This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Long suffering show husband Jay the Straight is finally turning the tables on Angi today. After suffering grief and being subjected to all sorts of Angi Taylor tyranny, he smacked her back yesterday with something stupid she's gotten herself into. You see, Moneybags Taylor over here accidentally entered into an agreement that is certain to send her to the poor house. Sure, she spends roughly $100 a day on Jack and scratchies but this new mess is much more ridiculous. So Angi has a neighbor in 7th grade, a sweet little girl who has learned to hustle pretty early on. She came over and asked if she could walk Angi's dogs for cash. All of this seems pretty simple and decent until you learn all the terms and this turns into Angi becoming a human ATM. The racket the girl is running goes like this: she walks the dog (strong emphasis on a revelation coming shortly) for 15 minutes after school on Mon, Wed and Friday for $15 a pop. Doing some Abe Kanan street math, we come to realize that this is essentially $1 a minute and she's making $45 a week. This is absolutely insane in that this girl is making $45 bucks for 45 minutes of work a week, which even Angi didn't make when she was working her first job at Dairy Queen. This all goes back now to Jay the Straight, who thinks Angi is a sucker and I happen to agree with him, as does Abe. However, knowing that free money is falling out of Angi's hands, Abe has requested that he be allowed to come over and cut Angi's lawn from now on. Other bits of information that feel necessary for this story include that Angi provides the dog poop bags (ones from Jewel, she's not that fancy,) the dog is ready to poop by the time she walks it as well. Btw, have you noticed how I keep only saying dog even though Angi has two of them? Turns out that's because this girl is only walking the one dog, the frenchie. Abe was rightfully outraged by all of this and was on the verge of a stroke hearing this news. You see, the pit bull is very strong and would destroy another dog in a fight. He's also hard to hold back so if a scuffle ensued, she would not be able to stop it. Abe, still gasping for air, explained that this girl probably picks up the dog and lays in the grass with it. Angi said that she's given a poop and pee report after the short walk but Abe was not convinced. This girl basically has an easy $180 a month for life now unless there is some kind of intervention. There is a way out of this though maybe. It seems the girl is saving up for a skateboard and Angi is considering just buying it for her for Christmas to cancel out this insanity. The thing is though, her parents wanted her to learn about having a job and of course, how to scam the neighbors. Angi tried to justify this shakedown by saying that the girl is sweet and that's why she fell for it. Abe recalled his own childhood trauma of having a job when he had to mow his neighbor Ida's lawn for $5. He was also being forced to do this as well but would kill for the racket little Marie is running over here. Angi assured Abe if she was his neighbor, she would be forking over money (and knowing how handsome young twink Abe was, probably more.) Angi capped things by finally admitting that she is indeed being ripped off but she also likes to have parties on occasion and she doesn't want the neighbors calling the cops so it's best to keep them happy.
All the Rest:
Even though we are roughly a month out from Halloween occurring, everyone knows that you're already supposed to be thinking about Christmas. Regardless of it seeming too early for this crap, you better get on board already or else. Something not mentioned in the story on the show but worth noting is the amount of shortages expected for the holidays and the plea that people should be shopping already. Thanks to covid, lack of workers moving product and shipping delays, if you're not done soon, you might be screwed. With that noted, the point of this was to showcase that 30% of Americans have already started shopping for the holidays. Personally, I'm done outside of needing to figure out gifts to get my twin nieces. Another person already ahead of the curve is Head Roadie of Mother's Mama Kanan, who is part of that 30% that has already started shopping. Not included in that bubble (of course) is Abe, who literally does all of his shopping on Christmas Eve. Angi isn't as bad and she actually follows a school of thought that I personally get behind. She keeps a running note list of things that people want or things that they will casually mention that in turn become gifts down the line. I do the same exact thing and it always adds an extra element of cool to the gift giving in my mind, especially when it is unexpected. However, for gifts this year, it seems to be that experiences are much more popular than actual physical gifts. The thought process here is that people are seeking gifts that will allow them to escape after being in the house for almost two years (and counting because this is never going to end it seems.) So the number one gift is one that can create memories like concert tickets and sporting event tickets. Also factored into this pile would be things like vacation related materials such as money for flights and hotel rooms. Other gifts on the list are electronics (everyone wants to find a PS5 or in Angi's case, a vibrator under the tree) and jewelry. Speaking of electronics, Angi and Abe both want a new iPhone for Christmas. Both of them are sitting on their iPhone 10's but the batteries are starting to go and it's time for an upgrade. I probably should add though that Angi made a point of accusing any of us who already have their shopping done, apparently we are psychopaths.
