This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Does today feel momentous, does it feel amazing, does it feel important? If you answered yes to all of these then you can feel the whirl in the air of what makes today so amazing. That's right, it is Abe's 40th birthday and boy did we celebrate the best way we could during a 5 hour morning radio show that can't have people in the studio because Delta Plus is currently ruining everything. So, for the main topic point today, I'm rounding up all the Abecentric good stuff here in one big swoop. Let's start by the big question that everyone is wondering, does 40 feel different (as someone who turned 40 last year, I'd say only in the occasional new aches that appear.) For Abe, he doesn't feel any different and in a way, 40 nowadays feels younger than the way it used to back in the day. Abe still fondly recalls when his mother turned 40 and in turn, he felt like she was 100 years old. Angi kind of felt the same way about her mother, who always looked good at 40 but had 3 kids and was running a daycare. Abe's mom was 21 when she birthed this beloved monster into the world. After some small talk, the first gift from Angi's vault of presents was a Nest keyless entry doorknob. As you may recall, Abe has issues with people breaking into The Ivory Tower so this is the perfect gift. This was also something that he had been eyeing for quite some time so it makes sense that he would get a gift from her that he actually wanted/needed. I mean, as it is she also got him that amazing Angi Taylor Memorial Toilet so she's working on making sure the entire place is digitalized. Another gift came in the form of a compliment from boss Jason Brown, who told Abe that he looks 32, which is a wonderful thing to hear. Abe's assumption is now that he's 40, he'll get told he looks younger and younger. However, all these nice things came with a slight downside. There was the realization that if Abe had ever wanted to play sports professionally, well that dream is dead. Personally, this is exciting to me because I assume that I'll never have to hear about the Year of the Dunk again. Next up in the cavalcade of gifts was supposed to be an incredible gift that Angi had been working on for some time but as usual, things went wrong. Slash was supposed to call in to wish Abe happy birthday but it just couldn't work logistically (he had a show last night, etc.) Instead, Slash is sending something to Abe that should hopefully arrive before the week is over. Angi had tried to get Axl but let's face it, he's Axl and he's busy. Next we turned to talk of Abe's balls and how they're now going to sag to the floor. Also included in things that are happening to Abe now that he's old, he was curious if he would need a prostate exam. Ever the trooper, I volunteered to come through and give him one after the show. When we arrived at our next section, it was time for a call from Abe's mom. She checked in to discuss Abe having jaundice when he was born and him needing to be stuffed under a hot light as well as being left on the front porch so he could get all that delicious vitamin D. I should probably point out btw that he was not just thrown out on the front porch like the day's trash to absorb the delicious light. Angi chimed in for a moment to ask if it felt wild for Mama Kanan to have two kids that are in their 40's now. For her, she doesn't feel like she's in her 60's and that's a great way to view things. She still pictures Abe as her little boy just like it was yesterday. She talked about how great of a heart he has and how hard of a worker he is. I agree with her when she says we are lucky to have someone like him. She is entirely proud of not only him but also Angi and she is grateful to have him as a son. This was a super sweet moment that would have melted even the iciest of hearts. Moving along and I know, this section of notes is massive but this is a celebration bitches. A discussion of things that are also turning 40 this year: The Rubik's Cube, Big League Chew, Post It Notes, 24 Hour news cycle, the McChicken and the Yugo car. Moving along, we got to the next present on Angi's giving list. Angi bought Abe $100 worth of Dogecoin all the way back in May when the idea was it would skyrocket to the ceiling. The plan was she was going to surprise Abe that he was a millionaire on his birthday today. Well, if you've been following the crypto saga, Abe is even more poor than that initial investment from May. Yet another gift came later in the show in the form of Ozzie Guillén who not only called in to wish Abe a Happy Birthday but he also gave a fun interview. There was talk of the Sox, Abe giving Ozzie his full on impression and of course, Abe asked Ozzie to get Frank Thomas to unblock him. If you're wondering if I'm rolling my eyes right now, I think you know the proper answer. Lastly, Windy City Live host Ryan Chiaverini left a message to say Happy Birthday to Abe. This spot was supposed to be filled by CM Punk but of course, the whole AEW thing has him completely locked down and he is not talking to anyone at the moment. So there you have it, welcome to 40 Abe and from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you for all that you do and know that everything I do for you is out of a deep admiration, respect and love for you. Cheers brother, let's all toast in his honor today.
