Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed
It's Friyay which means we are driving into the weekend with open hearts, minds and dreams apparently. You see, Angi offered up double doses of car related nonsense for us this morning so let's tackle the one that is more pressing (and grounded in realism) first. Angi sought out a dream interpreter this morning because she has had two dreams this week involving Abe. Now, before you break out the lube and go to town on the hanger, know that the only remotely sexual part of the dream was her reaching between Abe's legs to grab the emergency brake in the car they were driving fast and furiously. In last night's foray into nightmares of the dreamscape, Angi was driving with Abe in a car on the expressway. This doesn't really mean much until she explained that she was holding onto her door for dear life. It seemed that the door would just not close no matter what she did and she was afraid she was going to fall out. After yelling for him to pull over, Abe did the logical thing and grabbed the wheel. He cut through the middle of the expressway, past the median and she fell out of the car. Mind you, she had been saying "don't go that fast, I'm not feeling safe and you're scaring me" but none of this registered with him (shocker.) There was no explanation of what occurred after she hit the paved road but I'm hoping it involved her doing cartwheels or something worthwhile. As I said though, this is the second dream Angi has had about Abe this week and she's trying to pull together the strings as to what it is they mean. She didn't describe the first but I'm assuming it involved him throwing her in the lake to be eaten by Eric the Lake Michigan freshwater shark or some nonsense while he ate a sub. Angi has expressed her disdain toward his driving before though, saying that he's reckless and she was almost killed driving with him, etc (I may have added that part but that's what she was insinuating.) The dream though was in no way sexual as Abe had hoped, he didn't get a chance for some necking because she was too busy screaming for fear of her life. After reaching out, we received a dream interpretation that perhaps she has just been suffering too much in Don't Kill Angi (today surely didn't help) and it has now snuck deep into her subconscious. I would give my analysis but then again it's Friday and I want to start drinking once these notes end so the sooner I'm done, the better!
Other Stuff from Today's Show
As I said, we had two driving stories to tackle this morning and the other one involved Angi being behind the wheel. Instead of falling out of the car, she was pulling a drive by yesterday .. driving by past the United Center that is. As she did, she saw a car pull out (hell yeah brother) of the parking lot that had a notary public parking sticker in the window. This yellow piece of paper was apparently special enough to offer up preferential parking and this started the idea wheel spinning in Abe's head. The suggestion was to just lie, stick a piece of paper in your window and have at it. If you're at something for an official document signing, your parking will be free or at least in a good spot and this can be used everywhere basically. Angi knows this scam all too well as she has a clergy parking pass because she was ordained to become a minister so she could officiate KISS 103.5 Rufio's wedding. Angi assumed though that the ordained pass just gets you a better spot at church but won't get you free parking at say, United Center or Allstate Arena, etc. If that did work though, Abe would be the first to abuse that and get ordained the moment he knew it was viable. Then again, the notary did have really good parking so maybe this should be attempted. (Note to the roadies, don't do this obviously, I'm having fun.) The reality is though that you'll mostly just end up in no parking spots or a special case parking spot. Angi assumed that she would end up using the pass at the Bulls game and then be forced to give last rites. I mean, it would be a small price to pay to send Benny the Bull off to hell and not have to pay $50 to do it though....
Finally, it's Friyay, the chainsaws and booze are flowing and The Ticket Fairy was turnt the F up! She had a ton of tickets to get rid of but we needed to know (in what I hope becomes a segment that is done again in the future,) "How's It Hanging?" Kyle checked in to let us know it's low and heavy (insert thirst emoji.) Mike was hanging low and to the left (insert thirst emoji.) RJ was also hanging low and to the left (insert thirst emoji.) Since we don't discriminate, Renee called in to let us know they are hanging pretty low. Gravity apparently has not been kind to her (insert sad emoji.) Brian took a century and a half to catch the point of this little discussion game and when it finally clicked, he added he was hanging loose. Bob, like others, is also low and to the left (insert thirst emoji.) Angi was a bit confused as to why no one was going to the right, inverted or tucked between their asses. Devin checked in to say it was high and hard (insert Hell Yeah Brother emoji.) Nick was high and straight, as he had just woken up (insert eggplant emoji.) As for John, he was long, hard and hard to carry (insert thirst emoji.) I know what you're thinking though, what about Abe and this silly gay. Abe was to the left and though he couldn't figure out exactly why, it was just one of those natural curvatures (insert extra thirsty emoji.) He used to tuck it between his buttcheeks but he's a grown man now so no time for that. As for me, left baby, all day every day! If you want to add to this thirsty ass topic or wanna see what the other roadies are saying, hit up our FB group and read up or drop us a comment.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to do some Spring cleaning
Choice: Anthony had Angi decide to clean the Rock 95.5 car collection.
