This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Ahh yes, we have finally reached the best month of the year, the greatest time of all Spooktober. That means we're going to spiral right through now until New Years so strap on your seatbelts because the ride will be fast and wild. However, since we're just dipping our toes in Spooktober, it makes sense to start with a warning about Halloween candy. Now, as a reasonable adult, Halloween is no longer special when it comes to candy because you can just Amazon Fresh yourself a tub of Laffy Taffy, a bag of Twix, a gaggle of Whatchamacallit's and of course, all the Reese's you can eat until you start to hate them. Anyway because trick or treating is around the corner, Georgia of all places is putting out a warning. Apparently this year's kid Halloween candy haul may include ecstasy. There are these ecstacy pills that are shaped like frog heads that look like candy but taste like the inside of a a fuzzy speaker that's giving you a backrub. The main question here came to be as to why anyone would be giving kids drugs for free. Hell, remember that age old expression "if someone gives you drugs, say thank you because drugs are expensive." I can't imagine people throwing ecstasy in kids bags for the hell of it, which is the same as Angi's train of thought. Abe, though, came up with an assumption which makes sense in his head. He assumes that they are tossing out drugs because the first taste is free and once they get a lick, they'll be back more and more. However the issue here is how are kids going to know which house they even got the drugs from in the first place, this all seems to be not thought out in the slightest. This talk of trick or treating for drugs reminded Abe of yet another childhood trauma. This time, it was when he went trick or treating at a crackheads house and ended up getting a huge bag of frozen mints. Abe pondered if Angi ever met a crackhead on her treat hunt but she can't recall (which makes sense as she can't remember conversations we have 10 minutes after they happen.) Also terrible for Halloween outside of crackheads are those monsters who give out pennies. Lastly, we've discussed it before but Angi is the house that gives out full size candy bars, which is of course why Abe and I will be going there this year. We need to make sure we dress up though because she threatened in a mini fit on air about 17 year olds coming to her house on Halloween not in costume. According to her, this is considered a robbery and not trick or treating. Please note, if you come to Angi's house and you're not dressed up, you're getting a can of string beans this year.
All the Rest:
With the coming of Fall and all the fun things that it brings, it also means that we would usually see a massive influx of movies over the next three months. Sure, covid has kept most people from ever wanting to go into a theater again (me) and in turn, streaming seems to be the place to find all the newest movies. I mention all this not because I intend to gorge myself on so many horror movies and repeat viewings ofThe Rocky Horror Picture Showthis month but also because two massive movies are coming out today.Venom: Let There Be Carnagewhich is the sequel to the originalVenommovie finally releases today. However, it isThe Many Saints of Newarkthat has Angi and Abe all excited for tonight. This is a prequel movie toThe Sopranosseries that stars the late James Gandofini's son as a young Tony Soprano. This was not the easiest role for this poor kid as he had to go back and watch the entire run ofThe Sopranosfor prep and with his dad being dead, well messy is a great way of putting it imo. At the time, he wasn't an actor but he felt that he should honor his father who he looks so much like (it's so weird.) Also starring in this movie is Ray Liotta, who I guess is done shilling cancer causing Chantix to people. The main point of all this, all this lead up was to announce that Abe's couch is finally arriving today. That's right, ever since Abe finally moved into his Ivory Tower in like May (the Ivory Tower that he closed on in Feb mind you,) he has gone through a bevy of couches. That's right, I think we're up to 8 or so now that have not fit his standards and they were dumped like a reject onThe Bachelorette. Anyway, supposedly this couch will come and Abe intends to live on that couch all weekend. You can bet he will be shirtless, covered in mayo and chicken wing grease while yelling things in Italian while he watches the movie. I don't think he'll be tuning in forVenombut Angi noted that Tom Hardy is absolutely delicious (yes please) and that alone makes it worth tuning in for. Also arriving is another of thoseAddams Familycartoon movies. The point of all this, Abe will be busy with his Italian mobster friends and his new couch all weekend so don't bother him until Monday morning.
