This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, when you're washed up as a celebrity, your best bet is to find something cushy to fall on to keep your extravagant lifestyle flowing. If you're a has been 90's rapper turned house renovator Vanilla Ice, you start doing commercials. Over here in the states, you can find him shilling for Tide along with Ice T and Stone Cold Steven Austin. However, much like many other celebrities, going abroad is the real way to make money and also maybe never have your ad seen. So one hit wonder Vanilla Ice, clearly desperate for cash, reworked his iconic hit "Ice Ice Baby'' to shill Samsung refrigerators in the UK. Clearly, one can assume that he cares more about the money than about energy efficient refrigerators but let's be realistic, cash is king and we all want some. All this talk about shilling made Angi quite curious, she was seeking to hear from the roadies about what it is they would be the perfect spokesperson for. Like is there something in particular they drink, a gym that they go to, perhaps they lay on the couch and watch Netflix all day while drinking Jack Daniels ... wait. We began with Abe, as we always tend to do and though I expected a shining endorsement for Duke's mayo, Abe pulled out his other passion. He is the king of bidets and he should be regarded as such. The man with the cleanest ass in Chicago is one who has done more for that industry than anyone else. After all, he has bought a ton of bidets, he has given them out as gifts and he spends almost all his free time talking about them (well that and burgers, poker and Stamos.) Angi is pretty simple to pinpoint if you've ever listened to this show for 5 minutes. Jack Daniels is her baby (and not even because they are a station sponsor, the woman stans hard for Jack regardless of whether they're paying or not.) Also on her list was Nike's (though oddly missing from it were a few more that I felt should have been on it including scratchies, cigs, breast implants, lot lizards, plenty of other stuff that she'll yell at me for later.) Roadie Lori is a lover of all things Target and finds herself buying things there daily. She is well versed in the Target trap where you go in to buy 1 thing and then you end up spending $300. She suggested using the curbside pickup to stop yourself from overspending when you need one or two things. In fact, Abe was at Target last night and bought some grape tomatoes and ended up bringing home the check out guy as well (okay, so I added that in but come on, it was funny fam.) Hector wants to be the spokesman for weed and if that call was any indication, he would be great for it. His catch phrase would be "weed, it's what's for dinner." Robert suggested his friend's restaurant The Original Nottoli & Son (if I'm correct, I think that's where he suggested.) Tracy is a lover of all things Dunkin' and wanted to proclaim her love. Abe chimed in how much he loves them as well and as we all know, he goes there every morning. Ironically, Alyssa called in to proclaim that she loves them as well. With this, we got a sponsor off, which means these two ladies were to fight to the death for their spokes spot. Tracy was clearly the bigger fan of the two as she has a Dunkin iced coffee cup with DD on it tattooed on her wrist. Alyssa tried to turn up and pitch a full on commercial and coming off a twelve hour shift, she did great. For being such big fans, they were handed Fright Fest tickets.
All the Rest:
So each morning we start by giving the roadies a kick in the crotch and honestly, this story is going to feel like one. It also fits the trending theme of today which involves money and tons of it, either making it or winning it but in this story we look at technically losing it. This is the tale of a man named Gregory, who was a frequenter of the Blue Water Inn where he went daily to drink and play casino games. This place was owned by Dawn (that's Dawn, not Don.) Yes, there had to be a few moments of discussion on the name Dawn/Don because it's this show and you shouldn't be surprised. Anyway, on September 13th, Gregory was playing Club Kino and hit the $45,000 jackpot. In his excitement, he bought everyone a round of drinks but did not get to cash his ticket in because he didn't have his social security card. He had to have a new one sent to him and in the meantime, Dawn/Don became concerned because he suddenly stopped coming in. Turns out that a body that washed up ashore was poor Gregory, never having a chance to collect his prize. It seems that he slipped and fell while tying up his boat and on the way he hit his head, which caused him to drown. The silver lining was that the winning ticket was still in his pocket and since it was an accident, the cops slid the ticket over to his relatives. It became a question of whether or not they could turn it in, which the case seemed to be that they could. There was a momentary assumption that Dawn/Don probably killed him but he was a daily visitor and killing him made no sense. Then, as expected, Angi and Abe turned to the dead man. Abe complained that he should have turned his ticket in. Angi wasn't sure why he was toying around in his boat. Abe went on to explain that if he had won the lotto, he would have run to the place to turn it in. Angi explained that he had to wait for his new social security card to arrive. Abe suggested avoiding boats, wrapping up in bubble wrap and chaining oneself to a pole in the basement. Essentially what you're supposed to take away from this is to cash in any winning ticket you have immediately.