All the Rest:
So, as we're sitting here dealing with our Covid 15 (30, 50, etc as the time goes on.) So it makes sense that diets are going to be all the rage since we're allowed to go outside for 5 minutes (until Delta Plus arrives and ruins everything shortly.) Anyway, if you were thinking about doing Keto, I have some bad news for you. It turns out the diet where you're only eating meat, bacon and the like is actually bad for you (who knew!) That right Keto is terrible for you and being on it, it will probably kill you. Emerging research is showing that doing Keto can cause heart disease, cancer, diabetes and all that other fun stuff that will ruin your chances of seeing 40 like our newly aged Mr. Kanan. That said, Angi was curious to hear about crazy diets that listeners have tried. For Abe, he's been on everything at least once. Angi remembers but did not do things like the cabbage soup diet, the grapefruit juice diet, the blood diet (I think that's where you become a vampire right?,) the baby food diet and my personal favorite, the sleeping diet (which is also called clinical depression or just normal depression when your best friend dies.) Abe went on to tout how amazing Keto is because it lets you eat things like bacon and raw cow hearts and the like. Turning to the phones, personal trainer Ed gave us probably the best advice of all. He said to just stick with the food pyramid and exercise. Now I for one need to take a moment to see if I understand this. Eating healthy and doing exercise will help you lose weight ... that sounds crazy. Jeff called to talk about being on the marine core diet for 13 weeks. It's something for those who are fat and it sounded awful. You have red stripes painted on your shirt, you fellow cadets are there to make sure you don't eat too much and when you actually do get food, they yell at you and tell you not to eat. This sounded god awful and I'm glad I don't have to endure something so ridiculous. That said, I'm a big fan of intermittent fasting and have done it on and off for years with a current swing of on that I've been riding for about 8 months now.
So talk not only centered around living longer but also growing up today. You see, Abe was a good kid (I'd venture as far as calling him a square.) He never had a curfew, he was never punished, he basically could do whatever he wanted. The funny thing is Jay the Straight had the same kind of upbringing (as did I) and he didn't even start drinking until after high school. It would seem that treating your child with any form of authority is going to cause them to act out. Look at Angi, who was always being punished. Hell, I'm pretty sure she spent most of her child life being grounded or getting beat with a wooden spoon. This conversation came up because Angi had a friend who was punishing their kid for buying too much stuff (iTunes, apps, games) on their phone. As a proper punishment for this new age form of acting out, the parent has basically played a bunch of music they like (think 90's trash) at loud volume in the house and in turn, is forcing their kid to listen to it. Another friend Angi knew growing up was forced to kneel on rice as a form of (horrific) punishment. That said, Angi was looking to hear of the ways that the roadies were punished when they were kids, be it a funny or weird way (we didn't feel like going down an abusive route with this one.) For roadie Rachel, she was an a-hole as a kid and so to get back at her, her parents would make her soul search. After she spent time within her mind's eye, they would then make her write essays detailing why she made mistakes and did the things she did. As a newer age punishment, just turning off the wi-fi is a perfect way to get the brats in line. Another Rachel called to say that her mom would unplug the landline phone receiver so calls could come in but they could not be answered. Amy's dad would punish her with utter embarrassment by coming down in his tighty whities if she came home too late. As for Zack, his mom was a Cook County sheriff and when he misbehaved, she would handcuff him.
Finally, a list because here at The Angi Taylor Show, we love lists. This one was about what is considered the hottest/most attractive jobs for men and women (and in turn, the least attractive.) Abe, for reasons only confined to the idea of it being from Abe, assumed that the top female one was CEO. A woman in a seat of power, no thanks! The actual list of things men found women being most attractive in consisted of nurse (but their fantasy interpretation of it, not scrubs but more like a candy striper,) elementary school teacher (because we all know those high school teachers are weathered,) secretary, dancer and waitress (way to aim the bar so low guys with essentially jobs you would see in porn.) As for women, they like men to be doctors (I used to talk to a hot doctor back in the day, I agree on this one,) firefighters (dear god yes,) carpenter, engineer, construction worker, mechanic and lawyer (he can get you off after he gets you off, win-win!) As for least attractive jobs, the men and women both had the same list with only different orders (but let's face it, these notes are long enough as is today.) Fast food worker, janitor and truck driver were on both the lists when it came to least attractive. Notice btw how neither of these lists had radio show hosts, go figure. This ended how you would expect things like this to end, with Abe discussing how he wants to go behind the counter at a Burger King and make his own Whopper.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Darby
Champion Song Choice: "Panama"
Challenger Song Choice: "Nightmare"
Observation: Another day, another no show and the absolute audacity to do it on Abe Kanan's birthday, how dare they. Darby obviously wins by default but this is getting tiring to keep repeating if you intend to play Request Wars, set aside 10 minutes to actually do it.
Winner: Darby
10 o' Clock Toast:
Abe Kanan. The man, the legend, the Stamos lover. He is the most incredible man in the whole world and we celebrate him and his birthday today.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If I ever wanted to play sports professionally, that's over." - Abe
Quote: "Trust me, no one pays unless they have to pay." - Abe
Quote: "If anything comes here with the name Titanic, don't do it." - Abe
Quote: "If I'm going to be a slutty something for Christmas." - Angi