This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
It's a gorgeous Friyay morning and with things opening up and live music finally returning, Angi decided we should have some fun today. Recalling the fun we had a few weeks back when we played the porn star name game (which was a combination of your middle name + your first car,) Angi decided to teach us our rap names today. So, the way to discover just who you'll be when taking the stage is very easy. You take Lil and then add in the last thing that you bought. Simple enough and let me be the first to share our hot hip hop festival Ropes of Bullets Fest announced lineup so far. The headliners are Angi aka Lil String Cheese and her partner in crime Abe aka Lil Chobani. So who else is on the bill, let me dig out my extensive sheet and see who else will be melting your face off with steaming rhymes. There's Drummer Chris aka Lil Lotto. Scott aka Lil Gas and his set will feature his protege Lil Unleaded. A special surprise set from Head Roadie Tom aka Lil Jimmy Dean. There's Chad aka Lil Powerball, who instead of performing instead explained that if he wins the Powerball jackpot, he's shutting down the show and raining 5 million bucks on Angi and Abe. Lumberjack aka Lil Breakfast Burrito is going to be there. Scott aka Little Jack Daniels will be making an appearance and also will be holding an aftershow with Lil Jimmy Dean at that disgusting bar Kid Rock has in Tennessee. You know, the place where people are having sex in the bathroom and throwing their colostomy bags at fellow revelers. WAM aka Walking Around Money aka Lil U-Bolts is headlining the side stage. Another surprise set is coming from Eugene aka Lil Chicken Wing, who will be opening for night two headliner Meek Mill. Of course, there was a discussion about wings and Hooters after this, with Lil Chicken Wing saying he doesn't enjoy the blue cheese dipping sauce and causing Abe to scream. Over on Twitter, we learned that Zack aka Lil Weed and AJ aka Lil Weed Wacker will also be making appearances at this messtival.
All the Rest:
Another day and yet another story about the parking garage has graced our ears again this morning. This time, there was no Bret Michaels or chloroform champagne bottles. No, the problem today involved getting it in. As in getting the car into the garage because now that people are starting to return to work, the garage is pretty much starting to fill up. Gone are the days of parking where you want (or in Angi's case, parking across three spots and spilling wine bottles out the car door when it opens.) Replacing it are a sea of cars that are making it impossible for Abe and Angi to find the spaces they once loved. Abe happens to have very strong feelings on this as he feels they deserve designated spaces for not only working through the pandemic but also through having covid. The other observation that arrived from this is that people have apparently forgotten how to do literally everything during the pandemic. From driving to parking etiquette to not pepper spraying that angry show fan out front of the building, everything is just messy. To rectify this great injustice that has been served to Angi and Abe, he figures that he and Angi should be given two parking spots. Angi, like myself, decidingly pointed out that Abe always seems to have issues in the parking garage (as well as the escalator, elevator, etc.) As for Angi, she found herself needing to park in a tight spot, so much so she needed to squeeze those hot melons out and sneak past Barb's station wagon as well (poor thing.) Abe found himself parking today in a spot that has low hanging pipes that anyone under 5'2 is going to bump into. Angi knew exactly what spot Abe was in because show husband Jay the Straight once parked in that spot and ended up breaking his rear view mirror.
Into my favorite part of the day we go as we got to sit in on Angi's judgemental fest. It began by asking Abe how he likes his steak done. He prefers medium rare. Well, it didn't really matter how Abe likes his steak as people will judge you regardless (big shock there.) It turns out half of all people will judge you for cooking a steak a way that is not their preferred level. On top of that, half of those people would also dump their significant other if their choice didn't align with their own. In other news, people are morons and nuts. Anyway, the preferred order seems to be medium, medium rare, rare and then well done and if you go from that order, you're going to lose life partners and friends. So, now that we've tackled the lead in topic, it's time to hear about how Angi will judge you. It starts at the grocery store, she will look in your cart like the nosey bitch she is and will judge what you buy. Since we're at the store, Abe will judge the person who picks up a bag of chips and just starts eating them there. Sometimes they'll pay for them, sometimes they won't (or as I discussed with a friend once, it's only shoplifting when you take it outside the store so go nuts inside.) There was also that discussion of those who graze and just start eating grapes without buying them. Back to Angi, who has a few more things that will make you raise her eyebrow at you. Angi will take your aux cord and judge your musical taste. She will judge the inside of your car and how clean it is. The same can be said of your shoe game, if they're dirty, she doesn't like you. Abe was curious about that phrase Angi always uses, what was it now. Dirty shoes mean dirty ass or something. No stupid, it's dirty house means dirty vagina duh.
Finally, in a once in a lifetime feature this morning, Angi Taylor had to actually issue an apology. That's right, after slighting her friend Wes in favor of making sure industry go to guy Booker was kept happy on his birthday, Angi completely ignored her friend Wes' 50th birthday (that was cold blooded bitch!) Anyway, Wes used to be her boss back in Philly and Abe took the opportunity to drag Angi as much as possible. First, he mentioned the sexual harassment she was doing there, after all she did call Wes "tasty cakes." Anyway, as I said it was radio/TV personality Booker's birthday and because he's more famous than Wes, she sent out wishes to him on Instagram and ignored peasent Wes. Even though it was his 50th, Angi is too big for him now to acknowledge his existence. Honestly, I'm surprised she even took his call. To one up her some more, Abe actually wished Wes a happy birthday before Lord Taylor over here could be bothered to. The funny thing is, she's not even that great of friends with Booker but you know, he's famous like her so. Abe, still smelling blood, continued to drag Angi for fun and we got two stories out of Wes for his troubles. First, when Angi threw out the first pitch at a White Sox game, Wes made that happen. After learning this fact, Angi finally fessed up that she didn't wish him a happy birthday because it wasn't in her calendar (cold hearted bitch!) To save face, she admitted she was wrong for not having it put in but this is a woman who makes radio personalities from the station next door do her hair, I'm not entirely shocked. The other story we got out of this was about her time in Philly when she used to host a Thursday night gig at a club/bar called The Blue Martini. There, even more than here, she was an absolute egomaniac and made a grand exit past all the celebrities one night. Anyway, after showing them her hand, this dumb drunk bitch grabbed a cab and when she got out, she took a head first, ass up and legs in the air (shocking) dive into a snow bank. Anyway, she finally apologized and Wes accepted it. Abe took one last chance to dump and drag Angi's body by attempting to take Wes' on as his friend. It should be noted that off-air, she attempted to get Abe to shame Wes for being a Jet's fan. See, she's a goddamn monster, you don't know what we have to put up with on this show.
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Cecelia
Challenger Song Choice: "I Stand Alone"
Champion Song Choice: "Dragula"
Observation: Kevin stumbled out the gate and never recovered, Cecelia didn't need to do much (which is fine because she had nothing to really throw in either) and honestly, "more better" sealed Kevin's coffin imo.
Winner: Cecelia
10 o' Clock Toast:
Summertime Chi. Because it's going to be 80's this weekend and the city is going to be popping.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "Do you think Jabba the Hut could exist in today's PC culture cause he's fat?" - Abe
Quote: "I must have the sun, I must have some light!" - Angi
Quote: "If you were smart and looking for drugs just try to find holes." - Abe
Quote: "If I could dunk, I'd be the most ignorant dunker, I would be screaming." - Abe
Quote: "Is he dead, Warwick Davis yet?" - Abe
Quote: "Anyone who works for a living listens to this show." - Abe
Quote: "Wait Konrad, you guys get TV in Canada?" - Abe
Quote: "Chicago is more open than Angi Taylor on All Star Weekend." - Minn Barb