This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Who doesn't love a good scandal? We here at The Angi Taylor Show are all for it and so the big talking point of this morning was celebrities who married or dated a fan (gasp, horror.) For example, Conan O'Brien actually met his wife in the audience of his show. Joe Jonas used to go to the movies with fans (and probably did the popcorn bucket trick.) Steve Harvey was doing a set at a comedy club and paused when a girl walked in late. He looked at her and said "I'm going to marry this girl" and he did. Abe assumed that he did this at every set he did at clubs. Patrick Dempsey (fromGrey's Anatomyfame) married his hairdresser. Ringo (from The Beatles) married a girl he met at a club that The Beatles were playing at. Nic Cage once married a waitress. As for the Hanson boys (who I should add, Abe knew all of their names offhand,) all met their wives at different concerts.
Anyway, this led to a discussion about Michael Jordan, whose wife had said that she had no idea who he was when she met him (sure bitch.) This was immediately tossed to the wolves as Angi and Abe basically pointed out that anyone who says something akin to this is a liar. Angi backed up this point by showcasing the things she would do if she had gone out with a date on Jordan. Que the ringing phones of her friends, family, the local news, world news, TMZ, all the paparazzi she could find. They would literally be camped outside of her house, follow to the restaurant and then cause Angi to die in a crash as Jordan drives away recklessly from the paps (great, she just killed herself in her fantasy game. Well, I mean she didn't add in this part so technically it was me but still.) The talk then turned to Jordan and his garbage jeans that he wears. If he wasn't a rich, famous person (basketball aside, just famous in general,) girls would look at him like he had two heads. Hot girls are not into guys who wear ugly clothes. Speaking of jeans, Angi used to have a pair with Bart Simpson on them (in a throwback to something she's mentioned before.) Angi has never personally banged a celebrity but she knows girls who have banged athletes. Abe was the facilitator of hooking up famous goblin Sully from Godsmack with a girl. It was a few times as well, so you know, good for her getting that goblin d. Abe wondered if anyone listening banged Phil from Pantera, that must have been crazy. Abe also has not banged a celebrity, well except for that one time that he banged Joan Jett and Lita Ford*. That's right, Abe once had a threesome with Joan Jett and Lita Ford after Ribfest one year. It started with Joan and then she called in Lita to make it a real mess. It was a mess mind you because Abe had the meat sweats from all the eating he had been doing. Also, Pat Benatar was filming the whole thing. After they got done, they ate ribs btw. In fact, if you search the dark web and look for All That Meat: An "Inside" Story, you might catch a glimpse of it (if that thing floats your boat.) Okay, so back to the topic at hand, Angi and Abe were seeking anyone who had banged an actual celebrity or had a chance to but it fell through. The reality was this topic fell through because no one was brave enough to share their stories of banging a local celeb in a port-a-john (you all know her so this wouldn't be shocking.)
*this might be fabricated, who knows!
All the Rest:
Food, we all love it and apparently during the pandemic, we discovered an even deeper love for it. However, today we were seeking to discuss weird food, things that seemed normal to eat growing up that today you would look at and judge people for. For Angi and Abe, it was live sausage sandwiches with butter. This somehow proves that these two were meant to find each other at some point and everything that's occurring now is the absolute pinnacle of destiny. For the record, neither of them would eat that disgusting mess today. This trip down memory lane took us further down (as I like to call them) Abe Kanan childhood wormholes. This one involved him going with his grandma to visit her friend and sitting in the basement eating these trash sandwiches out of his Teddy Ruxben lunch box. There was a list that Angi found with some amazingly gross dishes. (Get a bucket, this is revolting) Things like a side dish that consisted of cold peas, mayo and sugar. Mac and cheese with tuna and peas. Leftover pot roast thrown in a blender with some Miracle Whip. Peanut butter and bacon on toast and covered in gravy. A "cold salad" which consisted of cold spaghetti, lettuce, chicken and croutons. Turning to the phones and the socials, we got some more appetizing treats (vomit.) Traci had Potato chips, chicken soup and tuna, all stacked together to form a casserole. Trash Man Tim (and Abe) used to have bologna and ketchup sandwiches. Angi chimed in again complaining about how she never got to have McDonald's because they had McDonald's at home. That variation was balls of meat squished to resemble fat ball burgers that were then served between two slices of Wonder bread. I should add that Abe's mom would also make these (and so did my mother.) Head Roadie Bill called in to discuss how his mother would serve orange Jello with shredded carrots and to make it even worse, his father would put mayo on top of his. Turning to Twitter, there were quite a few of these barf bag bits to dissect. Mpetrus said he used to be served tripe, which felt like you were chewing on rubber while eating. Head Roadie Jim added in the not so weird dish of meatloaf. Head Roadie Patrick also knew the joy of liver sausage sandwiches as well. Steven was fed chitterlings, which is basically hog and cattle intestines.
