This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
*I feel compelled to make a quick dual point here. After the disaster that was yesterday's call in (I'm assuming, I didn't listen back because I was embarrassed,) I've successfully set fire to the coven of witches that caused the interruption during my call yesterday and sent the whole thing off the rails.
Second point, I wanted to drop a major shout out to #1 kid DJ Levy, who made an awesome appearance during yesterday's show. In fact, did you know that The Angi Taylor Show is #1 with kids, if you didn't, you do now. Check out yesterday's podcast to hear what DJ had to say. Okay, back to today's notes.*
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Hey you filthy pig, why do I have a feeling that you're probably reading these notes on the toilet? I mean, I can't blame you, the only way to digest these giant bricks of text is when you yourself are probably forcing out one yourself. That said, Angi's curiosity piece for the morning involved the toilet (I see we've moved on from dumpsters.) She was seeking to find if Abe uses his phone while on the toilet. The answer was yes, no shock in this one at all. This then led to a plethora of fantastic information that I don't know what you could do with but lord is it worth exploring. We first learned that Abe does not hold his dong when he pees but then again, with the Abeaconda being what it is, it pretty much essentially touches the bowl when unfurled. In fact, when Abe pees, sometimes he'll unleash the beast and allow it to do its business and with his free hands, he'll make a phone call. This also gives him the opportunity to mute the phone when he pees so you're not treated to real "streaming." That's right, before we even were able to touch statistics, Abe went into a big explanation on how he pees. He also explained to Angi how he doesn't accidentally splash his clothing since he doesn't hold the Abeaconda. Now, I know you have a million questions, like why am I reading this mess? I may not be able to help answer that but Abe did give us the reason as to why he doesn't handle the Abeaconda. It seems, in his ADHD mind, that guys who handle their junk don't end up washing their hands. He would be a person who does but all other guys don't you see. Anyway, it turns out that 93% of people under 30 use their phone on the toilet. Angi admitted she will use her phone on the toilet but she also is not sitting there for a half hour like Abe and Jay the Straight. In fact, Abe dragged Jay the Straight for taking his laptop into the bathroom and having it on his lap to work (she left off that he brings an inkjet printer and a set of speakers as well.) Guess what, shocking no one yet again, Abe will take his laptop into the bathroom with him as well sometimes. In fact, the other day he took it in there so he could play poker (because of course he did.) Getting back to statistics, 1 in 3 people do not clean their phone as well. Abe actually does, well sometimes, you know, once in a while. Angi dipped back into the conversation to explain that she will make phone calls while she pees to friends and has more than likely done it to Abe already (I know for a fact she and I have texted while she was peeing.) As I said earlier, Abe makes sure to mute while he's peeing, as not to be rude. Speaking of not cleaning up after yourself, the last part of this conversation involved handshakes. Now that the pandemic is winding down, Angi wondered if Abe would shake hands after the pandemic. He will probably do it but there is something he does not appreciate, wet hands. That's right, he does not like people who have wet hands. His advice, if you have a wet, clammy hand, you probably should just fist bump. Closing out, Angi reiterated the point of all this, get off the toilet and clean off your stupid phone, ya slobs.
All the Rest:
So, Abe is up to it again, this time driving Angi nuts for the sake of making her crazy (I'm assuming at least.) He was trying to do a roundabout plan to get out of something and when he tried to call Angi, it would go to voicemail (she doesn't answer calls from anyone) and it would go to her voicemail, which was always full. Here's a trick though that you may have not known (unless you heard it discussed on the show before,) if you never activate your voicemail, it will always say that it's full. Angi, being the smart one of the pair, never activates it so then she never has to call anyone back. The initial go round of this point ended with Angi saying that you should probably never call her if you're in a situation and need help, like being stuck in jail. When Abe resurrected the topic for round 2, he started out by saying he had done something nice for Angi. Well, less about doing something nice for Angi but more about having Jay the Straight's back (don't worry, Abe turns on his as well.) While exploring the fact that she got her phone two years ago, Angi and Abe came to realize (9 months later) that they both have the same type of iPhone. For Angi, it's all about not seeing a big enough update to their phones for her to bother with a new one. Abe, I'm assuming it has something to do with him being poor. Anyway, when Angi first got the phone, it was peak bothering season. What I mean by this is idiots would crawl out of the woodwork to make sure they were driving her absolutely nuts. Since she was over caring about being bothered and let's face it, she didn't want to deal with these people, she didn't bother with the voicemail. If you need to reach her, you can text her and she'll get back to you in 3-7 weeks. Abe chastised her about people who can't text, like those who are calling from the hospital or a payphone (if you're young and don't know what that is, that's why you have Google.) So since she had no voicemail put together, not only has Abe been hounding her but so has Jay the Straight. This is where we finally come full circle to the beginning of this nonsense. Sick of Abe yelling at her, Angi finally set up her voicemail. In a race to be the first person to leave her one, Abe tested it out twice and both times it didn't work. In the meantime, Jay the Straight slid in and left her a voicemail, enraging Abe. You see, he was supposed to be the first but alas. So this ended with Abe mad and Angi understanding that voicemail has only 30 slots and she probably won't bother looking at them. In fact, if you call her and try to voicemail her, you're probably already locked out by sales people's messages.
