This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So early yesterday afternoon, Angi was in the kitchen (about time) shucking corn when she had a delivery from Amazon. The driver who was delivering her package actually happened to know who Angi was and told her she was a fan of the station (shout out to that driver.) Anyway, this story of Angi manhandling corn has a purpose that ties into the general point of the weekend overall. It has literally been forever since those of us who were smart during the pandemic had actually seen people. This weekend was probably the first of many get togethers that were going to occur and so, there was probably a ton of celebrating going on (factor in that whole holiday thing and it just adds more reasoning to it.) Anyway, when people get together, they love to eat and this is a BBQ centric holiday so Angi's curiosity was piqued. She was looking to discover, what did the roadies indulge in this weekend? For what seemed like 4 or 5 days, Abe apparently ate multiple burgers while also sprinkling in some wings from Hooters. I should probably add that he had 2 beef and cheddars plus potato cakes last night at 10 o' clock (I'm on standby Angi, don't worry.) I should probably add that Angi was also looking for booze consumption. As for you early firework people, don't worry she made space for anyone who happened to blow off their hand this past weekend as well. I feel I should point out that we never did find out what Angi did with all that corn but I'm just going to assume it was for some kind of filthy BBQ sex party. Anyway, turning to the phones, roadie Tim mentioned that he consumed a whole hog over the weekend. This led to a small trip down memory lane back to Angi's youth when a regular Tuesday like today meant a pig was being roasted because that's what they did. Roadie Darren had quite a full weekend as well. It started with chicken and fish on Saturday, steak and potatoes on Sunday and burgers and hotdogs yesterday. He was heading to work when he called in so of course the conversation veered off track to port-a-johns. There was an explanation that using port-a-johns is not good and once inside, he may explode (use that imagination.) Speaking further on port-a-johns, Abe made a point of how he needs to be the first one breaking it in or else. It should also be noted that girls are disgusting in port-a-johns and that we here at The Angi Taylor Show are equal opportunists in pointing out that people are pigs. In fact, there's that one famous girl who (legal mumbo jumbo.) This also led us back down a quick trip to Clean Bathrooms, one of Abe's many business ventures. Returning to the phones, Scott called to discuss how he had "pink taco" this weekend (cool story bro.) Head Roadie Linda consumed a ton of McDonald's because why not (the actual answer was drinking way too much.) She also grilled some steaks and chicken yesterday with marinated onions, potatoes and corn. As usual because staying on topic on this show is a pipe dream, Abe finished off the subject by asking about the Irish store on 95th and what exactly they sell there. It appears the answer is Irish knick knacks and we were shocked to learn that a car recently was driven into the store front. As for my contribution to this messy topic, I had pizza Friday through Sunday for various different reasons (visiting family, a 1 year old's birthday, leftovers.) My main consumption though was the half a handle of Captain Morgan that I drank on Saturday night however out of a chalice that was so big, Angi deemed it a fishbowl.
All the Rest:
Well, that was a very long drunken weekend of being drunk and stuffing things down our gullet. Well, not that this is behind Angi and Abe, I guess we should look at what the gruesome twosome did this past weekend. Well, according to Abe if you need to get something done and you lay around all weekend, apparently it doesn't get done. Right, I'll give the collective readership of this word jumble a moment to pull themselves together from that earth shattering revelation. Anyway, I'm assuming that this point was to introduce the fact that Abe did nothing over the long holiday weekend aside from eating Hooters. Though he didn't divulge what was leading us down this path as Angi began to ride him the moment he started discussing how doing nothing results in nothing, he went on the defensive. The discussion turned to The Ivory Tower or to be more specific, things he has done inside it (aside from moving in.) He touted his accomplishments, known as the building of the grill and "a patio thing." Though we've heard about this now for weeks, Angi still acted impressed that he actually did stuff. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that Jay the Straight does not assemble anything. Abe pointed out that he assembles art, which is technically something but it's not a manly ability like throwing together an Ikea dresser or changing a tire. For whatever reason, Abe felt compelled to ask if Jay the Straight is dyslexic. No but Angi did explain that if you can follow instructions, you can easily assemble a grill. Abe doesn't like to follow the rules though, he's a bad boy rebel who does things his way. For her contribution to the weekend round up, Angi mentioned that she listened to the Pat Capone Top 50 countdown that was done on Saturday. She was happy to see Prince in there and for those who were curious, Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" was number 1. This led to one last branch off, where Abe discussed how people need to look up Lynyrd Skynyrd playing "Freebird" in Oakland on Youtube, it's apparently the greatest video ever.
