This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So it's coming up on cuffing season which means discussing dating is going to become more and more prevalent over the next few weeks. Factor in that Angi loves a deep dive into Reddit topics and you create a perfect storm for a morning discussion. Today, Angi wanted to hear from the roadies about something that can take someone who is an absolute 10 to a 5 in a matter of seconds. There was a list given to which help guide the idea along as well as add banter so let's tackle that first. Arrogance - in other words, you can be super hot but if you're an a-hole, you're going to kill the potential. Entitlement - walking into any situation and dropping the "don't you know who I am?" line is going to send any date stock plummeting. Abe had to immediately chime in after this point because he clearly had some insight Angi was lacking in this whole report. This was more than likely written by a woman and women were polled by her because a guy does not care about any of this when it comes to hot chicks. Like she can be an entitled arrogant pig but if she's hot, it doesn't matter because men are idiots. Continuing along the list, Littering - one person on the Reddit thread talked about how a date was going amazing until the guy threw his Taco Bell wrappers out the car window (I would think as did Angi and Abe that the Taco Bell on a date should have been a deal breaker.) Being Rude or Demanding - self explanatory. Only Hobby Shopping - again, this pretty much sums itself up easily. Poor Hygiene - this is once again where we detour into Abe Kanan World to address an issue that is personally affecting him. You see, Abe's chair stinks like ass in the studio. This is through no fault of his own because he has the cleanest ass in all of Chicago. It is so good, he is actually known for it and I think during the last ranking, he did hit number 1. Anyway, since his normal chair stinks, he has been rotating them around in the studio to evade the gross ones. This apparently was his deal breaker subject to send someone from hero to zero. For Angi, it's a person who has a dirty car. As you know from the old saying affixed to Angi's buba "dirty house = dirty vagina and the lesser known dirty car = dirty penis. Another thing that turns Abe off, tracks in a woman's hair (from extensions) make him want to throw up because they look like stitches. With all that out of their collective system, they took to the phone to hear from roadies. Tia does not like people who are rude to the wait staff. This was echoed by Twitter user David who said the same exact thing. Angi pointed out that if this is how they treat the wait staff, chances are they are rude in their life. Angi pulled another from the initial list, No Sense of Humor. Abe once more contended that this is a woman speaking and that dudes will mount anything. Abe though is referring to sex whereas Angi is talking about dating someone (as usual Abe is always on a different mental playing field.) Abe explained how hot JLO is and that it wouldn't matter if she was trash. Angi went on to talk about meeting her and that she was boring and had no sense of humor. Abe put aside these truths for a dip into delusion. You see, Abe would be lounging poolside and become best friends with Ben Affleck and they would go gambling together and tag team J-Lo (or each other if she was on tour I'd suppose.) Head Roadie Tom said attitude is a huge part of being sexy and a bad one will wreck that. Steve said seeing someone blow a snot rocket, which I agree is absolutely vile. Angi and Abe felt the same way and were equally repulsed. Also on Twitter, we heard from Jeremy who said that discussing politics on the first date was a total boner killer and I think we can agree on that completely.
All the Rest:
Since we all know Angi's weekend was spent kneeled over her toilet gathering poop samples with a shovel, she decided to forgo her entry into the weekend recap. Of course, this would end up getting its own topic when Abe noticed her getting all dolled up later in the show but for now, let's tackle Abe's weekend. After a brief discussion on Angi thinking Jack White was suddenly hot because he lost weight and has blue hair now, Abe took the reins and gave us a look through at what he did these last few days. Starting with the Bears game which of course was yet another disappointment that we should just be used to at this point. Speaking of disappointments, did you lose your house and life savings on Abe's Worst Bet of the Week. Though covered in sports and covered by himself blaming others (rampant finger pointing is a staple of the Worst Bet of the Week crashing and burning,) he did only have a few things to say. One was that he promised that things will be better next week (somehow I don't believe this.) The other thing worth mentioning was Abe's appearance for the station on Friday night. He met a ton of roadies and a few Head Roadies including Sandy, during his appearance. After that, since he was in the area, Abe swung over to the Hollywood Casino with friend and noted entertainment reporter Danny Gaga. They were there to take advantage of a special off that involved betting on the Bears (which Abe obviously also lost on.) He didn't really get a chance to do much else because the place was packed stupid and he didn't want to risk sitting near "casion people" which is a nice way to go against saying dirtbags. Plus Abe was fiending to go have a burrito and Danny Gaga was just there to handle money business and the jet out.
