This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, even though in my call in I think I discovered the actual reason behind this topic, I'll leave that as a teaser for you to check out the podcast. Angi has been trying to clean her house for the last few days, which seems like it would probably be difficult when you're hammered every afternoon. This need for spring cleaning is in preparation for Angi's mothers arrival this weekend. She's going to be visiting and the house needs to be spotless. Whereas most just get a white glove test, Angi will have to endure the immigrant Serbian lady white glove test. As we've heard plenty of times, Angi grew up being taught that a dirty house equates to a dirty vagina. This is in the same vein of that concept so basically cluttered house is to cluttered mind as dirty house is to dirty vagina. Anyway, while drunkenly smashing things aside throughout the house, Angi remembered that forever suffering show husband Jay the Straight has a collection of cards and memorabilia. In fact, the other day he went to a sports autograph convention signing thing (think Radiocon but with sports loving losers.) He went to get all his collectables graded because in his mind, all that junk will be worth something one day. As I said, the house is cluttered with basketball and baseball cards that may be old but more than likely are worth nothing. Seriously, if these cards are of nobodies then they are going to remain worthless and are absolutely trash. So with this in mind, Angi sat back in her chair at work with a glass of Jack and wondered if the roadies are holding onto something that they assume will be worth money down the line? For Abe, it's his SafeMoon cryptocurrency that he panic bought after he sold his Dogecoin and it went flying to the ceiling. Of course, much like the Dogecoin Angi gave Abe for his birthday, the SafeMoon that he dumped money into also tumbled in value. In his delusional mind, it will hit a penny some day and he will become an instant millionaire. Angi is perfect and has no junk that she keeps around so after attacking her husband, she came for her daughter's Funko Pops because she's a monster. On the phones, it began with Alexis who apparently has boxes upon boxes ofSoap Opera Digestin her basement. They are catalogued and everything, surely one day someone will want to look up what happened between Patch and Kayla in 1985. Roadie Josh has an unopened 6 pack of Harley Davidson beer from 1992 (30 year old beer sure sounds appealing.) Casper actually has something worth stealing it seems. It's a H.R. Giger costume art book that is signed by Salvador Dalí. It's worth about $15,000 or so and funny enough, was given to him as a gift that was bought for a few hundred bucks. Angelica is a true Abe follower as she has AMC stock that she hopes will rebound to the wacky levels it did when Reddit was wrecking the field. Julie has a White Tiger Power Ranger toy that she played with a few times (I don't know.) She also has a Nikki Sixx autographed copy ofThe Heroin Diariesthat Abe assumes is worth $20 bucks. Mike has a bunch of Pogs back from his childhood and the 90's. Here's a thought for most of these people, this is all trash, throw it out (aside from you Casper.) As for me, I have a bunch of Magic the Gathering cards in good condition just sitting in a drawer. This also goes the same for my friend Omar who has literally thousands of them stuffed in a closet in his house.
All the Rest:
This morning started as every morning does, with some variation of distraction. Today it was Time Life (which honestly who knew was still around,) hocking those 80 CD collections of garbage music. Outside of Head Roadie Dennis, no one should still be handling CD's at all. Abe wanted to take the time to empower power to learn how to stream music but unfortunately, there is just no time. You see, he's busy with his new job being a radio engineer, which was just dumped into his lap yesterday. Perhaps I should backtrack for a moment and explain how all of this mess came about. Even though people are busy getting reacclimated and the like so they refuse to even come into the building, radio boot camp has arrived here in the city. This is that annual festival where all the radio losers gather together in one place to promote ideas, discuss what garbage radio they are doing and of course, go drink at the bar and mingle. That said, even our beloved Angi will be doing a panel there but who cares about her because there is a celebrity in town. That's right, Panama Jack is here and with his arrival comes some demands. Since he is an "East Coaster," he needs an engineer to come in and set his show up for him. This is where Abe comes in, who now needs to get up an hour earlier tomorrow to make sure things are ready to go. This came as a shock to Abe who was only made aware of this fact at the start of the show today. Needless to say, he was not pleased. After they get done taking care of him, he's off to the convention to schmooze with the other losers. One person who won't be there, Abe, who takes pride in the fact that he's never gone to the convention. The way it was explained is that most of them are there for happy hour and they want to see their friends. Panama Jack for example is a larger syndicated guy and he only wants to see people. Angi pondered how it would be if Abe's friend "Hollywood" came to town, would Abe go out of his way to see him at the convention? Of course not, they would meet elsewhere and hang out. Abe doesn't want to be seen among the likes of radio rejects like Panama Jack and Young Ron. As you can tell from either listening or vague hinting here, Abe was emitting those bad vibes early this morning. He was tired and just wanted his extra hour of sleep. Instead though, he now needs to report to his new boss Panama Jack. Angi then gave us a peek behind the station hierarchy curtain to show us exactly where Abe stands. It goes their boss, Panama Jack, the guy who comes in and changes the lightbulbs in the studio, the window washers, Tony who works security and then of course Abe. Abe said he's willing to come do work if Panama Jack wears a tracksuit tomorrow as opposed to his normal Hawian shirt and khaki shorts. Let's leave it at this, a word of wisdom from Angi. Everyone has work drama, the goal is to not let your own work version of Panama Jack get you down.
