This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It almost feels like every week at this rate that I'm revving up the funeral death wagon for one of these two idiots. Like a game of hot potato, it's only a matter of time before either Angi or Abe shoots back to the top of my "Potential to Die" list. As for today, the pendulum swings directly into Angi, hitting her square in the stomach. This must be what is causing her intestinal issues then I guess. If you're confused about what I'm rambling about, let me broadstroke it before I go into today's mess. Angi has been having stomach problems for a few months now in that she hasn't been able to poop. When she actually does finally go, it tends to come out orange. Apparently, she hasn't been eating copious amounts of Flinstone push ups so that's not the cause of it. Determining what it could be is hard because all Angi ever puts in her body is Jack Daniels, seed and the occasional meal (plus she ate those Dunkaroos I sent her a box of a few months back as well.) Anyway, knowing that she wasn't getting to the bottom of this on her own, Angi finally went to the doctor yesterday. Another thing that I should have added above is that she's also lacking in appetite here and there (food, that is, as her alcohol consumption is off the charts.) I know most of you are thinking "what the hell is wrong with this woman for finally only going now?" Funny enough, the doctor mirrored that sentiment which she pushed aside as not having time to go see her because of covid, Vegas trips and being drunk on the couch watching Discovery+. Since they need to study what's actually occurring, Angi was given an at home poop testing kit. Abe the Scientist assumed that in order to collect a sample, Angi was to put a garbage bag over the toilet (I love him, I really do.) Unfortunately no, she does not use a bag to collect the loot, instead it is more of an apparatus that you attach to the toilet. Then she collects the sample, puts it in a jar (that she does not stuff in the freezer Abe!) and takes it in. Angi has yet to collect this sample for anyone out there who is curious. She already did her business yesterday morning before the doctor's visit and Jay the Straight did not take her out for a walk last night so she'll possibly collect it today. If anyone is curious as to what Angi will be doing all weekend, here's a fun peek into her life outside of the station. As for Abe, he just really wants to see Angi's orange poop which apparently is not an option. Next up for Angi is also a colonoscopy and a CT scan of her wrecked guts to attempt to determine what is causing her to poop orange sherbert. The running belief currently is that she has an intestinal infection or a parasite (perhaps she is cradling She-Venom deep inside.) Dr. Kanan says that perhaps she has a tapeworm, which in his mind would be amazing. Angi has assured him it is not a tapeworm but he still wants one for himself at least (well, that's Christmas sorted out right there.) The point is Angi is only being held together by duct tape, string and a tapeworm it seems and loosening of any of that is going to send her collapsing to the floor it seems.
All the Rest:
As Angi tends to do every day that ends in the word "day," she was sprawled out on the couch drinking Jack Daniels and watching TV yesterday evening. After all, she had that grueling doctor visit so she really needed to unwind. On her screen, the food porn showThe Best Thing I Ever Atewas on. If you've never seen the show, it takes a collective of different famous chefs and food related people and has them explore a topic each episode. For example, the best thing they ever ate in New York, Chicago or the topic of yesterday's episode, sandwiches. The thing that caught Angi's eye was a sub that was apparently absolutely incredible from a local food place Tempesta Market. There were tons of options to choose from like the Potato' Nator, Southside Johnny and something about Rob Zombie (I had a headache so I was mentally tuned out.) Anyway, the sandwich she was eyeballing was called The Dante, which apparently has everything on it. Mortadella, finocchiona, hot coppa, porchetta, provolone and of course, tons of gabagool (and if there's not enough gabagool, we send it back.) Tempesta Market is in Chicago (by all the other sub places) and Abe was so inspired that he intends to go there for a sandwich after the show. You wanna know who was not inspired? Angi, who fell in love with the sandwich to start but then ordered a giant meatball sub from Nonna's instead. When I say giant, I mean humongous and this is a girl who's used to having both of her hands full of (meat)balls. Anyway, it was too big for her parasitic stomach and so she only ate half of it. Luckily for her, Jay the Straight had gotten food elsewhere earlier in the day and his pristine, gorgeous, parasite free stomach was still hungry when he got home and he finished her other half. Either way Tempesta Market is getting a ringing endorsement from this show and a visit from Abe once he leaves the studio. Meanwhile, Angi will be getting her hole bleached and pristined so the doctors can put up all that beautiful colonoscopy footage up on her upcoming OnlyFans page.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Brian) Song Choice: "Hey Man Nice Shot"
Abe's (repping Gabby) Song Choice: "Crazy"
Observation: Abe is playing for Gabby Tyler, the social worker who fostered a bunch of kids. Brian adopted those kids and said that Gabby looks like Steven Tyler. These are always hilarious and how fitting it is that these two keep finding these amazing people for these song choices.
Winner: Angi
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Angi Decides to Take a Trip to Haunted Trails
Mon: This stupid flop Angi had a little too much fun in Vegas and ended up getting tossed in the drunk tank. They finally let her out Monday night after she dried out so lucky for her, she didn't suffocate inside of the dollar bill machine when the air ran out and she was locked inside. (Marked herself safe from the Haunted Trails Massacre)
Tue: Curtis had Angi redeem her Haunted Trails tickets for a Chewbacca mask. She put it on, walked around making the Chewbacca noise. Angi realizes too late that there's no breathing hole in the mask, that she has claustrophobia and that the mask is made of toxic material. (Dead)
Wed: Alberto had Angi play the mummy hole. She gets a pink putter and she's absolutely offended. Angi grabs a badass looking club instead and she punts and hits a hole in one. (Alive)
Thur: Laurie had Angi play Mortal Kombat in the arcade area of Haunted Trails. She starts playing and she's dominating the competition. Using Scorpion, she wins all her matches which makes her take out her flask for a celebration chug. Unfortunately, she spilled her Jack Daniels on the machine and it electrocuted her. (Dead)
Fri: Frank had Angi shoot a little kid in the face with a laser during laser tag. She gets a direct hit and he shoots her back. Turns out the kid has a real laser and he shot Angi in the chest, setting her on fire and killing her. (Dead)
10 o'Clock Toast:
The White Sox. They won the division and we're in the playoffs.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I'm teaching you how to gamble, I'm teaching you how to beat Vegas." - Abe
"You can be like that Taylor, make money at the O'Hare airport giving out blumpkins to all the guys in the airport bathroom." - Minn Barb
Best Bet of the Week: New York Giants -3 against Atlanta Falcons
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats Julie, Head Roadie of Motorwerks