This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, we get it, things are hard these days, like in general. Lack of being able to go places, locked down for months, keeping your stupid unvaccinated self from stealing your horses deworming drugs. The thing is, even though some things are hard in general, it's been determined that the hardest thing to do in sports is hitting a baseball. I guess this is timely with the HoF inductions and such but you have to consider a few things. First, the ball is coming at you within 90 mphs, if not more. On top of that, the pitch is less than 60 feet away which gives you less than ten milliseconds to decide to swing or not. Sure, all that is awful but have you tried parallel parking? We all know forever suffering show husband Jay the Straight would probably say that it's definitely harder than hitting a baseball. Anyway, Angi was curious to hear the one thing that is the hardest for the roadies to do. Though it didn't need to involve sports as that was just a way to introduce the idea, somehow Angi and Abe's both did. For Angi, whenever she goes bowling (yawn,) she can never break a hundred. It probably has something to do with the fact that once she hits that alley, she downs a bottle of Jack and all the lanes tend to start moving when she throws the ball. As for Abe, we returned to a topic that I thought was dead but I've come to realize will never die on this show it seems. His hardest thing to do is dunk a basketball, as illustrated by the 10+ years of failed "Year of the Dunks," that I've personally bore witness to. You have to keep in mind though, his inability to dunk is caused by his flat feet. Did you take a moment to clean up the water/coffee/Jack Daniels you spit out reading that? Good, let's continue on to some of the roadies then. Caleb's biggest problem involves giving a girl the big O. Angi suggested that maybe he do the work and ask how he can assist the girl to get her to that point instead of complaining about it on a morning radio show. Tommy called in to first comment on everyone's favorite weatherman Conrad Cooper but then continued on to talk about how playing a guitar is hard. I feel him because I wanted to learn it in high school but effort made me stop caring and give up. Tommy is currently stuck on learning techniques but Abe had a tip for him. He should check out Marty Schwartz on Youtube as he apparently gives out amazing free lessons that will make learning the guitar a cinch. Abe also brought up his former guitar teacher Glen, who is dead. Chad never learned to tie a tie and as much as he wished did, it never happened. Abe is in the same boat and always had to have his mom do it for him. Angi said she's all for tying ties and would do it for both of them if need be. As for myself, I have problems just telling people "no." You'd be surprised at the amount of things I've let Abe talk me into in the back of his white van but I'm saving all that for an episode of Dr. Phil.
All the Rest:
I don't want to alarm anyone (and for some reason, I feel like I make this point at least once a week now,) but it turns out Angi might be dying. So, after putting off going to the doctor for like two years because apparently there's a global pandemic occurring or some such nonsense, she finally made an appointment to go see the doctor. The thing is, she has a literal laundry list of things that are wrong with her that need to be addressed. This woman is literally being held together by some gauze, a little bit of sewing needle and will to drink all the Jack Daniels there is on the planet. Anyway, let's break down some of the problems that are troubling her, shall we? First, there's the gastrointestinal issue that has been discussed previously on the show. Where she's not suffering from intestinal distress due to consuming 7 ears of corn, a massive burger and two chicken sandwiches like some other people, she is having a stomach problem of her own. You see, she hasn't pooped in like a year or some such nonsense. The thing is, when she finally does actually go, it's an orange mess left in the bowl. One can assume that her love of flaming hot cheetos and candy coated vials of orange dye might be the cause, she's totally unsure of what the cause is. There's also her sleep apnea, for which she has woken up several times now choking and near death after passing out drunk in bed. That sexy ass Bane mask is going to look real good on her nude (as we learned how she sleeps yesterday) deformed frankentit body. Oh, no need to worry about her frankentits, they are fine and the only thing on/in her body that is not actively trying to wack her. Anyway, after limiting herself to only four fingers of Jack yesterday at work (as opposed to the whole bottle like most days,) Angi drove over to Northwestern yesterday. Now, it should be noted that this is a jaunt for most people and she is lucky to work in The Loop so the ordeal from point A to B is not too terrible. After plopping down $45 dollars for parking, Angi made her way to see the doctor and learn of her grim fate. Turns out though that her perhaps impending doom has been postponed, as was realized when she spoke to the receptionist. You see, they tried to get in touch with Angi twice and both times, she ignored the calls. She went on to explain how she doesn't answer calls from numbers she doesn't know, which would make sense. Then again, I wouldn't feel too bad if I was the doctor's office because she knows my number and still ignores my texts sometimes. The office did not bother leaving a message either which would have been helpful but as we all know, no one cares about anyone else and making their life easier. There was also no explanation given as to why the appointment was canceled but she now has to go back in two weeks. That said, if you're in our roadie Angi Taylor Show death pool, make sure to look for new options that are being added to the option list this morning.