Even though it was the first day of Spring and Angi had chores to do at home, she was forced to clean up around the iHeart building as well. After consulting the contract she didn't read well enough, Angi begrudgingly went down to the iHeart garage to clean up the Rock 95.5 vehicle collection. Soap and water wasn't going to do too much work to help the fact that most of the cars have dents, missing windshields and stolen catalytic converters. Angi was a trooper though so she pulled on her daisy dukes and went outside after discovering that the vehicles had all been moved outside. With the water running on full blast, Angi jumped on the first truck and rubbed her ass and balloons on the hood. Sliding around with her legs in the air, the entire scene was absolutely disgusting...I mean hot. Doing a spin and flipping her hair, Angi was really getting into it when suddenly the sky above her turned black. She had forgotten that Spring is known for volatile weather and before she could head inside, a massive tornado appeared before her. The twister picked Angi up and pulled her into the skies before finally tossing her into Lake Michigan. Unfortunately for her, Spring is also the prime season for Eric the Lake Michigan freshwater shark. The moment Angi hit the water, the shark was upon Angi and tore her to pieces. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to steal food from the Rock 95.5 fridge
Choice: Brett had Angi decide to steal Pat Capone's brisket.
Well, after stealing Klinger's Uncrustable and feeling no shame at all about it, Angi was hungry for more. Waiting until there was a good fifteen minutes between songs and segments, Angi skipped off to the Rock 95.5 kitchen to seek what else there was to get into. Knowing that Abe was holding down the fort in the studio, Angi crept toward the fridge like she was The Grinch. With the door wide open and the light shining in her face, Angi's grin grew three sizes that day when she spied Pat Capone's world famous brisket. Angi pulled out the tin foil package and tore it open greedily, not caring that someone could walk by and see her chewing away on the tender meat. She started to go to town on the brisket and it was absolutely disgusting to see, so much so one would probably want to put a bag on their own head to not witness the mess. Honestly, Angi should have put a towel over her head as she tore into the brisket because the chewing she was doing was a literal affront to God himself. It would not get that far though because as the juices and meat dripped from her chin, office manager Jasmine walked in to alert Angi that she was caught on video stealing food. The punishment for this, as written in the iHeart handbook, was death by firing squad. Before Angi knew what was occurring, she was dragged out into the iHeart Memorial Park for Fallen Radio DJ's where ten men were lined up with rifles. Jasmine didn't even bother to blindfold Angi, instead she threw her to the ground and the men began opening fire. The men dispatched round after round after round on Angi, as she was used to men firing at her so it took more than a few bullets to put her down. Eventually though, one struck her in the head and Angi bled out onto the woodchip covered field. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to try dying in a dumb way
Choice: George had Angi decide to have sex with a stranger in a Port-A-John at Lollapalooza.
Annoyed with Jay the Straight and hell bent on dying because it meant she wouldn't have to work anymore, Angi decided to chance having sex with a stranger in a Port-A-John at Lollapalooza. After doing all the drugs she buried, Angi picked the first remotely cute guy she saw and dragged him over the familiar blue standing stall. Once inside, Angi quickly undressed and pulled down the trousers of the catch to get things going. Funny enough, it turned out the anonymous sex was actually a great idea. It was hot and fun even though the space was a bit cramped due to two people attempting to navigate each other's bodies. However, Angi was flexible and so she manipulated her t-rex arm and other appendages to make it work. When it was all over with, Angi felt a wave of disgust but also a sense of joy. It had been quite some time since she last felt that kind of thrill. After she sent the random guy away, Angi sat down on the toilet and lit up a cigarette. She decided right then and there that she was going to bang more often in Port-A-Johns. After she finished her cigarette and exited to a line of 800 frustrated people waiting to use the space, Angi had a secondary thought. She was going to do all her banging in there from now on and she called Jay the Straight to line up her next session. (Alive)
Thur: Angi wanted to celebrate a disgraced athlete
Choice: Vanessa had Angi decide to attempt to redeem Lamar Odom.
