This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
With Fall in full swing and Halloween just around the corner, instead of carving pumpkins, Angi was thinking about someone carving up her insides today. That's right, with the ushering in of the falling leaves and chilled air brings the best thing about the cold. Gray sweatpants season is officially here and Angi (and I) could not be more thrilled about it. In fact, she boarded the elevator this morning and she saw her first seasonal sighting of gray sweats and her basement was flooded. Now, for those that are unaware, gray sweats are a great indicator of eggplant impressions. With this vixen all flummoxed (and me hardly able to even type these notes currently,) Angi found herself combining the incident with a Reddit topic she saw the other day. I should add, as I tend to do plenty in these notes, that Abe was uncomfortable with all the attention though it wasn't him in the elevator. Anyway, gray sweats are a turn on for Angi (and me and everyone else who misses Eggplant Friday) and she wanted to know what the weirdest thing was that the roadies find attractive. Abe would go on to mention feet and we all know how Abe feels about people who enjoy feet (as he goes into that rant about once a month.) Turning back to the Reddit thread, there was a list of things that were read off that fit the concept perfectly. This ranged from a guy who said he digs scars as they all have a story to tell. Another was into girls who have houseplants, I'm assuming that it indicates she has the ability to keep things alive and thriving. When a guy is reversing his car, he puts his hand on the passenger seat, which was also on Angi's turn on list. Abe really understood the assignment when he started going on about his love of bee girls. No, he's not hot for the girl on the cover of the Blind Melon album but he means girls who are bee keepers and handle bees (and oddly enough, that wasn't the strangest thing that Abe talked about this morning.) Angi thought of another turn on as she was scrolling her Instagram feed typing #RIPEggplantFriday and discussed her love of guys wearing basketball shorts. As we know, you should never wear loose fitting clothes around her because well, she's voracious. Oh and let's not forget guys who work on cars because she doesn't know any guys who can fix things (poor Jay the Straight, always being dragged every chance Angi gets.) Also on the Reddit list were things like glasses and bushy eyebrows but who cares about that because I'm thinking about eggplants now and besides, I should get to the roadies. Tia called to say she loves big thick thighs, like football player thighs. You know those kinds of thighs where you imagine the guy will just crush your windpipe between them and choke you to death. Thigh meat with the shorts riding up and showing it is apparently very sexy. Todd totally digs tattoos on girls (which is completely the opposite of weird so that misses the mark.) Gary is totally into girls who drive big pickup trucks. Almost on the same page was Mike, who loves girls who take on non traditional roles like truck drivers. Nate is a lover of latex, give him like Catwoman in her form fitting skin tight jumpsuit and turn off the lights. Head Roadie Brad likes it when girls play in the mud, which apparently was a turn on hearing about for our girl Angi (I still think she's in gray sweat mode and will be until like March.) Tom is totally into a beautiful set of toes and hair bouncing. Before closing things out, Angi snuck in one more turn on which was guys fresh from the gym who are all sweaty and salty smelling. Now, I usually add mine here at the end but I feel like it's too ridiculous to post/discuss on air (see filthy) and so I'll add I used to know a guy who loved to have heavier guys crush him. Like lay on top of him and stand on him and this guy was a twig mind you.
All the Rest:
I feel like it's a total disservice to the readers here to skip a topic that came later in the show (about men and their silly dongs) so I'll precursor here that everyone should definitely check out the podcast today. However, I feel like this three topic blend hits the perfect blend of morning reveal, topic discussion and of course, absolute disgust (or I started doing my notes and didn't anticipate a topic about eggplants to turn into a gold mine worth noting and I missed it.) Anyway, Saint Abe is not a speeder when he is driving unless he's down in Lower Wacker (which is apparently filled with Batman villians and spirits of dead horror film actresses.) Now see, there's one instance of Abe, who insists he does not speed, actually speeds. Then of course there's the expressway which he will unless he sees cops. Luckily, Waze keeps them from just springing on you (shout out to Waze, go sponsor the show!) The reason that this became the first helping of today's show is that Angi discovered a study that was conducted to showcase why people speed. Angi's rationale behind it is exactly what I would expect most people to say, it's because she does not want to go slow. She always makes sure that she keeps up with the traffic and then goes with it. However, there is that blackout moment lapse of consciousness and suddenly she is just flying by. So going back to the study, which gives reasons to drive fast apparently and the answers are what one would mostly expect. Some people are doing it just to see how fast their car can go. Abe was one of those cool kids and he in turn got himself pulled over by the cops. Notice by the way that Abe had mentioned that he never speeds and now I'm already up to my third instance of him speeding. In that particular case, he lied to the cops and said that his break was stuck which of course got him a ticket. Back to the reasoning of others, some tend to believe that the posted speed limit is slower than necessary so why follow it. Another good one, there's no police around so they can just get away with it. For example, Angi and Abe, they go through every red light every morning. Their thought process on this is quite simple, if you pull them over at 4 A.M., you should just let them go. Like, if Angi sees no one near the red light, she will creep and fly. Back to the offered excuses of others, they speed because they think they are good drivers and can be safe at high speeds (because that's never gone wrong.) That's one of the biggest dumb excuses that always seems to get through around, people think they are good drivers but also assume they are funny, both always tend to not be true. Another checkmark off the excuse list, there is no traffic so it should be safe to drive fast. For Angi, if she sees that there is no one in the four way, she just acts like a red light is a stop sign. On the other hand, Abe wants to just be handed a free pass basically to go right through red lights. There was a caller named Rob who is apparently a speeding fool. He began this incredible tale about how he once did 120 mph in a semi somewhere in Texas but unfortunately, a-hole boss Todd decided that he had enough and played him off before he could continue with his amazing story. The point of all this I think was that you should not speed unless there's no one around.