Oh lying liars and the lies that they tell, what precious webs they weave that come crashing down when someone pulls the strings just a tad. Anyway, this morning Angi and Abe put on their detective hats and started an investigation. Well not exactly started, they were already knee deep in a situation earlier in the week but they finally felt compelled to start sharing with the class this morning. You see, big fat liars, they just tend to lie and then lie some more. The thing with them is once a narrative works or takes off, the need to keep spinning those wheels continues until the whole house of cards comes crashing down in epic fashion. The thing is, most people who are massive liars are already cool or good looking, perhaps they have a great trait about them as is. There is no need to lie and yet they can't help but further facilitate reasons to hate them down the line. Take Abe for example when he plays Request Wars, he's handsome, funny and has flat feet. However, his desire to win makes him have to give us sob lie stories daily and you know what, I'm personally tired of handing that liar wins. Anyway, this has nothing to do with that though but a mutual friend of Angi and Abe's whose crazy tales are finally starting to come undone. Abe was the first to discover the supposed lie, which came on a hunch and Angi ended up doing the research to confirm it. With her deep dive on the interwebs, she was able to discern that not only was there one lie but a giant web of them that even Charlotte would be impressed by. This led to a topical discussion about lying. What is the biggest lie that you've ever told or caught someone in? For example, a previously told story from Angi discussed how she was once dating a guy who was running a side chick. When she was in his apartment, she found a number and came to understand that it belonged to some girl. Mind you, he had been lying to her about where he was going all the time which is what led down this road to her finding the number. Anyway, he saw she had the number and he literally tackled her, wrestled the number from her and ate it. Gee dude, that was real smooth, now she'll never realize you're up to no good. Roadie Tony called in to say that once when he was digging through his parents room, he came to discover that he was adopted. What made this story even nuttier, so was his sister and neither of them were related to boot. That must have been a hell of an awkward dinner after that. Then we heard from roadie Carrie, who was an absolute hoot. She explained how she broke up with her boyfriend and then got back together with him. He accidentally left his phone at her house (men really need to get it together) and it started to ring. Curious, she took the call and it turned out it was his wife. Hot damn, that's some fun scandal right there. He came back ten minutes later to get the phone and the two were having a lovely conversation. In my favorite line from the whole exchange she explained "that he turned white as a sheet. They're black mind you, how did he turn so white." Regardless, both Carrie and the wife curbed the now ex and in a hilarious twist, the wife ended up dating one of Carrie's friends. The pair are besties now which in my mind is the best way that a story has ended on this show in quite some time. As for my personal experience, I have a friend who calls me regularly to tell me how he might have cancer like once every three months. Mind you, this same friend once stole a bottle of wine from my house, denied it and then stuffed it in my mailbox an hour later and told me off like I had done it to him. I can't recall why I keep these people around but I guess it boils down to that's what you're stuck with sometimes.
Finally, here's a question, have you noticed how most things are not as good as they used to be? For example, dating sites which are essentially now either you use a cool app or you're a fossil on some website. People tend to think that because of the ease of swiping, people are just getting ignored more, which to me doesn't make sense. Abe happens to agree that the whole thing is the same as before in just a faster sense now. Before, you would not read a profile if a person is ugly and this is essentially no different. If you're seeking someone to date (or mate) with, chances are looks are going to play the biggest role regardless. Looks, as we've all come to learn as we grew up, win over everything else at all times. Another thing that is not as good as it used to be, Youtube. Remember when you could watch a video and not be stuck watching ads every 12 seconds, yeah I member. Online recipes are another thing, like you have to go through a ten page story in order to actually get to a recipe now (and don't get me started on those 12 second Instagram recipes.) For Abe, it was definitely buying concert tickets, which used to be an absolute adventure. Like, you would go and there would be this huge party outside, you would meet a ton of people, it was great. Now, it's all done online and outside of no more hard tickets (topic throwback!,) you also have to deal with bots basically eating up all the tickets as well. The music was better according to Abe, which I'm going to call apples to oranges because some incredible music has come out to balance out all the good music from back then. Factored into that decision btw was also getting physical CD's, finding a hard to find CD and as Angi added in, having the linear notes to read. Everything now when it comes to the music industry is essentially digital, though vinyl is finding a footing among this thriving devour. For Angi, flying tends to be the one thing she has the biggest notice of being different. Nowadays the people are garbage, the food sucks, the seats are tiny and you can't even smoke on the plane anymore! On the phone, Tricia said that waiting on hold for Ticketmaster to sneak in and get tickets was an amazing trick that used to work before the rise of the bots. The gym too was so much better, like all the people at the gym back in the day were hot and now it's all fat slobs and old people (the actual state of our country.) Now you have people reading on the treadmill and grandma dying because no one would give her a spot. Plus, the gym stinks as well, like musty old people and rampant body odor. Another good point was made by Abe, remember when Facebook wasn't all pictures of people's kids on their first day at school and garbage political posts? Christian said sporting events, comparing opening day to something akin to the holocaust it seems and what it shame it was when covid executed all the beer vendors. George went after concerts specifically because no one is living in the moment watching the show, they're on their phones taking videos that they need to showcase for "imaginary likes." Eveyln complained about the size of potato chip bags, which used to be half air, half chips but are now 95% air and 5 actual chips per bag. Tyler said that cereal is different these days and Angi completely agrees. There's apparently a different kind of coating to her and it just tastes different, which is used to keep the milk from absorbing so fast. As for our beloved Trashman Tim, he hates that there are cameras on every street corner now because our city is so broke, we need to squeeze blood out of turnips any way we can.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Mark) Song Choice: "Smokin' in the Boys Room"
Abe's (repping Gail) Song Choice: "Story of My Life"
Observation: Abe is against smoking cigarettes and so therefore hates Angi's song choice. We also learned that Mark is a poser and no one wants that right? However, if Vince Neil doesn't win, he's going to eat his feelings and we're never getting that tour. I mean let's be realistic, Angi has this in the bag.
Winner: Abe
10 o'Clock Toast:
Pequod's Pizza. They have amazing pizza but jobber delivery men (maybe, or it was Door Dashes fault.) Also embedded in the toast was a PSAbe&Angi.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "You know what I need to do, I need to go into these restaurants and be a menu consultant." - Abe
Quote: "Stephanie McMahon always gives me a heart attack, when I see her makeup." - Angi