This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, as addressed below and reiterated here because this is a different topic on the same branch, it's Lollapalooza Day. As everyone starts peeling out to pile on top of each other out on the grassy fields, there's a few things that should be kept in mind. First, there are a few stipulations that you probably should keep in mind. Most importantly, you need to bring your vaccination card with you if you plan on attending. If you are not vaccinated, you need to have a covid test that shows negative results within the last 72 hours. Abe questioned exactly how it would work if you were attending today and intended to go on Thursday. If you intend to bring a bag with you, it needs to be completely clear and see through. Don't bring cigarettes with you to Grant Park, they will be confiscated and destroyed (as Angi learned the hard way.) To prepare herself for the mess, Angi went to the Vans store with her daughter yesterday and picked up what she considered a stripper bag. It would also be what could be considered a 90's backpack. Anyway, with all the rules and non fun stuff out of the way, let's get to the topic at hand. Angi learned from young girls that a clever way to sneak your drugs into a festival is by hiding them in tampons. Cut them open, insert that stuff and you are good to go. These girls were so cool btw that Angi wished she could be aged down to go and hang out with them. Abe also had a story about hiding drugs, not him doing that because Abe is almost as straight edge as CM Punk when it comes to having fun. No, Abe's friend used to swallow drugs and then he would puke them out to retrieve them for usage. We do not suggest you do this by the way because that is a literal gamble and you don't wanna play that game. Instead, let's go over clever ways that people have found to smuggle things into places. Now that we're actually on topic, let's start with Angi. When she goes to a movie theater, she will only go to a place that serves alcohol. That said, she's still going to want to sneak in wine so she just loads up her purse with those mini bottles (the purse btw is the size of a piece of luggage btw.) As for Abe, he used to smuggle in wrestling signs all the time. For example, he would write a sign that says "I Love You Triple H" and then put something equally nice on another one. The key here was to write vulgar stuff on the back like "Drew McIntyre, I'd like to sheath your claymore in my mouth." Then you tape the two signs together and once inside, bring out the dirty ones until they get confiscated. Turning to the phones, Ashley once went to the Warped tour and found clever ways to smuggle in a ton of water bottles. Shauna West (incredible name) sneaks in pocket shots. These are apparently sold at Binny's and learning of them changed both Angi and my life. Head Roadie Dave would sneak in alcohol bottles to Bears games by taping them to the inside of his hoodies. Sam likes to wear visors to all concerts and hides his joints inside of them. Another roadie whose name I missed once hid 4 tabs of acid in his ass crack and due to sweat, had them all activate on him. Mark once smuggled in coke to a Judas Priest concert by concealing it in a small glass vial that he hid in his mouth. Trashman Tim's suggestion was great, get one of those fake pregnancy bellies and fill it with booze. Once you get inside, just simply throw the belly away. This is not going to fly for Angi though as she wants to look cute going to Lolla. Rescue Ron uses a back support belt, which you can easily hide 20 mini bottles of alcohol inside. I have a friend who loved to sneak things into theaters. In fact, Omar (said friend) once wore a trench coat and hid a bottle of wine, a 20 piece McNugget, several things of candy and other various goodies inside of it when we went to a midnight screening ofTwilight.
All the Rest:
As you know, unless you're living under some type of rock shaped rock, today is the start of Lollapalooza. 4 days of music, rich suburban kids doing drugs and of course, tons of covid passing. This delightful mess is our first real taste of festivals finally and people could not be more thrilled. By people I mean all the media people from both in and out of state who are there for all the free food and such. So last night Angi and Abe went out to get their Lolla credentials (these are the wristbands the media wear to cover the show, get freebies.) The girl who put on her wristband basically manhandled her, slapping the thing on like one of those slap bracelets we old people played with as kids. For whatever reason, Abe did not get the same treatment as his was placed on gently and he was offered a full wrist massage as well. This pick up was packed to the brim btw, literally overflowing with people all over the place. There were writers, radio personalities, TV media, media from other states, it was a big swimming pool of idiots. Hell, there were even people who primarily cover sports there, mainly looking to take advantage of the free food situation. For these "media" types btw, their idea of doing press for the show is going to the show, eating and drinking for free and watching the show. Maybe they'll write about it, maybe they'll discuss it on air, perhaps they'll even take a pic. For Angi, he version of coverage is you'll see her take a picture or two and perhaps she might take a video of a band. However, she will also get on air tomorrow/Monday and discuss the show surely as well. Abe explained that all most of these jobbers want to do is come in and eat mostaccioli. So basically this swimming pool of losers were all gathered together to create a story worth mining for hilarity. Angi explained that other times when she goes to and does these types of media things, she usually ends up on the panel. The thing about that is, she is always the a-hole for whatever reason. Other insights from this delightful festival before the festival, it was Angi, Abe, 10 other dudes and some out of town girl in Freddy Mercury's "Bohemian Rhapsody" outfit. She was from Boston and at one point stole Angi's chair. All the dorks were totally spitting game at this girl and one by one they walked back without closing the deal. Angi couldn't help but cackle at these dorks while she downed her bottle of wine that she snuck into the event. At this thing, there were also two guys who had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tattoos. This was enough for Angi to state that she would not bang these guys. Abe however would ... if "he was a chick." There you go people, closed this point off with an opportunity for you to enjoy a sus shot.
