This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
As we all know, radio is a forever changing market that literally embodies the spirit of the saying "one day you're in and the next, you're out." For this reason, it's important to keep options and open and always be on the lookout for something to fall back on. Having done radio with Abe for about 14 years now, I've documented at length all his ideas and opportunities (see schemes) in which he'll be able to make money in case radio fails. The whole purpose of this wind up here is to introduce you, if you have never heard of it, to the Kanan Kollective. Within this menagerie of unused thoughts and ideas are the many different Abe Kanan businesses he has come up with. For example, the Kanan Kollection, a captivating and stunning line of clothing that makes girls go from pig to princess. Clean Bathrooms, the service that provides you a place to go that is clean and tidy for a small fee. As I said there are hundreds of these things and though they are not the purpose of this topic, it illustrates the point. Today, Angi introduced the idea that I could see Abe marketing as his next big breakthrough product. It all started when she discussed Instagram (my favorite social media platform) and their crazy targeted ads. They are always attempting to shill and sell you products that you don't need or are not what they see. Angi and Abe fall for it all the time, Of course, those products are usually trash but one thing they have seen is the homesick candle. These pillars of wax stink just like your home state so for Chicago for example, it would smell like political corruption and freshly fired handguns. This inspired Angi to create a topic and in my head, Abe to create a product. The Kanan Kandle, a two tone scented candle that smells like you. For example, Angi would have a 2 pack called the Taylor Torchies. They would smell exactly how you would imagine Angi's would, the first being Jack Daniel's and Daddy Issues and the second being Jack Daniel's and Weed. Abe's candle also is pretty predictable in that it would be Duke's Mayo and John Stamos' taint (later repurposed to his butthole.) On the phones, we also got some roadie creations to add to the collection. Melanie's would smell like Black Cherry/Watermelon White Claw and SunScreen w/ a Dash of Regret. Abe felt compelled to chime in that he loves White Claw (I was shocked to hear this) but more so, he loves "real watermelon." Melanie also introduced them to the idea of White Claw soaked watermelon, which seems like something that would be served at a backyard BBQ at the frat house. Josh would also have an Angi candle in that it smells like Jack Daniel's and Weed. Jay's would smell like Heroin and Hookers, so basically he'd have a Mötley Crüe candle. Head Roadie Dave's candle would have an interchangeable two pack of Sex and Tequila and Tequila and Sex. Austin's would smell of Rockstar and Marlboro Reds (aka The Southern Special.) EJ's would be a delightful blend of Fresh Linen and Pot. As for me, mine is simple yet delightful, a true taste of my time in life. Of course, what I mean for my own is Captain Morgan and a Chain Link Fence.
All the Rest:
So yesterday, Angi once again suffered from some debilitating form of embarrassment. So if you follow the show and listen regularly (well thank you if that's the case,) you would know that Angi has had construction going on inside her house for some time now. I mean literally this place has been working on since February and it's finally done (checks calendar to see how many months its been) after months. For those not in the loop, Angi had a bad leak when we had that massive snow storm that caused water to seep into the ceiling and walls of several rooms in her house. Several other stories have come during this time including Angi's haunted keyboard, the need to hide her sex toys and those giant fans that made it impossible to hear anyone talk in the house. Between the airing out, painting and of course dust from new walls, the place was just an absolute mess. Now seeing as Jay the Straight is a busy man who is always out of town and Angi works all morning and is drunk by noon, someone had to clean this mess up. Enter Olga (sure, let's go with that,) the sweet old Polish woman who was hired to clean up this pigsty. She was there yesterday when Angi got home from work (and Jay the Straight was gone on one of his out of town business trips.) Walking through the house, headed for the couch to sleep off all the Jack Daniels she drank at work, she noticed an accidental detail Jay the Straight forgot to take care of. Sitting smack dab on the coffee table was a huge glass water bong. In his rush, he had simply forgotten to put it away. Angi was embarrassed for some reason and apologized to Olga for it being left out. Abe rightfully pointed out that she simply should have ignored it and not drawn attention to it but we're talking about Angi after all. The woman was confused as to why Angi was so embarrassed which led to her explaining that it was a bong. Sweet, innocent Olga had not realized that, her assumption being that it was an oil lamp. Needless to say, the woman probably went home to tell her family that world famous Angi Taylor is a total pothead.
