This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, it's going to be hot today, like boiling pits of hell type of hot this upcoming afternoon so why not lock yourself in the house. Luckily for you, there is Netflix and ironically that works because Netflix was a primary topic for today. You see, the realization has finally come that people like Angi will lay on their couch drinking brown liquor all day and watch basically anything. Instead of paying for tons of overproduced, flashy content, they are instead casting a massive net for their reality shows. That's right, all the classics are included like love Is Blind,The Circle,Too Hot to Handle,Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,Floor Is Lava,Nailed It, the list goes on and on. They need contestants and any joe nobody will do (because let's face it, the pay is cheap and the exploitation is high.) That said, Abe doesn't understand the allure of Queer Eye because he feels it's the type of reality that exists likePawn Stars. So, Angi wanted to hear from the roadies (which basically turned into a discussion of shows Angi and Abe want to do) on which reality shows they would love to be on. For Angi, it was alwaysThe Real Worldand honestly, she would have been outstanding casting. That was her go to show as a teenager, which found her rushing home after high school just to catch showings of it when it came out. Abe also picked something that wasThe Real Worldadjacent,MTV's The Challenge. In case you're not familiar, they take all the cast members fromThe Real World,Road Rulesand newer shows likeEx on the Beachand put them into a competition. They've milked this formula for 30 plus seasons now and have given Johnny Bananas a career unfortunately. If Abe was to do the show, his first order of business would be to punch CT or Johnny Bananas in the face. He would end up looking like a hero if he was to do this and people would fear him, kind of like jail or something. Angi hasn't watchedThe Challengebut she did see a promo for it and was intrigued, which makes sense as she loves all those types of shows. Abe's secondary choice for a show would be the amazingMy Lottery Dream Home. The idea I think here is that Abe would have won a ton of money and that's why he's on the show. Of course, it should be noted that the show is entirely misleading in the concept because one assumes you're going to see 10 million dollar homes. What ends up happening is you see people who won like $100,000 or $1,000,000 and they end up wanting like $50,000 and $150,000 houses. Roadie Fitch called to say he would want to doSurvivor. Angi went to staple Rudy as her reference point for the show but even Fitch didn't remember him because who remembers all the way back to season 1. However,Survivoris a great choice because it has alliances and a great diet, you end up coming back shredded from not eating. Abe has an alternative to that, just get the flu and you'll have the same result. What was somehow forgotten until Abe and I nudged her brain back in place is that Angi was on two reality shows. She once appeared with Jason Brown on Say Yes to the Dress(where he ended up being the star basically.) The skinny of that reality fakery is the dress place itself, which is made to look like Soldiers Field but is the size of a closet. The filming for it takes all day and there is no booze (could you imagine how she felt without booze all day.) She also appeared on The Jamie Kennedy Experimentwhere she was basically punked by an ex. Other show shenanigans, Angi had a producer who was onHouse Hunters. The whole show is completely faked because he already had a house he was going to buy in Bridgeport. The show then added a condo in the South Loop and another house in Bridgeport. The ironic twist was five years down the line, when the secondary house came onto the market, he sold the original Bridgeport house and bought that one. As for me, if I had to pick a show I would say eitherBig BrotherorThe Mole(even though it's no longer airing.) Both involve scheming and backstabbing and I think my younger self would have revelled in all that chaos.
All the Rest:
So today is National Lazy Day and I for one wish I could celebrate such a wonderful holiday. Instead, I'm sitting here tirelessly pouring over a ton of notes that may or may not get read for hours. Looking past the woe is me point, Angi was inspired by the concept of the day. This is not to be confused with every other day of the week where she lays on the couch and drinks brown liquor while watching streaming shows. Anyway, inspired by the day and a friend who is so lazy, she won't pick her daughter up from school and instead has her Uber home. There's a questionability in putting your daughter in an Uber but I'm too lazy to explore that. Instead, let's look at the topic Angi created. I'm so lazy that I (insert lazy thing you do.) For Angi, her lazy attack came the other day when she was sitting on the couch eating chips and salsa. As she scooped, an irrational fear came over here. She panicked at the thought of running out of salsa and so she did what any right minded person would do in the situation. She ordered a single jar off of Amazon because she's so lazy that she couldn't be bothered to go to the store to get some more. As for Abe, he is so lazy that he opts to pick things up with his feet. No, he's not trying to get into the next Quentin Tarantino movie, he just finds it easier than using the rest of his body. For example, he dropped the remote the other day and he spent a full two minutes trying to pick it up with his feet. Abe is also way too lazy to read entire Facebook posts. He pointed out that he's not the only one who falls into this pit trap. There were people crying the other day because someone posted about mandatory vacations but idiots read it as mandatory vaccinations. What he's basically saying is that people are just beyond lazy. On the phones, we heard from Natalie, who explained that she's so lazy, she taught her dog to pick things up when she drops them. This immediately inspired Abe to the idea that he needs a dog (don't do it, you can barely hand yourself.) Angi explained that her dogs were to pick something up, they would just run off with them. Denise is also a fan of the couch, she likes to text her kids and tell them to bring her things. She also has a wine bell that she rings so she can have drinks brought to her. Abe went on to explain that he has been lazy since he was a little kid (I'm having Pinewood Derby flashbacks all of a sudden.) Anyway, when he was a kid, Abe would force his brother Mike to go and get him drinks. He would use the mind freak trick of counting and it always worked. Kids are stupid and they easily buy into these things. As for Sue, she sleeps in shirts that she's worn all day (wait, people don't do this?) Back in the studio, Angi got lazy and didn't want to read the screen to discuss what was going on. Roadie Josh, he is so lazy that when he wants to smoke, he has three friends he can call up and have them come through to roll joints for him. Angi pulled out another of her lazy tricks, this time discussing how she will text Jay the Straight even when she's sitting next to him because she's too lazy to open her mouth. Head Roadie Dave, he's so lazy that he hasn't been calling in after getting his Head Roadie title. I'd contribute but remember, I'm not lazy and I still have more notes to write.
