This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So if you've been paying attention and keeping track, there's something humongous coming soon. Seriously, this is a big, gigantic, massive thing that is a literal milestone. I'm talking, of course, about Abe's 40th birthday which is just weeks away (August 4th.) However, even though this is a huge thing, Abe is completely working against it in every way possible. This morning, he stated that he does not want a big party. Quarterback for the NFL (No Fun League,) Abe is adamant about keeping the whole thing as low key as possible. His intention currently is a dinner with his family, which includes his two brothers and his mother. He flat out refuses to have a birthday party, which he is calling a super spreader event. You see, it all goes back to childhood trauma (my assumption) because way back when, Mama Kanan was the master of surprise parties. These happenings apparently burned him out on having any type of party or fun for that matter. He went on to flat out state he doesn't like surprises, parties, fun, happiness and any other thing that can bring joy to this world. Angi attempted to reason with the captain of the NFL because 40 is a big deal. Abe offered a compromise, he will hang out with people but only if it's just the two of them (and let's be realistic, even that is not going to occur.) Abe did explain that he sees Angi more than anyone else in his life so the assumption here is she should be thrilled with all the time she gets with him as is. Abe's also wary of his mother and so as I said, he's planning his own birthday dinner. In fact, he's not even telling his mother or anyone else when the birthday dinner is, so they can't come up with any secret plans or uninvited guests. Angi tried to plead with Abe about having some form of surprise party which only made things worse. Now that she's said that, not only is he not going but he's going to assume that she's up to something. Angi tried to shift the conversation and make Abe to be the monster who doesn't want to hang out with her outside of work. He disagreed, saying they could go to Jimmy John's or axe throwing (there really is a lot of talk of axe throwing on this show for some reason.) Abe basically stated that everyone can celebrate any day, why make a specific day special. Can I add here the absolute buzzkill of all this is just ugh. After some more back and forth, Abe finally relented slightly and offered to take up Angi on a party if she could provide what he desires. Of course, that would be Roman Reigns and Danzig, then he would show up. Determined, Angi asked for Mama Kanan to reach out which spooked our beloved co-host and made him state that he's not going anywhere with anyone until September 4th. Silly Abe, my birthday was in May and I had intended to throw my party for it in August (until you know, my best friend died and then I stopped caring.) Don't worry Angi, we'll figure things out.
All the Rest:
Yesterday was quite a day for both Angi (and more so) Abe. Angi got all pretty and fancy, "like she was on an E! show" according to Abe. This was for the "class" photo shoot the station did with the staff yesterday. Though she said she hated it, you could see she was feeling her hot girl fantasy while the fans blew her hair and she struck poses. Someone who was not feeling the fantasy yesterday was Abe, who added yet another chapter to his couch saga. After waiting forever it seems (for us as well as himself) Abe finally got his new couch yesterday. Unfortunately for him, 3 seconds into testing it out by lying on his stomach on it and taking off his shirt while having a sub rest on his stomach, he came to realize he hated it. Now, if you haven't been keeping up with the show, Abe has taught us that getting a couch is currently a nightmare. There is a 4-6 month waiting period and everything is so expensive you would think they were made of gold. Angi has also experienced sticker shock, as she has been looking at couches while out with her daughter because she needs a new one as well. Angi has decided she can put hers off for now but for Abe, he wants and needs this couch badly. Abe's that he got yesterday came in a box and that's where it returned. Angi tried to piece together exactly what Abe was going on about so he elaborated further. It was a couch from Target (he was desperate, remember) and apparently, when you return it to them, they just throw it right in the trash. He deconstructed it as much as he could and shoved those parts in the box, the other pieces he tossed out the window or something. Either way, all of the mess was loaded up and taken to Target. I should add the visual idea aid that he dragged this box like one would a dead body in a rug. The nearby Target closes at 10 and he left his condo at 9:43. Just barely getting in before the doors close, the moment the box was dumped inside the store it literally exploded. A lady who worked there that was riding in a wheelchair called for a flatbed from the back to remove the remnants. When Abe explained that things like screws had gone flying when the box exploded he was told it didn't matter. It was bound for the trash, another victim of return and unable to reuse (God bless our wasteful nature.) So for those who are keeping track of things, here's where we stand so far. After 7 months, Abe's first couch was delivered and messed up and returned. He could not find a replacement for it. This second couch was an impulse buy from Target and it too was sent back to die. Abe has decided that for attempt three he will have to hunker down and just go to a store, no more online shopping. In the meantime, he needs a seat so Angi offered helpful suggestions. Get a blow up couch or a bean bag, in fact, she has a huge oval love seat bean bag thing Abe could use. Abe seemed offended by the idea of her offering it for him to use because he would have to return it. He feared he might soil it (since he eats disgusting food shirtless on his furniture.) Angi then offered to sell it to him if he liked it. Roadie Steve called in to tell him about Court Furniture, which is furniture that gets used at hotels and is sold on the cheap. Needless to say this idea was not picked up on and so we go into a waiting period for the next couch story.
