This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Most people have actual nightmares of terrible things that will happen to ruin their lives but Angi's horror is much worse. You see, whereas we think about ghosts, murderers and Abe's chicken legs in shorts, she is terrified of growing breasts!? Let me explain how we discovered this ridiculous thought process. So apparently there is this woman named Bethany Lyons who decided she needed a breast reduction. After plopping down $10,000 to have her E Cup reduced to a C Cup, the trouble began. It seems that regardless of spending a ton of cash and wishing that her monster jugs became sensible, nature had other ideas. That's right, her giant cans returned with a vengeance and went back to their pre reduction size. Hearing this sent Angi into a panic and a tizzy, there is no way she wants her giant melons to return. For those not in the loop or have not motorboated her while they were drunk, Angi used to have E (for Enormous) or F (for F'ing Enormous) milk jugs. After having her implant pop for a second time within a 10 year span (if I'm correct,) she decided that she had enough of being the titty queen. Down she went to a sizable C Cup and a set of frankentits, just like the girl in the story. Bethany had her monster mammaries return after 9 months so we still have a little bit of time before we see if Angi's balloons reinflate. As Angi explained it, Abe was curious about how the human body works (because well, it's Abe so there should be no shock there.) Seeing as Abe is the straightest male in the world, he just assumed that your body knows to suck fat from certain places and just return it to your boobs. This led Angi to ponder to Abe that if his body could actually suck fat and shift it around, where would he send it? Abe would want it moved from his stomach to his calves. This led Angi to realize that in almost a year working with him, Angi has never seen Abe's legs. She shouldn't feel bad because I've known him for like 13 years and only seen them twice and both times were in pictures. Abe would also use the fat to make an arch in his foot because our sweet boy assumes that is how fat replacement works. Though it's not known exactly why Bethany's fat went from wherever to her nipple cannons, it does happen rarely. This thought alone had Angi in an absolute panic because if it was to happen to her, she would throw herself off a bridge. Apparently having major boobage is just too much, who knew.
All the Rest:
Let's face it, there was no way I was not opening my notes today without mentioning the biggest thing about today. No, not the fact that a three day weekend is inbound which means Angi will be drunk from now until Tuesday morning. Today is the first birthday of Rock 95.5 and what a crazy ride it has been thus far. Conceived by the radio overlords who saw a swirling void of missing rock radio in Chicago, the station flipped the switch and launched exactly one year ago today. Fun fact, the first song played was "Enter Sandman" by Metallica and if you're lucky, you'll probably hear it a few times today. Obviously since this is about the station as a whole (the show's birthday is next month,) we should be celebrating the talent who brings us joy every single day. Angi & Abe, Rockstar Walt, Klinger, Palmer, Shark, Capone, Josh and Bodhi, thank you for bringing us endless entertainment and great music day in and day out. Sure, the building might be empty for the most part as people are reacclimating and need to find their way back to normality after almost two years, we are riding this amazing wave of greatness. Obviously there's not much else to add because again, this is about the station as a whole and not the show so I'll add some Abe thought to cap this off. Abe has worked at literally every rock station in Chicago and there has not been a real rock station since 103.5 (ironically where Angi came from) way back in the day (98 was when Rock 103.5 shuttered I think.) When he heard Rock 95.5 was coming, Abe knew he was going to work here. I remember actually discussing it with him and how I looked forward to joining him if he did. Here we are now, 1 year later and doing what is best with two of the best hosts in the business. Also, you wanna know how the station is great, Abe actually listens to it when not at work. How many people actually care about their job outside the work day? None, that's who, so Abe actually listening is a glowing review of how great Rock 95.5 is. Rock on and here's to hoping for many more years of rock, chainsaws and of course, Jack Daniels. Cheers 95.5.
Finally, it's Labor Day weekend on top of it being Rock 95.5's birthday which means most of us will be celebrating in some way this weekend. For example, I'll be drunk from the end of the show today until Monday night (I know I made the same comment about Angi in the last post but truth is always stranger than a comedic comment.) Anyway, when polled people said that there were three things that they love to do on Labor Day weekend. Grill outside (which we have gorgeous weather to do today,) watch movies (I have a backlog of horror movies to clear through myself,) and sit on their ass. Honestly, I'm surprised being drunk all weekend because they don't have to work on Monday isn't on the list. For Abe, the weekend is going to be absolutely nuts. He's going to see Greta Van Fleet tonight (a band he basically discovered if you listen to his version of the story,) tomorrow would have been Kiss if they all didn't have covid and then Sunday he is pulling double duty with his last fantasy draft and the All Out PPV on Sunday night. As for Angi, she has a wedding on Saturday that will be all black tie and fancy. King of wearing jeans all the time was confused how you're supposed to force people to dress up for weddings and such. Angi said that there's a bit of leniency because of covid and all. Also, for men black tie is different or something. I dunno, who cares about weddings. Anyway, the most popular things to grill for Labor Day include burgers, hot dogs, chicken, steak and ribs. Lastly, Labor Day is the most dangerous weekend because people are idiots and do horrible things. In fact, in 2021, no one at all should be getting a DUI. You have Uber, you have Lyft, hell even strangers will pick you up on the side of the road so be safe and have a great one everyone.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Bobby D) Song Choice: "Damage Inc."
Abe's (repping Kyle) Song Choice: "Heat Above"
Observation: Angi rapes and pillages all the good requests according to Abe while he takes in young twinks and gives them food, clothing, a Kevin Spacey massage, etc. It has come to this when you have to make your Sophie's Choice. Come on though, Friday and Metallica, this is a no brainer.
Winner: Abe
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Angi Is Excited For Labor Day Weekend
Mon: Tammy had Angi decide to work on Labor Day because she's a team player. Scumbag boss Todd asked Angi if she's able to work a double which caused Angi to choke to death on her cocktail. (Dead)
Tue: Robert had Angi agree to participate in the mayo wrestling contest. Angi did a Ric Flair strut and touted out her coleslaw wrestling win. Abe did a sliding mayo drop kick on Angi and ended up smothering her in the pool of mayo. (Dead)
Wed: Ryan had Angi cover a shift at Inspiration 1390. God was enraged by the idea of Angi hosting a show on a station inspired by him and he struck her down with a bolt of lightning. (Dead)
Thur: Tracy had Angi eat the vegan empanadas that Todd provided. Angi is disgusted and insulted for being served such slop. Enraged, Angi charged at Todd, who ducked out of the way and caused Angi to fall out the window. (Dead)
Fri: Tim had Angi go to Indiana Beach for Labor Day weekend. Instead of doing that, she figured she'd rather work all of Labor Day weekend then go to that disgusting hell hole. (Alive)
10 o' Clock Toast:
All the Roadies. Thank you for being here for the first year of the station and making us the best and only rock station in Chicago.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "When I put on the radio, I'd want to die. I'm not joking." - Abe
Quote: "Shout out to all the rock stars who owe Tramp Store Taylor child support." - Minn Barb