This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So, let's take a detour into the sentimental for today's big topic. Let's assume someone broke into your house, they could steal a bunch of things that cost a lot but have no true value. Your 80 inch flat screen, your Tiffany jewelry, that diamond encrusted fishbowl chalice, none of that matters in the long run. The question here is what would be something that has true value to you that you would be devastated if you lost. This was brought on by actor Kevin Nealon having a break in recently where the thief stole a necklace from him. The thing is this necklace contained a smidge of ashes from his best friend Garry Shandling. However, cold hearted monster Abe said that the thief did Kevin a favor because who would want ashes or more matter of factly, who needs them? (As someone who has his recently deceased dog's ashes in a glass urn in my kitchen, I can understand the want for it.) This also led to a secondary branch off topic, involving what happens when you are cremated. Abe was curious as to whether or not they threw you in with your suit on and your coffin. Let's also phrase it the other way he put it "do they strip you down and throw you in the fryer?" Moving away from that whole mess for a moment (we'll revisit it and there will be an answer later in this word jumble.) For Angi, she would be completely devastated if someone took anything that her daughter gave her when she was young. Notes, pictures, drawings, things any mother would cherish. To alleviate some of those fears and keep her keepsakes around, Abe offered to digitize some of the stuff for her. Even though he is kind, that doesn't dismiss the fact that Abe is a soulless monster. He has nothing of sentimental value at all. Scratch that, he actually has his first place pinewood derby trophy. Mind you, the car itself was created by his uncle Rick while Abe laid on his stomach eating Doritos. After realizing once again that Abe is more robot than human, the talk spun into the boy scouts. This of course was an offshoot of the pinewood derby but Abe had to point out how boy scout's are losers and eagle scouts are weird. Cycling around back to cremation and death, Angi explained that if Abe was cremated, she would keep his ashes in a necklace. Unfortunately for her, Abe wants to be buried in the ground but when her house falls on her, Angi wants to be cremated. Angi explained that when she's gone, there had better be an altar to her at Abe's place. This morbid awfulness led into a discussion of who would die first and I'm happy to say they're pitching about even. Whereas guys die younger and Abe devours mayo, Angi has filled her body with drugs, dongs and so much delicious booze plus debauchery. Angi might have a few years on Abe but his life is so much messier. At this rate, the idea is it's going to be a 1, 2, 3 die! type scenario where they hit the floor at the same time. Once again we circled around back to cremation and as they wondered if everything gets burned and do you keep the clothes. Here is a definitive answer for those who are curious. Everything is burned, including the coffin. If a piece of clothing is requested, it will be given to you before you become a pile of soot. Lastly, back to sentimental items, I have a personal piece to interject here. As it's been explained, my best friend/roommate died about a month ago. There was a wooden cross I gave him (not religious but sentimental value) that he used to sleep with under his pillow. I had considered leaving it in his coffin but kept it instead and now I sleep with it under my pillow. If I was to lose that, I would be beyond myself more than any monetary item that could possibly be lifted from my apartment.
All the Rest:
Summer is here and it is a vengeful bitch, let me tell you. These last handful of days have just been absolutely hot and steamy, enough to where Angi's dogs won't even walk outside. In fact, Angi likes to keep her house a delightful 66 degrees at all times, she really likes it cold. In fact, if she really wants to get frigid, she just goes down to the basement to really dig into the freeze. Well, she goes down there for that and of course if she wants to watch TV that isn't wrestling and sports. Though the inside is delightful, the problem happens when she goes outside. See it's so frozen within that when she steps outside, it seems even hotter. It should be noted it's not cold enough for her feet to go numb but cold enough for a runny nose. Speaking of the cold though, Angi and Abe both love it and more so when there's a blanket involved. The comfort and snug of it is the only thing that they agree on however. Abe loves to have pillows resting on his lap whereas Angi always has a laptop in hers. She does enjoy pillows in bed though, so much that she has an extra long one that she snuggles. Why yes, long suffering show husband Jay the Straight is ignored in favor of it. It also doesn't help that he's an oven in bed and he's also always kicking her (damn those restless legs.) For her though, the beauty of the pillow is it doesn't talk back, move in the bed or ask her to go make it a sandwich. Much like Jay the Straight though, if the pillow gets too warm, she will kick it out of the bed. Now the topic technically ended there but since this essentially came about because of Angi's dogs, it felt fitting to tack on a point about pets. It seems that during quarantine people got bored and decided to try to teach their dogs to pain and like speak French or something. This made Angi muse about what her dogs would say if they could talk. It was something along the lines of "get off my couch bitch," "your husband loves us more than you" and probably "another bottle of wine, seriously bitch." As for my dog, he would have definitely thought "why is there an Apple product launch line leading from your bedroom out the front door at least 4 times a week ... slut."