In true Angi Taylor is a saint fashion, Angi once more went forward doing the Lord's work by attempting to rehab a washed up athlete. Seeing as Abe tried and failed to make Sammy Sosa happen, Angi knew she could do better than him without much effort. Scrolling through the D list rolodex, her finger stopped on Lamar Odom and it all made sense. The former drug addict and hooker lover was the perfect target for a makeover and comeback. After making a few calls to crack dens and whore houses, Angi finally found Lamar sleeping in a tent under a bridge in LA. After explaining the situation to him, Lamar was beyond excited for this chance to get a second chance. After all, he screwed up having someone like Khole Kardashian and that in itself was just beyond wild. In fact, he was so excited he pulled out his flip phone and began to dial a bunch of numbers. He had decided to throw a party for Angi to celebrate her wanting to rehab him. A few hours later, Angi found herself in the middle of a mansion where Lamar reappeared showered and wearing a bathrobe. He told Angi he was going to have a party for her. As soon as he said that, the double doors swung open and the messiest bunch of strippers ever assembled rolled in. One with bullet holes, one with a c section scar, one with a short leg, one with a tit longer than the other one, they were all there. Tansy, Stardust, Glitter, Mae Young, Mae Old, even Goon made an appearance. Angi was a little taken aback but her eyes widened when all the hookers pulled out various bags of drugs. Coke, crack, meth, angel dust, furniture cleaner, weed, canned air, they had it all. This hookers and blow party had everything and it kicked right off. There was motorboating, keg stands, huffing, an orgy, it was a bit crazy. It was also a bit too much because while she was lying on top of Barbie and Candy, Lamar slipped Angi some angel dust and that hit was too much to take. As the strippers did more drugs off Angi, she suffered a fatal heart attack but no one seemed to notice. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to take a nap and see if Abe showed up in her dreams
Choice: Mike had Angi decide to take a nap in Todd the Taint's office.
Exhausted after missing out on sleep due to bad dreams and not Jay the Straight's restless legs, Angi had sought a nap so she could function the rest of the weekend. Looking around the iHeart building, it seemed all the usual places were taken up. In Conference room 69, Walt was having a lightsaber fight with Conrad Cooper. Conference room 237 was hosting all of the workers who only showed up once a week for a discussion on how to do their jobs better while not ever coming in. The Lite FM studio was besieged by Panterica and Marris, who were eating gummies that they had found in Melissa Forman's coffee mug. The pair remained blissfully unaware that they were actual gummy bears and nothing more. Further down the hall, past the bathroom everyone destroys, Angi found the perfect place to rest. After breaking the lock on the door, Angi snuck into Todd's office and made a beeline for the fainting couch he had situated in the corner. Within moments, Angi was fast asleep and actually having a quite restful nap. The week had been long and so this siesta was just what she needed. However, as she drifted to dream land, Angi found herself walking down the street past little girls playing jump rope and singing. The song sounded familiar for some reason but Angi ignored it and went into the dream version of her house. However, after she entered, she realized that she was not inside her house but a boiler room. Freddy Krueger showed up as soon as she entered and started to chase Angi past all the pipes. When he finally had her cornered, he explained that he was there to relieve Angi of her dreams of Abe. Angi did feel relief until it dawned on her what he actually meant. This registered as Freddy brought his clawed hand down over and over again, tearing poor dream Angi (which killed her in real life) to pieces. (Dead)
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Abe (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Dan) Song Choice: "Fat Lip" by Sum 41
Abe's (repping Stella) Song Choice: "Big Bottom" by Spinal Tap
Smack Talk Recap:
Dan won Offspring tickets and was happy because Sum 41 is going to be there. As usual, everything broke during the segment. Stella is Polish, works with a bunch of Polish people and they say she has a big dupa. They apparently had been watching This Is Spinal Tap and it made them think of her massive ass.
Winner: Angi
10 O' Clock Toast:
Brooklyn Beckham.
He announced on a podcast that week that he, his wife and Selena Gomez are in a throuple. He said that they all get along and it's apparently amazing. We went on to reveal on the show that Angi, Abe and I are in a throuple as well but she never comes over for some reason.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"BTW, don't ever let your kids listen to records with an adult." - Abe
"Leaving your friend alone at the concert so you can sneak backstage to show the band all your skin flute skills, I'm talking to you Taylor." - Minn Barb