This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
It's a great day, it's an incredible day, it's a momentous day, it's free hot dog day from Rock 95.5 (part 4 I think.) Oh, it's also Abe's 41st birthday so I guess I should make the notes all about him, huh? Well, it's Abe's birthday which means there was plenty of celebrating to do today and this day started off right. As his first of several gifts that Abe would get today, it was a flat tire that would start things off on the right foot. As Angi explained, once you turn 40, no one cares about you after that and she was pretty spot on. Last year, Abe got a call from Jim McMahon, a poster "signed" by Slash and like, some other stuff I'm sure. This year, he began the day with this flat tire, which we assume came from his trip to McHenry yesterday where he was tossing out free wieners, post rainstorm. Since shoveling hot dogs in his mouth wasn't enough to satiate the ravenous pit he calls a stomach, he stopped and got a sausage, bacon and cheese croissant as well. It was more than likely the gravel road he had to travel over that caused this premature tire deflation. However, once in the studio, things really did take a turn for the better. It started with Angi's gift, which was an envelope (the envelope!) full of cash. That's right, instead of some Funko's or a White Sox shirt, Angi gave Abe the one thing he actually wanted (and the only thing he cares about.) It was a ton of cash too btw (I mean, enough with the money Angi gets paid for being on the radio and not having a penis.) As for the card that came with the cash, it said that Abe is now too old for Angi which makes sense because witches love to indulge in young virgin blood and not 41 year old virgin blood. The money is meant to be used for the poker tables but Abe has a fantasy draft tomorrow where they'll be playing the degenerate horse game which means that he'll end up broke in a few hours tomorrow evening. There was a detour (typical on this show) of Abe discussing how he used his portable air machine to reinflate his tire and how it's powered by the cigarette lighter slot. For you kids reading this, a cigarette lighter slot was a thing that cars used to have when everyone smoked. Luckily, he was able to get enough air into the tire to get to the studio and didn't need an Uber to arrive on his special day. Another highlight was Angi bringing in subs from Cafe L'Appetito which allowed for Abe to eat like a pig for most of the show (he did keep his shirt on for those who are wondering.) Other highlights were a gift from upcoming birthday boy Canadian Konrad and plenty of calls from roadies and DJ Levy (who couldn't hit the post!) Lastly, Abe asked for one more final time (he swears and it better goddamn be) for people to tweet Frank Thomas to unblock him. So help me, if I hear this ever again, he won't live to see 42!
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
Right then, since it is the Old Kanan birthday celebration, we are going to be talking about age for a moment. For example, Abe is younger than Angi (and myself by a year) but like, age is nothing but a number (unless you're Dane Cook, R. Kelly or Wilder Valderrama.) If you're Angi and Abe though, because you don't act your age, you don't really feel it. However, there will come things that will send you crashing back to reality to make you realize "crap, I'm getting old." For example, when Abe was in McHenry yesterday tossing out weiners, he was talking to Rock 95.5 promotions guy Ben. Ben it seems has never seen or had no idea what the movie Rudy is, which sent Abe spiraling. Another example from the Abe camp was when he got a toilet from Angi as a housewarming gift and he was absolutely excited. As for Angi, she has a daughter who is about to graduate high school, which makes her ancient. Furthermore though, it's really cemented when she's inputting her birth year into something and she has to scroll the wheel down ... nope still further down ... no, still further down. Another Abe notch belonged to the girl who had no idea who Perry Farrell was at Lollapalooza last weekend though she went nuts for some guy in a trench coat. Another Angi, well she was wearing glasses with one broken arm this morning because she's blind. Moving to the Request Line, we heard a handful more from the roadies. Jamie called to explain that when she was discussing kids with a friend and Clubhouse came up, she assumed she meant like a treehouse and not the app. Jessica called and missed the mark by talking about dial up. Ron had his first prostate exam last week at 58 and he had been putting it off. Beth took a trip to Wisconsin with friends and was drunk. As she wandered the hall, she couldn't find her room and a young staffer said "Ma'am, do you need help?" Head Roadie Troy threw in having a beer belly. Angi and Abe capped us here with being carded, for Abe at the casino and Angi the airport bar. All I know is the more I consider how old I am, now I want to take a nap and not wake up. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our socials (FB group, Twitter, Instagram) and read up or drop us a comment.
Finally, if birthday boy Abe could live in a place he's seen in a TV or movie, where would it be? You don't really even need to ask that because we all know it would be the Full House house. As for Angi, she would pick the house from Twilight(which is a great choice.) With that in mind, here's how much it would cost to live in some of these famous homes (according to Zillow.)
Peewee's Big Adventure - $1,500,000
Who's the Boss - $2,300,000
Happy Days - $3,200,000
Golden Girls - $4,000,000
Three's Company - $4,300,000
The Brady Bunch - $4,500,000
Full House - $5,400,000
The Fresh Prince - $10,600,000
Batman (TV show) - $14,900,000
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 4)
Angi's (repping Jacqueline) Song Choice: "Dr. Feelgood" by Mötley Crüe
Abe's (repping Big Tom) Song Choice: "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Smack Talk Recap:
Big Tom is still torn up that Ronnie Van Zant died a million years later. Not so upsetting are the 100 other people in the band who have died. Jacqueline was at the Crüe show and she sent a pic in looking awesome. Big Tom has a Lynyrd Skynyrd tattoo on his back and says the band changed his life. He also still parties and is getting laid.
10 O'Clock Toast:
It's the man of the hour and we celebrated his birthday all day with an incredible bash that was filled with love and hilarity.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"Nobody loves weiners more than Abe!" - Angi
PSAbe: I'd like the Big Hurt to unblock me for my birthday, if you could tweet him. (NO!)
PSAngi: I know you're excited about your fantasy team but nobody cares who you drafted.
PSAbe: What are you (fantasy commissioner) doing having a draft tomorrow!?