Turning to something super sexy since I'm sure you're sick of hearing about Lolla stuff, a poor woman found herself feeling mortified. This poor mother was suffering because she accidentally left an impression while on vacation that her and her husband were swingers. The reason behind this accidental assumption spawned from a bad wardrobe choice. Her and her husband were wearing matching swimsuits, which caused Angi to have a fashion fit and call a no on. These swimsuits however were covered in pineapples and if you've listened to the show before, you know why this was an issue. If you're not up on the signs, in the swinging community, pineapples are the signal to showcase that you're DTF. In fact, richie rich suburb Naperville is actually considered the swinger capital of the world. This leads into the next portion of our swinging fun which is the emergence of a place to go indulge these good times. A guy is planning on opening up a trailer park paradise for swingers down in Louisiana. T-Boy's Swinger's Paradise will have a ton of featured areas that can be used for delightful nudity and partner swapping. There's the nude pool which is basically a disgusting sex stew that will end up you probably being attacked by a gator. A naked yoga studio because there's nothing better than swinger's getting all bendy for one another. Then there's the strip poker hall, where you lose your clothes and your inhibitions. Let's not forget the key party cabana, which Abe took a few swings at before figuring out what a key party is. There's also a spousal approval claim that needs to be filed before attempting to join this delightful community. If any of this sounds interesting to you, be ready to go down there in May of next year. Now I of course could not end a topic without some insight from Abe or Angi. For this, it started with Abe saying that he wouldn't be into swinging. For starters, all the people who swing are gross. What about Megan Fox was Angi's retort, explaining that she loves to swing. Abe went on to explain that girls who look like that would not want to swing with him. Besides, if he did then he would have to deal with Machine Gun Kelly banging the significant other and he doesn't want to see that. Angi wouldn't mind seeing him though, he's tall and lanky so she assumes there's a tripod hanging. There was a suggestion that Angi and Abe could swing with them but Abe would want different rooms if that happened. Something about seeing Machine Gun Kelly unload on Angi would be a bit much for him (I'm going out on a limb and assuming this would be jealousy that Machine Gun Kelly isn't doing it to Abe.)
Finally, if you will recall that during our giant winter snow storm, Angi had a massive problem. All the snow piled up on her roof, melted and ended up infiltrating her house. This left a ton of water damage and caused a ton of work to be done on her house. To keep mold from growing, they had to cut holes in the ceiling and walls, air everything out, it was hell. Well, all these months upon months later, they are finally getting around to painting all the newly reconstructed spaces. This is being done by professionals so of course, there's bound to be issues. No, the painters are not problematic but Angi is the one who has cause for concern. Panicked, the other day she had to call up Jay the Straight and tell him that the painters were going to be in their bedroom. This was a warning that he needed to go and get to their room quickly and hide all the toys that are under their bed. In particular, it was a strap on that she really wanted stashed away elsewhere. This unused gag gift that has never been opened is currently sitting in a box under the bed. Yes, it has never been used and no, she would if she could. Jay the Straight would not allow such things on him and so it sits covered in dust. He also has a stake in wanting to be rid of it elsewhere as he doesn't want these painters to assume she is nailing him with it. She asked Abe if he had anything that was embarrassing lying around that should have been hidden. For him, he suffers from bad allergies (confirmed real) and so he always has tissues everywhere. When he was moving, there happened to be a ton of crumpled up paper towels behind the bed. He assumed that the mover would think he was some kind of sex pervert (spoiler alert, he did) even though Abe explained what they actually were. So not only did the guy think Abe was out of control in his "habits" but also this guy ended up stealing Abe's mirror. Basically, if you're going to do anything, you should just pick up because people will judge you regardless. If there are things you don't want found, make sure that they can't be found. Angi explained how she cleans up, makes sure there are no dishes, etc when people are going to come through. This led to Abe telling an analogy that was off the wall as always. He started discussing fat people losing weight to get lap band surgery. If you're going to lose 150 pounds to do that, why not just keep losing weight then on top of it. Same thing with the house, if you're going to clean the house, why have someone come through when you could just finish it yourself. As for me, I have a humongous gag gift dildo hidden away inside of a kitchen cabinet (it's a long story) that I really need to get rid of at some point.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Leann
Champion Song Choice: "Whole Lotta Love"
Challenger Song Choice: "Trapped Under Ice"
Observation: Apparently hating on the hosts of the show is part of the smacktalk rotation now or something. Kevin did have a good dig with the dirty bitch line but I know for a fact Angi would smack him for that if she saw him. This will come down to the song (because the smack sucked honestly.)
Winner: Leann
10 o' Clock Toast:
Angi. She was ready to end it all after Tim (who was banned from calling for 3 months) called the show twenty minutes after his banning. She just really needed that drink today.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If anyone finds drugs at Lollapalooza, please send us pictures and tag us in it." - Abe
Quote: "There's nothing I hate more than a room full of radio people." - Angi
Sus Quote: "There's a lot of balls on a lot of dudes." - Abe