Since we've discussed being at home, let's take a quick trip back to work. Living under the assumption that being productive at work for 8 hours is not at all realistic. I know you're shocked, who could have imagined that in a long span of hours being trapped at a place you probably hate, you're not working to your full potential the whole time. Even Abe, known for being the hardest working man in radio, would literally be lying on his stomach if he had the ability to work from home. The information that led to this came from a study that revealed that roughly 4 hours and 12 minutes of work is done in an 8 hour work day. So what makes up that extra 3+ hours of wasted time, well there is a Top 5 list. The first is sitting on the internet, which makes sense because I've paused these notes several times to go look at something stupid. Social media is number 2 and that makes sense because most social media is essentially number 2. Too many idiots throwing their empty headed ideas down a hallway in an attempt to get people to buy into what they want heard (guess what, most of us don't care.) Texting friends which makes sense since I spend most of the show texting Angi and Abe talking smack about everyone and everything. Bathroom breaks are number 4 and if you are Abe, each trip is roughly 40 minutes if he's given the chance. Lastly, socializing with coworkers because there's nothing better than talking to people instead of having to work. Each place has their own set of lurkers, that person who stops in for a 40 minute chat to each person's office. They also tend to offer massages and hugs from behind as well. So what do our favorite hosts do to kill time at work? Angi loves to shop online and also tends to play a bunch of games on her phone, like Grand Bubble Jack Daniel's Whiskey Smash or something. Abe likes to play chess and sit in 15 smack talk text threads. He also loves to frequent his fast food apps, photoshop pictures and goof on Angi obviously. Angi took to the phones to see what the listeners did. Derek will sneak off and go smoke weed in his car. Chris has a side business that he works on online while he's at his actual job. Fred likes to go on Tinder and look at all the hot pieces offering themselves up. Mike is a mechanic who basically kills himself at work and works hard, he doesn't have time for screwing around. He gets paid by work done and not by the hour so the free time is offered to his boss. That boss btw is 22 and he walks around playing Pokemon Go while everyone else breaks their back.
Finally, now that we've addressed the potential product launch, let's discuss what is sure to happen next. When something comes out, there's sure to be a line that's going to follow it. For example, with the eventual launch of the Kanan Kollective, there will certainly be a line. So let's assume you're standing in line and the person ahead of you is holding a spot and others join them. The question that was polled was is it okay to to save a spot in a line and furthermore, how many spots are acceptable to actually save. 30% of people polled do not find it acceptable to allow people to join the line. Abe already has issues like this down, for example when he's flying Southwest and in a seat, he will purposely cough to keep from wanting to sit next to or near him. This is especially relevant in these pandemic times and is a brilliant way to get people to back off. In a normal line though, Abe is not open to the idea of cutting in line at all. He did change his tune when Angi offered the scenario of Abe's girlfriend being in line forever and holding a spot for him. This made both of them agree that it was acceptable then, especially if the spot is being held for just one person. Angi would also make a point of actually letting people know (and has) when a situation like this arises and she knows someone is going to be joining her.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Joe) Song Choice: "Sex Type Thing"
Abe's (repping Corrine) Song Choice: "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"
Observation: Poor Angi, today she had her partner in song choice dip on her as well as having a panic attack that found her broadcasting from the floor. Abe and Corrine were unphased by this and presented her sob story with such vigor and vim, you would think he was a saint. Poor Angi should have this in the bag.
Winner: Abe
10 o' Clock Toast:
Big Chris. He's the homeless guy who judges Angi when she goes on her daily run for pinata sized bottles of Jack Daniels for her studio shots.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "What is it about kids singing in unison that makes me think someone is going to get murdered?" - Angi
Quote: "I eat real watermelon all the time." - Abe
Tidbit: PSAbe: Hey, let your kids do whatever they want.