This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Ah it's Monday but more importantly, today is the official return of international travel. That's right, Canadian Konrad, you're finally free to come to the next Angi Taylor funeral which will probably occur when she decides to jump out the window after dealing with more mansplaining and problematic idiots. Anyway, this technically has to do with travel but not to the extent that you're going to assume. Instead of looking at welcoming people with open arms, we're exploring those who refuse to go anywhere instead. At least, that was the opening idea that we would go on to fully explore later in the topic. So, looking at travel, it was reported that 1 in 6 people have never left their home state. For example, there are a lot of people who live in the burbs and have never even gone into the Loop, as crazy as it sounds. Their rationale is that everyone they want and need is right there, why bother going elsewhere. So, maybe you've never left your home state. Perhaps yu've never had sushi or sex (or both at the same time.) Maybe even something as simple as driving stick, which is a thing that both Angi and Abe have never done. Their mutual shared experience was driving stick which is strange because we all know they both have handled and ridden one plenty of times. The idea behind it is who wants to work hard when you have to drive? I mean, adjusting the radio and driving is hard, can you imagine that? Luckily, you shouldn't have to as the dial should always be set to Rock 95.5. Abe did have his own secret shame which was the much talked about time he walked back from the diving board. As a young twink, he had convinced himself he was going over but when push came to shove, he chickened out and pulled away. Those laughs still torture him to this day, the endless laugh track in his head that fuels his murdering of horny teens at summer camp (wait, wrong origin story.) Angi offered to rectify the situation, telling him that she would take him to a diving board over the summer. Sure, he would need to wear a life jacket and he can barely swim as is but throwing him off that diving board needs to happen so the healing can begin. Taking to the phones, there was Cass who has never been to Vegas. This is shocking simply because she lives only 2 to 3 hours away in California. She's someone btw who has been listening to the show for "years." Meanwhile, we just got done celebrating the first year of the show last month (cough.) There was a talk of free drinks at the casino and I could hear Angi and Abe itching through the speakers. Don has never seen the ocean, which seems like something that might be a reality for a ton of people. He feels as though Lake Michigan was good enough for him. Abe also is not a fan of the ocean, afraid that a shark will come eat him (among other delusional projections that terrify him of the water.) Whoever, it was in this discussion on water that Abe learned something new, about how the moon controls the tides/waves so we have to thank Angi for blessing him with such wisdom. Head Roadie Pat has never taken a selfie, he feels that he sees himself enough every day and there's no need for more of it. As for me, I've never been sober during a show because every morning Abe continues to give us great excuses for "sus" shots.
All the Rest:
As the hell that is the triple holiday whammy rolls right in, there's an overlooked aspect of it that arrives with it as well. That would be Daylight Savings Time, that archaic system that drags in the brightness of the day early and then makes it dark at like4 o'clock. Along with this delightful time of the year (for us who love the dark because you know, it means drinking starts earlier,) comes another unintended garbage consequence which is the reprogramming of the stove and microwave. Even though I have a better computer in my literal hand than I had when I was 13, for reasons we can't seem to understand, your stove and microwave clocks refuse to make life easy on you. Abe's microwave is stupid and so is Angi's, they are programmed to literally make your life conviencent yet hell at the same time. The stove is cake walk, tap a button and you're good to go for the most part. The microwave involves a science and engineering degree and you still have a chance to mess it up, which is really saying something. Now, I can understand the disappointment here seeing that this was essentially all Angi and Abe did this weekend but luckily, Abe had more to add. Before enduring the time shifting machinery fiasco, Abe went out for his mom's birthday this weekend. That's right, Head Roadie Mama Kanan has a birthday coming soon (Wednesday to be exact.) They took her out to Franco's Ristorante over in Bridgeport and apparently it was a real blast. In fact, the owner wandered over to the table and did not put a bullet in Abe's head though it seemed like that is something that should have occurred (at least according to the shows and movies he watches.) Also on tap for her was a trip to an Elvis convention where she was chosen as the scarf girl ... or something. Now normally I would add in my two cents as a or something but Abe did it for me this morning so go Abe. The scarf girl is essentially an unpaid assistant who is given the duty of giving Elvis his giveaway scarves and apparently, at the end of the show, she gets to keep the extras. The question then turned to what one does with all the extra scarves from fake Elvis. Do you give them to the homeless, do you send them over to Ethiopia? Anyway, that was the weekend (we're going to overlook Angi getting schooled by Jerry Azuma because you know, she reads this and I don't want to deal with the repercussions.) I feel like I should add in thatat 6:36 A.M., Abe realized he likes Daylight Savings Time. It will be sunny now in the mornings and he won't have to deal with it being pitch black when he goes home in the afternoon.
