This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
This is a little bit of note flipping going on here as my main call in point was going to be a bit different initially. However, Angi and Abe decided to steal my thunder and my main point before I could even touch it so I had to do a little swap. See, behind the scenes look at the mental gymnastics I need to do for this show only to get yelled at by Angi because I keep subtly chanting "rehab" when we're off air. Anyway, I'm a professional so let's tackle our main topic of the day. The weekend was long (and for some even longer because it hasn't ended for them just yet) and with this shortened week meant that there was plenty of weekend hijinks to discuss. Abe himself had a massive weekend that consisted of going to Greta Van Fleet on Friday night. He also ran into some roadies at the show, which is always a welcome treat for them to meet the fans. Saturday was a wash due to the cancelation of the KIϟϟ concert but Angi took care of Saturday in her portion of the weekend shenanigans. As for Sunday, Abe had his big fantasy draft where he scored another A in team composition. That night, he went to the AEW All Out PPV and then was at the media scrum after the show. While there he got to question CM Punk, Adam Cole, Bryan Danielson and caught a part of the Britt Baker/Ruby Soho feud fueling. To see videos of all this, check out any of his social media. The main portion of this story takes place after everything let out though. While heading to his white van with the words "Free Candy and Wrestlers Autographs Inside" painted on it in red, he came across a frightened young twink. Shaking and clearly terrified, Abe did what anyone in his situation would and took advantage of him ... err I mean, he checked in to see what his problem was. This guy was pacing mind you and in some form of dire straits it seemed. Turns out, he was from Madison and was terrified (with good reason, you can get shot or raped by Abe anywhere in this state.) He was waiting for his friend who he couldn't find and so Abe played good samaritan and hung out with the guy for a half hour. It turns out, though he looked 15, he was actually 26. Growing weary of realizing the trick wasn't going to play ball, Abe got in the van and sought out the missing friend in the red Iron Sheik shirt. Funny enough, he ended up finding him and then attempted to lure the guy into his van ... err Impala. No dice because who gets into a stranger's car and so Abe drove 3 miles an hour to direct his friend over to the shaken twink. It turned out his friend, who was 40, was in the wrong lot but Abe got them reunited and it felt so good. Btw scared young twink worked at Panera so if you're reading this for whatever reason, glad to see you escaped Abe's Ivory Tower sex dungeon. As for Angi, we didn't hear much about Jay the Straight's birthday yesterday but what we did get was her Saturday night messtival status. So, as revealed on Friday's show, she had a black tie wedding to go to Saturday night. She was dressed up all cute and fancy, Jay the Straight looking handsome as well. As the night went on though, as expected, she was hammered and then some. She drank so much Jack that a barrel was seen rolling out the back door of the reception hall when she was dragged out. Oh yeah, Jay the Straight had to be the responsible one (shocker) and ask her if it was time to throw her into the trunk and take her home. She wasn't having it at first, wanting to go to the after party that was occurring. However, as she was getting ready to leave and go to that she fell. Now here's a well known Angi Taylor secret, if she falls down, that means she's wasted. Mind you, her heels were off at this point and she still went down barefoot. She had so many fingers in her, Vivid was calling to see if she wanted to sign a contract. Needless to say, the after party went on without her and she went home to sleep away all the bottles of Jack that she downed.
All the Rest:
So, Angi is smart, at least smarter than most people who associate with Abe. Since she knows better, Angi keeps a contact list of all Abe's closest friends and family and uses this list to blackmail or belittle Abe as she sees fit. However, it was Abe's best friend Hollywood who got hit with the ball busting pendulum today for what he did over the weekend. You see Hollywood went out for his first (technically) post covid concert this weekend and saw ... John Williams. I know, you're scratching your head and wondering who and I don't blame you. For those that are curious, he's the guy who did the Star Wars music (amongst other things.) Of course, Angi needed to understand the rationale behind this, why would one go see this symphony of dork scores? This also inspired her to make a topic out of the dumbest concert you've ever been dragged to, either by someone else or convinced by your own self. While Angi waited to get Hollywood on the line, she explained hers. It was her stepmom who made Angi go see Jimmy Buffett and all his parrothead losers. Abe knows these parrotheads well, they're those people with the bucket toilets who poop in the parking lot right? Being pushed into this situation btw should help you understand why she started drinking so young (and probably why she fell at that wedding on Saturday.) Anyway, Hollywood finally got on the line and immediately went into the defensive about being dragged for seeing John Williams. In fact, he was confused as to why they were clowning on him in the first place (oh sweet naive Hollywood, you should know by now these two are monsters.) Anyway, Angi pushed further with her interrogation. He's 40, single and he's wasting his time going to that trash. He's going to end up bagging himself a Princess Leia cosplayer and then they'll have some doryStar Warsthemed wedding, etc. In fact, Angi was curious as to how manyStar Warsdorks were actually at this symphony of dorkstruction. They actually were selling lightsabers there and there were people dressed up, including a ton of Princess Leia's (because of course.) The funny thing was that he did only one Star Wars song and the rest were from his other movies (Jaws, etc.) Angi wasn't done yet, she wanted to know if Hollywood was wearing orthopedic shoes and show his AARP card. More dragging commenced, discussing how you would only download songs like this if you were getting them off Napster (I don't think a lot of people would go that far even.) If we do trivia btw, keep in mind that this was Hollywood's first post pandemic concert. With them done with Hollywood, Abe revealed his dragged to concert. This was after he wrongly assumed (shocker) that John Williams was dead ... the guy who put the concert on is dead. Yeah, I know, drink it in and let's keep going. His was the Trans Siberian Orchestra which according to him you hear that one song everyone knows and then have to sit through two more hours of "other crap." On the phone, Chad called to discuss that infamous Creed show where Scott Staph rolled on the floor (not laughing.) Ironically, Abe had tickets to that mess and ended up giving them away, which he now regrets. James was dragged all the way to Tennessee to see Kenny Rogers when he was 7. This gave way to a delightful new section of my notebook "Celebrities Angi Thinks Are Alive but Are Actually Dead." Finally, there was Candy who had the twofer of The Beach Boys (sans Stamos) at 14 and new age guru icon flop Yanni.
