This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Here on Rock 95.5, our lines of communication are boundless. We have phones, Twitter, Facebook, the Facebook group, even jail mail. Still, the one form of archaic tech that still is reliable and is most likely to perhaps get you some on air attention is email. That's right, you can send an email to Angi or Abe and they may crack open the email bag and dissect your message/topic live on air. This happened today when Angi received an email from Tim, who said he absolutely loves the discussions on stupid stuff (the foundation of this show in a nutshell.) That said, he had a question that would in turn become the main topic for the day. His question was a pretty simple one, what is something that is currently popular at the moment that will be irrelevant 10 years from now. His ideas are those very hot pop it fidget toys (which if you don't know what the hell that is, I don't blame you. I only know because I have 7 nieces and nephews all under the age of 12.) It seems to remind Tim of the fidget spinner crazy which lasted a summer or two before interest went the way of feathered dinosaurs. With the question firmly in place, Angi gave her thought. Tik Tok, everyone's favorite Vine alternative that is now home to dumb challenges like milk crates, eating tide pods, destroying your school and dumping beans on peoples door steps. Another upcoming challenge should be keeping yourself from sexually harassing all the women at your radio station if you run a morning show and your name is Eric. Abe's choice for what is going to be forgotten was so Abe Kanan, it almost hurt my brain. Abe said women with big fake asses who wear salmon colored dress pants. Like when they get old, they are going to look ridiculous. Speaking of old people who look ridiculous, the discussion turned to Madonna who according to Angi looks like a mess. I put it more as an old lady who hit a wall at 95 mph and it destroyed her face so now she needs to wear one of those latex sex masks. Abe picked Affliction as another thing that didn't age well because who would be caught dead wearing that (then and now honestly.) Angi chimed in that Eric Ferguson did not age well and yeah, after all these years it seems he is on his way out. On the phone, roadie Julie said we will probably see the end of the Harley Quinn hair color styling, which she considers to be awful. As an add on, Abe requested that all the basic bitches stop doing Harley Quinn costumes. He's not going to go out wearing a Robin costume because it would not look good (though I can see him definitely pulling off Bane.) Angi suggested he should look into being Batman, you know, the one with the nipples. There was more Eric Ferguson trash talk but I mean, that's going to be the hot topic on any show with balls today so enough on him. Donny called to say online challenges will probably go away (but I don't agree, I feel we've become too stupid these days for them to die.) The milk crate challenge, eating tide pods, that one where people we're committing suicide, people are morons. Brie called and said fake lips will be on the way out. Abe talked about the evolved mullet, where the hair is spiked on top and has a tail in the back. Lastly, Maggie said Crocs, which mind you went out and then came back once again. Before she could continue her point, Maggie ended up swearing accidentally. However, Maggie might not be the most trustworthy person as she owns them and likes them because they are comfortable and easy to slip on and off. There was also a discussion of jibbitz, which are those things you insert into Crocs and we only learned the name of because of Head Roadie King Mario Kroeger.
All the Rest:
This morning was all about Abe and let me tell you, he was just not having it at all. If you were part of one of his core issues of the morning, I would steer clear of him because he is going through one today. It began with the chairs in the studio again, a point that is being beat to death but with good reason. You see, the chairs in the studio stink like ass and he can't take it anymore. Short of throwing the chairs out the window, he is looking for an alternative. He just can't take it anymore, he is so tired of all the chairs being gross. He came up with a plan which involved breaking into the gospel station and switching the chairs out. The thing is, there's probably a good chance that the chairs will still end up stinking again so it's really lose-lose for Abe no matter what he does. If that wasn't bad enough, he was also accosted by some jobber seeking a cigarette yesterday as well which only further fueled his anger. After a guy came up to him asking for one, Abe decided that smoking should not be allowed for people who don't have cigarettes. He explained it in a better analogy which was more suited for Abe. If he runs out of Duke's mayo, he doesn't get anymore Duke's mayo until he buys more Duke's mayo. This is what happens with cigarettes, you run out and you are screwed. For example, last night Abe was making himself a burger and he was down to his last Kraft single (for the record, the idea of eating a Kraft single makes me want to vomit.) When he eats a burger, he likes to put two Kraft singles down but as I said, he only had one so you know what he did? He used the one and endured only having that one piece of plastic disgusting cheese on his burger. He didn't go wandering the streets asking for cheese, he sucked it up and endured. Back to cigarettes though, here in the city that cost anywhere from $16-$17 a pack and you just know the guy had no intention of paying for the cigarette he was going to bum from Abe. With that out of his system, we were back to the chair again and Abe's ire. It's not fair is the rallying cry he has backed himself against. You see, he showers each morning, he has the cleanest ass in Chicago so all of this is an affront to him and is overloading his senses. If Abe is clean and soaked, he shouldn't have to sit in a poop chair. Angi offered two pieces of wisdom to seemingly close out this mess. The first was to never ask Abe for a cigarette or don't poop on his chair. The second was a swig from her Jack Daniels bottle (which would cause issues later when she ran out after finishing the bottle after this segment.) When it seemed all was calm, it turned out Abe had more to complain about. Abe does not want to hear about what you do on the weekend, he doesn't care. After some more soul searching on Angi's part, it seems she discovered that the root of Abe's spirit of rage was coming from his fantasy football disasters. That right, leader of the Worst Bet of the Week is starting to bomb on his fantasy teams and he is angry (and probably tired from staying up and watching the game.) I expect this old studio to eventually become haunted by his rage spirit akin to the movieThe Grudge.