Speaking of getting items, perhaps Angi discussed the topic of non physical gifts because she's in a spring cleaning sort of way. She has an overwhelming urge to give her house a douche, a full on clean through that would remove all the clutter from her home and life. The thing is, she's a busy woman who enjoys being drunk and lying on the couch but she doesn't have the organization or ability to throw things out. Like her pantry is a mess as are all her closets. Also lacking outside of the ability to organize is the ability to care (join the club sis.) Also high on her list of wants is the ability to run, as it has been something that she has done since high school. She has run marathons, triathlons, etc. Unsure of what's wrong with her running, Abe asked her to run in the studio but it went nowhere. He was seeking to access her stride but she blew off the request (again, effort to care.) The problem is that whereas some people when they run look light and free, Angi looks like she's running from the cops. As for Abe, he wants to be a master pianist, tickling the ivories and impressing everyone. Like he would want to be able to walk into Gibsons and wow people by just sitting down and playing the piano. As it is, he can play guitar but he wants to be less Kirk Hammet and more Elton John. On the phone, Eve wished that she was able to manage her finances better. Like she's got it together but it could be better so she's not cutting it thin toward the end of each month. Angi also sucks at managing her money as well and so she allows Jay the Straight to handle her money and in turn, rob her blind. Abe decided to dog pile on about her giving $45 out for dog walking. Another thing Angi wishes that she could do is sing. Abe took that as a prompt to start singing "Forever" because any chance for Stamos to be mentioned has to be taken. Still though, Abe actually looks and sings like Stamos so he gets a pass, Angi doesn't because she's Angi. Danielle wishes she could do carpentry, which she has done a few things but wants to take her ability further. Angi is a furniture retooler but she can't wrap her head around building things. Angi suggested checking out ReBuilding Exchange while Abe rambled on about owning screwdrivers. Thomas would love to be able to race cars because as a kid he loved to drive cars in games. Still, he can't even drive a shift and that's a big issue for him. Angi also can't drive a stick but she sure as hell can ride one.
Finally, on yesterday's show, there was a long discussion on soaking (which I'm lucky I decided to skip so I could make a point of it today.) Soaking is something that is big in the Mormon/Amish community and because of (shocker) Tik Tok, it's become a discussion point as of late. So soaking is the act of docking your eggplant in a woman's garden without doing any form of movement. Like you just sort of lay there enjoined together but nothing else occurs. This is a way to get around all of those pesky "no sex" rules that tend to exist. Of course, if you consider all these things, it's still technically sex in a sense as you are still inside a garden so to speak. Soaking has a counterpart that turns a twosome into a three way when someone comes into the room and then proceeds to bounce on the bed. See, everything is still the same as before only this time, there is movement and friction but since you're not moving, you're not breaking the rules. I could go into how stupid all of this truly is and how religion and tradition causes a need to circumvent dumb rules ends up creating this is ridiculous but whatever. Hell, I knew a guy from Jordan who used to do anal with his wife prior to marriage because you can't do the actual stuff before marriage. This sounds much more reasonable then soaking even, the whole concept is just bizarre, if not borderline stupid. Anyway, the reason for recapping all of this (outside of skipping it yesterday,) was that roadie Erica called in to ask an interesting question. Let's assume you are soaking and your hopper comes in and bounces on the bed. What if the movement from the bouncing causes the girl to break her "shield." Well again, because it wasn't the man making an effort to break through so to speak, they're all still good. She can lie and say it happened while riding a horse and he can still get into heaven or whatever. Honestly, all of this is so absolutely stupid that I can't even wrap my head around any of this. Perhaps that's why I skipped discussing it yesterday and probably should have today as well but alas.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 4)
Angi's (repping Kathy) Song Choice: "Killing in the Name"
Abe's (repping Melissa) Song Choice: "I'm the One"
Observation:
No one attacked each other today and instead they teamed up against Eric and Fergie, the male co-workers of Melissa and Kathy who have been suffering being around these two pieces of trash. Abe just wants a win because he's sick of Angi winning, Angi is just happy to be here and not there anymore.
Winner: Angi
10 o'Clock Toast:
Tyler Pence. He recently won a marathon after the top 2 were disqualified for taking the wrong route.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Some people are born with weird asses, there's nothing you can do about it." - Abe
Quote: "There's that drunk lady, she's going to give us 15 dollars." - Abe