Imagine for a moment that you run into Mick Jagger enjoying a night out at a dive bar. What seems like a scenario dreamt up by some rock and roll grandpa seeking to have a celebrity encounter became a reality the other night. Alone and disguised with just a baseball cap, Mick Jagger went out and had a beer at the Thirsty Beaver in Charlotte. Even though he was surrounded by tons of people, no one at all seemed to recognize him. In fact, there were people who were next to him that had floor seats for the Stones show that didn't even realize he was standing there in actual glory. To really showcase how funny this all was, he actually posted a picture of himself on Twitter outside the bar with all the oblivious patrons around him. This act of vague comedy got Angi reflecting on just how great Mick Jagger is. He's in his 70's and he's still out playing, drinking, partying and just living life to the fullest. He really is one of the coolest people ever. However, Angi did wonder how no one recognized him via the lips alone. Anyway, this led to the topic of "have you ever seen a celebrity in public." This could be anything from seeing Oprah buying eggplants at the Jewel to seeing Ric Flair getting hammered at Gibsons. Now as we know, Angi has seen a billion celebrities, like that time she was making eyes with Jared Leto so we didn't need to hear from her. As for Abe, he recounted the time he ran into Scottie Pippen at an ATM (which we assume he wasn't using to get money to tip people.) Abe's brother Sam once saw John Mellencamp at an Abercrombie holding his wife's purse and boy did he look pissed. Then there was the time Bass ran into Xzibit at Target if I'm correct, went out to dinner with him and then recorded a voice drop for one of his songs because he liked the way his voice sounded. On the phone we heard from roadie Patrick who saw Goldie Hawn when she was filming Wildcats here. Angi has also had a Goldie Hawn sighting when she was out and about in L.A. Clarissa saw Vince Vaughn when she was working the register at Border's. George saw Guy Fieri and to the surprise of Angi and Abe (but not me,) he was apparently a total douche. I personally don't have any celebrity encounters since I never leave the house anymore but my recently deceased best friend did spend an epic night getting drunk with actor Michael Peña that always was one of his favorite stories to tell.
Finally, in information you didn't know you didn't want until now, apparently your parents might be getting more action then you. It seems that 1 in 5 people over 50 are getting the good stuff at least 5 times a week. This statistic is shocking not because old people are having fun but more so because at this point I'd rather drunkenly lay on the couch and watch Shudder than be bothered with a partner and I'm in my early 40's. The discussion then turned to the old folks home, a place filled with people that Abe loves. It seems that all they tend to do there is bang and the idea of 80 and 90 year olds getting it on is just wild to me. At this point though, they really have nothing else to do besides exist and give each other STDs. In fact, according to Abe, at 80 years old you should just get all the STDs because why not. We also heard about gray pubes (looking at you there grandma Taylor) and how all old men still shave down there according to Abe. However, there is a good thing for you youngin's coming out of this information list. People in their 30's are the most sexually active of all. Just keep in mind though kids that as soon as you love the house, your parents are going to turn your bedroom into a bangroom.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Darren) Song Choice: "Firestarter"
Abe's (repping Brock) Song Choice: "Fritz's Corner"
Observation: The computer literally exploded again this morning but we did get some smack talk. It was a matter of getting turned up and setting Abe's 8th couch on fire vs. our local boys Local H, who mean alot to Abe and the city. This could go either way.
Winner: Abe
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Angi's Doing a Basic Bitch Fall Tour
Mon: Derrick had Angi get 4 pumps of Pumpkin Spice in her latte. The barista gets her name wrong but she does get her drink. She takes a huge sip and it's so basic and Karen, how wonderful. However, Angi's barista accidentally put in poison spice instead of pumpkin spice ... oops. (Dead)
Tue: Brian had Angi grab a flannel for her trip to the pumpkin patch. She reaches for the flannel and a mountain of basic bitch outfits falls on her. She is suffocating but she hears Kelly Clarkson on TV (a basic bitch Bat Symbol.) It gives her freakish strength and she's able to get out. (Alive)
Wed: Jimmy had Angi carve a Jack Daniels bottle into her pumpkin and it's beautiful. She holds it up but there's pumpkin guts everywhere and they cause Angi to slip, which causes the carving knife to fall and stab her in the jugular. (Dead)
Thur: Christina and 9 year old Ava had Abe bob for the apples first. Since he's doing terribly, Angi berated him and took over. She was able to get three apples with ease and went in for more. However, she fell into the barrel and ended up getting stuck and drowned. (Dead)
Fri: Lance had Angi ride shotgun on the haunted hayride. Angi jumps on and is having an amazing time and she's loving it. Turns out she's allergic to everything, especially hay. She didn't bring her epipen with and she went into anaphylactic shock and died. (Dead)
10 o'Clock Toast:
Andre the Giant. He was drafted into the French army but he couldn't get in because they didn't have shoes that fit, the bunk wasn't long enough and the trenches weren't deep enough.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "You ever trick or treat at a crackhead's house?" - Abe
PSAbe: Don't bet money on the Bengals.
"Or you can give what Taylor gives away for Halloween." - Minn Barb
"What's that?" - Abe
"STD's" - Minn Barb
Best Bet of the Week: Baltimore Ravens will beat the Denver Broncos
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Charlie, Head Roadie of Risk Management
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Jeremiah, Head Roadie of Joliet