This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Another day that ends in the word day means it's time once again for a trip down memory lane. As we tend to do on this show fairly regularly, trips to the past become a fun distraction from the current hellscape we live in. Furthermore, it also lets us explore why we are such messes usually. Today though, we looked back fondly into our past and childhoods to remember places that used to be magical to us. This topic was spawned by age thinking about when she was a teen and there were two places that everyone worked. This was either the Dairy Queen (aka Angi's first job) or the Ponderosa (where the cool, fancy kids worked.) The reason Ponderosa was such a big memory was that's where you went growing up if you were high end. Mind you, there were tons of places like that but being that most of us were middle class and didn't know the finer things in life, a trip was considered a treat. Pizza Hut, which we now look at almost jokingly, totally made that list as well. Another place that ranked high on Angi's list was Red Lobster. In fact, if you were to take her there when she was in high school, there was a definite chance you were getting a taste of her cheddar bay biscuit. So, Angi reached out to the audience to find out what restaurant was considered fancy to them while growing up. For Abe, it was a place we've heard about several times now, The Red Barrel. This was that former restaurant where they had rabbits living in the walls, video games, delicious all you can eat ribs and they gave you popcorn when you sat down. I'm not entirely sure if Abe just described a fever dream restaurant or the house of the neighbor that he was molested by. Angi was confused to the point of having the rabbits there and she assumed that they were eaten. Like you went in and picked out the one you wanted to consume, kind of like a lobster tank. Turning to the phones, Lainey said she was big on The Cheesecake Factory and their 800 page menu. Ah, a trigger for Abe in this one as he hates choice and only wants one page to choose from. Angi on the other hand likes options, sometimes she wants a big one (most times) and sometimes a small one is fine. Abe then started discussing eating crab legs and oysters at a diner but I have to agree with Angi in her confusion as to who would actually do such a thing. Rich called to discuss the restaurant inside Drury Lane that had $20 burgers and required "fancy" dress. Mike was also fond of Ponderosa, which to him was like a high end cafeteria. After the initial nostalgia wore off (and realization it didn't exist anymore,) Angi revealed that they actually used to call Pondergrossa. Marco was always impressed by Olive Garden and Outback Steakhouse. Robert found his childhood buried in The Rustler Steakhouse. This was the place where kids finished fast and the parents threw you outside while they drank cocktails so in turn, you threw creamers at the Harlem Furniture across the street. Near and dear to roadie Ryan was Shakey's, which was also a favorite of Angi and today's Request Wars winner Shark. Abe has never eaten there (same) and so he couldn't comment on if they're nuts or not. Shawn always thought Bennigan's was a happening place to go. Head Roadie Erin agreed with Angi that Red Lobster was a total clam jam and as kids, felt fancy AF. Red Lobster was another missed opportunity for Abe as a kid as it was considered super high end and so he never went there. It really said something when Red Lobster merited a comparison of it being Disneyland to Abe visiting Indiana Beach as his vacation spot. King Albby on Twitter added in The Rainforest Cafe, which to me always makes me think of grammar school field trips. As for my own place, I'd say the original Home Run Inn. You know, the one that's in a bad neighborhood but as a kid all you thought about was just how damn good that pizza was.
All the Rest:
It's Hump Day which means we are one step closer to the weekend and one day closer to the grave. I know, that's very morbid but stick with me on this one as it totally has a point. You see, Abe actually went out last night (with Cathy Tropicana to boot.) As we tend to know Abe being antisocial and hateful of anything that isn't gambling or wrestling, to hear he was at a movie is crazy. However, he decides to venture out last night and go see the newCandymanmovie. This of course meant that we got Abe Ebert for a half second who gave the movie a big eh. Cathy Tropicana on the other hand liked it so basically, we're not going to be able to solve the dilemma on whether or not you should watch it (though there will be a further discussion on it in a moment after we do some dissection here.) Anyway, all this talk about Candyman had Angi wanting to summon him. We got roughly to four times before Abe got creeped out and in turn, so did Angi. I mean, they also weren't doing it in front of a mirror so the chance of them being mutilated in front of the window washers was pretty low. That said, the talk turned to old urban legends and how they were twisted into the tales that we hear today. For example, Candyman is just a repurposed version of Bloody Mary moved to an urban setting and used to illustrate the plight of inner city residents (at least the original movie version is, I'm not sure about Clive Barker's story version.) Abe chimed in about Monk's Castle, a notorious place that if you're from Chicago, you know about from being a kid. Monk's Castle, for those unaware, carried a legend that there were monks actually living inside of it. If you were caught by them trespassing, they would chase you and once caught, slit your knees and force you to kneel in salt. Of course drunk people and risky teens would jump the fence and tempt fate (and of course, none of those people were heard from again after that.) The thing about all of these stories and urban legends in general is once you turn them into a story that can be easily transmitted across, it makes everyone want to take part in it. Speaking of cemeteries and generally haunted places, for whatever reason Abe assumed that Angi loved to hang out in cemeteries (and lest we forget behind dumpsters.) Angi is not a fan of cemeteries at all and prefers to avoid them if she can, the same going for Abe but mostly only at night for him. She did have a friend though who loved to go there and write music because it was "atmospheric." Anyway, back to Abe Ebert thinking the movie was just okay but he called it the worst out of all the Jordan Peele movies. Angi corrected Abe to showcase that he may have written it/was a producer on Candyman but the movie was directed by a woman. This was important because she became the first African American woman with a number 1 movie at the box office. Okay, let's get moving on, I just realized I said Candyman four times and I don't wan
