This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, as it has been mentioned before and is currently under construction, Angi and Abe will be getting a new studio. This glorious, amazing, fully functional (no crumbling microphones and headphones here) structure was due to arrive in the fall, probably to celebrate the show's one year anniversary. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances (I'm assuming the sit in Angi had when they told her there was no room for a window causing a massive delay,) the actual unveiling and moving into the new studios has been pushed back until early next year. Though this sucks, this is a silver lining to all of this that should be exploited ... err taken advantage of. The big boss came through and after discussing fast food apps and the best place to go after having a massive coronary with Abe, he made a proclamation to the pair. Anything they want to have in the studio is up for asking (within reason and again, as long as it is not a window.) Angi knows that this is an actuality and not just lip service because that clause was given on the show she was doing on KISS. When she took that job, she was given the same magic lamp and she rubbed out two wishes there. The first was for a wine fridge and the second was for a stripper pole. The third, less talked about wish was that she was given free range to take whatever she wanted from Binny's and that interventions were only allowed to be scheduled around her free time. When she came in the next morning, she was shocked to find a fully stocked wine fridge but alas no stripper pole. Hearing her come in (the clanking of a bag full of wine bottles that she brings each morning signaling her arrival,) the boss came through to explain why she wouldn't get a chance to flex her moves on the pole. Turns out, he had engineers come in and look into the ability to put one up. He explained her "exercise pole" could not be installed because the engineers could not figure out a proper way to anchor it. Anyway, they were looking to hear from the roadies as to what they should have installed in the new studio. They can ask for whatever they want (no guarantees that it will happen but still,) so they sought some clever ideas. Keep in mind, this will definitely be post pandemic so there will be guests, bands and assorted others in the studio. So what was offered up for the Rock 95.5 Mancave/Sheshed. Well, roadie Brian suggested they install a kegerator and a giant poster of Cliff Burton. Another listener (whose name I missed) also suggested a kegerator but went one step further. He said that it should be filled with and showcase local brews, which makes sense as Palmer has her Thirsty Thursday showcases of local breweries. Abe loved this idea because when he gets his hair lined up, he always has a beer at his buddies place. Angel suggested "dare dice," you know those things you normally reserve for drinking parties. "Hey, Nikki Sixx, we dare you to sit on Angi's face." "Hey, Guy Fieri, we dare you to sit on Abe's face." Actually, on second thought, there would be two sets of dice, one for certain celebs and one for Abe's gay fantasies. Over on Twitter, Jeremy suggested a 5 inch bong, since pot is legal now and they could have an actual "green room." This is a topic that we still would love to hear thoughts on so feel free to continue sending in ideas. As for me, my suggestions are simple. Life size cutouts of Chad Kroeger and Aaron Lewis for security, a full scale cocktail bar that I get to work behind (with built in glory hole, just in case) and of course, a window. I think at least two of those could possibly happen....
All the Rest:
Oh look, another morning where we discuss how everything sucks and how everything is fu...riously irritating. Yeah, you know the opening was going to be about the weather because guess what, raining humid subtropical heat dome hell garden is the name of today's game. That's right, the weather still sucks today but that should be no surprise as it has remained convection oven hot and steamy for what seems like the last week or so. Relief should finally be on the way tomorrow as the humidity should finally subside. I would ask Conrad Cooper but he kept talking about how his neighbor Goon hit him with a wrench when she caught him peeping through her window while she was watching Wheel of Fortune. Anyway, Abe hates this weather and wishes it was more like San Diego weather. You know, 70, sunny, breezy and just a hint of devastating wildfires on the brim. Angi, she doesn't mind the mix and there are some days she wants the heat and others she wants to watch the rain slick her living room windows while she drinks wine on the couch and watches Discovery Plus. Abe had a perfect solution for this, just take a garden hose and spray the windows. It was pointed out that San Francisco and San Diego have perfect weather but they also have earthquakes (and if you consider the fact that the state will burn to the ground at some point, wildfires as well.) Doesn't matter because we apparently have tornados now. It's almost as if something is amiss with the climate, like it has changed in some way and these cataclysmic events are becoming more commonplace for some reason ... hmm. You know what else we have btw, the third best city for fireworks. Falling just behind New York and San Francisco, I guess this explains why I have been hearing fireworks from sunrise til sundown since April. Seriously, if you need to set off half sticks at 7 A.M. on a Sunday morning because it's fun, you're an a-hole. Abe also hates fireworks as does his girlfriend Cathy Tropicana's dog. That poor thing is so scared by them that it once jumped out a third story window and broke its leg. As I pointed out, this started in April and it has been nothing short of annoying. All the loud booms, the m80's, the half sticks, Angi is actually afraid that her dog might have a heart attack. She is considering getting earmuffs this year to go along with the basement sitting and TV to hopefully drown out the noise. The funny thing is, fireworks are pretty much sold out everywhere this year which seems odd since all my neighbors tend to set off rounds of them daily. This weekend should be a right mess, filled with blown off limbs, roman candles stuffed in peoples asses and of course, burning trash cans.