Here's an interesting question, do you think you are better looking than your spouse, partner or date? If this is the case, then you are about to be hit by the cold reality of being placed in the lowest rung of a polling tier. Before we get to the numbers, Angi grilled Abe on where he fell when it came to his girlfriend Cathy Tropicana. He seems to feel that they are pretty equal though she may be better looking than he is. Well, good for him to think that because 40% of people seem to find that their relationship is on an equal or a bit greater scale. 20% of those polled feel like their partner is better looking than they are. Only 14% feel like they are hotter than their significant other. The discussion turned toward women and the reality is that they are usually hotter than the man. I should add here that Abe made a point about human garbage bag Tom Arnold being hot. The talk then turned to Hugh Jackman who is apparently married to an old pig (adlib there but that was the gist.) Men tend to always want a woman who is shorter and slimmer. Ironically, women want a man who is taller and slim. For Angi, being super skinny is not what she is seeking. She does enjoy herself a dad bod (dad bod love squad mount up!) She is not seeking (outside of anyone since happily married) a muscle bound meat case of idiot. She wants average but will also lean toward soccer player body (god, soccer player legs are the best.) To put all this into perspective, Angi would rather mount squeaky mouse David Beckham than muscle statue turned actor The Rock. Sorry John Cena, she not only can't see you, she isn't actively attempting to look for you as is. The other problem with dating someone who is a muscle body monster, you're going to get judged for not doing enough or looking like your partner. If Angi was to date China apologist John Cena, she would always be forced to go to the gym and we all know she'd rather be drinking wine on the couch. In fact, Angi has a friend who is married to a meathead and this girl has to hide carbs from him around the house. When he leaves town though, it's a one way trip to carb pound town.
Finally, most of us have parental issues because you know, our parents suck. One mom however really decided to escalate the insanity to a ridiculous level because she might want to bang her son (more on that later.) Angi began by asking if Abe was a mama's boy, which he isn't. Though he adores his mother, he doesn't go to her with his relationship problems. Angi experienced something like this head on when she dated a guy who talked to his mother every day and would give her all the nitty gritty of what was going on. There was a time he went to put Splenda in his coffee and she went ballistic for him using chemicals, etc. You know, real psycho stuff, I'll assume his name was Norman. Anyway, this discussion spawned from a girl who discovered a list a crazy mother created for dating her son.
A Snippet of the List:
- He's a mama's boy which means unless you're wearing a ring, your opinion doesn't matter.
- If she doesn't like you, she'll make you go away.
- If you show up like a stripper, she'll make you go away.
- If she sees sext on his phone, she'll make you go away.
- He's not your ATM.
- You're not in charge of him and it's not up to you to change him.
There is a very strong emphasis on the point that she can make her go away (so either she's a magician or in the mob.) She also emphasises that she knows how to avoid jail. Also, if you weasel your way into a marriage with this loser son of her's, she'll be something "much worse." This sounds a bit suspect as this stupid bitch already sounds like an absolute pain in the ass pig. To cap this off, Abe mentioned he's never been intimidated by a girl's father that he's tried to date. However, this thing sounds like this mom wants to bang her dork of a son which led Abe to discuss how he knew a kid who he was sure his mom wanted to bang him. Cool, what a fun and incestous way to end the notes today.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Glenn
Challenger Song Choice: "For Whom the Bell Tolls"
Champion Song Choice: "Iron Man"
Observation: Bill was a no show so Glenn won by default. If you're going to sign up for Request Wars (and send a ton of emails about how you're the GOAT,) the least you can do is show up.
Winner: Glenn
The 8:30 Call Out:
Angi called out gas stations because the air pumps are always broken.
Abe called out Dunkin' in Oak Lawn because the guy who had his coffee knew who he was and also got him his coffee fast.
Aubrey called out her mom's new boyfriend for being a complete a-hole.
Doctor of Dance called out Angi and Abe for honoring fallen comrades for Memorial Day during the 10 o' Clock Toast Friday.
10 o' Clock Toast:
Anthony and Renee. The winners of the $30,000 Deck Enhancement Contest.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Oh god, port-a-johns make me sick." - Abe
Quote: "You're (Angi) disparaging a blind dude who climbed Mount Everest?" - Abe