Woo, I barely escaped Candyman's hook just now, he didn't realize that I have an escape hatch hidden behind the glory hole in my bathroom wall. Anyway, next up was Angi's curiosity corner, where discovery is the essence of life. Her newest discovery came last night while she was lying in bed last night scrolling through her phone. Grandma was attempting to turn up the volume on her iPhone and she kept hitting what she assumed was the right knob. Turns out, what she was actually doing was sending her phone into panic mode and much like saying Candyman five times, it went into an alert. That's right, she literally sent her phone into an Amber Alert and she had 5 seconds to stop it before the SWAT team arrived at her place. Funny enough, Abe has done the same thing before but unlike Angi, he did not notice it because his phone was in his pocket. Unaware, he sent Mama Kanan, his brother Sam and his girlfriend Cathy Tropicana into panic mode because they assumed he was getting murdered or was already dead. So what she didn't realize but knows now is that hitting the button that is not the volume 5 times in a row triggers a system alert that will send a message to your emergency contact (and maybe 911.) This actually seems ideal because I used to be a fan of walking outside at 5:30 in the morning when it was still dark and always figured screaming "help, white woman in trouble!" would save me. Anyway, this whole ordeal caused Angi to be unable to sleep for an hour after it occured because she was spooked. Before Abe went on to a hidden feature on his phone he didn't know about, the pair took a moment to hate on us Android users (because that's just how iPhone people are.) Abe's point was about the built-in scanner on notes. Note to all users of an iPhone, you have a scanner in your notes so there is no need to download a secondary app. Abe explained that if you open the upper right hand corner, there are a ton of useful junk gadgets built inside. For example, Angi didn't realize that there is a built-in magnifying glass on the phone as well. This is helpful for people like her whose eyes are starting to go (check yesterday's podcast for more on that.) Abe got excited for a second as well until he played around with it and lost his thrill. Abe also discovered an NFC tag reader which he was not able to determine what it did because after that his phone "broke." All of Angi's meddling sent it into haywire mode. Another tip we got while Abe attempted to remedy his ailing device, you can open a PDF and sign it on your phone and send it back, no need for any extra steps. Speaking of phones, Angry Bob called in on his flip phone and explained its greatest feature, it makes calls. Angi was curious as to whether or not it was a Nokia or Motorola Razr, which she hoped it was because she loved the Razr. Before letting him go, they decided to drag Angry Bob for calling other shows on the station. He calls in as happy, jolly Bob and he salivates at the idea of Walt playing "Run to the Hills" for him but on our show, he treats them like they're the worst people ever (and sometimes, he's not wrong.)
Finally, in a topic/subject that I felt was a perfect excuse for a PSAngi, we talked about butt stuff. Sorry, what I meant to say was Angi talked about stuffing stuff up your butt. That's right, here on this show that is known for misinformation, jobbing, sob stories and stupidity, we also have weekly stories about people mistreating their cash and prizes. Angi is getting quite tired of reading stories about people treating their genitals like it's Six Flags Genital Amusement Land. Sticking things in pee holes, soaking their goods in apple cider vinegar, we've heard it all right? Well, in today's news a guy in China almost died because he stuffed an eel up into his booty hole to curb constipation. Before Angi had a chance to explain why the eel in his butt was bad news, Abe put it out there that he wants to get a tapeworm. Angi initially yelled at him for suggesting it though after a moment of thought, she kind of figured she wanted one too. Of course, when one gets a tapeworm, they get all long and then they dangle in the toilet and the whole thing is just an absolute mess. Anyway, back to the eel guy, who after inserting the live monster inside had it travel from his rectum to his colon and then it started to eat through to his abdomen. The thing was still alive when doctors took it out and then man was close to death because of all the intestinal damage he had done. Abe was curious as to what happened to the booty eel after it was removed, did the doctors eat it? Angi peeled back another layer of Abe in discovering that he apparently has a kink for eating booty eels. The eel mind you had been fattening itself by eating all the man's food and then into his tissue/organs so the assumption was that it would be tasty, right? Let's just end it with Angi's proper proclamation point "Hey, stop putting eels in your booty hole guys, stop it!"
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Fall Out Fan 69's) Song Choice: "Centuries"
Abe's (repping Shark) Song Choice: "Outshined"
Observation: Shark got on to plug other shows apparently after Angi brought out some 69 jobber that 69'ed Pete Wentz. Abe basically got down on all fours for Shark and let him hit it rawer than a fresh pound of meat from the butcher. I think the bromance has this in the bag.
Winner: Abe
10 o' Clock Toast:
The Egg Spotters. A dedicated tight knit group of Chicagoans who are trying to stop a serial egg truck that is driving around the city and egging people.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I'll never take a cruise ... unless it's the KIϟϟ cruise." - Abe
Quote: "I decided that you (shark) and I should be together today." - Abe
Quote: "You can't be 8 feet tall and hung like a light switch, that's not fair!" - Angi
Quote: "Hey stop putting eels in your booty hole guys, stop it!" - Angi