Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
We don't normally like to brag on this show (paused for canned laughter) but this morning, we added yet another award to our ever growing arsenal. Adorned next to #1 morning show in prisons, #1 show for swingers and of course, best morning show that doesn't feature 55 people, today we added a fun little trophy. That's right, The Angi Taylor Show is now Chicago's number 1 show for falling down. I'd like to think I kicked off the trend when I tripped and fell over my bumbling feet after my call in from a Mariano's parking lot but Angi has been falling down for years (usually drunk.) My initial torch was then passed to Angi who slipped and fell while leaving Liquor Barn at 11 A.M. on a Sunday after the store had just opened (and she had been waiting outside for 3 hours.) With the two of us already in the fall hall of fame, it was only a matter of time before Abe joined us. Yesterday, Abe was at Mariano's picking up a jar of mayo for his breaking of the January challenge which will finally happen Wednesday. This is not about that though but what occurred in the parking lot when Abe went to return his cart. See, the corral closest to his car was covered in ice, 6 inches of water, horse poop, pee and puke. As we all know, Abe worked at a Walmart so he knows the trials that these poor cart pushers have to endure. Being a good samaritan though would end up costing Abe as he trekked through the parking lot to another corral. Once the cart was wrangled, Abe started walking back and that's when it occurred. Abe hit black ice and he slipped and slid like it was the Winter Olympics. He did a full split, not the kind you would see on Drag Race but like the sideways one. This sent him then face first onto his stomach and elbow. Now normally, Abe falling would be the topic of conversation for hours but we want to focus on his cat-like reflexes instead. Abe popped up in what he referred to as an "explosion" and was once more back on his feet. The real reason this was brought up though (I'm assuming) aside from cementing our falling down status is because Abe wants the video of the incident. Apparently the Mariano's in the West Loop has tons of cameras on the roof so if someone who works there can get us the raw footage from around 1:10 or so in the afternoon yesterday, that would be incredible. As for injuries, aside from his hurt elbow, Abe seemed to be fine. Remember, this man did the splits and an "explosion." Really, the only thing hurt is his pride, unless of course he has internal injuries that we don't know about. Another thing that came from this slip and fall was a discussion of Abe's footwear. See, Abe had no traction in his super old shoes that he fell in and he does not own boots. That's right, instead of wearing some nice durable winter boots, he would just go out and soak his feet and socks for the sake. I will add though that he did buy snow boots right after the Mariano's trip as it seemed he learned a lesson. Apparently, this is what happens when you do a good deed so maybe the lesson here is to never do good deeds. Well that or that karma is real because Abe saw someone fall two weeks ago and he laughed at them. I'm assuming the SUV with the tinted out windows that was next to Abe when he fell had essentially the same effect.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Right then, it's Monday which is the day after Sunday aka the holy day. Still bent on showcasing to us that Hell is very real and equally awful, a priest recently died for a hot second (get it) and went there. Now, there was no specification as to why the priest went to Hell (but we have thoughts) and perhaps maybe a career change should be in place if you're a minion of God and that's where you end up. All that aside, while he was in the blistering inferno, he was able to bring back a report. Over the crackling fire and banished eternal screams, he heard something else. No, it wasn't Donnie and Marie or Buster Poindexter but instead, Rihanna. That's right, while in a place known for fire, brimstone and heat, he heard the song "Umbrella" playing on loop (the irony.) One could assume that the song was probably playing on his Alexa when he dropped and that it was just crossover feedback but it gave Angi a thought. If you were to die and end up in hell, what horrible music do you think you'd end up hearing? Abe immediately jumped on "Shake It Off" which funny enough is exactly what Angi was going to choose as well. Because we couldn't have two of the same answers, Angi went for Eiffel 65's "Blue" as well as Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Angi did elaborate though that her rendition of Hell was going to the grand opening of the container store and seeing moms dancing to "Shake It Off" in the aisles when the DJ played it. Abe had the right idea though in suggesting that Hell would be cool if they played some Slayer down there and there was a mosh pit to go with it. As for myself, I'd imagine one of the circles of Hell totally just has a playlist of Everclear songs (must repent immediately if this is true!) Enough of our nonsense though, we took to the Request Line to hear what the roadies wanted to add to this fiery hot list. Kristin said that "Gangnam Style" is her choice for Hell, which Abe thought would be fun to hear but not on repeat. Head Roadie Bob called in to rally against "E moms" but got back on track with "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf. Funny enough, when Angi worked at a nightclub, they used to play that track to make people leave. Joel said "Stand By Your Man" by Tammy Wynette which led Angi down a long road of having alot to say about the song. Matthew said Chumbawamba's party anthem "Tubthumping" is his idea of hell. Mark said that "Muskrat Love" by Captain & Tennille is just the worst, followed by "Love Will Keep Us Together." Strangely enough, Angi enjoys some yacht rock and would be open for this. Denny gave us the double whammy of "Baby Shark" and "Mmmbop" by Hanson as his nightmare scenario. In this though, Angi & Abe learned that there are more than baby shark and the song also includes mommy shark, daddy shark, grandma shark, cousin shark, that weird uncle who wants you to sit on his fin shark and of course, Eric "Shark" Olsen. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our FB group and read up or drop us a comment.
