Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
Well, it's one day from the weekend being upon us once more which means the problems are stacking up and the airing of grievances must commence on the air once again. Abe started us off on the rocky road of frustration when he rolled into the studio to find that his once wireless setup now looked like a Radioshack. What once was paradise is now paradise lost, an unfathomable hell of octopus wiring strangling all that Abe loves. The assumption here is that the studio is actually a testing ground for awful changes and Angi & Abe are punished because it's funny. Well it's either that or Abe is getting it from the Karma Fairy for torturing Angi seeing as he also has no heat. His furnace is broken, he's being strangled by wires and I'm sure that there's some other mayo related nonsense worth discussing as well. Since today is Groundhog Day, Angi suggested he go home, nap and just try it again. Instead, he opted for being distracted because he is a squirrel and he needs to be hit with a newspaper. However, Abe was not the only person dealing with issues this morning. Grandma Taylor rolled out the shame red carpet to present the hilarious dialogue she had to endure on the couch last night. As she does most every night, Angi was lying on the couch on her phone with Jay the Straight across from her. It should be noted that she normally has a screen protector on her phone that allows privacy in that no one can see what's on the screen aside from her (and even then she can't see it either it seems.) The thing is, that cracked and broke so she binned it and now it's a nice clean screen that reveals all her dirty little secrets. This became apparent last night when Jay the Straight saw her phone screen. No, it wasn't Pornhub she was on or dirty texts she was sending (though both of those sound delightful and I want in.) The reason he smiled was because he noticed she made the font bigger on her phone because grandma is blind as a bat. That's right, Angi has ... fat font! Embarrassed, ashamed and disgusted, Angi was forced to show Abe just how bad it was and he laughed in her face. This is the legacy that she's apparently leaving behind. On her urn after she's cremated, it's going to say "Enclosed is a dead bitch who used a fat font." Abe further shamed her by showcasing his young and skinny font while hers is this elderly and obese font. He even considers the size of her text messages to be too big as well. There is technically a good thing about this though because with her bad eyes, we all look hot to Angi. Though of course the flip side is she thinks she looks like she's 22 but she really looks like a blown out wet brown paper bag. Abe said that she looks good to him but Abe also has bad eyes so you know, maybe this is an ugly morning show after all. To make up for Jay the Straight shaming her, she explained how he used to have scraps of her before he went bald and beautiful. Keep this in mind when you come for her though because she will play dirty. If you bring fists, she has knives. You have knives and she has a gun. You get a gun, she's got a nuke and guess what, she has a nuke for all your mfers!
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Moving right along, today's big discussion involved super powers. Like for example, if you could have a random superpower, what would it be? I know this is something we've all thought of at least once but I can't help but wonder if Angi revisited it because her super power could be being able to see. What really inspired it though is a new show coming called The Power where teenage girls can electrocute someone at will. This honestly sounds kind of boring when you can do things like create mayo with a snap of your fingers (or even better, create Captain Morgan White!) Abe did say that the electricity could be useful though because it could start fires in the wilderness (or you know, just wish for pyrokinesis.) Right then, let's run down the powers the three of us would actually pick though. Abe wants to be able to fly, the idea of the wind blowin in his face sounds nice. Angi went simpler and picked teleportation as she could get where she wants to be by just thinking about it. As for myself, I'm going with shape shifting as I could become anyone else or just be someone new for a day for the hell of it. Honestly, the possibilities to live a thousand different lives seems too good to pass up. However, this is a show where we share so we opened up the Request Line to see what the roadies had to say. Danielle wanted invisibility, which could be useful for plenty of things. For example, Angi wanted her to check out all the junk in the Bulls locker room. Though Abe explained that she didn't need invisibility for that because he already knows all their sizes. (Take a moment to compose yourself, consider what you want here and maybe take several shots.) Abe then offered Angi a choice for if she had invisibility, would she watch people bang or use it to see what people say behind her back? Bang, 100% was her answer without hesitation. Angi already assumes that people are talking about her behind her back at all times and she just doesn't care. She knows the smack talk exists and she just always assumes it's present and lives with it. Cody loves to eat and so he would want the duality in nature combo of never getting full/never gaining weight super power. Jeremiah wanted super speed because he could get anywhere and everywhere fast. He would need to be able to control it though because he doesn't want to be The Flash in the bedroom. Jackie said invisibility as well but she wanted it to run errands quicker. She said something about slipping by people but honestly, this made no sense. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our FB group and read up or drop us a comment.