Spanx, the lifesaver of women who will swear by them like they are a cult (which is probably right,) has a truly amazing founder. After selling her company recently, she decided to reward all of her workers' dedication with a giveaway. She announced that every worker was getting 2 first class tickets to any place in the world they desire and $10,000 spending cash. Her thought process was that she had become immensely profitable and decided to share it with her employees. Even though the sale resulted in billions, this act of generosity can not go unnoticed. This is showcasing a true appreciation of your employees through incentive. So, with this amazing reward in mind, Angi came up with what I would call a split topic. She at first wanted to hear about the greatest thing an employer has ever given our roadies? However, in that same road, we fork and ask what is the stupidest/worst thing your employer ever gave you? Angi was up first and she had a two fold trash "gift" which was a set of steak knives and a really thin (strong emphasis on this) blanket with the logo of the station on it. I mean, this isn't too bad as she could give the blanket to a homeless person for their dog to poop on and then she could hand them the knives to stab her to death with. Abe had a dual gift experience as well but he had a great one to balance out his trash one. Over here at Rock 95.5, Jimmy Jam gave Abe a jar of Hellmann's mayo which was an entirely thoughtful and wonderful gift. On the flip side, at the last radio company Abe worked at, he was once given a $5 Starbucks gift card. Turning to the phones, most of the roadies had nothing but bad things to add to the list. Theresa's boss once gave her season tickets to his son's little league games (like who in God's name would want that trash.) Roadie Mike got a 5 cent raise which Abe street mathed to being $100+ a year (oh boy.) Jamie got a $10 Walmart gift card which was then added to the check so it essentially amounted to nothing. Head Roadie David Davidson was once given one Boy George ticket which no one wanted but still, one ticket, what are you supposed to do with that?
Finally, there is a vile woman on TikTok (because of course that's where she is,) that has started to make her own butter from her breast milk. Calm your vomiting until the end because this only gets worse. This monster also has used her breast milk to make ice cream before but now her Utter Butter is a hit or something. After Abe turned to ask Angi about the taste of breast milk, she explained that even though she breastfed, she did not taste it. Abe was confused as to how you know if it's ready to be consumed but she explained it if squirted on the wrist, not fed to yourself. The reason they were discussing tasting breast milk was because she was explaining how breast milk doesn't taste like actual milk. Abe then went on to explain that if he could produce his own breast milk, he would drink it and the hits just keep coming. This led us into a topic of what is the nastiest thing you've ever eaten? For Abe, it was durian fruit, which tastes like a sweat sock. It's such a vile piece of fruit that it is banned in certain places and it stinks so bad that it should be considered as a chemical agent. Abe consumed this at a radio station he worked at as a chance to try it for the sake. As for Angi, she was deep in Serbian culture for hers, pulling out kaymak, which is like curdled milk you put on toast. It gets all sorts of thick and this topic has me on the verge of vomiting, christ. This disgusting goat milk treat doesn't only go on toast but also burgers and coffee sometimes. It is creamy and revolting apparently though Abe would be open to trying it. Abe then threw in the disgusting smell of chitlins and I seriously might throw up. Angi's grandma was also fond of pigs feet but that was her breaking point on all this. What we learned is that Angi will eat basically anything as long as you don't tell her what it is.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Sarah) Song Choice: "Been Caught Stealing"
Abe's (repping McKenzie) Song Choice: "I Turned into a Martian"
Observation:
Abe's socks are being knocked off by McKenzie picking The Misfits and is just basically riding the wave of his win yesterday. Angi told the story about how she stole in high school to buy booze. Abe is really pushing his love of The Misfits and Angi was sort of struggling to hit the ball but couldn't really swing it.
Winner: Abe
10 o'Clock Toast:
Gray Sweatpants Season. I mean, they took #EggplantFridays from us so this is the only thing ladies (and Jay the Gay) have to look forward to.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If I could produce breast milk, I would drink it." - Abe
Quote: "I don't have those balls yet, I don't have those balls you sit on." - Abe
PSAngi: We don't care, unless you have a micro or mandingo, it doesn't matter if you're middle of the road. It's about what you do, who you are and not what you're swinging.