This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
You guys, I know this will not come as a shock because as usual, someone almost dies on this show daily. As it stands, it's usually Angi who I keep having to write a eulogy for that then ends up being tossed after she survives the brush with death. Well guess what, today I'm actually going to discuss an Abe incident. You see, over the weekend, someone attempted to break into Abe's condo. This was not something he found out second hand after the fact, no it actually occurred while he was home. Seeing as he has no couch still, Abe was lying in his bed listening to "Forever" by Jesse and the Rippers on loop and totally not cranking it to Guy Fieri videos. Somehow over the music, he heard someone trying to get into his front door. Pulling his pants on, he went to the front door and noticed that the handle was shaking furiously, someone indeed was trying to get inside. The handle had a key inserted into it, the door pushed open and Abe's girlfriend pushed her way inside. That's right, there was no serial murder attempting to come do Abe in while he enjoyed his evening, it was just his girlfriend making a surprise visit. Now, I know it's kind of a bait and switch when I guarantee that there might be a chance of death but when you hear what else occurred before the door opens, you might change your mind. In fact, I'm pretty much in the stern belief that if a killer came through Abe's front door, he would be a blip on that evening's news radar. Anyway, as the door was being jerked open, he proceeded to yell at it "hey, what are you doing?" He then limply pushed his hand against the door that proceeded to fly open when he did. In fact, he described the door as being "smashed" open. He even stated that if someone was coming in to rob him (good luck, that place is empty) or kill him, he'd act like a bitch. We also came to learn that Abe does not sleep with a bat or a gun under his bed. He feels safe because he has a doorman so that should stop most common criminals but you know, if a serial killer comes through, he's probably screwed. He's thinking that he needs to change the locks, perhaps even get one of those keyless entries. This could also benefit him in two ways. First, if he's ever poor and he needs to Airbnb the place, he would have it. Furthermore, if he gets mad at his girlfriend, he can lock her out. Plus, when Stamos is over, he doesn't need to rush him out onto the ledge to hide when she randomly shows up. Abe was actually scared by this whole situation but he calmed down a bit. As for Angi, she's never had a fight for your life type of situation go down for her. However, she is also smart enough to sleep with a knife by her bed so if someone breaks in, it's stabapalooza at the Taylor residence. Abe is all for the idea of shooting someone who breaks into your house or attempts to steal your car. She was curious if any roadies had any sort of crazy unsettling issues. Kristin had her purse stolen from her on the street. The guy who snatched it got about a block before her tripped and spilled all the contents out, which caused him to ditch the purse. Another caller, who wished to remain anonymous, had a gun pulled on him in a liquor store. The trigger was pulled but luckily there were no bullets in the chamber.
All the Rest:
As I tend to do on Monday mornings because it's also fun to peek behind the proverbial curtain, I've gathered together separate but relevant bits to paint a fun picture of what these two do while not on the air. Since it was a sweltering sauna of absolutely disgusting weather this weekend (and that's the general description for the next few days,) Abe decided to hit the public pool. That's right Abe, who proclaimed not even two months ago that he doesn't know how to swim, went swimming this weekend. Your guess is as good as mine as to exactly what or how this mess occurred. If you were on a radio celebrity hunt, then you had to be at Union Park to catch a glimpse of our bull daddy in all his glory. Adding onto this craziness and confusion, Abe explained that he actually likes to swim and not just "lay there." Of course, an occasion where Abe goes out means there's also a reason for him to complain and boy did he ever. First, it was too hot outside which is why he needed to hit up the pool to begin with. There was the biggest issue which is 45 minute swims followed by 30 min breaks which is rinse/repeat. Angi is well aware of these timed excursions, as she has been to a public pool before. Then there was the ground itself, which was all cat on a hot baked concrete. There was nowhere to sit but some people made themselves at home on it. This included a 60 year old woman who was lying on a towel she put down on this burning rock. She was propped near the lifeguard tower and spent her time thirsting after him. So I'm assuming that Abe had a good time but who knows because this seemed like an excuse for him just to complain about a bunch of stuff right off the bat. As for Angi, well things seemed to be going wrong all morning for her at work. Her keycard wasn't working, she was trying to log into the computers and that wasn't working as well. Could it be perhaps that the station heard what Angi did this weekend. That's right Angi, due to your oversharing nature, we know what you did this weekend. So yesterday morning, Angi was up early and wanted to enjoy some breakfast before a long day (of lying on the couch watching Netflix and drinking wine, I'm assuming) and so she went to the kitchen. Turns out, she happened to be out of what she was so desperately craving, fruit (I mean, she could have subbed in a bottle of wine here but whatever.) So off she went to the grocery store at 6:30 in the morning (no Abe, it wasn't Dominicks) and she got all her fruits and went to the self checkout. This was the only option because since it was so early, no one was working the registers. In her cart, next to all the wine was three grapefruits. The first 2 were scanned with absolutely no issue but when it came to the third, she couldn't get it to register. Since no one was working around her and she was frustrated, she just grabbed the third grapefruit to compensate for her frustrations. She had brought her own bag so she didn't need to steal a plastic bag as well. It should be noted that she was not an intentional thief, she's just lazy and it was really early. Plus, she felt like she was owed the dollar she would have paid for the grapefruit because of all the work and frustration she had to put into trying to scan it. The thing is, the more I consider this as I type it up, I think that the store was probably closed and that's why it was empty. It would explain why she had to throw a shopping cart through the front door to get through as well as the lack of people working.
