Oh man, it is a hot and swittie (Angi's words, not mine) Tuesday and while most of us will be sweating our asses off, the same can not be said for Angi. That's right, I'm going to need all of you to do your funeral wailing garb, get out those black armbands we were saving for when a house falls on the witch and pour one out because we lost a real (fat) one today. That's right, Angi's world famous ass is no more and we are left to mourn what used to be. Now for a little backstory, Angi is going through (has gone, is still, a little bit of both) menopause and she had a long bout of depression (working on this show does that to people, trust me.) In turn, she gained 20 pounds and she was having an issue losing it because she has had no metabolism (or self control) during menopause. To remedy this stubborn 20, Angi has done what everyone else who has money does, she became an Ozempig. She went on it in May and now at the end of July, she has lost that 20 pounds but as a side effect, she's also lost her ass. That's right, she has Ozempic ass and it has swallowed up her badunkin doughnut and turned it into a munchkin. There is still a little meat there but the bubble but is gone and now it looks like a deflated bag of those over the hill balloons. Though she knew it could have happened, the big and juicy McDouble looks like a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger (food analogies felt fitting for this.) Luckily, she didn't get Ozempic face because that's basically all she has left since her back now matches her front (flat, sagging, dead.) The nice thing was her experience gave us a confirmation that Ozempic works as they say where you eat 3 bites and you find yourself full. However, in turn, your body basically devours your ass because it is hungry. There is also the added bonus that Marris is basically getting to eat all of Angi's food which means he's saving money but then again, most of her meals are wine so that's a trade off. She did add though that if you love food, Ozempic is not for you as it ruins eating. Of course though, being this show, we tried to discover ways to remedy this problem. Marris actively offered to donate some of his thick and juicy ass to the long back bitch because that was the only body party she had left to be proud of. We also figured that we could pray to Saint Anthony to find her lost ass by burying a statue of him ... in the yard (where did you think that was going?) Maybe some squats, cornbread and beans and rice could return it but I think we should just move on (like we will when she dies and the show starts on a Monday with Marris and a new host.) For those who want to mourn the deflated balloon though, we will be holding a prayer vigil in Grant Park under The Bean at some point ... maybe ... probably not, you know what, we're going to be busy washing our hair so nevermind.
Email: angitaylorshow@iheartmedia.comFull Bio