Another day, another accolade tossed at the show like a bouquet of flowers. Unfortunately for Angi and Abe though, this bouquet was a bunch of Audrey's from Little Shop of Horrors and they took turns biting the pair. That's right, today's accolade is #1 radio show in Chicago for misinformation. I should probably rewind slightly and explain how we got to this point. Angi began telling a story about Jeff Bezos and how he lost his title of richest man in the world. This has been this ongoing thing where it goes between Bezos and then Elon Musk and back to Bezos but both have taken stumbles lately that have cost them their cash. This means a new richie rich has stumbled into the top spot and that is Bernard Arnault, who is the owner of Louis Vuitton, Hennessey and a ton of other companies. Allegedly, his wife is Salma Hayek as well. I say allegedly because as we come to learn, you can't take anything at face value on this show ever. As Angi and Abe discussed how ugly this guy is, Abe went off on another meandering about death. This time it was when they compared him to looking like Celine Dion's dead husband René Angélil, who Abe was attempting to confirm is dead (he is.) Anyway, Bernard (alleged husband of Salma Hayek) is worth 192 billion dollars. While doing a little research, it turns out (surprise surprise) that he is not married to Salma Hayek after all. Bernard is actually married to Hélène Mercier and Salma is married to some other jobber loser. So this is where the misinformation award starts to form as we come to realize that Angi is wrong. As Abe tried to come up with Piers Morgan's name off the top of his head, the pair discussed the fact that both of them are old pigs. Finally remembering Piers Morgan, Angi instead compared him to an older Daniel Craig (I can vaguely see it.) So, getting to all the correcting that is needed, the guy Salma Hayek is married to is part of the company that Arnault owns. This isn't a first btw and that's why the award was handed out. Just yesterday, Angi confused a shaman with a sherpa as she was busy disparaging blind people (which made the show's ranking with blind people drop from 1 to 3.) Jay the Straight even thinks that Angi needs glasses with the amount of ball dropping she's been doing lately. I would suggest not only getting her new glasses but also a brain transplant as well probably.
Finally, since the work week is halfway through, let's talk about work ... wait what. Actually, let's discuss crushes at work. People were polled and it was revealed that 54% of people have a crush on someone at work. An astoundingly small 4% lied and said that they didn't. As to be expected, men were the most likely of the dual sex pair to say they have a crush on someone in the workplace. Abe explained that every man has this mentality that they can bang everyone. Like if you were to say "hi," "good morning" or "sir, this is a Burger King drive through," chances are dudes think you're down to bang. When pressed if Angi thinks anyone in the iHeart building wants to tackle Tailgate Taylor, she said probably not. After all, she's been there for 13 years, she's married and who wants to date a chick with kids, no thanks. Angi once dated a guy she worked with named Snake but more on that in a moment. Instead, let's look at the relationship between Abe and Cathy Tropicana. They worked together at one place but did not officially start dating until they met again at a different place. In fact (no shock here,) it was Cathy who was the one making the moves on Abe. Was she outwardly showcasing her wanting to tame the Abeaconda. Not exactly but Abe has a sixth sense for knowing when someone wants to hit it. His Sherlock skills of deduction here: someone just keeps talking to you and they go out of their way to talk to you. If this was actually the case, I've wanted to have sex with way too many people then and now I'm clearly embarassed. Anyway, when they started dating, the pair had to lie that they weren't. Saying they were would ruin the dynamic and the host of the show would have put them on blast. Not like it mattered though because at that place, literally everyone was banging one another. Before I finish this up, let's get back to Angi and her old boyfriend Snake. He was the night guy at a radio station she worked at and she was kind of a fill in type girl. When they ended up breaking up, it was extremely awkward. For example, she was doing an appearance at a gas station (a stone's throw from her part time job at the strip club) and she had to call into Snake's show to promote it. He went on air and proceeded to say absolutely ridiculous sexual things to her that probably wouldn't fly today. Luckily for Toolshed Taylor, she got the last laugh today as she explain Snake had no anaconda, in fact it wasn't even a garden snake. No, he was hung like an earthworm, let's all point and laugh. The overall point of this whole insane topic, it's okay to crush on people at work, just don't break up with them.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Glenn
Challenger Song Choice: "Stay with Me"
Champion Song Choice: "China White"
Observation: Oh god, smack talk actually happened today and it was pretty funny. It was super refreshing for things to actually occur as opposed to yesterday's fiasco. Honestly, I have to give the edge to Max for this one.
Winner: Max
The 8:30 Call Out:
Abe called out the oil change guy who called him Ah-Bay.
Larry called out his business shop landlady for kicking them out of their spot (she's selling the building.)
"Jaquilen and Jaquan" called out their family for giving them grief about their BBQ hosting.
10 o' Clock Toast:
The Concert Industry. LiveNation, all the venues, they're brought music back.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "That's all I wanted was swords when I was a kid." - Abe
Quote: "I keep plastic gloves handy ... I don't like touching meat and stuff." - Abe
Quote: "If you have a wet hand, please don't touch anyone." - Abe
Quote: "Oh, don't call me if you're in jail." - Angi
Quote: "If the teacher would order a VCR, (Danny Gaga) and I would hang out in the closet." - Abe