Also this weekend was a massive boxing match which saw former champion Anthony Joshua coming out to "No Easy Way Out," which as you all know is fromRocky. Of course, the irony in all this was that he had a Russian opponent as well and he proceeded to get wrecked by him. This bit of delightful bloodsport inspired Angi with an idea. What would be your walk out song, it doesn't matter if it's in baseball, boxing, wrestling, all the big sports that lend an open spot for delightful songs to mimic who you are. Of course, these songs can also be used to screw with you as they did Jose Canseco when he was banging Madonna and they played her tracks to get to him. Abe's choice was of course "Forever" by Jesse and the Rippers because even though he willingly offered his heart up to Ben Affleck today, Stamos is his one true love and that will never change. Angi, on the other hand, picked something fun that kicked ass. Her choice was "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry and if you have to wonder why she picked it, you clearly don't listen to this show. With Jesse and the Rippers still lingering over the studio like a spectre, Angi suggested swapping it for "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. because at least Abe could then do the dance from the video while walking out. Charlie called in with some true originality (pause for sarcasm) as he picked "Here Comes the Boom" which you know, only gets roughly played daily on the show and is used by the White Sox. It also allowed a chance for Ozzie to come out and talk about the Sox for a minute. Chad picked "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J, which is a great classic theme (and also overused.) Melanie is that cool girl who picked "Smack My Bitch Up," which Angi loves as a choice and then went on to discuss the banned video for the song and the recent death of the lead singer. Jordan aka The Idol loves and actually used "The Kids Aren't Alright" by The Offspring as it was his theme during backyard wrestling. Scott gave us some real hard stuff with "Angel of Death" by Slayer. This was followed by Noel, who was apparently speaking to Angi and Gaybe and picked "Bad to the Bone." George was the last call in and he ended it on a high note with "Raining Blood" by Slayer. As for me, "Shame" by Stabbing Westward would literally be the perfect song for me to step foot into an arena with and honestly, I think they should open my call ins with it as well.
Finally, as I teased earlier, Angi was getting all dolled up in the studio this morning. Abe was confused and assumed she had a hot lunch date with her bestie Shark but it turns out, it was for an entirely different and even gross reason. You see, she had to take in her poop samples to the lab today and so she didn't want to look disgusting while doing something disgusting (which makes sense.) For those who missed last week, it turns out that Angi might be dying (probably.) Ever since Ron Jeremy licked her, she has been having bathroom issues. Going infrequently, orange colored poop and liquidy have all been issues that she has not seen alleviate on their own. For this reason, the doctor gave her a poop sample kit that came with things like test tubes, a shovel, a bed pan and a pamphlet for funeral homes (just in case.) Angi then proceeded to explain how she had to move the poop sample from the bedpan to the kit using the Easy Bake Oven shovel that was included inside the kit. It was all then tossed inside of a hazard bag that was asked to be kept at room temperature. The thing was, Angi had left it out in the car for the duration of the show and Abe was afraid it was going to bake out there like it was cookies or an unattended baby left in the back seat. Factor in that she also kept it in a McDonald's bag and would be thieves would probably be tempted to steal it. Abe explained how he left a case of water in his car and it got hot so this was clearly the same thing and a perfectly reasonable conclusion to make. Abe was adamant about bringing it all inside and also taking pictures of it. Lucky for you dear reader, if you go to The Angi Taylor Show Twitter and Facebook Group, you can see a picture of the sample that I stole from her and posted. Anyway, she was dying of embarrassment by then and decided to go in with a hoodie and mask, negating all the makeup she had put on. Also confused by everything was Jay the Straight who wondered why there was a brown paper bag not filled with Jack Daniels sitting on the kitchen counter in the morning. This by the way is not the last that we'll hear on this as Angi needed 4 samples over the weekend but could only produce three. Since she won't poop at work, she's going to have to get the last one at home. That means one trip to drop off her three kids who look like Andy Dalton and a second trip to get rid of the sample that plays like the Bears offensive line.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Kyle) Song Choice: "Turn Up the Radio"
Abe's (repping Jose) Song Choice: "The Taste of Ink"
Observation:
Angi was left high and dry but Jose came to play and did not hold back. The thing is, if you come for the queen, you had better do it well or she will eat you alive. Abe just sat back and let Jose attempt to dismantle Angi and honestly, I think he has this in the bag.
Winner: Angi
10 o'Clock Toast:
Anthony Joshua. Sure, he may have lost this weekend but his walkout song was incredible.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"How do you (Abe) have the strength to go into a casino and just leave?" - Angi
"I'm known for my ass, I have the cleanest ass in Chicago." - Abe
"I'm a size queen when it comes to subs ... it should have been bigger." - Abe
PSAbe: Hey, things happen, I can't control injuries.
Best Bet of the Week (Week 3 Results): Abe Loses! Blame is shifted to injured players.