Alot of today's topics really felt introspective and so this next portion makes sense that it was discussed today. Angi was talking about celebs on Twitter, who will unleash their most mundane and insane thoughts to the general public for the sake of it. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they are controversial, most of the time they are inane and useless. Angi zeroed in on actor Jim Belushi who recently tweeted out about how he once watched the sun rise with Tupac. Yes, Tupac, the dead rapper that fits our overall theme of death that today has been heaping on us. He explained how Tupac had been imparting wisdom on him and how none of it had made sense. What he did leave him though was a memory that lingers with him to this day. So much so that every time he watches the sunrise, he thinks of Tupac. The pair sat down and while the sun came up, Tupac said "I'm a thug, I prefer the sunrise." This ridiculous statement was so out there that Angi wanted to have it printed on a shirt. Now I know that this pairing sounds absolutely nuts, it turns out it came from them meeting on the set of the movieGang Related. Abe had never heard of the movie, he wondered if it was something that could be found in the 3 for $5 bin at a gas station or Walmart. The funny thing about the two of them was also that they initially hated one another but ended up growing on each other and developed a friendship of sorts. Not one to ever let anything nice occur, Angi began to question what the two of them had been doing together all night. For her, the only time she watched the sunrise was because she had spent the night doing bad things (strong emphasis on BAD.) However, she did concede that if she got to watch the sunrise with Tupac, that would be pretty cool. Never one to let things end on a high note, Abe told Angi that he would not want to watch the sunrise with her. His loss imo, I'm adding that to my bucket list now and I'm sure me and her could totally swing it.
Finally, let's impart some wisdom to close out these notes for today. That's right, most of us, we are wise old sages (emphasis on the old part imo.) We've all been through so much stuff, we surely have things we can pass on to the younger generation. For the sake of getting to why this was initially conceived, a bunch of old people were asked to give their valuable words of wisdom and this is what they shared.
- You don't have to go to college to be successful. (This is so true, it might be useful or relevant for some but I know plenty of people who didn't go to college who have amazing lives.)
- Start saving for retirement in your 20's. (Abe suggested buying crypto. Angi didn't save because she was busy being a mess and she regrets that now.)
- Don't spend all your time on social media. (It's really not as great as you think it is, trust us.)
- If it's offered at your work, take a pension plan. (Money will become more essential than you ever could imagine, this will help that.)
- Manners don't cost a thing. (Say please, say thank you, hold the door for people.)
- Treat others how you want to be treated. (Trust us, this will come around when you are older and you will regret being awful for the sake to people.)
As for Angi's contribution to the pile. When you start a new job, ask what else you can do. Be better than what is there, show them that initiative. Also, don't get high off your own supply. Trust her on that one, truer words have never been spoken. Abe was a bit more different in his approach, he sought to get his hands on a bunch of kids (wait, what?) He wants you to teach your kids to learn how to kick and punt. This is a perfect solution because if they learn both, kids can end up racking in 7-8 million dollars a year and they will never get hurt. Angi added that if you have a daughter, you need to teach her golf because that is a scholarship giver and is in need of players. Turning to the phones, roadie Tim said to do the opposite of Angi's given advice. Just do enough to not get noticed because you're secure at least but not standing out for when hammers start to fall. Tim also complimented Angi for being the prettiest girl in radio (which isn't saying much because radio is full of ugly people but Angi truly is beautiful.) Also Tim was way too old to remember the dreams he used to have (join the club.) Jamie said that women need to learn not to rely on a man or a partner, they need to do their own thing. Seriously ladies, learn to take care of yourself, we need you, you don't need us.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Mike
Challenger Song Choice: "Rape Me"
Champion Song Choice: "Metalingus"
Observation: Finally, back on track and it was good. Jake was high energy, Mike was just slinging those insults. This was a battle but I mean come on, Edge's theme is a no brainer imo.
Winner: Mike
10 o' Clock Toast:
Therapists. Everyone should see one to help unpack their mess.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I wanna know about banging in this (Scottie Pippen's) book, that's all that Angi and I care about." - Abe
Quote: "You (Abe) really are made of stone, aren't you?" - Angi
Quote: "I want to get to the really young ones, like 6 year olds." - Abe
Quote: "If I had a kid fall in my lap, I'd have them kicking field goals immediately." - Abe
Quote: "I'm not into that, I hate sob stories, I don't wanna cry." - Abe
Tidbit: Abe Kanan Tip: Download the McDonald's App.