Speaking still on money, Angi was not done with her degeneracy just yet. Her next curiosity was about gambling and how much the roadies have won while doing it. Seeing as both she and Abe are degenerate gamblers, it just seemed like she was fiending for a cash fix this morning. For Abe, he once won $5,000 playing in a World Series of Poker tournament. His overall finish was 18th place but had he not gotten screwed by a queen, he would have come in first. The reward for first place by the way was $95,000 (hot damn.) Angi herself is somewhat of a card shark though she tends to hog out on blackjack. The most she's ever won overall was $2,000 but she also recently won $1,200 when she was in Vegas a few weekends ago. Her main problem though is when she tends to win big it all ends up back in the casino because she's an absolute degenerate gambler and just can't stop while she's ahead (unless she's stuck somewhere for work and can't gamble day and night.) On the phone, we had roadie Mike who put $1.76 in a slot machine and ended up winning $45,000 at the Horseshoe. This was an incredible start to this topic that would end with the sexiest payout I've ever heard. This whole thing was Abe's dreams by the way, to get his hands on all this sexy ass money. Preston called to discuss when he was out with his brother in Vegas for his brother's wedding. At 4 A.M., they returned to their hotel and his brother dropped a penny into a slot machine and ended up winning $12,000 (lordy.) His brother was basically throwing around $100 bills (lucky bastards.) Todd won $10,000 on a $5,000 double double at bingo. There was a quick point about how when you yell bingo, all the other older women just want to murder you. Trucker Eric announced that he also won playing bingo and ended up with $7,000 in Milwaukee. Head Roadie Trash Man Tim won $1,700 betting on the White Sox. It was Drew though who took the proverbial cake on the topic. He won $750,000 playing the Lucky Day Lotto. He stuffed $450,000 into his retirement account and all I can think about is how much one of us need to go give this guy a backrub.
Finally, we ended this day with a trip down memory lane. Remember being a kid and all the places we used to go and hang out. For example, Abe talked about his love of Ford City, especially it's extension The Connection which was filled with shops like Hippy Stuff and that weapon store. Though things are completely different these days, as kids we tended to loiter all the time. Going to the mall, hanging out at food places, a restaurant that you would spend hours at (Huckies!) Since we heard Abe's, we turned to Angi who declared her love for Spencer's, looking at all the cool junk they sold there. As I said a few words back, kids these days don't seem to have hang out spots like we used to. Abe also recalled how he, Sam, Danny Gaga and Joe Gaska would go and hang out at a card shop all day. If your mall had a movie theater, oh you just know that you were there the whole time as well. Angi was a theater rat, always sneaking into movies, cutting holes into the popcorn buckets and then reaching inside and handling anything that was stuffed inside. Roadie Brian said his go to place was Kojak in Burbank. He and his friends ditched school and got the pizza puff and just chilled. Abe also correctly identified Chuck's BBQ across the street, as Abe tends to know all the food places in the city. Jimbo called to discuss Peacock Alley, where he would hang out watching movies all afternoon. Zack talked about Polkadot Records, which was the hot place to sample records. Speaking of records, Abe and Sam would go to Tower Records downtown and hang there for hours and just go home after. Coconuts as well was another big hang spot (this is literally killing me with memories and nostalgia.) Head Roadie Keith talked about the arcade that was next to The Connection at Ford City, plus the Orange Julius. His go to game was Pac Man and Pac Man 2. For Abe, his games were Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. I have to agree with Abe on the whole mall thing, the amount of time I would spend wandering around Ford City as a teen. Like hop a bus from home and stay there from morning until evening then hop a bus back home, that was my weekend for so long.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 5)
Angi's (repping Brett) Song Choice: "Got the Life"
Abe's (repping Nicole) Song Choice: "Walk"
Observation:
Angi is on top of the mountain and Abe wants her down already. Angi proclaimed the Korn is better than Pantera, which is apparently infuriating to Abe. In fact, Abe threatened to take away Pantera if he lost today. Angi told Abe to cram it and go give her a back massage. This was delightful.
Winner: Abe
10 o'Clock Toast:
Dave Grohl. He makes a great point about indulging guilty pleasures because why the hell not.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "My dog Shelly was never fixed, I kept her away from all these perverts." - Abe
PSAbe: Cash in your winning ticket immediately.
PSAbe: Don't punch walls.