This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Let's start this out talking about fights, knock down, drag out, bare knuckle beatdowns. Look across the table, do you think mom is stealing from the pool, jump across and knock all her teeth out. While you're at it, take that Monopoly board and crack it over your brother's head. Oh, did I forget to mention that the fighting was being done over board games because that's what we're talking about. In fact, board game fighting is so bad, 1 in 5 Americans have banned certain board games in their households because of it. Want some more statistics, 1 in 9 have seen a physical fight break out over a board game. I know what you're thinking, there's still one more. That would be the 1 in 8 who willingly admit that they are guilty of invoking those fights and drama. Anyway, Angi was curious as to if Abe had ever gotten into a fight over a board game. Of course he has, shocking no one who has listened to Abe discuss anything ever. His main trigger game is Monopoly, which is funny because that is also number 1 on the list of games that cause the most issues. You see, Abe insists and prefers to play the banker, which means you'll end up seeing your Monopoly money in Vegas probably. When Abe would play with his brother (I'm assuming Sam in this instance,) the game would never end because he would shut down Abe on selling things and it would be an endless loop of trauma. Don't even get him started on free parking as well, god only knows everyone invokes that rule differently. Angi hasn't played Monopoly in forever so she didn't have much to add to the collective fighting over it. For her, it's Uno with Jay the Straight and his boys that causes her the most headaches. She also happens to enjoy but be afraid of "Dicey" Jenga, that variation where you write things people have to do on the pieces. Kiss the person across the room, pay for my kid's college fund, rub your partner's face on the non carpeted floors, things of that nature could be found on the pieces. However, this comes in second to Uno only because "Dirty" Jenga tends to end up in an orgy or as an episode ofCopswhen all is said and done. Returning back to Monopoly for a moment, it's the smugness of the game itself that sets Abe off completely. As for Angi, when she did play, she would corner the railroad market and run others into the ground. So what about you, what is the game that brings the pain in your house? Roadie Steve called in to say playing Risk at his house was a risk because anytime he and his brother did, it was on. I should add that Steve admitted to being the 1 in 8 who loves to cause the game drama as well. Abe then proceeded to bring up The Game of Life, you know, the one we all usually lose. Apparently it was impossible if you didn't go to college in that game and then you end up with like 15 kids. Oh another Abe Kanan fight game (which is relevant to me because my triggers are video games as well) was Tecmo Superbowl and Madden. It got so bad on that end that they had to invoke a no "fast passing" rule. $30,000 Deck winner Anthony called in to say that in his house, every board game causes a fight. It's mostly his fault though, as he is usually the starter because he feels like everyone is cheating. As for me, as noted earlier, board games don't really set things off in my house. Card games a little but we're usually just drunk and loud during that. Video games on the other hand, I once had a months long fight with two seperate 20+ year friends due to general incompetence while playing Overwatch.
All the Rest:
Guys, I know you're not going to be able to grasp the insanity of all this but Shanna Moakler is furious. She is so stomping mad about Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian that she's starting an OnlyFans to show them up. Yeah, let that stupidity sink in along with your late morning coffee and continue reading on. So it seems that OnlyFans is not only about nudity anymore (it never essentially was but as we know nudity dominates all.) The point is it is hot as hell as a place for celebrities to jump on and fleece idiots of their cash. Her intention for her page is not nudity just yet, instead she will do cooking, yoga and of course, talk mad ish about her ex and his plumped piggy. For Angi and Abe, they would rather hear about Travis banging Kourtney instead of watching this loser cook. This turned to talk of who would you actually pay to see on OnlyFans. Straight Abe would be all in for Oliva Munn, especially because due to leaks we know she's a disgusting pig. However, Abe is only subbing and paying for straight nudity or her doing disgusting things. He doesn't want to see her cook or take piano lessons, unless of course she's doing it in the nude. Back to Shanna, unfortunately for her Abe is not willing to part with his hard earned Vegas bucks to see her nude. In fact, he feels she is a little bit long in the tooth. This is of course in contrast to Angi, who thinks that she's still hot. If Abe wanted to look at hot chicks dancing around, wiggling their asses and boobs, he already has a solution. Instagram Reels, the Tik Tok knock off launched to help bleed the service by creating the same type of small chunk content videos. When stuff like this exists, why would he possibly want to look at her? The thing is, some guys love her so of course people are willing to throw rolled up e-dollars at her. Abe then proceeded to tell a story about his best friend Hollywood Manno, who once interviewed Travis Barker when he had his reality show. As expected, when asked about it, Travis threw a literal fit and only wanted to talk "about his music!" Apparently, he's a total tool (he could have ever imagined that.) Protip: Don't do interviews if you only wanna talk about your music and you happen to be running a reality show as well. For the interviewer, it is a double edge sword: ask about side projects and piss off the artists, don't ask and the listeners will be annoyed. Happy mediums exist but guess what, they're rare to hit. We capped this by hearing how Angi could beat Travis Barker's ass (I'd give some money to her OnlyFans to see that.)