So you know how we all put on the Covid 15 (and then some) during our lockdown, well a solution is on the horizon. Coming soon to a dentist near you, the dental slim which is a device that is magnets attached to your molars. What do these wonders of nature do, well they make it so that your big fat trap can't open more than 2 millimeters so you aren't tempted to shove 12 baconators down that empty tunnel you call a throat. You can only have liquids so this is essentially just a new spin on getting your jaw wired shut. Personally, I already don't see the issue because then I can have rum for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert! Angi took us down a time tunnel to The Real World of olden days when Tami from the show had her jaw wired shut to keep her from eating. This was the same as Kanye, Abe pointed out though the situation was different for him obviously. Here's the thing though, even though Tami did lose the weight, once she had everything unwired, it all came running back. Like if you're a fatty, you can lose 14 pounds in two weeks doing this but once you get back on real food, it will be 14 pounds of fun again. Abe, king of absolutely great advice and ideas, showcased that if you're obess and roll to your right side, you're going to lose a pound as it is. What was the point of all this insanity and wanting to get jaws wired shut? Well, Angi has decided that she is done with wine. Hold on, let me correct that, she doesn't keep wine in the house anymore. Correct that again, she's cutting back and she's really trying this time. Totally, we're serious, this time it's for real. She hasn't had wine in the house since Friday and now she's just going to drink wine on days that end in the word "day." In all seriousness though, she hasn't gone this long without a glass of wine in the longest time. This is coming from someone who is a huge wino and cutting back is needed. This spawned from being at the wedding shower on Sunday, she saw old pictures of herself and she was not happy with what she looks like now. So starts The Angi Taylor Diet, which probably will go longer than The Abe Kanan Diets. It should be noted that she will also be losing about 10 pounds on Monday as we say goodbye to Angi's huge implants as well. Either way, we're not going to probably get an accurate idea of how much she weighs because she hasn't touched a scale since covid started and has no plans to soon. I think though that this is good for her, with the new lighter boobs and her only drinking the wine that she keeps in the car and in the studio, she'll meet her goals in no time.
Finally, since Angi is about to go under the knife soon, let's take a quick look at things that could lead to surgery. Accidental injuries, caused not by malice but error in judgement or gross stupidity, are a commonplace occurrence. For example, there was that time Abe threw a boomerang at his brother and it hit his grandma Nada in the leg. This was what Angi happens to believe actually killed her though there is no confirmation and getting a straight answer out of Abe about anything is harder than him around Stamos. This topic spawned from Angi discussing a kid who was out shooting chipmunks with his uncle (probably tired of that stupid Christmas song) and when fired, one of the bullets ricocheted and hit his uncle in the head. Angi too has had her share of accidents. One time, when she was using her Oculus headset to play that VR game where you're walking on planks above high rises, Jay the Straight thought it would be funny to scare her. He checked her, which caused her to lose her balance both in game and in real life, sending her tumbling to the floor and busting up her knee for like a week. That cemented, she wanted to hear from the roadies as to how they accidentally injured someone. Break had been trying to break into a place and threw a rock, which bounced and ended up hitting his friend in the face. Another threw a heavy metal lawn dart that landed on a young girl who then required multiple stitches. While at work, Kenny backed over someone with a fork lift. Steve-O received a Nerf gun as a gift and while loading it up, it accidentally fired and hit his mom in the eye. Michelle was fighting with her brother once and threatened to stab him and true to her word, she did. Wait, that sounds like attempted murder, not an accident.... Angelo was at a birthday party where he bought his friend a hook knife. While opening it, he accidentally sliced his friend's arm. Katie was at a Labor Day party and while swinging a bat, accidentally knocked out a friend's two front teeth. It was Jose though who took the proverbial cake this morning. He was trying to get his mother to quit smoking so he screwed with her cigarettes. When she lit up, it blew up and set her eyebrows and hair on fire. Damn, that's cold blooded!
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Vito
Champion Song Choice: "Cherub Rock"
Challenger Song Choice: "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"
Observation: I just, I have nothing to add today. I feel like a broken record repeating the same point day after day.
Winner: Vito
10 o' Clock Toast:
The King of Betting. Made a $15 bet, after parlaying, he ended up winning 1.36 million when all was said and done.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If you're over 16 and you're blowing off m80's, you're a moron." - Abe
Quote: "Abe is very curious about who has a pole and who does not." - Angi
Quote: "I have flat feet now so I can't do it." - Abe
Quote: "I don't think I like peacocks." - Abe