Next on the agenda, Angi has an issue and even though she wasn't looking for a solution from him, Abe had one anyway. Here's the problem, when Angi was admiring herself in the mirror this morning, she noticed that one of her tits was pointing up and the other was going down. It looked kind of like National Geographic on one side and Pornhub on the other. That's right, Angi's boob is deflated and it seems that once more, Angi might have ruptured her implant. Now, it's been a while since this last happened, 8 years ago was when she had her first incident. For those who may have missed the story from a previous show, Jay the Straight happens to be a restless sleeper. During one of his fits, he inadvertently elbowed Angi in her boob and ended up popping it. It's been 8 years since that last incident and so it was time for a change anyway. As it was, Angi had been thinking about getting a reduction. Anyway, the human George Constanza wallet went about to continue her inspection. Angi had considered letting Abe take a peek at them in the studio but that went nowhere. Instead, Angi went into the bathroom at work and took her shirt off, flashing the lights at the mirror and any lady who strolled in. Luckily, no one is still working at the station so HR doesn't need to be called just yet. Seeking an equal opportunity as always, Abe complained about wanting to look at his junk in the studio, in the bathroom, in the hallways, showing it to each guy that flocks to him and praises him each morning. You get the whole idea of what I'm saying, right, good let's move on. The reason this came up, aside from the whole deflategate issue, is that she has an event she's supposed to attend tomorrow where she's the host. The whole thing has made her wary because the dress is specifically fitted and now she's up and down, literally. Abe suggested that she take the high school route and just stuff some socks in there. Luckily though, saline is fine and it will just go right back into her body. Abe Kanan, 8 year old boy, assumed that it was just going to explode. This will all be remedied by the end of the day of course, Angi is going to just go to the titty station and just pump it right back up for now.
Finally, today was the premiere of a brand new game for The Angi Taylor Show. This is a choose your own adventure style game, like those books you used to read for a kid. The game "Don't Kill Angi" is simple, you will be told a story and have to make a choice. One road leads to Angi's demise and the other lets her live another day. Choose right and you get an entry for a weekly prize on Friday. Choose wrong, you still get an entry for the overall grand prize which is an expense paid trip to the Louder Than Life festival. In case only one person can keep Angi alive and no one else does come Friday, that person wins by default. Anyway, I'm only going into this because today was the first outing of it and it's a fun game overall.
The very first player was Jessie, who said she would try her best not to kill Angi (you already know how this goes.) Ironically, Jessie already has Louder Than Life tickets so if she wins the grand prize, she has some extra ones for her friends. The theme of this week's story is Get Angi to Guns N' Roses.
Our story begins with Angi and Abe heading to Jordan's for lunch. As they step out of the building, a limo shows up. Window rolled down, a familiar voice said "hey babe, what's up?" It's Slash and he saw Angi's big ass from down the block. He wanted her to ditch that loser Abe. The question is, does Angi get in the limo with Slash or keep walking with Abe. Jessie put Angi in the limo and as it sped off, things got hot and heavy fast. They were making out and Angi rolled backwards and ended up crushing Slash's iconic hat, oops. He kicked her out of the limo and she was then hit by a CTA bus. Angi's dead, game over. Now tomorrow, the story will start from the point where if the right path had been taken to bring up the next two way street of the story. This is actually a really fun and interesting game and I'm looking forward to watching the story evolve. That said, it should be noted Angi would have definitely gone in the limo in real life which is why she's going to die some day, probably soon.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Jimbo Slice
Champion Song Choice: "Cross Off"
Challenger Song Choice: "Detroit Rock City"
Observation: Zoom was MIA (and hopefully okay) and so Jimbo Slice gets a default win for the day. Hopefully tomm we'll have a real throwdown tomm.
Winner: Jimbo Slice
10 o' Clock Toast:
Woodridge. Angi was freaked last night but Woodridge endured a tornado and they really need that shot today.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"If I had a kid (and they put their mouth on a water fountain,) I would slap them in the face." - Abe
"If I went on a date with Michael Jordan, I'd call everyone I know, I'd call the news." - Angi
"Once you smash it back up (Angi's deflated boob,) it will be fine." - Abe
"We forgot (during covid) how much we hate a lot of people." - Abe
"Remember how in grade school you used to idolize the janitors because they could touch the ceiling." - Abe
"Abe Kanan has the sexiest earlobes in Chicago, just putting it out there." - Angi
Duo Quote:
"I'm not worth $360,000,000 in any coins." - Angi
"Yeah well, of course." - Abe
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