As you already know, on this show we absolutely adore stupid holidays and will celebrate them because why not. For example, today is National Beer Day which explains why Angi is loaded in the studio this morning (though honestly in this studio, you would think that everyday was that holiday.) It is also National Ask a Stupid Question Day today as well. It's the perfect time to go to Google or your chosen online forum and ask a question that will make you look like you're stoned (or a moron depending on how deep you go.) For example, "if animals could talk, which one would be the rudest?" Angi and Abe both agreed that the correct answer is cats and I couldn't agree more. Worst pet hands down, like a horrible roommate who looks for ways to spite you and you can't wait for them to leave or die. Another one she pondered, "would you rather lose all your hair or teeth?" Hair obviously is the correct answer here and Abe agrees, you can be bald and sexy. If you lose your teeth, you look like most of the people who live in the South or work for other stations here in the city. With all that said, Angi explained that she would be asking stupid questions to the callers all morning (I think this idea died off after she got locked out of the studio though.) Roadie Ryan called and was given a pretty simple stupid question that he still somehow flubbed. "Are eggs a fruit or a vegetable?" For whatever reason, he went with a vegetable (which is the state of his brain imo.) Ricky checked in and was given the timeless question of "If I ate myself, would I be twice as big or would I disappear completely?" He was smart to answer that he couldn't answer that because he's not a scientist. My personal favorite stupid but need to consider question go to has always been "would you rather have penises for fingers or vaginas for ears?" Obviously, the choice is easy here in my mind but I'm also a whore so....
Finally, as explained vaguely in the last point, Angi was not having a good morning. This is a followup to her bad day yesterday that saw her dropping off a brown bag lunch filled with poop (more on that in a moment.) So earlier in the morning, Angi went to "her car" to "get something" and was locked out of the building. Once she scaled the walls and regained entry, she was detained by security even though she was seconds from going back on the air. This was compounded by several other problems, including that her keycard didn't work and the elevators broke yet again. When trying to confirm her identity as the woman who needed to be on air three minutes prior, a funny factoid came up. In the database, they have her listed by her maiden name even though she's been married to Jay the Straight for like 10 years. Needless to say, she was eventually allowed back into the building and they let her bring her carton of smokes and case of Jack Daniels with her. However, this morning mix up wasn't the only indignity that was bestowed upon Angi in the last 24 hours. Yesterday, if you're following along with the Angi Taylor Poop Saga, we were told that her samples were finally being turned in. She took her poop samples to the woman at the doctor's office who was not bothered being handed a bag full of poo. However, she was a bit miffed that there were only 3 of the 4 required samples but Angi got hungry in the car. Abe was confused as to why they actually need 4, like why isn't 3 enough? Explaining the samples, she went on to say that things had been regular when she gave the samples but now she's pooping orange again. Abe said that maybe all the samples she had were lies, cooked up by forever suffering Jay the Straight who swapped them out because he was tired of hearing her bitching about her poop. The point of all this, when you tune in to 95.5, make sure you love her and all her lairs, including the orange ones. Just don't call up and tell her you want to lick her all over though because that will not end well.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Sarah) Song Choice: "Fool for Your Lovin"
Abe's (repping Lisa) Song Choice: "Hallowed Be Thy Name"
Observation:
Angi got locked out of the studio because she had to hide from the sexual harasser who was in the building and then narrowly avoided the cops. We're supposed to feel bad for Angi because of all this. Abe said Angi faked everything and that she didn't almost die. Hard to know who gets this, the good girl who literally became the gone girl or the known liar ... hmm.
Winner: Angi
10 o'Clock Toast:
Brian, Big Cat's Former Boss. He called in to help settle the $100 bet between Angi and Abe but something tells me that this is going to continue dragging out until Big Cat sends a picture (and some nudes for his boy Abe.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I hate you if you want to buy a cigarette." - Abe
Quote: "Yogi Bear is not bad, Yogi Bear has a nice body." - Abe
PSAngi: You can't just talk to people any type of way you want.
PSAngi: If anybody says they have the hottest body, it's a lie.