So, another day and another million dollar idea that we'll never capitalize on has arrived on The Angi Taylor Show doormat. It should be noted though that this particular money maker came about after Angi smoked vanilla cake weed. While high, Angi was shown a picture of a little potbelly pig by Jay the Straight. It was a small little thing, a cute little monster that would eventually probably become 600 pounds and saunter around the house. This picture inspired Angi (who was high) to want to open a zoo and it would make her a million dollars. What sets her apart from Carole Baskin and Joe Exotic though is that her zoo would cater to mini animals. Picture it, mini cows, mini pigs, mini horses, mini workers (wait, scratch that last one, though that could make for a good show on Discovery+.) Even though Abe tried to tell Angi that they have something like this, she was not dismayed. Angi explained that big animals are scary to little kids so these small ones are perfect for them. Sure, there would be some ethical hiccups that would become a problem in this but whatever. If you take your kids there, it would be cute and there would be no scary stabbing tusks (I mean, sure, let's go with it.) Abe went on to explain that he went to a disgusting petting zoo during Halloween and Angi was shocked (I'm assuming at the fact that he went somewhere that wasn't a sub shop.) Our version of Shark Tank ended with Abe offering $10,000 for 60% of the business but Angi wanted $500,000 for 2%. Looks like we're not getting Taylor's Tinies after all, sigh.
Finally, speaking of money, perhaps a mini petting zoo might not bring it but this TikTok challenge definitely will. The 100 Envelope Challenge is exactly what it sounds like and this one doesn't involve you getting hurt in some way. Instead, this simple challenge is all about collecting money over 100 days. On day 1, you put $1 in an envelope. On day 2, you put $2 in an envelope. So on and so forth and at the end, you'll have $5,050. This is supposed to be an exercise in money saving but it's also kind of ridiculous if you think about it. Like you get to the day where you need $80 and the next day you need $81. If you have that kind of cash, what do you need envelopes for then? Plus, it's risky to have that amount of cash just sitting around the house. You would have to hide it in a wall or a sock drawer or inside a painting as Abe suggested. Of course, there's an issue of the painting being stolen and suddenly, you're screwed. That is unless you go and get something like that picture of 2 lesbians that Angi's dad had in his house (and probably under the bridge he lives under now.) Angi is a smidge smarter than her father and she keeps a safe in her house, which holds all the papers and stuff. Abe went to town on Angi's decision by saying that he would just take an axe to the safe to open it and steal everything inside. This ended up sending us into a spiral of thinking of places to put money like in the walls or burying it in the basement or in a yard. Funny enough, Abe knows someone who has hundreds of thousands of dollars buried in their basement and yard. Oh and if Abe was to find money in someone's yard when installing a pool, he would return it where Angi would take it (yeah, exactly.)
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Abe (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Craig) Song Choice: "Turn Up the Radio" by Autograph
Abe's (repping Lizzie) Song Choice: "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen
Smack Talk Recap:
Angi and Craig want you to turn your morning up. Hiliary Duff err Lizzie had her secret exposed. Abe tried to make it a war of which band is better. Angi called Queen lovers theater kids. Angi called "Don't Stop Me Now" an intermission song. Basically, Angi hates Queen and Abe hates it when people turn up the radio.
Winner: Angi
10 O'Clock Toast:
People Who Give Out Freebies for the Super Bowl.
Digiorno is giving out free pizza when a doink happens during the Super Bowl. There's only been 3 in the last 10 years so don't get too excited. Also, if you're doing Super Bowl freebies, tell us.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I already know all the (penis) sizes if you need to know any of the (sports) guys." - Abe
"I don't wanna be known for fat font!" - Angi