This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
As it is the biggest story today, we're running it back once again for those in the back. Today is a huge day, a momentous day, a great day indeed. As of today, everything here in Chicago is officially back to normal! There is no need for masks anymore, that is unless you aren't fully vaccinated of course (which if you're not, get on that will ya.) For Abe, he is damn excited and he was yelling that Covid is officially over and if you get it, it's not his problem anymore. Angi wisely pointed out that covid is not technically over but it is low enough now that there is no need for lockdowns and the overwhelming worry can finally take a backseat. That said, we can finally do whatever we want this weekend and we are taking full advantage of that. For example, Stamos is in town and Abe is going to be joining him for a boating session the entire weekend out on Lake Michigan. Try not to bother them if you see them, especially if Abe is getting oiled down by his greek yogurt bae. As for Angi, being cooped up this whole time has sent her off the deep end so she is going wild this weekend. From what I heard, she will be giving out handies and blowies down on Lower Wacker all weekend and because she gets tired in her older age, she needs a tag team partner. Lucky for her, I'm her and so I will be with her, picking up all the slack with my jaw. God, it's going to be such a great time. (For the record, everything about is a candy coated crack fantasy of what we would be doing this weekend. If you actually assume we're this messy, you need to join Abe in therapy.) However, it's not about what we're doing though that matters, Angi wanted to hear about how the listeners intend to celebrate. Roadie Jason apparently is going to be getting a drink this weekend. Ron, yes the Ron, is going to be drumming for his band The Fishing Buddies this weekend and they will be at a festival playing Chicago style back alley blues on Sunday. Christie will be going out on a Tinder date this weekend. Ted will be heading out to a Cubs game. Roger will be trimming trees. Robert is going to wake up in a bath of lot lizards. Lastly Jake, he's going to get blackout drunk! Oh hell yea, that's what I'm talking about (mainly because the reality is that is probably what Angi and I will be doing this weekend. Abe will be lying on his stomach in the air probably eating Doritos and watching The Challenge.)
All the Rest:
Oh my cod, it is finally Friyay and there is so much to be excited about. It's Chainsaw Friday, it's going to be in the 90's this weekend but most importantly, Chicago is finally fully reopened. Unfortunately for Angi and Abe, you have to still wear a mask in the common areas of the iHeart building. You know what else sucks about things finally getting back to normal, there is literally no parking for Angi and Abe at the iHeart building. People are back and "reacclimating" and it has Abe fuming. His spot went from close by to like 5 blocks down from the building (at least that's how he makes it sound.) As for Angi, she had this beautiful spot by the door but now she's parking on Lower Wacker and riding an e-scooter to work (I'm assuming.) The problem aside from the reawakening of co-workers stems from construction people stealing all the spots. Of course, this is a project that is going to take at least a year so these two had better get used to not having cushy spots anymore. What are they doing is probably what you're wondering now (I'd assume, I'm not a mind reader!) Well according to Angi, they are digging to the core of the Earth, which makes sense because when they get operational, the entire building tends to shake. Angi's new irrational death fear has been spawned from this btw, she assumes that they're going to cut the cord that holds the whole building up and it is going to topple over. From having a house fall on her to having the iHeart building falling on her, what an evolution we have achieved. Before she can die in yet another variation of tragic accident however, Angi will be going out to lunch with friends today. This was not something Abe wanted to hear as he does not like her having friends outside of him. Funny how the turntables have spun seeing as he used to complain when she demanded he have no other work friends. Abe is apparently finally channeling his father in this declaration as his dad did not want his mother to have any joy whatsoever. In fact, he once burned all her Elvis records as a form of jealous punishment (his dad was an a-hole.) Angi recalled her grandma, who slept in a seperate room from her husband because of his snoring (up until his passing.) With the freedom of her own room, she decorated it like a 15 year old girl and it was just all Elvis everywhere. Needless to say, he was also jealous of her love of the king. Right anyway, welcome back to life Chicago, let's go embrace this beautiful bitch the best way possible.
So, it's a massive party insanity boiling hot sexy weekend and guess what, Jay the Straight is out of town for work until Sunday. While Angi is out giving free handies and doing body shots, our boy is going to be earning. He is currently in Philly which of course inspired Abe to ask if he intends to bring any cheesesteaks back for Angi. Before he could further indulge this food fever dream, Angi shut it down saying she doesn't want any of that old garbage that really doesn't travel well. (As someone who hates cheese for the most part, I can't blame her.) Anyway, it seems that Angi is not the only one who is up to her ears in scandal this weekend. You see, Angi's best friend Elizabeth lives in Philly and Jay the Straight has an adorable school boy crush on her. In fact, the two of them went on to dinner together last night. Oddly enough, Elizabeth's husband just happens to be in Florida this weekend, funny how those things happen. After texting this morning, Jay revealed that Elizabeth got him super drunk at dinner last night. Before Abe could even create a narrative, Angi shot down the possibility that they got extra bad because Jay the Straight is a faithful beautiful bastard. Would he hit it six ways from Sunday if she was open to it, of course. However, it was just dinner, kind of like that time Angi went out with afternoon fill in host Shark. So basically all is well in the Taylor household still and as this long hot sticky weekend rolls on, there is no reason for concern. I mean, Angi might end up banging Jerry Azumah but you know, that wouldn't be any kind of petty revenge thing for Jay the Straight totally not banging her best friend ... cough.
Finally, the last word before the weekend hits is beautiful. Would you like me to use that in a sentence for you. Angi's beautiful balloons were pressed up against the passenger side window of the Uber as she begged for a ride home. That's right, we're capping this off with a little bit of spelling. You know, that thing you don't need anymore because everything has a built in spell checker. Abe, ever the smart vanilla square that he is, once took fourth place in a spelling bee by misspelling "category." Angi also bombed a spelling bee before by misspelling "noisy." Angi had a list for us of the number 1 hardest word for each state to spell according to Google. Now, this is definitely a touchy subject for Angi and it triggers her PTSD because she was poor and didn't have Encyclopedia Britannica growing up. Still, she soldiered on and checked to see if Abe was a master speller much like Minn Barb is a master baiter. 5 states all struggle with the word "quiet," which Abe was able to spell. Kentucky can't get behind the word "color" but Abe sure could. Hawaii can't spell "bagel" but you know who can, Abe. South Dakota doesn't get "equal" but Abe nailed it. North Carolina isn't a fan of the word "doughnut," possibly because it has two spellings but Abe nailed it. Angi came to realize she is working with a genius, a literal rain man even. After all he is known for his multiplication work and street math (he's definitely good at subtracting DogeCoin from his wallet.) Abe tried to of course take this off the rails but Angi decided to put a stop to that by kissing his ass. She praised his math skills, his spelling ability, his lined up beard and his Ivory Tower. I probably should add and I hoped you would have guessed off the bat that the hardest word for most places to spell is "beautiful."
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Mike
Challenger Song Choice: "Comfortably Numb"
Champion Song Choice: "We Will Not Go Quietly"
Observation: The smack talk was off the chain and Abe assumed that there was a ton of swearing but ironically, there wasn't. These two are fireballs and this was great and I love Floyd but it's too mellow for this kind of morning.
Winner: Mike
10 o' Clock Toast:
Chicago, We are reopened and we are going to go nuts this weekend.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Soldier field is the worst, just in general." - Abe
Quote: "I wanna do blow with Stevie Wonder." - Angi
Quote: "How do we (White Sox) keep getting injuries from running, that's the kind of injury I would get." - Abe
Quote: "You're good at spelling, math and lying." - Angi
Minn Barb Quote: "Congratulations Chicago, wide open, just like that whore's legs."