Monday's are usually boring but today we actually had some really fun topics to discuss. This doesn't technically fall into fun when you start factoring in the pain but it is technically fun in general. Angi was curious because she heard a story about a guy in Japan who was having a bit too much fun with himself. The stroker ended up having an actual stroke when his several times a day stroking habit became too much for his body to handle. He was 51, single and going at it a bit too much when one of his sessions left him with a bad headache and vomiting. When he went to the hospital, they diagnosed him with having had a stroke, which is crazy. Angi didn't exactly have an injury during sexy time but she almost did burn her apartment down. In an attempt to set the mood for a good time, Angi lit some candles in the bathroom. The thing was, one ended up just straight exploding and no Abe, it wasn't a balloon candle. It had been sitting on top of the toilet tank and when it exploded, it also set the towel next to it on fire. Angi ended up throwing the towel in the toilet and that explains why the plumber had to come out to fix things a few days later. Abe, being the patron saint of innocence, has nothing to add to the topic outside of a friend. This friend that he had worked with once broke his junk. While having sex, it popped and then it looked like he had a huge blister on it. In fact, to this day the guy still has sideways junk. This could be good though because sideways junk can hit different angles. Speaking of people that they worked with, Angi knew a guy who said that his junk was so large, he broke a girl's spleen. Yeah, this guy was clearly a lying idiot and all Angi could do was roll her eyes after hearing this. Turning to the phones, Trucker John called to say that he once got a charlie horse when he was about to "explode." Bob and his partner went so long and so hard that they couldn't bring themselves to do it again afterwards. Mark visited a girl's cash and prizes and ended up getting lockjaw while down there. The mouth was locked into an open position and he did have to go to the hospital afterwards. Michelle was coming down some stairs in a sexy outfit and ended up falling down 13 of them (ouch.) She was bruised and it ruined sexy time for that night. Over on Twitter, Steven had a girl riding on him and when she leaned back too far, she broke a blood vessel in his junk (screaming.) Head Roadie Dave threw his back out during sex once as well.
Finally, Angi has a friend who went out for drinks with a girl. The time went really well and a few weeks later now, this girl is practically living at his apartment. It should be noted that it's 100+ degrees there like all the time right now (because you know, global death fire inferno hell.) Anyway, she's been hanging by his house all the time because he has air conditioning and she doesn't. The assumption is that she's going to toss him to the wayside as soon as summer comes to the end. So essentially he's providing her a service and she in turn is providing him a service. So that got Angi thinking, have you ever dated someone for a perk that they can give you. They could have a cool job, air conditioning, work at a grocery store and let you sneak in at the crack of dawn to steal fruit, etc. In high school, Angi ended up dating a guy because he had a car. You see, Mrs. Taylor was way too cool to take a bus back then. Abe befriended someone back when he was a young twink so he could go over to his house, play craps and drown in free burritos because the dude worked at Chipotle. Taking to the phones, Kathy explained that she had been dating a scumbag pilot who was cheating on her because she was getting free flights. Of course though, covid ended up having and with it, the flights stopped so she just ended things with him. It was then gay unicorn and all around amazing dude Jason Brown (Angi and Abe's boss) walked in and talked about his boyfriend. They've been together forever and ironically, his boyfriend doesn't date him for free concert tickets because he hates concerts. However, the boyfriend is a handyman so he has someone to take care of all the handy things that he needs done. I know, I could make a joke about unclogging his pipes etc but we're adults here and I'm so tired. Jason did admit though that he could probably love the boyfriend more if he worked at say Olive Garden. Yeah, that's what's going to send him into a frenzy and I kind of agree. I'd be the same way if I dated a guy and he worked at Binny's. Then Alyssa called in to discuss how she used to line up dates so she could get free meals, since she had been working part time at a jewelry store. It worked out well enough for her because her current boyfriend of 10 years was one she met doing this. We could have maybe got more but then she started swearing which means we capped off the segment and ironically, I'm capping off my notes at this point as well.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Leann
Champion Song Choice: "Highway Tune"
Challenger Song Choice: "The Unforgiven"
Observation: Horrible, Horrible, Horrible. This was bad, like I feel like Angi and Abe had to explain more of what was going on then these two were giving the smack talk. So bad, no one should win.
Winner: Leann
10 o' Clock Toast:
Cashiers. At all places because Angi had to steal a grapefruit because there was none there.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"People with kids, we touch ourselves." - Angi
Quote: "Do you (Angi) like balls? Do you like seeing balls?" - Abe
Quote: "If you don't want your grapefruit stolen, don't come around me." - Angi
Quote: "I've never seen you (Angi) eat anything." - Abe