This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Oh Angi, always looking for trouble when she goes out because that's just what an alley cat like her does. Yesterday, our beloved hostess cupcake (wine) was out having lunch with her daughter. After leaving (and I'm assuming not swerving because she had water at lunch for once,) she ended up getting pulled over by a cop. Prepping herself before he eventually made his way to the car, Angi gave her daughter a pep talk. "Have you ever been pulled over with me?" I'm assuming it was to prepare her daughter for what she was about to see. Of course, things couldn't be normal because we have to keep in mind that Angi is currently a one tit terror, the other looking like a deflated air bag right now. The cop finally arrived and surprise surprise, he was hot (now I wish I was in the car.) This sexy thing was young and had no facial hair as well (ugh, I want a bearded daddy.) He was extremely nice and a little bit smirky, the assumption being that he knew who she was (not her daughter, we shield that precious child from the limelight.) He let her know that his body cam was on (probably to alert her that they could make an OnlyFans scene later. Yes, I know my wild mind tangents are rampant this morning but it's disgusting outside so indulge me, will ya!) The reason he had pulled her over initially was because the sticker on her plate was expired. The sticker might I add was from 2019 (December but still, shame on you Angi.) He spent time explaining all about how they weren't mailing for stickers and other assorted stuff. The funny thing is the next part that was to come, Angi already knew that she was deep in it. The hot young stud asked for her license and so she reached for her purse, pretending like it was buried deep in there. Turns out, there was nothing in there besides a bunch of wine bottle corks, a fistful of crumpled dollar bills and some cigarettes. Yeah, there was never an ID in there because guess what, she lost that too. Pulling the helpless girl routine, Angi shrugged and tossed her hair to the side. "Oh officer, I don't know where it is," fluttering her eyelashes. Knowing that she couldn't use that famous rack to get out of the impending ticket disaster, Angi got lucky when the officer asked for any other form of ID. "Passport!" she exclaimed and forked that over. After checking it out, he alerted her that her missing (lost) license was expired as well. Thinking of the easiest way to get out of all this mess, Angi pulled a trump card. "Covid man, covid," she shook her head to indicate that brain fog had finally fully encompassed her. After kindly asking her to get it taken care of, the fine young twink officer gentleman let her go. Using covid as an excuse it seems is the brilliant way to go. It definitely sounds better than Abe's excuse of diarrhea, which would have had to have lasted almost two years to fit her predicament narrative. Of course, we dipped into question territory when Abe asked why we pay for plates and Angi wanted to know who even looks at stickers. Either way, even though she had run every scenario as to why she should be arrested in her head, Angi lived to slay (and lay another day.) If it counts for anything, she felt like an absolute loser for not having her license but that probably won't change things when she gets a new car next month. As for the hot, young, delectable, cute twink officer who Angi would have laid with if it was a different time, we here at The Angi Taylor Show thank you.
All the Rest:
Ugh, it is disgusting outside, like a sloppy joe dropped on top of a feral cat that is eating a rat kind of gross. As we continue to bake and boil in the dying off days of June, you probably should just not go outside at all. It smells like pee, just stank old rancid hobo urine, ugh. If you want to take the visualization further, just imagine the filthiest pool you've ever seen and fill it to the brim with a thick layer of sun drenched scum. You get the idea here, it's gross outside and this week has sucked. However, since we got to talking about pools, Abe went on his early morning talking stride where he made a point of pool humpers. Don't look at me like that, you all know pool humpers. Those are the guys who are always finding new and gross ways to nativagate their bodies into the side of a pool for sexual gratification. There's those dudes who are rubbing their junk up against the sides and those others who are using the suction hole of the pool on their ass. I'm not entirely sure what drug induced gay hell that Abe spends his time swimming and sunning at but this sounds all too much for me. That said, the talk continued to march to the point of the heat and stickiness that walking out the front door is currently meritting. It isn't only outside though that is suffering, when Angi woke up this morning, the inside of her house looked like Steamworks. The narrative was probably pushed further when Abe, Walt, Klinger and Shark came running through the house and out the front door in only towels. Speaking of the station, Abe took aim at it when he decided to dump all over it. He said the parking garage is absolutely disgusting, everything around the building is broken and let's not get started on those falling microphones. Anyway, it's hot out and today sucks, that's basically what you were supposed to take away from this.
