling back, no one wants to see grandma naked and honestly, as Angi specified, the only people you'll really want to see nude are Victoria Secret models and that swimmer from France with the huge junk. This then swung over to mom nudity and Angi added that not only does no one want to see her naked at the wedding but growing up, her mom was always nude. In fact, she would lay out in the backyard of their trailer park topless while all these creepy dudes would ogle her. Honestly though, this kind of explains Angi's 20's and 30's now that I think about it.
Finally, Angi was out cleaning up her yard yesterday because she has guests coming in tomorrow for Lollapalooza. While doing this, she noticed that the pigeons were not in their mansion and she assumed that they were out racing. For those who don't pay attention, Angi's neighbor is running an illegal pigeon gambling ring and he still won't let her in on it. Back to yesterday though, Angi inquired about the whereabouts and the pigeons were indeed racing. They had been set out 100 miles and the game was whoever got home first wins. Just as she was asking how long it takes for that journey, 1 pigeon landed down and was promptly yelled at. It had taken 3 hours when it was only supposed to take 2. Needless to say, the pigeon guy was pissed and Angi thinks that there is going to be another squab roast this weekend. For those also not in the know on that part, she was sure that she saw him roasting a few in a meat smoker before and now that he is not happy with how they are racing, Angi thinks that there's a bunch more about to get eaten this weekend.
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: A Millenial Rock Battle
Current Champion: Angi (4x)
Angi's Song Choice: "Seether" by Veruca Salt
Marris' Song Choice: "Freak on a Leash" by KoЯn
Winner: Marris
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: JLO
Ranker put out a list of singers who are not great singers and the top of the list was JLO. Now, this surely had nothing to do with the time that Angi asked JLO for something in her purse and JLO looked at her like she was a bag of trash. We also learned that Marris thinks Axl Rose is not a great singer according to Marris and that a voice is not an instrument.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"It's like my body ate my ass." - Angi
"I got some Bush (pause) tickets." - Angi