Moving on to today's addition to the laundry list of things that Abe hates, the newest tack on was PDA in public. For example, hickeys rank high on his disgruntled list. Whenever he sees a dude out in public with a hickey, he just wants to slap them in the face. This became problematic because fairly recently a guy came into work with a hickey and Angi had to hold Abe back. Now that things are opening back up, PDA is becoming a burden on society once more. Before Angi unveiled a top 10 list of most hated forms of PDA, Abe and her gave their least prefered to see variations. Abe picked making out, which ironically was also number 1 on the list. Angi hates seeing two idiots sitting on the same side of a booth with one another. Abe also gets enraged at seeing people who feed each other. Like why do these monsters put their hands under the fork. All that annoyed grunting and yelling you hear in your head is Abe. Angi doesn't have issues with feeding people because she's a mother and that's what moms do. Anyway, let's start tackling this list.
10. Staring at each other. (They're trying to form one thought in both their vapid heads.)
9. A peck on the lips. (This isn't too bad.)
8. Proposals in public. (I've seen them done at a wedding, I wanted a chandelier to fall on those people.)
Before we get to 7, let's take a moment to discuss that Abe does not like rubbing of any kind. Back rubs, rubbing your partner's face in the carpet like the dog they are, etc.
7. Using pet names. (These people are clearly idiots.)
6. One person sitting on another's lap. (This was another Abe trigger, no one is allowed near that voluptuous lap of his.)
5. Touching someone's booty in public. (Again, losers.)
4. Holding hands. (It's cute if you're old, it's gross if you're not.)
3. Putting a hand on an arm or shoulder. (No comforting others allowed ever!)
2. Talking in baby voices. (Finally, an Angi hate, triggered by Khloe Kardashian.)
1. Making out. (Strangely enough, Angi doesn't really mind it. Abe, on the other hand, will throw up on you if he sees it.)
Finally, since I really liked not only this idea but also a side idea embedded in it, I'm using something other than the inanimate things you've gotten down and dirty with segment. That said, if you've made it this far, I implore you to go listen to that on the podcast because it is hilarious and ridiculous and you'll never look at peanut butter or ham sandwiches the same way.
Anyway, Angi had a question for Abe, did he ever get paid to do chores when he was growing up. I'm going to assume from everything we've learned about Abe, the answer would be no. He did mention that his grandma would give him a dollar here and there for the sake. This misses the mark of what Angi was asking because everyone's grandma used to slip them money all the time. Hell, one of my favorite memories of mine was when she would come over, have a few beers with my father and slide us a $5 bill here and there just cause. Angi did have to work for her money though it was less chores and more of a way for her father to be rid of her so he could drink with his friends. When they would come over, he would have Angi wash their cars. This was a full service wash btw, she would do the outside, the inside and even use q-tips to detail things. Hearing this inspired how Angi actually intends to fund the Vegas trip this fall for the Bears game (I'm assuming, it's either for that or more "office" wine.) We are going to have a car wash, The Angi Taylor Car Wash. That's right, tank tops, short shorts, thongs and wet men. Oh, you just assumed Angi was going to be doing the cleaning, nope. While Angi and Palmer sit and collect the money, Abe, myself, Walt and Klinger will be cleaning your cars. There will be sopping wet washrags, hose fights and all the man jiggling you can shake your boggled eyes at. How or why did all this mess come about is what you're probably wondering? Well, a mommy blogger came up with what I think is an incredible idea. Instead of paying her kid to do chores, she pays her to do hobbies instead, like gymnastics and the like. This way, her daughter associates money as being something you get for doing something you enjoy and not for mind numbing work. Her belief is that instilling this virtue in her daughter will end up making her find a job she'll love one day as opposed to doing something just for cash, like washing roadies cars with my sopping wet fat. Personally, I love this concept and if I ever had a child (thank god I'm not,) I would totally push this idea forward.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Max
Challenger Song Choice: "You Shook Me All Night Long"
Champion Song Choice: "Angel"
Observation: Well, things were interesting for like a day, it seems we're back to smack talk that is weaker than a wet handed slap in the face from Abe. Sigh.
Winner: Melissa
The 8:30 Call Out:
Head Roadie Tony called out the person who did not give him a disgusting amount of mayo when he wanted extra.
Angi called out Brandon Lee (Tommy Lee's son) for saying he's stressed trying to put out an album because his parents are "an overnight success."
Sherry called out people who are good to others whose mental health needs to be checked in on.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Karens. Pour one out, the name is going extinct because no one wants that horrible name.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "I don't like the way it feels, someone sitting on my lap." - Abe
Quote: "When I see dudes walking around with hickeys, I want to slap them in the face." - Abe
Quote: "You ever see those guys who have breasts and wear a velvet t-shirt." - Abe
Quote: "If the Cubs and Sox are in the World Series together and the Sox lose, we quit this bitch." - Angi
Quote: "This is the number 1 spot for misinformation." - Abe
Duo Quote:
"How do you miss a wang reference in a song?" - Angi
"You'd think I would know." - Abe