This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Yeah, cars, yeah speed, yeah Vin Diesel! God, I couldn't in my wildest dreams ever imagined a moment where I would makeThe Fast and Furiousmy main talking point and yet here I am. Life truly is a wild ride so let's just speed on toward the finish here while I hold back the nausea. The reason I'm discussing this turd of a box office breaking franchise is becauseF9, the latest installment in a series that doesn't want to die, came out recently. This steamer has gone on to literally shatter pandemic/post pandemic box office records because people can't get enough of fast cars and loosely strung together plotlines. At least that's the way I look at it but it could also be because there have been no good movies that have come out in the last year and a half or so. I mean, there have been a ton of movies released but nothing could touch a theater with the stay at home orders and or you know, the straight to streaming dump that has occurred. It also should be noted that a ton of movies have also been held back and continue to be pushed around to make sure they maximize their profit. I will say, I've seen pretty much everything that was meant to come to the theater on home release so far and maybe two were worth venturing to a theater for (and even then I'm being generous.) Back to the franchise at hand though and the big question Angi and Abe found their heads being scratched over this morning. Who exactly sees all these dumb movies (The Fast and Furious) because each one has made over a billion dollars so far. For someone like Abe, this stat is more mindblowing because he once saw seven minutes ofTokyo Drift(which I think was part 3) and it was so bad, he almost passed out. Angi thinks that they are way past their prime and it's time to put a fork in it. Oh see, this kind of small minded thinking is going to keep us from progressing further my sweet dear. It seems that Hollywood, which is essentially bankrupt on ideas, has a solution to keep it going.The Fast and Furiousvs.Jurassic Park! Dinosaurs chasing John Cena in his super fast car, velociraptors riding on motorcycles, Vin Diesel gets eaten by a T-Rex ... boom, zillion dollars! Angi can't wrap her head around all this (again small minded thinking woman) and she just wants to know who is even seeing these movies and why? Angi was curious as to when all the good movies are coming back and furthermore, has anyone even gone to a theater since their reopening (answered technically by the opening pointing out how much moneyF9made.) Abe, who can't be bothered to do such things, claimed that late night TV and movies were all ruined by the pandemic. Angi dug up the corpse ofComing 2 America, which Abe has yet to see because he probably knows it's bad. Angi said it was alright but wondered if it would be better in a theater with people because they would laugh and maybe she would feel compelled to as well. The talk then winded down with an imagining of what aFast and Furious 9theater is like. First off, it's drenched in Axe body spray and every guy there is doing the penis in the popcorn bucket trick and giving hickeys to the girls they're with. This just sounds like an absolute trash fest and if you'll excuse me, I need to go get tickets to a showing immediately.
All the Rest:
It's Monday morning (well at least it is when I'm writing this out so bare with me,) and that means, it's time for the weekly recap of what happened this weekend featuring Angi and Abe. Seeing as it was floodtacular and all sorts of gross out, one would assume nothing interesting came from it. For Abe, his major highlight found him watching that KIϟϟ documentary that premiered last night. It wasn't anything truly new or groundbreaking for him as he knows everything about the band as is. So when Angi asked if he had learned anything new, we already knew the answer without needing the question. Abe went on to explain that he listens to Paul Stanley's audio book all the time (I can assume we know what he's doing while listening.) In this book, you learn the origins of Abe's favorite "Love Gun" and that the guys used to pull out their junk around each other. In fact, one of them kissed another's, the assumption that it was Peter Criss ... I just, what. Angi got it though because you know, she always sees guys kissing other guys junk on the street. Quick question if Angi is reading this later, where is this street and can you text me the address, thanks love. Anyway, I think what we were supposed to take away from that is guys are weird and nuts (which will further be explored later in this portion of the roundup.) As for Angi, as she had explained on Friday, her weekend mainly focused on Val Warner's (ofWindy City Live) bridal shower yesterday. This was, if you'll recall, the event where 50 women were going and each brought a gift of just lingerie. The presents weren't opened there by the way but it can be assumed that the requested gift rules were followed. Angi fulfilled her end of the obligation by picking up two sets, one consisting of a bra and panty set and the other being a fun slinky sexy little nightgown type thing. The party was centered around RPM Seafood and to say it was everything was an understatement. Really the only downside that seemed to come was how many people were out and about yesterday, since it finally stopped raining for 10 seconds. The indulgence was completely paid for btw, it was a bring a gift and enjoy yourself type of affair. Looking out onto the overly packed riverwalk, this was the fanciest shower Angi had ever attended. There was lobster, lobster bites, more food than even Abe could probably tackle had he gone on one of his classic binges. The whole thing was truly a super fun time and probably cost a fortune when all was said and done. Not to be outshined by the amazing elegance of Angi and her story, Abe also explained that he went to the gym yesterday. It should be noted that he is not one of those guys who lifts up his shirt to wipe off sweat. According to Papa Bear Kanan, he doesn't have the body for that kind of thing. He then explained that those are also the guys who are in the bathroom talking on the phone while they are taking a dump. Angi, obviously disgusted by the whole affair, had to ponder how a guy can talk on the phone while pooping. Abe said that he will text while he does but only if he's at home, never in a public bathroom obviously. Of course, we couldn't end this without Angi dragging Jay the Straight for dragging his whole laptop into the bathroom with him when he goes for a number two. The talk then turned to guys who take pics of their dumps and send it to each other and you know what, I've had enough ish talk for today.