So, since she's already in the deep for attempting to get rid of Jay the Straight's stuff, Angi decided to step further into it. Sitting on the couch out of her mind high last night with Jay the Straight, Angi was a very bad girl. I know what you're thinking but no, that is not the bad girl stuff I'm talking about. Instead, Jay had a picture on his phone that he wanted Angi to see so he passed it over to her. As she was looking and not scrolling, he got a text and that's where the impulse control went out the window. She clicked on the text but didn't read it, instead going to his main text screen and went through the list of names in his text list. Unfortunately for her, there were no bitches to find and it was just co-workers. She put out a strong emphasis on the fact that she did not read any of the messages (bitch, we call that guilt.) When glancing over, Jay the Straight noticed that she was furiously scrolling and when she realized she was caught, she handed it back. In turn, Jay wanted Angi's phone and so she handed it over. Plot twist though, when asking for the password, she told him to figure it out. Jokes on her of course, he was able to guess it right on the first try. This sent her into a panic spiral because let's face it, no one wants anyone reading the things on your phone. It's only made worse because there is a text thread between Angi and Abe that is particularly bad. Hell, the text thread with the three of us is very ridiculous as well. Unlike Angi, Jay opened texts and started reading and lobbing accusations. Who's this and who's that? He was fixated on someone named Elijah Peppers, who he assumed was some athlete that Angi was secretly banging. It turns out he was just a co-worker and obviously Angi is a good girl, I mean outside of phone scrolling and throwing out Jay's stuff. The moral of the story here is that Angi suggests that no one should snoop because everyone should have their right to privacy. Plus, you can read into pretty much anything and then things can go wrong in so many ways. The point is, don't be like Angi, do better!
Finally, a quick throwback to Lollapalooza for a moment because this trip down memory lane is about being memorable. The milestone outside of being one of the first few big festivals and Delta variant spread zones involves the lungs as well. Of course I'm talking about pot, which the state of Illinois reached record levels of sales because of Lollapalooza. In July alone, the state made $127 million from recreational pot sales. This is up 10% from the previous month. Another fun statistic to come from this is that 42% of the sales were to out of state people. The reason Angi brought this up was because she wanted to know exactly where all this profit was going. Abe chimed in that even though there's tons of money coming in, we're lucky because property taxes continue to go up. Mind you, we were also lucky in that we originally got legal pot once the pandemic started so that at least eased that nightmare. In terms of legalization, we are the 11th state to legalize pot usage even though for whatever reason, it still remains illegal on a federal level. Still fixated on where the money goes, an idea was proposed. They said that every state should show where all the money is going. Hell, even if the source released it as a million pages, Abe would take the time to read it to figure out why we're broke AF. Angi assumed that the money goes to schools (I think that's the lottery honey.) Angi has no problem contributing to our state and our city and buys both recreational and medicinal pot. The thing is, she just wants the pot holes filled with this extra money. Abe is over it and even though he doesn't partake, he said people should go back to supporting the local drug dealers. However, if they were told where the money was going, recreational could go back on the table. Either way, weed is doing well and people are happy so there's that right. Before we ended this, Angi was able to discover that 10% goes to budget stabilization and 30% to the general revenue fund. This roughly translates to the money goes to the 12 cousins of the alderman and other city workers, duh.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Shannon) Song Choice: "Forever"
Abe's (repping Jason) Song Choice: "Simple Man"
Observation: Angi went low, so very low and picked Abe's favorite song to finally go for a W. Poor Abe, he had to turn his back on Stamos now and needs to find a new boyfriend.
Winner: Abe
10 o' Clock Toast:
Robin. Robin from Batman & Robin came out as bi yesterday. Good for him living his truth.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "People who drink Mountain Dew are addicted to Mountain Dew." - Abe
Quote: "Yeah, I have the good alopecia." - Abe
Quote: "West Virginia, that's one of those states we should turn our back on." - Abe