As I just talked about the weather and how awful it is outside, rehashing it here feels almost cheap and lazy. Stil, it is awful outside and what everyone really needed today was a burst of joy. Luckily, outside of all the laughs and absurd banter, Angi and Abe offered us roadies a huge ray of absolute delight. Before explaining how they brought some sunny joy into the miserable hell that is this day, I should back into how we got there. So, we've heard on occasion (once a week) how people are getting "reacclimated" to work now that we're vaguely dipping our toe into post covid. Remember, they forgot how to have careers while working from home so the office is a scary place currently. They need three day weeks to remember how to enter buildings and keep themselves from getting arm injuries that require week long vacations. As long term listeners will know, the show actually began its run in October and Angi and Abe have been working tirelessly since then. Hell, they even had covid and were still doing shows. The thing is, lately Angi has been getting a ton of DM's since late Spring mentioning that they didn't realize she was doing a new show or was on a new show. So for our Summer cycle, this is essentially a brand new show all over again, especially for new listeners who are hearing it in the car for the first time. Also guess what, come Fall and the 1 year anniversary, it will become a new show once more because then the teachers and students will be navigating their way back to school. Btw, if you've been here since the beginning, we appreciate, thank and love you guys for it. Anyway, this came up because a statistic showed that the biggest thing people have been missing since not having a commute is the radio. Clocking in at an amazing 60%, apparently they don't have apps and radios in their homes it seems. What's really worth noting though was a secondary state, which was that 55% of those people missed singing along in their cars to the songs on the radio. Because it was awful out, because people needed a bright spot this morning, because this show is goddamn fun, Angi started a sing along this morning. Breaking out everyone's favorite drunk karaoke song, "Don't Stop Believing," Angi and Abe sang along and encouraged listeners to call in and sing along as well. While there were a few who did indulge, the party had to be stopped when our resident Mr. Furley, Angry Bob called in to ruin things as he does so well. He asked them to please stop singing and for them to leave it to the professionals. With all the joy sucked out of the room, Angi attempted to ignite his cold black heart by asking if he was capable of singing. Of course not, that man is incapable of any sense of happiness whatsoever (kind of like how Abe doesn't like fun.) Angi suggested that faking being deaf might solve the anger Bob feels.
Finally, since we're on a blah road today, we might as well end it on something people hate. That's right, I'm discussing parking and it gets even more egregious when you start considering parking lots. For example, someone parks too close to you and boom, everything goes wrong from there on out. However, a proposed idea can save the issues that come from parking in a parking lot but it would involve people not being stupid (so in other words, this will never work.) For those who are curious, the rule change for parking would be following how they do it in a dealership, which is to have the left tires on the left line of each parking space. This ends up leaving room for both doors and would generally be amazing if adopted. After all, the line is easy to hit and everything would end up being evenly spaced. As I said though, this would never work because some people wouldn't do it, other people would do it wrong and then you'd end up with a massive mess. The problem with offering ideas up like this is that people like Abe want to jump right on them. He thinks it should be made into a law and those who can't abide by it should have their cars taken away (obviously.) This doesn't solve a secondary vehicle issue, that people on the road want to kill you. They are not going out for a joyride, they are simply looking to smash into you. Angi, knowing better but still willing to indulge, allowed herself to question Abe's delusion. Abe is the one out there following the rules of the road, it's others who want him dead. They were in agreement though about letting people in, which they both do all the time. This was nothing like Angi's grandfather, who was a psychotic road rage monster. Putting Abe back into his insanity cage for a moment, Angi took a call from beloved Head Roadie Ferrari. He said that they should not bother to use their blinkers to merge, just push yourself in there (zing.) Angi and Abe made a point of saying that if they see someone cut someone else off, they will cut them off. Not like any of this matters at all btw because if this weather doesn't let up soon, we'll be ordering Uber Arks. That's right, Uber Ark, where you can ride next to two lions on leashes, with two chickens sitting on their heads and two very docile hippos next to you. It will be super chill and you definitely won't get injured because all those animals didn't bother each other in the good book so why would they attack you.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Vito
Champion Song Choice: "Nightrain"
Challenger Song Choice: "Since You Been Gone"
Observation: Someone should be sent to check on Ray, I think he had a stroke before getting on air. At least, that would explain why the words stumbled out of his mouth like a backed up overflowing water fountain. Vito wasn't much better, song will dictate this but this was bad.
Winner: Vito
10 o' Clock Toast:
Officer Sexypants, the hot young studly twink cop. He let her out of at least three tickets yesterday and did we mention, he was smoking hot.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If you don't have an iPhone, you ruin all my threads. - Abe
Quote: "You're (Abe) like the mother theresa of gambling." - Angi
Quote: "If you never let people in you're a piece of garbage." - Abe
Quote: "I don't like vinyl at all, I think it's stupid." - Abe