Now, if you've been following morning news, you would know the saga that is currently ongoing over at GMA3 (Good Morning America Hour 3.) Anchors T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach were taken off air after the secret affair they were having got revealed. After a bit of time to consider, the network decided to fire them because why not (or office place integrity or some such nonsense.) It should be noted that the pair were both married but were in the process of a divorce from their significant others while it occurred and there was no clause that said fraternizing was wrong. Right then, now that the moral police have won, we turned our eye toward morning radio. Sure, Abe knew tons of managers who met people and banged them. Hell, I personally know a radio personality who banged a listener. Still though, there are no policies in place here at iHeart that say fraternizing is against the rules. At least that's what Angi told us in an attempt to turn this into an opportunity for a lawsuit. After all, it would make sense for these other two to sue so why can't Angi & Abe. However, the newly created secret office affair relationship narrative that Angi attempted to create was torpedoed almost immediately. When Angi pressed Abe as to who he would date, he said ... Klinger without any hesitation or thought. Also, for some reason, him dating Klinger would be an issue for some reason. Angi was hoping for an Angi & Abe thing to capitalize on suing iHeart but nope, Abe wanted a dude and not Angi. If Klinger isn't down, Walt was his second choice so you know what, good for Abe. It looks like Angi has to find someone else to have an affair with since Abe is claiming everyone for himself. I guess this get rich quick scheme is going to be dead in the water like most of our money plans. A quick note on the two that started this mess btw, they hired paps to shoot them the other day because now that they've lost their jobs, they gotta make cash somehow until Newsnation calls.
Finally, a guy named Balthazar has sparked outrage within his friends and family down in Brazil. In seeking an answer to the age old question of "If I die, who will be at the funeral, who will cry most, perform the eulogy or just now show," this guy faked his death. Seeing as he is an experienced ceremonialist, he's conducted hundreds of funerals. He's seen some that had 2 and others that had 500 so maybe he wanted to compare. Out of nowhere one day, a message was posted to his social media that he had died suddenly. Because the only person smart enough to fact check was his nephew who went to the hospital, everyone else kind of ran with it. There were tons of messages being left and the family was completely stunned. As people went and posted thoughts and memories of him, someone posted a time and place for the funeral. Mind you, you would assume who was doing the posting if he was dead and no one had known but common sense has no place here. On Jan 18, they all gathered at a small chapel to attend the funeral and celebrate his life. While in attendance, a speaker played his booming voice which everyone thought was pre recorded and made them sadder. This was then followed by the chapel doors being thrown open and him stepping out to show that he was not dead. People were confused, crying, elated and obviously mad. For Abe, this was a happy ending because he wasn't dead after all, where Angi fell in the pissed category because he toyed with people's emotions. Plus, doing all this is just tempting fate and asking it to strike him down. This who shebang was all about ego and honestly, we get the rationale behind it but we wouldn't do it because it's horrible to put someone in that position. In other words, don't fake your death.
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Jimmy Jam) Song Choice: "Prison Sex" by Tool
Abe's (repping Freddy) Song Choice: "Rocket Queen" by Guns N' Roses
Smack Talk Recap:
Steven Adler's girlfriend got banged by Axl while "Rocket Queen" was being recorded. Our boss Jimmy Jam apparently wanted to hear "Prison Sex." Abe wanted to know why he didn't just pick it and put it in the playlist. Since the boss can pick what he wants, why does he get to pick a song for Request Wars as well, Abe pondered.
Winner: Angi
10 O'Clock Toast:
Travis Kelce.
Sure, he won yesterday and made us realize that he's amazing and hot but Angi wanted to make us all remember the show Catching Kelce, which was The Bachelor meets like Rock of Love (in other words, incredible.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I was destroyed by so many, it flooded my box." - Abe
"If any of my friends were about to eat horse poop I'd say, 'please don't do it.'" - Abe
Best Bet of the Week (Week 18 Results): Abe Wins!
PSA's:
PSAbe: You should put your cart back in the right corral.