So, Angi has a problem (what else is new) and she needs to make a point of it. When she's sober, people seem to think that she's drunk. When she's drunk, people think that she's sober. It should be made a point of (and has been several times now, read the notes people) that Angi has been cutting back on her drinking. This will not be the case though if she's asked to do anything else for the Sox again though because when she's drunk, she's better at public speaking. Funny enough, now that the Sox are reading this, I'm sure that she's not being asked to do anything ever again. So, because she gets better when she's hammered, the assumption is so do others. The question is what do you get better at when you are drunk? Abe's answer is that he's better with putting up with nonsense when he's drunk. This is ironic of course because Abe's whole life is essentially nonsense. Some other examples that were given but no specifically given included social interactions, bowling, sex, hanging out with people you've never met before, art, music and of course fighting. Turning to the roadies, Mike the Bartender ironically is better at his job when drunk. Kelly was better able to handle having sex with an absolutely boring partner. Show mascot Trashman Tim is a better softball player when he is drunk because who expected him to say anything else. This led to a small branch off about softball in general. Every team has those tryhards who take it so seriously. The given example is 18 year olds who love to play and play so hard. Unlike those stupid kids, Tim and his friends are playing so they can get hammered. It should be mentioned that they play with that big ball and no glove. The glove bit came from Angi which led Abe into a push toward being disgusted, as usual. There were a couple of more details that came through the off topic derailment. Abe was in a radio station softball league and a recall of players who had on full baseball uniforms, cups, stirrups and carried a bag of bats. Darryl called to top about being great at basketball. This was capped off by my favorite roadie and all around happy go lucky guy Big Cat who said that he is better at golfing when hammered.
Lastly, as you've come to learn (I feel like a broken record saying that all the time but it fits my point) Angi has an irrational fear of kangaroos. This was only made worse by me the other day when I sent her a picture of a kangaroo lying in wait seeking to drown an unsuspecting person. Abe took it a step further, he just hates Australia. They have the perfect storm of his 3 most hated things which are kangaroos, sharks and snakes. This led to our other big discussion topic of the day which is an irrational fear that you have. It doesn't matter how big or small (or in the case of being attacked by animals: delusional) these fears are, they wanted to hear about them. For Angi, she is afraid of bridges. In fact, any time she drives over one she will roll the window down, regardless of temperature. This is to make sure that in case her and the car take a nosedive, she can escape through the window without issue. This stems from her belief that in a past life, she fell off a bridge and drowned. The talk then went right back to kangaroos, which Abe used to actually like as a kid and wanted to live inside of the pouch of one. Now though he knows the truth, that kangaroos are a-holes and they will drown your dog if given the chance. That's not the only animal though as I mentioned a handful of sentences up because sharks, snakes and tigers are also high on his life. Another thing Abe fears, driving down an offramp because he's had dreams that he's going to go flying off it one day. Taking to the callers, roadie Lexi is terrified of her house falling on her. This was only made worse when the Florida condo collapse happened because now she's afraid it's only a matter of time before it hits her. Speaking of falling houses, Angi probably should be the one who should be more worried. The house falling on the witch also brought forth another way it could be caused, sinkholes. Abe attempted to say carjacking is an irrational fear but sadly in this city, that's not the case anymore. Jack is afraid of being inside of a submarine when it's underwater. Zachary has a fear of cutting grass based on the fact that he believes he'll mess it up. Maureen called in to make Angi's life hell by discussing how a bridge on Mackinac Island swayed while she was going across it in a rainstorm. Abe suggested if she does it again, next time she should wear a parachute. Ashley starts to panic any time she drives on major highways, especially when they get busy. Meg is terrified of ladybugs. Steve is afraid of birds though mainly seagulls are his hell. As for mine, ever since I sawDonnie Darkoforever ago, I'm always afraid of a jet engine crashing into my apartment. Of course, I'm also afraid of realistic stuff like heights and cave diving, which I almost vomit from any time I think about it.
Current Champion: Tracy
Champion Song Choice: "Hells Bells"
Challenger Song Choice: "The Heretic Anthem"
Observation: This was much better than yesterday imo. Brian just went straight wrecking ball and Tracy started strong but faltered in her secondary comeback (just like yesterday.) Honestly, Brian has my vote here.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Space. That's where all the billionaires are going but the real question is why aren't they staying there?
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I wanna live in a world where gay dudes can just be gay." - Abe
Quote: "You can scratch Tokyo off the places I'll ever go to." - Abe
Quote: "You know, I'm the master of the plunger." - Abe
Quote: "I don't even wanna leave the country, you think I wanna go to space? - Abe
Quote: "Big Cat, do you wear a speedo in the pool?" - Abe
Quote: "Who wants to go see Puddle of Mud? You don't have to show us your feet or anything." - Angi