Moving on to the next topic, this is a double down on food because it seemed worth combining the two. The first was a topic about a KFC hotel that has opened up in London. The allure of this place is that it has a "finger licking" button in your room. You can press this button and chicken is delivered right to you. It's funny that laziness would become a topic later on in the day because this seems fit for it. I mean, as cool as punch a button and delicious herb and spice chicken floats to your mouth but still, this is so lazy. This brought on memories of relics that existed before covid took over the whole world. Remember buffets because Abe sure does. There used to be a KFC buffet in Riverside, California where for like $9, you could stuff yourself stupid with delicious KFC. That led to the pondering of whether or not buffets are dead now. Angi was curious as well as to whether or not places like Golden Corral are open anymore or if they've gone the way of the dinosaur. There was a time that they tried to sustain themselves by having people actually serve you. It was all you can eat but you had the shame of people looking at you and having to bring you plates upon plates of food. Abe is not open for that kind of embarrassment because when he goes to a buffet, he is an animal. Like when he would go to the buffet at Bally's in Vegas, he would get like 6 lobster tails and eat them like chicken fingers. He'd get these things of butter and just go to town, absolutely disgusting and if you consider it further, you'd probably puke. I should probably add that this KFC hotel has a hot wing arcade machine. However, since London was mentioned and we know about Abe's aversion to going anywhere but Vegas, it meant that the idea and dream were dead. The other side of the double down dream delight was the discussion of Guy Fieri's newest disgusting messterpiece. For the upcoming Field of Dreams game, Guy has created a hot dog apple pie. This violation of nature is an all beef hot dog wrapped in apple pie crust with bacon jam filling and covered with apple mustard drizzle, apple pie spice and brown sugar. It basically looks like a McDonald's apple pie with a hot dog shoved inside of it. He refers to it as a "funky throw back snack." The only thing I can think of while reading and writing about it is how this funky snack is making it hard for me to keep from throwing up.
Finally, as it is Tuesday and regardless of it being a lazy day, we had our weekly check in from Big Cat. As you should know if you're a regular listener or reader of these notes, he is the world's greatest drunk who Angi admires and I consider the best roadie we have. Unfortunately for him, he was having a bad day today (because his back is all messed up.) When we caught up with him, he had gotten done cleaning the house and he was now in his yard wearing red socks and a cheetah print thong. What was he doing in such a delightful outfit this early in the morning, well picking cucumbers obviously. As for his drinking, this morning he had had a glass of Jack, which he chased with moonshine and 11 beers. He was pacing himself today and had started his early drinking at 6:01 A.M. He explained that his hurt back was a result of taking a dip in his buddies pool. This then turned into a discussion about how Angi, Abe and Big Cat all drank out of garden hoses as kids (I mean so did I, who didn't honestly?) Angi went one step further and just assumed that Big Cat drank out of puddles. When getting off the call, his intention was to take a dip in the hot tub and work on his aching back. Oh and in even better news, he's off tomorrow and might check in again! To you Big Cat, best roadie, we salute you and all that you do you big drunken cat.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Mama Kanan) Song Choice: "Mother"
Abe's (repping Jay the Straight) Song Choice: "Iron Man"
Observation: Outstanding. White Hot Fire. Abe and Jay the Straight are the tag team from hell and they set Angi and Mama Kanan's bushes on fire today. I love Mama Kanan but this was an absolute massacre. Best Request Wars in some time.
Winner: Abe
10 o' Clock Toast:
Mama Kanan. She is absolutely the sweetest and Angi wishes that anybody loved her as much as she loves Abe.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "He's the type of guy (Quentin Tarantino) if you have a sleepover, you don't wanna sleep next to him." - Abe
Quote: "Let's say you're looking for a Stamos, that's a top tier guy to lay with." - Abe
Quote: "My husband doesn't love me that much and destroyed me (during Request Wars.)" - Angi
Quote: "How long will the red penis be our quarterback?" - Abe
Quote: "You don't know what it's like when I wake up with a hole in my beard and I start crying." - Abe