Remember your first ... well anything really. There is a whole range of things that could be inserted here but I mention this because 71% of people wish they could relive some kind of memorable first. Like, remember when the Cubs won the world series, how happy were all those Cub fans who actually got to experience it. To that extent, there are some people who have fond memories of the first time they did something even if it was not that great. A prime example of not great was Angi's first kiss, which did not occur at a rainbow party (which is where Abe assumed it occurred because of course he did.) No, Angi's first kiss was in 8th grade and she was surrounded by 10 friends. Her and her boyfriend of a year were with them and the farthest they had gone at that point was holding hands and playing basketball together. Her friends demanded they kiss and so it was under distress that Angi got her first kiss. All of this was traumatic but nothing compared to her first felony, which I unfortunately don't have time to tackle right now. Well, before going into what the roadies had to say, Angi gave a Top 10 list of memorable firsts that people wanted to relive. 10) job, love, kiss, pet (Abe's pet Spooky and Angi's dog Rocky. This brought us back to Abe's dead dog trauma once again for us to endure this morning.) Also on the list was a car (Angi had a crappy Monte Carlo,) concert (a big one for Abe as his first show was Aerosmith w/ Jackyl where he was in 8th grade.) Last up on the list was first home, which Abe had recently experienced and the first night after your 21st birthday. For Angi, this wasn't that big of a deal because she had been bartending since 18 and so when she hit 21, nothing was all that special. If pressed to pick, Angi would want to relive her first radio job because she feels like she sucked and she would want to do better. Not on that top ten list (and I'm shocked) was first threesome, I just assumed that would be number 10 at least. On the phone, Brian talked about wanting to relive the first time he used a telescope to see other planets. He was 10 and his love of it led him to work at the planetarium years later. While there, he was in charge of the laser shows which gave us another Angi memory. When she saw her first laser show, she was so bonkers high. Matt would love to redo his honeymoon because he feels like there's things he missed. He went to Disney World with his wife, which was a ton of fun. He didn't do a ton of drinking at Epcot but he did enjoy a nice luau. In fact, he's the same age as Disney which turned 50 this year. Disney is another place Abe has never been because he always would go to Indiana Beach, like the rest of us poors did. Angi had also never gone as a kid but she would end up going as an adult. Unfortunately, that time was simply for a work related event. Lastly, Jake would redo is first marriage because he was young and stupid and now he is 37 and single with a divorce under his belt.
Finally, I've said it before so it bears repeating once again, it's time to start Christmas shopping. Due to supply chain issues, workers not showing up and all that fun stuff, holiday items will be out of stock faster than you can fathom. Of course Abe has a solution which is to go to CVS and stockpile on gift cards. Angi said gift cards are a terrible gift so then Abe suggested cash. Again, not what she was aiming for but it didn't matter to Abe. Angi mentioned this because the winners of this year's induction into the Toy Hall of Fame were announced. American Girl Dolls (which Abe was shocked got in "so soon.") After going on about how they're dumb, Angi brought out the next winner. The board game Risk landed a coveted spot, so that's another one down. The last one though is a bit confusing, sand. Yes, sand, stuff you find at your local beach and can be brought home to toss into a box. Still though why is sand a toy, that makes absolutely no sense. Sand is a natural Earth element, like boxes of glass you find outside of a crime scene and not a toy. Speaking of dirt, Angi's front yard is covered in it and she could use someone to clean that up. Items that didn't make the winner's circle this year were Battleship, billiards and Cabbage Patch Kids. Hilariously enough, Abe had a Cabbage Patch Kid named Michael who ended up in a landfill somewhere. Masters of the Universe were also on the shortlist and not added as well for some reason. This was an Angi toy (as well as an Abe toy) so the disappointment was all over the room. No American Girl Dolls, aborted Cabbage Patch Kids and shirtless He-Man was nowhere to be found for Angi and Abe for their special "alone time."
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 5)
Angi's (repping Vicky) Song Choice: "Everybody Wants Some"
Abe's (repping Brandy) Song Choice: "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)"
Observation:
This is it, Abe is going for win number 6 to tie Angi and Mario (and two others.) Song choices for such an occasion were kind of weak but honestly, I assumed a power house like Van Halen will put an end to Abe's quest for the W.
Winner: Abe
10 o'ClockToast:
Carlos Rodón. Spending money would allow us to have nice things and as we all know in this city, we're not allowed to have nice things.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"If you're a Cubs fan, just be happy." - Abe
PSAbe: No one is 6 and 3.
Best Bet of the Week (Week 9 Results): Abe Wins!