Next up, we've reached the excuse portion of the show. This is normally a discussion topic but in this discussion, Angi was looking for excuses so reworked it is. Anyway, a driver was pulled over for doing a 110 in a 45 but he had a great excuse, his passenger had to pee. As the driver was dealt with by the police, the woman did in fact run out of the car and had her chance to pee. This would be all well and fine aside from the whole driver getting a DUI and other charges thing, oops. Angi directed her line of questioning about being pulled over and excuses to Abe, who explained he had a miraculous work around. You see, long ago when Abe was but a young twink (he's more of a bull now,) he was gifted a get out of anything card. This belonged to a police officer and all Abe had to do was slide it in along with his drivers license and all his problems would vanish. It should be noted that a mention of knowing a cop whose card it was had to be made sometimes and of course, this existed in a time before everyone wore cameras. Still, that trick was not used every time and would probably not work today, not to mention the card looking like withered old spaghetti from being in his wallet for 20 years. Abe's other go to was simpler: "Officer, sorry, I have to take a dump." This of course failed, as it should. Angi retold her story about her dad being pulled over and him being foreign to use it to his advantage, saying he didn't understand the number of the highway weren't the speed limit. According to Abe, having a good excuse is a valid enough reason to let someone go (must be nice up there in delusion town.) So all of this led Angi to question, be it regular folks or cops, what the best excuse given or heard was? Roadie Chad was drunk and speeding (please don't drink and drive) when he was pulled over. However, he was a block from his house, which the cop noticed and so he let him go because his record was clean. Darren was about to be pulled over for speeding but used quick thinking to pull into a county park, where he slipped away into a port a potty. After coming out, the officer yelled for him to slow down and ended up driving off. Anthony, an actual cop, called in to discuss how he once stopped a lady for speeding. She was a teacher and she was having a rough day, as one of her students threw a pie at her (incredible.) After noticing that she did have pie chunks in her hair, he let her go with a warning. Steve was once pulled over by cops on bikes and he goofted on them asking how they would even take them in. Chuck ended up getting out of a nice fine for being on his phone by saying that his wife was pregnant and going into labor (kind of genius.) Over on Twitter, Head Roadie Jim explained away doing 53 in a 40 by saying he just had his car washed and was trying to air dry the car.
Finally, a serious topic for once that of course made Abe super uncomfortable it seems. When people die, our grief tends to make us see signs or things that could be random occurrences but can be attributed to that person who passed. I should add I'm one of those people currently nearing a second month of grief and I'm looking for any little sign to showcase my best friend right now. For Jay the Straight, when his mother passed away, he would often see butterflies and think they were her. She loved them and he couldn't help but believe it was her checking in. Former co-worker of Angi's Kaelin's grandfather had passed away and she would get random calls from his number at the exact same time stamps out of nowhere. Well, over in Florida, under the collapsed building is buried a landline belonging to the grandparents of a man. On Thursday night, the phone placed 16 calls randomly and when answered, there was nothing but static and crackling. Still, this is a bizarre occurrence that can't truly be explained away. Angi was looking to hear from roadies about if they've ever had experiences that they can't explain and assumed it was someone who passed sending them a message. Abe told the story of how his mom walked away from a computer only to return to the name Hank on the screen, indicating a person who had recently passed. The talk turned to psychics and Angi has been a few times, the same with Abe's mother. Though he's a bit more on the skeptical side, a psychic did once come to Abe's old radio show and was able to pull Abe's grandmother's name Nada, his brother Sam, a ring characteristic as well as something stashed away in a drawer. Off to the phones, first up was Sandra who discussed how after her uncle died, through a GPS and a series of coincidences, they ended up at his house. April's father died a couple of years ago and loved wind chimes. While visiting someone whose porch was covered in them on a still day, they all rang in unison as she climbed the steps. She had been having a really tough time and she assumed it was her dad saying everything would be okay. When Kim Kardashian was attacked in Paris, an old Blackberry she kept in her purse had its alarm go off, which she assumed was her father trying to warn her. Sherry had her fiance pass away and while crying in a grocery store, a stranger told her to "do you boo," which was something her fiance would always say. He was also wearing a Cubs jersey and her fiance had loved the Cubs. Bob talked about when his grandma died, her house smelled of baked bread and cookies yet no one had made anything inside of it. Personally, if you're reading this somehow Vic, I'm waiting for you to come haunt our home. I'll leave a whiskey glass out for you, feel free to knock it over and let me know you've come back to rest here with me.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Vito
Champion Song Choice: "Where I May Roam"
Challenger Song Choice: "All American Nightmare"
Observation: Torn signs, crack, murder, goofing on Hinder, these all sound like a recipe for greatness but not today. Let's be realistic here, Abe's Hinder story was the highlight of this smackdown snore fest.
Winner: Vito
10 o' Clock Toast:
The Travel Industry. They were struggling and now they're finally bouncing back.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "If I'm in a public bathroom, I need to get out quick." - Abe
Quote: "Nobody cares for the gamblers more than Abe." - Angi
Quote: "I hate anyone who complains about celebrating." - Abe
Quote: "Like who is seeingFast and Furious, like why?" - Angi
Quote: "Dudes who sawF9all give hickeys." - Abe
Tidbit: Abe Kanan Tip: If you ever see a boost on those websites, always bet the opposite, they always lose.