Angi's next foray into interesting content was about the 90's but before we touch upon that, let's discuss national treasure Roberta. Roberta, mind you, can't remember what she did yesterday, let alone what happened in the 90's (seems to run in the family,) so let's tackle her first. She was calling in with the phrase that doesn't pay seeking Carrie Underwood tickets. That's right, somehow her signals got crossed and she called Rock 95.5 and not that other garbage country station. Angi and Abe, being monsters, strung her along for a minute but eventually revealed the truth. They insisted that she change her station preset (or else) and released her back into the country wilds. As these things tend to go, Roberta called back four minutes later and gave her same story. Oh, did I forget the story, Roberta must be rubbing off on me. You see she was calling about Carrie Underwood and had just gotten done dropping her grandkids off at the wrong school or something. Angi offered Roberta a drink but I think that's the last thing this woman needed. However, before they hung up on her this time, they made sure that the station was on in the background this time. So, it seems we picked up a new listener this morning until of course Roberta called back a third time during some songs. Sigh, will these people ever learn their lesson. In Roberta's case, I'm assuming her mind is starting to go which makes sense but I wonder if those kids are going to enjoy their new parents who will be picking them up after school. So back to the 90's, which apparently 3 in 5 adults are totally into. They love the nostalgia of it all and when pressed to discuss what they like most, the answers read like a textbook example of my teen years time capsule.The Simpsons,Friends,Saved By the Bell,Seinfeld,Titanic,Clueless,Space Jam, Britney Spears, Nokia, Tamagotchi and ... VHS tapes (what!?) Sure, the nostalgia of going to Blockbuster on a Friday night leans heavy on most of us but god, VHS was just awful. On the phone, Brenda called to discuss her love of Gameboy. It was the absolute best because we didn't have phones yet and you would take it everywhere. Long road trips, short road trips, dinner with your parents, the counselor you were forced to see when mom and dad were "having troubles," and your new foster home after dad force fed mom a shotgun. Angi agreed that it was a great distraction from parents and Brenda discussed her love ofSuper Mario World. According to Abe btw and further cementing our misinformation status, Wario apparently killed Luigi in a Mario game recently. Roadie Dead Horse called to say he was excited that there was no Carrie Underwood in the 90's (zing) but as for his love, it was the music. He loved 80's hair bands and dove easily into 90's music (including Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.) I'm surprised Angi left Dunkaroo's off the list, seeing as they recently just came back and I bought her a box because she was fiending so hard on nostalgia the one morning.
Finally, a crate of White Castle, a 6 pack of flaming hot Mountain Dew, three dozen Dunkin' doughnuts, an entire barn of freshly laid eggs, several Jimmy Dean sausage logs, a wheel of brie, fourteen pounds of brownies and a drum of Diet Coke. If your guess was what Vince Neil would rather consume than get in shape, pat yourself on the back. Noted fatso and singer of Mötley Crüe Vince Neil has found a solution that will allow him to continue consuming food like a human Galactus while also losing weight. M sculpt, that thing where they wrap a band around your stomach and give you muscle pulses. It apparently simulates 20,000 crunches in 30 minutes and this fat buster is just what he needs to consume a wheel barrel of KFC while also being able to perform without his legs buckling. Curious, Abe offered to go and do it for a month as well but he probably should listen to what Angi has to say about it. She said she knows people who have done it and surprise surprise, it doesn't really do anything. This also made her relay the tale of when they forced former co-worker Rufio to do that giving birth simulator thing, which apparently is nightmarish. The given suggestion was for Def Leppard's Phil Collen to drag Vince to the gym with him since he is ripped and Vince continues to rip ... through his clothes. I'm just curious if Abe mentioning the M sculpt thing will go the way of his OnlyFans and all the other things we've tried to get him to do on the show.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Nate) Song Choice: "The Devil in I"
Abe's (repping Jessica) Song Choice: "Born to Raise Hell"
Observation: Nate is a truck driver from Iowa so Slipknot duh. Abe's player Jessica's second cousin is related to Lemmy (because sure, why not.) Corey Taylor didn't die of covid, Lemmy died in general. Jessica has public speaking issues. What I'm saying is you could smell the desperation coming off of Abe on this one, he really wants to bury Angi it seems.
Winner: Abe
10 o' Clock Toast:
Bob Ross. The shocking secret of his documentary, he got ripped off. This poor man is rolling in a pauper's grave while people make dimes off his name. Disgraceful!
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: That's how you know you're an alcoholic, when you order in fingers. - Abe
Quote: "Of course you stopped at 1:30 in the morning to pick up a young twink in the parking lot. That's so on brand." - Angi
Quote: "It's shocking how long I can hold my pee." - Angi
PSAbe: I represent the mayo community. We don't do things like pour it on our head or eat it with a spoon.